My best friend over 10 yrs invites her friend places. Like she is trying to fit 2 friends into her time slot. I had a baby shower she invites her. We go to costco. She invites her. Movies, ect. I rarely get to see my bf because she lives and hr and a half away and her friend lives in same city as me. BUT she recently moved 20 minutes away, so now i dont see why she needs to sqeeze both of us in.
I invited my bf to my bday party on Sat. She texts me can i bring my friend. Same girl. I dont mind sharing at the movies, costco, dinner, but i think its rude for her to invite her to my things.
I like my bf's friend, but i don't hang out with her on my own.
I invited my bf's family and i have a few other families comming as well. One more person is not a big deal, but i am offended that she would want to bring someone else who is not my friend to my birthday party.
Am i being selfish? What should i tell her?
TIA
I read over this again and i think im being a whiney baby. lol
OH MY GOSH... I had totally forgot about this, but my bf even invited her friend to the hospital after i delivered my baby 5 months ago and she came! hmmm Thats really personal. I can't believe she did that. I have never given it another thought until you guys questioned our relationship, but thats wierd.
Thanks Ladies for your thoughts. I told her no and that if she wanted we could do something with her friend another time. That i'd just like to hang out with my friends and family and she said no problem.
She is my besties. I love her to death. She has been there for me always. I really think it has always been a matter of her time and her husband not letting her spend time with her friends, so she tries to squeeze us both in at once. I'll just be honest with her. I feel bad, she is the type of person who will apologize and think she was being a bad friend for doing it. I didnt want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad.
I think that is great she has asked for permission. Most people don't.
Just tell her "Is it ok if you don't bring her this time? I'd like to keep my birthday party for just special friends and close family".
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I always think the more the merrier. I would try not to let this bother me.
she probably assumes you're friends with her as well now, and also if shes doing all the dirving she should get to see both, maybe th solution is going out by where she lives, then she couldnt invite her? make a girls weekend?
Best friends communicate with each other. Why haven't you talked with her about this already? Since you haven't your annoyance has grown.
I suggest that this time, with many guests coming, is not the time to bring this up. Later, I'd invite her to coffee or drinks and ask that she come alone. Then tell her that you'd like to spend time with just her some of the time. Have a conversation about it without judgement. Use I statements to tell her you miss seeing just her.
I do wonder about her being your best friend. Why does she always bring someone else along with her? I suggest that you're feeling pushed away by her doing this and perhaps are feeling like she's treating you less than she would if she were a true friend.
Agree - doesn't sound like she counts you as her best friend.
If it were me, I might let her bring the friend to your party, and then **later** ask her why she always wants to include this other woman. Tell her how you feel about it - I don't think your feelings are unreasonable, and if she's truly your friend (even not "best") then she'll understand and talk about it.
It would kind of annoy me, but just because I'd want some alone time with just my best friend.
Just tell her that you just want her to yourself and that the three of you should have a girls day soon and go get pedicures or something fun.
It's your bday you should have who you want there. Isnt it the one day your allowed to be selfish?
You need to tell her what you told us. If she's that great of a friend, she should understand.
maybe they are girlfriends?
otherwise i would say something.
my bff and i met at a resort one weekend. she and her husband chatted up and invited total strangers to join in at times. it hurt our feelings and ruined the time for us. we cancelled going to disney with them.
one woman figured out we had all traveled to spend the weekend together and apologized for horning in. i thanked her and then my friend figured out we didn't like it.
She doesn't sound like a best friend, are you sure you have the titles correct?
I don't really know what to say to her. It sounds like you have spent enough time with the other friend that you should be friends with her as well so it seems a little odd that you just wouldn't invite the other friend. Well unless it was a one on one kind of event.
I don't know I guess it would make me wonder what is lacking in the relationship that she needs to bring someone along....Like if I felt I was not going to know anyone well enough to have a good time I would want to bring someone I knew.
Evidently you are NOT her best friend. You have to ask yourself, is there something you do when one on one that may be the reason your friend wants a third party along. I dropped a long time friend because one on one she NEVER stopped talking and everything was about HER or gossip about other friends. I just stopped returning her calls and have not missed her.
Blessings......
Just a thought, don't take this the wrong way. Have you thought that maybe she is bringing the other friend so that you won't talk about personal things that might be going on in your life. If I remember right (sorry if I'm wrong) you just recently went through a very rough divorce. Maybe she can't handle the negitivity that comes with all that, and that is why she brings the third party as a filter. Maybe she can't handle hearing things cause it might be just too close to home. I'm probably way off. Just a though. Hope you can be open and honest with her and her with you. Good luck, good friends are hard to come by. Try to work it out. :)
Your bf friend likes you both and wants you to like her friend. Her friend obviously likes you and wants to join in. I think that your bf is hoping that you and her friend will get together on your own and have a good time. Do you like her friend too? Of sourse not as much as you like your bf but maybe try a get together and see how well or if you 2 get along without your bf. It is worth a try. Who knows, you may get 2 bfs out of it. She always feels close to you and has been in your life for awhile, she may be looking for someone she can be close to that lives closer then your bf does. You can never have too many friends.
Hate to repeat but it sure seems that your "bestie" feels different about this relationship. For some reason she really wants to be with this other woman. I think it's possible that the relationship has changed in the past ten years, relationships often do.
You need to air things out with her in an honest but gentle way. I'd like to suggest something, though, that you might not have thought of. Did you consider that maybe she thought you and her friend were becoming friends too? It does happen and I've had it happen in my own circles. Perhaps that's what she's been hoping would happen. At least she's asking you for permission, which isn't rude. The thing is, when it does bother you and it's something you're planning between the two of you, you HAVE to speak up and let her know that you were hoping it would be something just between the two of you for that particular event.
We teach people how to treat us. She will continue to bring her tag-along friend as long as you continue to allow it.
One other thing to consider -- Could there be some reason that your "best" friend feels she must entertain or be responsible for this third person? Does this woman (the third person) have some issue in her life that makes your bf feel sorry for her or responsible for her happiness -- such as, has this woman been divorced fairly recently, suffered some loss, maybe her kids are just getting older and she's bored and unhappy, she lost a job, or wants to work and can't find one.... When you talk to your bf, perhaps ask her if this other person has some problems or worries that make your bf feel she should cheer this lady up or keep her occupied. You may find that your bf knows things you don't about this person and is actually trying to help her, but you do need to let bf know you want "alone time" with your best pal. It's just something to consider.
Also, your bf seems to assume that this woman is your friend as well as hers and may be truly, deeply shocked to find your consider this woman a "third wheel" and not part of your friendly group after all. Some folks are more one-on-one friends while others tend to run in groups -- has your bf been more the former or the latter with most of her friendships?
So take care that your bf doesn't feel blindsided when you (gently!) let her know that you'd like to see more of her without this other person always along.
