Best Place to Raise Kids

45 minutes isn't that much of a commute to buy the foods you enjoy...go once per week. Live in the place where you're financially set...life is much better when you don't have money as a constant worry.

I think it depends on what kind of life you can see yourself living. I grew up in a very rural environment - my summers were fantastic, but many kids today would think it was horrible - I only had one or two friends I could see (because they were far away). My mother stayed home, but she was very hands off. I didn't go to a public pool or movies with friends or the mall very often. I spent a lot of time alone, wandering through woods, playing in the creek and catching crayfish. I read and played music and drew a ton and went on long bike rides by myself. Every saturday I went to milk cows at the neighboring dairy, just for fun. I gained a lot of strength to be alone and appreciation of life. Those things have helped me immensely in my adult life and, I think, have made me a much more interesting person.

We raise our kids in a much more populated town now - we go to museums and libraries and day trips. I spend a lot of time entertaining my kids, giving them the things I didn't have as a kid, but also depriving them of that independence of creativity to an extent. I think they have a good childhood, but I long for my own childhood, too. Evaluate whether your kids could endure that and whether you could endure that. It can be very isolating if you're unprepared for it, but it made me who I am today.

I've been struggling with this for years. What I'm concluding is no one place is perfect and one place isn't necessarily "better" than the other. They're just different. I can tell you two things. SF is crazy expensive and the school systems are very underfunded. East Bay isn't so bad but he'd have to be working there or in SF itself. Silicon Valley is too much of a commute. And east bay is still more expensive than the most expensive Chicago suburbs I believe. Other thing is I have family in a rural area. They have big money. Husband has a big job, is on TV etc. They have found similar people in their area and then of course much much lower income people. The wife has made some good friends - some are transplants from "the big city". They use private school for K-8. Found a "neat" one but it's not perfect. As their kids have gotten older though, apparently they kind of hate it. They wish so much they were more in the 'burbs. They can never just met up with a friend. They have to be driven pretty far for EVERYTHING. So the mom is in the car ALL THE TIME. Second is the HS choice. Oldest is going to a local boarding school that is ok now. They'll have to decide soon if she will go and live away at a "better" one. So it's not easy. The local HS is ok yet also has some "bad influences" and with their money I think it's hard to settle for a mediocre public HS. I don't think they really regret moving there yet it's not picture perfect either even though it is very pretty. There's been the nice aspect of missing some of the rat race but they still get some hyper competitive, annoying parents. Shopping is difficult as you mention. I think it somewhat depends on the type of person you are. If I"m in the "country" long, I love being back with lots of shops etc. But some people hate the crowds. You have to know yourself. And I still come back to no place is perfect. Good and bad in most places and good and bad people in most places... Just different problems in each. Some people are lucky and know they just want a city or the country. Those of us stuck in the middle agonize I guess :) I hope other people have better clear cut ways to pick!

Go where the money is, and where your husband will most like his job.

Happy, stress-free parents are way more important to kids than their physical location. If you make enough $, you can take your kids on some pretty amazing vacations.

San Fran is great -- I love the diversity of the city -- but I don't think raising a kid in an urban setting is ideal. But if you move out here, look me up.

Good luck with your decision!

I've lived in both San Francisco AND Denver, and, yeah, they're both pretty awesome!

Anyway, if you love your current lifestyle (including kids' activities, types of places you like to shop, being close to things you enjoy, etc), then a drastic move to a place which offers little to none of those things might be tough to deal with. But if you're the adventurous type and like change, a move might be just the thing. Personally, I like my life just the way it is. A move to a rural area would be intolerable for me.

And as far as ideal place to raise your kids goes, there is no such thing. You MAKE the place you are ideal *for you*, through the activities you choose, the friends you choose, etc. I grew up in Japan - for me it was the PERFECT childhood. My husband grew up in suburban New Jersey - he thinks THAT was the PERFECT place to grow up. You could have the perfect place where you are right now, or the rural town could be the perfect place. Depends on what you make of it.

girl, what's 45 minutes? i do have a grocery store closer, but i drive an hour one way to get my raw milk, and an hour the other way to go to costco and the hippy organic store. trader joe's is a special treat, almost 2 hours away but i do other errands and take myself out to lunch on TJ days.
obviously with little ones you don't have time for all that running, but really, 45 minutes ain't no big thang once you get used to it.
it IS nice for a homeschooler to have lots of amenities and diversities. but i homeschooled mine from a small farm in the boonies, and still took them to baltimore and DC on a regular basis. and worked!
your beach house, which is still an easy distance from the city, but which will save you a ton of money, sounds fantastic to me.
i've only skated rapidly through san fran, but fell in love. the dh and i are going to start a cross-country trip from there next year. but yeah, i hear it's agonizingly expensive.
just remember that ANY place you raise your kids, however perfect, will have drawbacks. ideal just means what's best for you under whatever circumstances you are in. my kids loved their norman rockwell suburban neighborhood where they grew up, and were sad to move across town to a small farm. then they fell in love with the farm, and were sad to leave it to move to the city for college. now they're both city boys, and love it there, and love to come home to the farm.
i think you're looking at THE ideal situation!
:) khairete
S.

Personally, I would go with the beach house. You say financially you would really be in a good place. This leaves you money to still do the things you enjoy. Financial security is first and foremost in my mind.

If you could be debt free, it would be a huge blessing and you could really save for college and retirement.

Stop searching for the "ideal". Make a top 3 list and go from there. Then pray.

We did this and found our current home...we love, love, love where we are. I travel 45 minutes to go see a musical in San Francisco. We travel 25 minutes to the Oakland Airport for our flights to various vacations. We have a Trader Joe's, Costco and shopping Mall nearby. But...I didn't have any of this on my list. Here was our list.

Large enough home for our family in a school district with a decent rating(maybe this counts as two)
On a court/cul d sac
MUST have a pool

We prayed to be guided to where our family should be. Prayed to find where we can be useful in a community and where our kids will thrive. Then we used a realtor and told her our three must haves. We found listings...we looked in the neighborhoods and prayed to know which home should be where we plant our family's roots. Sure enough, we found our current home. Or...it found
us :)

We have been here 4 years and LOVE it!! We have been guided by the hand of our Lord to people who could be a force for good in our children's lives. We have been guided to find friends and ways we can serve others. We have had struggles that were difficult in the moment but taught us lessons and we've come out stronger.

I wish you the best in your location frustration.

A little while ago my husband mentioned some chatter about promoting him which would require a move. We talked about it..then prayed. We both had this unsettled feeling about it all. We talked about the pro's and con's. The only pros would be a higher salary and lower taxes, and lower house prices. Sure that all sounded great!! But..we'd be giving up so much simply for $. Just not worth it for us if we are already comfortable and happy.

I don't know if these lists are useful, but I like reading them!

The Best Places to Raise Kids 2013
http://images.businessweek.com/slideshows/2012-12-17/the-...

10 Great Cities to Raise Your Kids
http://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/real-estate/T006-S001-...

The 100 Best (and Worst) Places to Raise a Family
http://dad.menshealth.com/parents/The-best-and-worst-plac...

You, my dear, are BLESSED!!! What an awesome position you're in! I'd go somewhere that your money would stretch the farthest. Then you could sock it away for vacations, retirement, college etc. Whatever you choose, the other places could be "excursions" for your kids without the expense and headaches...Have FUN!!!!

I don't know about the schools in SF area - I lived in Novato (north of SF, south of Santa Rosa - LOVED IT). My friend had a kid in grade school and I think she was pretty happy with the schools. It was expensive, but we were outside the city itself, so it wasn't horrible. Owning isn't everything - renting if you're in flux can even be better - fewer things to worry about. Traffic is a bear, though as there is only one main road from Novato area to the city. I loved it though, and would go back if the right opportunity presented itself.

I have found what bothers me the most is something annoying that happens everyday. Like if you love to go to restaurants and every weekend there are none to go to, then that decreases you chances of loving where you live. If you hate traffic, don't live where traffic is bad everyday.

How is the Internet connection out by the beach? If you fight everyday to get a good connection, you are going to hate it. If you love being on a beach, go for it!

Born and raised in San Francisco...That's me.. The public schools, with the exception of a couple are still not great.... In fact, just as bad as when I attended back in the 70s.. .It's such a shame too because we live near THREE public schools and ALL three rate very poorly............ however, some high schools are looking up.. Lowell has always been good.. but now seeing some progress are Washington and Balboa, which if you knew them back in the day, they were pretty rotten... However, San Francisco still needs to step up its game... Hence, the reason my child must go to private school... Also, unless you are already established in S.F. or make a top notch salary, rents, lets alone houses are very costly.. what we have happening here is that high tech people who work in Silcon Valley want to live in S.F. and because of it, housing prices have been sky high... even in the Mission (my old stomping grounds) where rents/houses were cheaper and the neighborhood were less desirable.. but now... the technies have pushed those properties up as well..

We do have a cousin that lives in the North Bay (where schools are much better) and they love it... depending where you move, it can get pricey, but if you keep going more North, it's not as bad...

East Bay.. homes are getting pricier as well.. since many couldn't afford to live in S.F., they started moving there and of course... prices went up there too..

good luck on whatever you decide to do

You've received some good advice already, but I just wanted to respond because my best friend was in a similar situation. She was a SAHM and lived in a great location on the north side of Chicago. She loved her multicultural neighborhood, could walk to Trader Joe's and tons of great shops, and had access to tons of things to do with the kids. She dreaded moving to rural southwest Michigan for her husband's job, even though they would have a lake house. That was never her dream locale, as she was a self-professed city girl. She ended up loving it, embraced the rural lifestyle, and now can't imagine ever moving. She finds tons of educational and fun activities for her kids - they raised a dozen chickens, started beehives, planted a huge garden, fish, kayak and sail -all things she never wanted to do, but things they now enjoy immensely. So don't count it out, especially if you homeschool!