Birthday... - Clearwater,FL

I would go. It's not like your son won't be able to go later.

I sympathize with you missing your son. However, I also think that you need to find a way to focus on other things too. Go and have a good time.

How is your daughter doing with you so focused on missing your son and feeling sad? Hopefully your mom is able to be more available for her.

I did not mean this in a cold way. I do sympathize. I have an autistic grandson and know how difficult life can be. I also know that when a parent focuses more on the autistic one then the rest of the family, life is more difficult for everyone. We have to find a balance. And one's birthday should be celebrated even when one member is missing.

I'm just thinking that because you said it's hard to bring myself around to do much of anything that you're focused so much on your son and your sadness that you may not be able to meet your daughter's needs. Also, because you don't want to celebrate your birthday with the family you have it sounds like you're not thinking of their pleasure when making your decision. Your post just sounds like you're mostly focused on your son.

You're right. Your daughter doesn't understand what is happening but she does feel your tension, anxiety, depression. You don't want to eat out with your husband, who has asked to take you, because your son can't be involved. What does your daughter, who cannot ask, want/need that you're not hearing/seeing? Just a question to be considered. If she's not acting out then I think her needs are being met.

Just a basic question based only on what you've posted here. If you're managing to include your family that is at home but not for your birthday, then I apologize. In that case, let me reword my question. Why not, go to dinner at this really nice steak house so that you and your husband can celebrate your birthday. Your son can go at another time. Enjoy this time which both you and your husband deserve.

Go, M.. And then when he's better, go again. That way he can enjoy it. He's only 7. He won't remember that it was already your birthday, especially if you just say when you get to the restaurant that this is for Mommy's birthday.

Hope they are able to help him.

M.:

It's YOUR birthday - not his. This day is about YOU not him. Go. Have a good time.

With your words "it's hard to bring myself around to doing much of anything..." please....please....please!! talk with your doctor so you don't slip further into depression.

I can't imagine how hard this is. My daughter was in the hospital once for 4 days - but not a psych - so I only get being separated from your child.

While your daughter is only 1, she still needs you. Please make sure that you spend time with her as well and take care of yourself.

Please go. Enjoy your birthday! The best thing you can do is take care of you!!!

Thoughts and prayers your way!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your family. That's what respite care is all about - taking care of the caregiver!

Yes I would go out for something that I would enjoy. How does it help your son if you don't?? Parents go out without their children all the time. Just make this a night for your and your husband.

I'd not take the kiddos to a nice restaurant but go out on a date with hubby instead. I have family things like this at home, the cake and ice cream part but it's such a rare thing to get to go out on a date without kiddo's. Your birthday is a good reason to have a date night.

I would go and enjoy yourself, your son can go later. Happy Birthday, M.!

A night out w hubby is important. Go celebrate bday. U deserve a little break.

of course. pleasure shouldn't stop because someone we love cannot experience it with us. would you want your son to forego a delightful time because you couldn't be there?
take him to the steak house when he gets out.
hope that's very soon.
and happy birthday!
khairete
S.

I think you should go. You only turn 30 once and you deserve to celebrate. Spending time with your son in the hospital is probably very emotionally draining and I think that having something fun to look forward to, and to do, will be really good for you.

I understand feeling guilty because your son will love it, but you can go there again as a special treat for him later. Either do it for his birthday or, if he's in the hospital for a very long time, do it as a congratulations once he gets out (assuming he's up for it). I hope he is better soon.

Enjoy your birthday!

I think you need to get out without children or you will not be any good to your son. Go and enjoy the night. Everyone will be fine.

GO, spend time with your husband. You BOTH need to be together as a couple with no children.

You need to take care of you because no one else is going to.. It is up to you. If you are refreshed, re-energized then you will be an even better mom to your children and wife to your husband.

Go to the restaurant with your son as a celebration when he gets out of the hospital.

It does no one any good when you deprive yourself. Go celebrate turning 30 with a romantic dinner with your hubby!

You're right, thank goodness for mom's! Many years ago my mom and dad came in town to care for my 8 month old while my older one was newly diagnosed with leukemia and had to spend a week in the hospital. It was a very traumatic, exhausting time. Birthday or not, I cannot imagine celebrating at a restaurant that I knew my child would enjoy. I would be so miserable I couldn't enjoy myself at all. I would reserve that particular restaurant for when we could all go there together as a family. I do agree you should celebrate your birthday though. Please take care of yourself and enjoy your special day. Happy Birthday!

M.,
Celebrate your birthday! I think I would feel the same way- guilty about going somewhere I know my kid loves while he is going through something difficult. For me, I would pick somewhere else because I know I would spend the whole time feeling bad otherwise.I have a feeling it would be the same for you. You deserve a break and some time to celebrate you. Make a special night of it with your husband and put everything that your family is going through out of your head for a bit and just enjoy the evening.
Hugs to you. You are one strong mama. My family will pray for your family. Happy birthday and remember we are here for you if you need.

Nope. I would wait to go until we could all go together. I'm very nostalgic today because I am at work waiting to get on a plane for my grandmother's funeral, so I will tell you what she said to me in a letter on my 30th (along with a dove necklace that I wear every day)...

"With age comes Grace and the maturity to do the things you need to do with love and perspective."

30 years from now, you will remember celebrating your 30th birthday with your whole family at a cool place. It won't matter that it was a week or so after your actual birthday!

Definitely go. I deprive myself constantly of things for me and then eventually I lose it. I'm sure you're giving 110% of yourself constantly right now. Take a couple of hours and do something for yourself. And go again when your son gets out! If it's expensive, then go just the 2 of you. Use it as a "scouting" mission to see if he really would like it. :) Bring him a special dessert that night if possible?

Order it to go!

Option 1, go have a nice dinner with hubby, get a dinner to go and take it to your son on your way home.

Option 2, get the whole meal to go, and take it the hospital and have a family dinner in his room or the cafeteria.

Don't forget the cake! :)