Being Treated Improperly from Daughter's School

Honestly have you tried to determine if maybe running a low grade fever is just normal for your daughter and that she's playing you so she won't have to go to school. The school nurse may have been impatient with you (which is unprofessional) because she may believe you are unnecessarily over coddling your daughter. I'm sure that she's very good at determining when a child is sick and when they are faking it.

Here are just a few things to think about...and please don't think I'm attacking you. I worked in a middle school for years and I saw one particular case of a single mom over protecting her daughter because her daughter is all she had...so having said that please think about these things and try to be honest with yourself:

1. When your child is home, does she stay in bed all day resting...if she's too sick to go to school then she's too sick to play. If she's playing, watching tv with you...then she might not be as sick as you think. That was a rule in the house I grew up in...if you stay home, then you stay in bed...no tv, no playing, no going outside.

2. If a low grade fever is all she has, then why are you keeping her home. You can run a low grade fever from a sinus infection. I've run a low grade fever from just being run down. That doesn't mean she's contagious and needs to stay home.

3. If you keep her home for even a low grade fever, what are you teaching her about her responsibilities? If she can just stay out of school because she's a little under the weather, then she will grow up thinking it's okay to skip work or keep her own kids home. She's not developing a good work ethic or even learning that sometimes we have to do what we don't want to because we have to honor our responsibilities. How can others ever count on her if she only thinks of herself and the minor inconveniences she's going through?

4. Do you think you encourage her to stay home because you are lonely? The mother I spoke of earlier had every excuse in the book to keep her daughter home. As it turns out her daughter felt guilty leaving her mother home and would fake sick so she could keep her mother company. (I know this because I've had the opportunity to speak to her now that she's an adult)

5. Do you think you are making your daughter paranoid and making her sick? It is possilbe that you probe her about her health and you have made her feel like she's supposed to be sick? Do you think that because you take care of your ailing father, that she's making herself sick because she witnesses all his issues. My daughter often complains that her back hurts because she's heard her father and I complain about our backs when we had a bad mattress.

6. Now if you aren't able to work with her and catch her up with her studies...then why would you think you can home school her. Go to the school, get the work from her teachers, and work with her to catch up. Go to the school daily and turn in her work and ask questions when you need to. If you can't help her with the work prepared by her teachers, then you won't be capable of home schooling her.

7. If you can't go to the school because you can't leave your father, or you don't have time, or whatever...then you won't be able to provide her with a good home school experience. Part of a good home school experience is going to the library to take advantage of resources they have, going to the zoo, parks, and other activities. If you can't go to the school to talk to her teachers and get your daughter's work, then how will you take her to various locations to enrich her learning experience when home schooling?

8. Do you think that maybe you are holding on to your daughter too tightly? I once worked with a mom that poured so much love into her son after her divorce, her son started having anxiety attacks. He felt so responsible for her happiness and worked so hard to keep her happy and be the "man of the house" that it started affecting his health. He heard all his mother's problems, he listened to her sorrows about the divorce, he listend to her worries about the bills, and so on..... He was in seventh grade. He had to start talking to a counselor weekly. He suffered from headaches all the time. Then his mother decided that she needed to move in with her parents...her father was wheel chair bound and had a urine bag and so forth. She would leave her son to care for his grandfather at times. Then the straw the broke the camels back...she decided she was gay and had her girlfriend move in with them. Now he's in seventh grade having to deal with his mother's emotional issues, care for his invalid grandfather, and then suffer teasing at school because his mother was living in an openly gay relationship...Talk about a mess this little guy was. He went from straight A's to failing in six months. He was a happy, healthy seventh grader with friends and hobbies and sports...then he was sick all the time and acting like a recluse. He refused to play with his friends anymore.

Do you cry on your daughter's shoulders? Do you talk badly about her father in front of her? Are you sad, grumpy, negative around her a lot? Is she allowed to be a kid? Is the most troubling part of her day trying to figure out whether she will have chocolate milk or apple juice??? Does she have friends her own age to play with? Does she do any kind of activity appropriate for her age?

Is it possible that maybe your moods and general outlook on life might be rubbing off on her?

I don't know that any of the things I listed are an issue in your situation, but I thought I would just present them for you to think about. Maybe none of them apply and that's great. In that case, you will need to take your daughter to the doctor and keep pressing him/her to figure out why your little one is so sick all the time so that you can get a diagnosis and thus the school will need to provide your daughter with a liason that will work with her at home.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I will pray that you can figure out the right thing to do for you and your daughter. Being a parent is not easy that's for sure.

In order for your daughter to qualify for tutoring, she would need to have a medically verified/documentable chronic illness that requires her to be hospitalized or homebound for an extended period of time. So, even though they aren't being very nice about it, they actually are following their legal protocol. I'm sorry you're being treated this way, but legally they do not have any obligation to provide any tutoring.

Have you spoken with the teacher? If you make an appointment with her, keeping your daughter's best interests in mind and focusing on her needs instead of your anger, it is highly likely that you would be able to come up with some sort of plan to get your daughter caught up. Ask if perhaps you can borrow an extra set of textbooks to have at home in the event your daughter continues to be sick. Negotiate to see if the teacher can modify some lessons/activities/homework in order for her to still get the material yet get caught up in such a way that isn't so overwhelming. Create some sort of way to communicate with the teacher on a regular basis (not every hour or about every tiny detail of every day...elem. teachers have 30 kids/high school teachers have 100+ and it would be unreasonable to make such a request). Most importantly, ask the teacher how you can be an advocate for your daughter and her needs and be a team player in helping her succeed. I'm a high school teacher and have students with 'special circumstances' for whom I've 'bent the rules' when I felt it would be best (out with mono but not hospitalized, death of family member, parents going through a difficult divorce, etc.)

I don't have any advice on the homeschooling, but I do know you can do some searching on the internet to find out more. Once you homeschool, you take matters into your own hands but there are many ways to get creative with homeschooling without having a lot of money.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with all of this on top of a sick child.

Since you didn't get anywhere with the nurse, the next path I'd pursue is with the teacher. I am a former educator, and I was always happy to dedicate some extra time either before or after school to assist a child who was behind or struggling for any reason.

The teacher's store has excellent resources you can use for reinforcement and extra work. You can also search online for free printables of certain subjects and concepts. The teacher may also be able to point you towards extra work ideas. Often the school textbook websites have a section for printing out extra practice pages.

And if you don't get anywhere with the teacher, then IMO it's time to schedule a meeting with the principal! Good luck.

H., this is the second post detailing your side of the story about how you have been mistreatead by your daughter's school. Perhaps I've missed something; however, at no point have I read anything about you handling the situation in a level-headed manner.

There is a lot to be said for seeking out the appropriate channels within the system to get your child's needs met. My special-needs daughter is placed in one of the better CPS for her style of learning, and she is making steady progress there. This placement is due in no small part to, I believe, educating myself first about how to navigate the system and then being willing to follow direction.

I hope that you find the resources you need for your child's education. Perhaps it's through home schooling, or something else entirely - but if you go through it in a level-headed fashion, you'll find the right path. Good luck.

With it s close to the end of the year you may want your daughter to finish what she is doing in school. The best way to do that would be tell the school yur intention to homeschool and request the materials she has already been using. (According to IL law you can request and recieve the same materials your child would use in school for homeschooling.) Most districts will give you grief but all you need to do is go to www.hslda.org this is the Homeschool legal defence Assiociation and they not only have wonderful information about the all the states homeschool laws but you can join and get them to fight with the school for you. Most of the time they tell me schools just need to know that you know the law and have access to a lawyer who knows the law and they will not give you any more grief over it. Stick with it. A sick child needs an education as much as a well one and the school should not be giving you such a hard time. If you do want a tutor I would see if there is a Special Needs Advocate for your school (look this up unline under school advocates or mediators) These are often people who will be a liason between you and the school to see that your childs rights are upheld under the law. Hope this helped. Any ?'s please feel free to ask.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with the teacher, but when I taught 3rd grade, parents would call me when their child was sick, and we'd arrange for them to pick up the assignments they missed, including workbooks, worksheets, etc., and even though it was not the most convenient thing for me to do, I always did it to help the child. Can you contact the teacher and ask if you can pick up some work to complete at home? It's true that a lot of school work is "hands-on" and hard to make up at home, but she probably at least has a spelling book, reader, and math workbook that she can send home and tell you which pages to have her catch up on. Good luck!

Instead of jumping in homeschooling right away, try getting the work from your daughters school and helping her with that at home. That would be a way to try out homeschooling without having to come up with curriculum.

If you are really serious about homeschooling, I would try to get through the rest of the school year and consider this over the summer, when you have more time to research.

Yes, you can homeschool with little money. I would use the time over the summer to use your library and read every homeschool book you can get your hands on. They have one that is called "homeschooling on a shoe string" about getting by very inexpensively. With just a library card, you can do so much!

I have been homeschooling 13 years. You are welcome to ask me any questions if you want to e-mail me directly.

Best wishes,
B.

Really, MR said it best! I know a friend who is dealing with a very similar situation. Her child has been chronically ill since November. You have to document, document, document everything! She was able to work with the Principal of the school and set up some home tutoring. However, she truly has a lot of documentation from her child's dr. to prove that her daughter's absences are justified.

Unfortunately, there are those parents whose children are truant who ruin it for the honest ones. I understand that you are not one of those people. The school gets frustrated too.

I would probably, at this point, get the Principal involved to sort out your options. I would work with the teacher to get advise on how to get/keep your daughter on track. The state mandates the rules of the school and frequent absenteeism can signal a red-flag. You just have to make sure that your documentation is in place regarding any testing that your child has had. Also, any doctor visits and recommendations made by health professionals with regards to your child's health are important too. Understandably, they are not looking for you to send your child to the dr. every time she gets a low-grade fever. They want to see the big picture of what the underlying cause of her frequent illnesses may be, or if she is still undiagnosed, as may be the case.

Good luck.

I am going to paste on a link to the website for what I believe is the best home school there is. I went through their program for ten years. I am hoping that things will go well and I will be able to send my three children here too. http://www.christianlibertyacademy.com/
Good luck!

In my opinion you shouldn't have to do home schooling. If I were you I would call the school again and ask to speak to the principle or your daughters teacher. The nurse should have no say in that. The teacher might help you out a little bit more, she might have you pick up her school work. Just a thought. Hope every thing goes ok and your little angel gets better :)

Has she been home a month straight? If so get a note from the doctor and go in to the school and talk to the dean. If it has been a month over the course of the year ask for a conference with her teacher to find out what you can do to help your daughter stay caught up on her school work. My children missed a lot of school because of illness and they had friend in the class who would take down the assignments and get any worksheets they were missing and then I would pick it up after school.

call and speak to the principal, not the nurse, and ask what you can do to keep your daughter up to skill level since she has been sick so much, and what you need to do to qualify her for a home tutor. If they say you don't qualify, ask what you need to get to have her qualify.

And really home schooling can be just going and buying a grade level workbook for each subject area, not tons of money.

We've been going on free curriculums right now. And you CAN get free stuff the site I showed you.

Email me again, I can show you where we've been getting our stuff.

The school nurse does not make those type of decisions about a child's education. What do your child's teacher and the school principal recommend? What has your pediatrician recommended? If your daughter has missed a month of school due to illness, then there should be many people from the school district contacting you to figure out a solution to the problem.

I don't know how old your daughter is...but I home schooled for 5 years and for the first couple of years you can just go to that book store that sells all kind of school learning material and just buy a book at a time to teach them the basics. I loved it! Also games are a good learning tool...like yahtzee and dominoes. I am sure you can do it. I wish you the best.

You should try the department of human services because they might have information about homeschooling or the library, and your child's condition might qualify her for disability services. I hope that does not take on a negative connotation for you. Kids with Asthma or any other health problems can fall into this category. If you have to continue to put her in public school just try to visit 3 to 5 more and see what happens. There are some really good ones out there.