I am not quite sure what to do about this one: my daughter (3) has received an invitation for a birthday party. The child is in her preschool class, but they don't really play together and I have never met the child or the parents due to different drop-off/pick-up times. The party is the weekend before we leave for a week-long trip to the east coast and we could really use that time to run errands to prepare for our trip.
I am also a little concerned about accepting invitations from virtually every child in her class. We like to keep our b-day parties small, with just a few of her friends and family. If we start going to every party I feel obligated to invite these children back. As I said this is not a child she particularly plays with a lot and we really have neither the space nor the funds, nor do we find it desirable to have large parties for her entire class when it's our time to host.
On the other hand I am sure my daughter would have fun at the party and I do appreciate the invitation and the opportunity for her to make friends with kids that she may not be too familiar with yet...
I feel conflicted, because I don't want to spoil her fun but it is really inconvenient for me... what would you do in this situation?
BTW, I received the invite, so she does not know yet.
No reason to go if it's inconvenient. There will probably be many, many other opportunities to attend birthday parties.
At 3, I would NEVER just drop any of my children off with people I didn't know. (I wouldn't do that at 10~!)
But if you allow her to attend (with or without you), that does NOT mean you need to invite a bunch of people back. They were probably being polite and invited the whole class......?
I think it's great that the parents have apparently included all of the kids in the class--especially at that age. It's probably 2 hours...if your daughter wants to go, I'd try to arrange your schedule for it to happen.
And if she doesn't want to go--you have a valid reason to decline.
Don't feel obligated to "invite children back." When it's your child's birthday YOU decide how much and how many. No one's keeping score :)
And I think it's fine to call the parents ahead of time and see if you need to stay or if you can just leave your daughter while you get your errands done. I am really surprised that some posters say this isn't safe. Are we that fearful that we can't have any faith that MOST people are decent and kind, especially the parents of our children's classmates?! As long as I met the parents and didn't get any weird or uncomfortable vibe from their home (like a bong on the coffee table, lol!) I would be fine leaving my child. But I guess, to each his own :)
Just pass on it.
You don't know them, your daughter is not friends with this child, it is bad timing, you do not have to invite the same people to your parties, you do not have to accept every single invitation your child gets, you never drop a 3 year old off at a party especially when you do not know the parents well, nor do you have to have 'large' parties for your own child nor do you have to invite the entire class.
I pass on invitations in which I do not know the parents and per parties for kids that my own children do not know nor play with.
I do not have large parties.
I do not invite an entire class.
I do not invite everyone that invites my kids.
We have small parties.
I decide what kind of party we have for my kids and the budget and how many kids.
I do not accept every single invitation.
Your child is 3. There will be LOTS of other parties as she gets older.
I would forgo it if it's going to put a strain on you. She is not close with the party child, and she won't know or remember that she missed the party, anyway. I don't really like the "invite the whole class" thing, personally, because I don't want to feel obligated to entertain kids that my daughter isn't really friends with. I'm with you, small & simple.
Considering your plans for the following week and how inconvenient this is for you I"d decline the invitation. There will be other parties.
It is not safe, at age 3, to drop her off with people that you do not know.
I agree that you should do what is most convenient for you. Don't feel bad about saying she won't be able to make it. Some people just invite the whole class because they are trying to be inclusive or don't know what else to do and will probably be ultimately relieved that some can't make it. I have three kids 2-14 and have seen enough birthday parties come and go to know it never really works out to expect reciprocation, things happen. Go to parties when you can and want to, don't when you don't. It's okay! My eldest has a summer birthday, friends are often gone on vacation, they learn to live with it. A thank you for inviting us but we can't make it is just fine.
See if she wants to go. You dont ever have to buy a gift. And a youngster that young wont notice if she didnt bring anything. I never feel obligated to buy a gift for a party. We simply cant afford it. I dont want my kids to miss out on having fun with kiddos...whether they are close friends or not. I am sure some of the kids she does play with will likely be there and she may enjoy seeing them.
As for feeling the need to invite them to your shin dig... It is your thing. If your family keeps it small I am sure this family will understand. Some mamas just like going all out for parties. It doesnt mean you have too.
I found myself wading through this same issue this year. My oldest started kindergarten last fall. And although I had expected alot of party invites..I never thought it would be as many as it has. Just last week we had not only his birthday Party but two more on top of that. All with in four days of each other. Over-load much? I have given him the option to always go. But I have told him that when it comes around to party time and buying a gift he may just have to make a really cool card or something and let it go at that. Thank god he is a some what understanding six year old. I dont know how well my four year old is going to react to this truth when he gets invited to more and more parties..he tends to be a bit more picky!
If you are feeling hesitation on the matter just let this one pass. There will be other parties. she is three and will not have the mind to bring this up in the battling teenage years!!
I think you should let her go if she wants to go. At their age, they make friends so easily even if they don't necessarily play with specific kids in class. Both my girls are in preschool and we went to a birthday party for a girl in my older daughters class (they are 3 and 4, but in separate aged classes) and they had a BLAST. Plus it gave us (hubby and I) time to get to know the other parents outside of the usual small talk in the waiting area during pickup/drop off. Now we are all planning playdates and talking more then ever before. Now the teachers are telling us to be the quiet ones when we are waiting to pick up the kids lol. This does not obligate you to invite every child in your daughters class for her party though. Since you are pressed for time, just go for an hour or so instead of the whole party. Good luck!
I kind of think it's perfect timing for you actually...can you drop her off at the party and run some errands before picking her up? You'll go a lot faster without a helper!
I get that you've never met her parents but it sounds like they're trying to include everyone and I think that's nice. I'd go in, introduce yourself and I think that's okay. Even though it's preschool I think you'll probably be getting into the age where you might not know everyone really well for parties and such, but it will be okay.
As Denise said though, if you truly don't want to send her or can't make it work, you do have a reason, so decide what's best for both of you.
We are going through exact same thing. My son was invited to one birthday party this year, I asked him if he wanted to go, he said yes, so I took him. I think if he really didn't like the girl or not really want to go, he would have told me. However at 3, I think all children pretty much get along. Now at that party I know the mom invited the whole class and not even half came. I'm having a party next week and we didn't invite the whole class. Not because I wouldn't, but we have a small house(in case party is indoors) and I thought he might be overwhelmed if a lot came. I sent invites in mail as I didn't want feelings hurt. We sent invites to all the boys since only 4 in class then my son told me which girls me mostly plays with. So out of 20, we invited 9 and so far, 7 are coming. I know I worry too about all these parties and gifts of kids he really doesn't know. So far it has only been 1 so I don't feel overwhelmed, we'll see what happens.
Well, I would let her go. You don't know the parents, but this is a perfect opportunity to get to know them. Obviously at 3 you would not be dropping her off anyway, so why not let her have fun. You are not obligated to invite every kid to a party that has invited your kid.
I would let her go. At least give her the choice. Please do not feel you have to reciprocate every birthday party invite. Some people like to/can afford to have big parties and invite the whole class. Others do not. You are NOT obligated to host a big party at all if your DD attends a few big parties. Just do your own kind of party when her birthday rolls around. No reasonable person would give you grief for having a small party or even a family only party. We taught our girls early that there are a lot of different ways people celebrate birthdays, not everyone does huge parties, and no one gets invited to every party. That's just life.
why can't you run your errands while she's at the party? I know she's 3, but she'll be with her classmates......OR she could carpool with another family - that would be exciting for both children involved!
& I do "get" the fact that you don't know this family....but how will she feel when she returns to school & the others are talking about this party?
If it will make you overwhelmed, I'd skip it. There will be tons more birthday parties. Just wait until 1st and 2nd grade! Explain that you'll be leaving town and suggest a play date instead if you are interested in getting the kids together.
It gets harder as they get older & before you know it they are invited to everything whether or not you invite them. It's hard when you try not to exclude anyone and especially w/my girls both having a winter b-day - but this year we celebrated our youngest daughter's b-day a month early so we could do it outside. Somehow it all works out. Good luck!
At 3 pretty much everybody is your friend, really. I wouldn't keep that from not taking her. But if it is not convenient or you are busy, the family probably doesn't care-one less favor bag to make! My kids LOVE birthday parties and would go to every single one if they could, but sometimes we are out of town or sick or whatever-it happens. Parties can get HUGE though-we just had my boys' 4th birthday party at a gymnastics place and there were over 50 people, counting kids and adults! We didn't even invite anyone from preschool, as I brought cupcakes to school and consider that their "school" party. As they get older we will have to make tough choices, I am sure, but for now a big fun blowout with all of our family friends is what we do.
