Best Friend Has Post Partum Depression- Advice to Give Her?

Jeannie W is right on the mark.

I had pp after my second and wasn't smart enough to ask the doctor for meds. What did help me was great friends who would come by or take us to lunch and a great mother who would come over and take care of the baby so I could sleep, get a shower, and make us dinner.

Winter babies are harder because you're kind of stuck indoors (cold weather) and there isn't enough sunlight!

I'd also recommend that she get on some Vit D and B vits which will help with the mood and energy - doctor approved of course since she's nursing.

The advice I have is not just for her but everyone surrounding her. She needs a lot of support. She needs SLEEP. Great NUTRITION. Rest. FUN. Friends!

I hate to also say that even Zoloft carries risks and precautions should be taken to keep both mother and baby safe until the effects on her brain are known.

It is winter. Does she have enough sunshine or light during the mornings? Does her husband help her during the night? Is someone cooking her meals for her? Is someone else cleaning house for her? Laundry? Are there happy people around to do some fun things with? Can she get out of the house for a little while - even if just to walk around somewhere she likes for half an hour? But after wards she needs to know that she won't just be left at the house alone again, but that someone will be coming by again later - her husband coming home or someone to cook.

I wish every new mother had a village around them. She is lucky to have you.

Hello

I had PPD for about a year. I didn't realize this because at the time, I also had an extremely stressful job for which I worked long hours...... and therefore, I blamed it on the stress of work..
scroll forward... I found that omega oils helped A LOT and to this day, still do.. additionally, it's so vitally important that she remain hydrated. Ask her to drink tons of water so that she can help her body begin to regulate the hormones. oh many think, what water... YES. it's the gasoline of the water.. and your body needs it in order to combat such things.... let alone function properly.. Also, I began to drink a lot of green smoothies... I made them with frozen blackberries/raspberries and green powder. I once read that when your body is too acidic (as meds can do that) it tends to throw the healing process off... so I began to drink a green smoothie a day and it did help... of course, I am no doctor and when someone suffers from severe depression, while I do think nutrition is key, I don't know that you will feel its affects upfront or soon enough to bring relief... However, I still suggest the three things above.... of course, exercise also helps... but not sure she can do that just yet... maybe she can start out with slow walks around the block..

I wish her the best... she has a great friend in you and that should also help the healing process..

Hi L., You have received great answers, so I will add only new info:
1. Seriously, tell your friend to also go online. Sometimes a new mom gets lonely also at nite when everyone is asleep etc. Knowing you are not alone and that there are plenty of moms out there in a similar situation can help!

2. Get Brooke Shield's Book "Down Comes the Rain". It can be comforting to know that even "stars" get PPD etc.

3. Once a week, your friend should try to do something on her own for herself that she did before the baby was born to remind herself of herself. For instance -- a pedicure, haircut, manicure, massage, shopping...even if she goes with a friend to hold the baby....

HTH. Jilly

There's not much advice that you can offer that will help her as she awaits the meds to become effective, but you could offer your assistance with her daily tasks (if you are in the area). Perhaps cook dinner and bring it to their family, do their laundry, run errands, etc. That should help alleviate some of the burden and help her feel a little less overwhelmed.

Trying not to repeat other responses, some have great suggestions.

I was exactly in the state your friend is in one year ago (my daughter turned 1 last week.) While my PPD went undiagnosed for a few weeks, since it was more the manic/anxiety type instead of the stay in bed/not bonding with the baby type, I did end up on 100mg of Zoloft (safe, as far as my great doc suggested, for breastfeeding.) I was pumping since my daughter got frustrated and wouldn't latch after the 4th day - she simply wanted too much too fast. I also had to realize that she was going to be a baby on formula supplemented with one or two servings of breastmilk a day. The best was that the Pediatrician was good with this as I had difficulty juggling life, pumping for a half hour 3-4 times a day, and feeding the baby and doing everything else. By week 10, she was thriving and the doc said that unless I was getting something out of pumping that I could certainly stop (please - no breastfeeding proactive backlash here) I had trouble just getting into the shower or eating, and I had help - it had nothing to do with anything other than my PPD. I had a constant "track" in my mind that repeated and it paralyzed me at times, and at others it made me so anxious I had full blown anxiety attacks.

The things that worked best for me were (1) the high dose of antidepressant (100mg is a bit more than typical - but it was the jolt my brain needed for sure!), (2) the continued support from my parents (my Mom was with me for several weeks) who did everything from cook, clean, to laundry to make sure I actually ate - literally they had to hound me to sit down and eat - eat anything!, (3) therapy, I got a fantastic therapist who helped me realize that I was indeed going through PPD, the sessions gave me time out "in the real world" where I had to learn how to function again (I literally had trouble walking around the grocery store, I was kind of in a daze - before the meds...), (4) time out with good girlfriends - for open ended times for lunch or dinner, or strolling around, movie, etc., (5) walks outside BY MYSELF in the cool fresh winter air - having a winter baby means being stuck inside a lot and I also had a hubby who decided for us that he would do all the errands to "help out" and I resented that since it meant I was stuck inside instead, and (6) others to talk with who have gone through similar situations, even if not full PPD, just the stress and weirdness of what you go through with the hormones shifts after birth.

I hope this helps. You are in McLean, I'm in Vienna. If you want, please feel free to contact me via message. I'd be happy to be someone your friend could talk to, if she'd feel that would be helpful. No pressure, just an ear and similar experiences to share.

You asked if it will get better. The answer is yes, but you cannot see that when you're in the thick of things. You wonder if life will ever return, and in my case, I thought I'd let my daughter down before she was even a few months old :( Instead of being excited about her wonderful daily growth, I cried that I was missing her old self, (and being a photographer, I was incapable of taking pictures, so I was even more depressed since I was missing those images that I take for OTHER people with their newborns!) since she was changing so quickly. Now, I can celebrate her advances and simply remember fondly where she has been over the past year.

Best of luck, and she's very lucky to have you!!

~J

Anti depressants while nursing? Dang. That just seems worrisome to me.
She just sounds like a scared new mom.
She need reassurance to build her confidence.
Poor thing.

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Can you take time out of your day and have your/her friends take time out of their day to help her? What she needs is support from people. My best friend when she had her first baby 12 years ago - she was in a un-supported marriage and I was there every weekend to hang out (I was single - didn't date much - she was my bf - anyway) and watch movies and such. She told me years later that she was suffering major depression back then and one of the ways that helped her out of that was me being there. She could take a long shower with out worrying about her son. She was able to take a nap if needed to with out worrying about her son. She would be able to go and take a break and not worry about her son. We seem to forget at times that our children have a tenancy to suck the life out of us when they are newborns because they are helpless and they need us. So we as mothers put all of our efforts to help this child and not take care of ourselves.

So, with that said - what she needs is actions not words. She needs physical support from the ones she trusts and loves. That would go farther than anything in the world. No meds, no words, just support.

I think being a first time mom is very stressful in itself. My last boy had jaundice and that is very very scary and even brought me to tears. She has so much on her plate and I feel for her. She needs to find way to destress and do what makes her laugh. Laughing releases happy hormones and will help her immensely. I know laughing and smiling are probably last on her list right now but you might be able to encourage her. B and D vitamins help lots with mood. Getting out of the house and having adult conversations will also help. Exercise is a big one also. Dancing is great. Taking a walk while she pushes the stroller is a good start. Once the baby starts latching on and breastfeeding things will go better because breastfeeding relaxes the mother and she can sleep. I don't know why it is but I felt a few more baby blues with my boys. She might try to work on his latching issues with a pacifier. Peace be with her in this trying time!

Lots of good advice here; I only have a couple of comments. When my first daughter was born I also had PPD and troubles with breastfeeding; hired a lactation consultant and did everything humanly possible and it just did not work. Years later, I discovered that stress hormones like cortisol (which go way, way up during depression) can interfere with the hormones that make breastfeeding possible--so there was no way it EVER would have worked for me in that situation. If I had known that, I would have been spared weeks of effort and that awful feeling of failure. Please tell yr friend that if breastfeeding does not work, it is NOT her fault, that it has zero to do with her mothering abilities, and to simply tune out the busybodies who tell her what she "should" be doing. The only thing she should be doing is what works. Ditto with all the folks who tell her to ditch the antidepressants. Those things are not a cure-all but at times they are vitally necessary, and this sounds like such a time. And BTW, you sound like a good friend.

If only I could take a pill and these icky feelings would go away....Stop taking Zoloft and structure the day and night with some meaningful help!! It's difficult enough this time of the year not to be depressed-add tiny infant, holiday, Zoloft and stir= disaster. The recipe for hope is fresh air-sunshine-vitamin D, REST and someone to feed the baby at night. Breast feeding helps the hormones from plumeting-but I guess that ship has sailed. She needs more help and the sense to realize it. Zoloft clouds the judgement and reduces the urgency to change what's bothering you-I know first hand-it RUINED my son's education/life.

There is a safe nutritional supplement she can use which sometimes helps even faster than the meds. It also gives her great nutrition which helps with energy. I would be extremely careful about just taking a single vitamin as suggested by someone else - adding D or B vitamins by themselves is pointless and can make things worse (for anyone, not just someone with depression). Pills are only absorbed about 25-30% maximum so they are a waste of money, and taking a few vitamins or minerals without everything else that nature intended us to consume at the same time can actually be quite dangerous, even more than useless. I take (and all my nursing/pregnant friends) take a balanced, patented (therefore safe & effective and unique), comprehensive formula which is in powder form and then is mixed with water just before consuming - so it's fresh and not pre-mixed. It has 72 ingredients and is a lot more economical than pills sold by some health food clerk who doesn't know what's in the product or where it's made or under what conditions, and who cannot give you support afterewards. Pills, by the way, which have warning labels!

In addition, I would suggest she connect with a group such as La Leche League which offers great, free support and whose members can help her feel more confident about the feeding & latching. A friend of mine who was a LLL counselor always advised new moms to just go to bed with the baby and not do anything else - no cooking, no cleaning, no errands - just relax and bond and rest up after going through this huge emotional and physical experience called childbirth.

Babies' bodies also send the nutrition to the area that needs it the most - so the nutrition will go to the developing brain even if it's not enough to make him gain weight yet. She needs not to panic (easier said than done, especially with anxiety) and get lots of support from her friends. I'd suggest setting up a meal chain with someone delivering a ready-to-heat meal (small portions) every day or every other day, or someone making up some sandwiches for her. Someone else can run the laundry and the vacuum, maybe give her a foot massage, and give her a break from all of this pressure to do everything on no sleep.

Keep encouraging her...I had anxiety issues that casued me to go on meds too. She should be seeing a counselor too that her OB/GYN can recommend that specifically deals with this topic. Also, during this time if you or you know someone that can help with the house work, keeping baby occupied or prepping meals would be helpful. Once the baby latches introducing bottle so someone can help feed while she gets a nap in. Post partum is not something to mess with I know!!!