Birthday Gift - Chicago,IL

Why don't you all chip in and buy her a nice bag or a spa gift cert. You don't need to spend too much. And you can all watch her open it. Toss out a quick email and collect when you get there. You can buy something onsite. Also, then you can gauge if anyone has bought a gift.

Lots of hate about this post. Sounds like fun to me. She didn't have to go. She wants to go. It's her friend's 50th. That's a big deal. And a girls weekend sounds awesome!!

I think it sounds like a blast! A friend of mine did a Vegas trip and about 4 couples went with. Everyone met up for some specific things, but was free to do what they wanted the majority of the time. Everyone had a lot of fun!
I would maybe do a small gift or a gag gift. Is it a milestone birthday? Even just a card with a small souvenir would be appropriate.

Maybe this is normal now...but a "destination birthday"? Really?
Unless money (or parenthood) is no object, that's a little presumptuous to me.
Anyhoo--hope you have a thick wallet or lots of limit room on your credit cards!
I recent turned 50 and O. of my favorite gifts was O. of the things from my lifelong BFF. It was pictures of the two of us, over the years in a collage frame. Very nice.
Oh-and a beautiful Kate Spade "Best Friends" idiom bracelet! So cute!

Yes - a gift is expected.
The destination is irrelevant.
If you have no trouble in affording to go, then getting a gift should also be no problem.
It doesn't have to be anything big.
Since she's turning 50, maybe a $50 gift card to somewhere she likes would be fine (and easy to transport).

This isn't something that my family could afford to participate in.
We don't have the money or vacation time for it and we can't travel while our son is in school.
So if I received an invite like that I would have to decline (but I'd send her a birthday card (no gift) to her home).

Wow, is she a Kardashian?

For such an extravagant celebration of a birthday, I would think that your presence is presents enough, but then again, someone who goes all out for themselves like that might expect a gift too.

I don't think the rules of etiquette have been written for situations like this.

I'm with the others who said it sounds like fun and I would get her something within your budget. It really is just a girls weekend with a birthday theme :)
Have fun!!!! I wish some of my friends would think of something like this.

Yes, I would bring a gift. It doesn't have to be fancy. My friend just did a really big celebration for her 30th birthday (oh, to be so young again!!) that cost us each around $60 (not as much as yours but certainly more than I normally spend on friend's bdays). Anyway, I got her a gift card for a pedicure at her favorite nail salon. I'm sure a gift card for $20-25 at a nail place (if she's into that) or a restaurant would be appreciated.

Do you live near a Costco warehouse? Ours sells discounted gift cards to lots of restaurants. Maybe you could even find a good deal there.

I'm going to a destination birthday tomorrow. It is for one of my best friends and I did get her a gift - a dress and some candy she likes. I spend about $25. She has a destination birthday every year.

Yes, we are going for her birthday, and I am paying my own way, but it's also a vacation for me, so I felt compelled to get her a little something to acknowledge the day. (and I'm willing to bet she's not providing party favors or t shirts ;-))

I'd want to give my friend a gift no matter if I went to the party or not. I wouldn't have to go to the actual party though. That's a lot to expect. IF IF IF you guys were doing a girls weekend, traveling together, sharing a condo or other sort of combined room situation, and sharing the cost of the whole thing then I would probably go. But only if it's a rather small group. Such as all fitting in one vehicle.

So she organized a celebration for herself but isn't paying for it? That's like inviting people to your house and telling them to cook, clean, decorate and bring the wine! You all are paying transportation, lodging, and meals, but you are getting a tee-shirt and a favor (which she has already told you about????). When you go out for her birthday dinner, are you going to be expected to chip in for her meal as well? What about her hotel bill?

I have no idea how great a friend this is. I don't know if you know the other "guests" (they aren't really guests - they are co-participants) well enough to discuss this.

But this situation is already way beyond any connection with etiquette. I imagine, when you get there, you will find out that a gift has been arranged and you will be told what your share is.

If you insist on going because it's already reserved and you've paid your non-refundable deposit, then I'd do something during the travels like write a poem about her or, if you can, write a funny song parody (take a familiar song and write substitute lyrics for her, which everyone can sing), or make a quick little photo collage of the 2 of you together.

Friends of mine planned a destination birthday for me - they all plotted with my husband, they drove here from other states, they reserved hotel rooms and made dinner reservations, etc. - but there was no gift. But THEY planned it - I didn't orchestrate it or know anything about it until they walked into my house, said, "Pack a bag, you're getting in the car with us and going to Boston." My husband was on board, had done some laundry and hidden the overnight bag in the closet, and I was set to go! I would never, ever have done this for myself and assigned everyone the bills to pay.

Sounds like what your really having is a girls weekend so paying your own way is expected and yes a birthday gift as well. it doesn't have to be anything huge. a gift card for dinner somewhere, a movie or a spa thing like nails or a facial.

even if its a couples thing its still a weekend away. sounds like a blast wish I was going. :)

This sounds like fun, if I waited for my friends to pay for us all t go somewhere the, or for me to be able to pay for everyone to go so,we here, we would never go anywhere!

I would get her a saucy card and maybe a gift card..but I doubt she is expecting gifts..

I had a destination wedding (only Mackinac Island Mi, USA, but still an expensive place, and you can't fly right to it), and I asked as many as I could to not bring a gift. Nonetheless, all but my very best friends did. (Funny, how that works, but it made sense that they would be relieved to comply and know that I really meant it.)

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I'd mail her a gift and not go, frankly. Destination birthdays? Seriously?

Etiquette is already violated by her expecting everyone to foot the bills for a party at which she is hostess. So don't worry about etiquette now. If you go and a gift will be the final straw that breaks your bank account, go and smile and say, "Your gift is my being here." Either that, or a gag gift or (if you really love her to bits) something personal like a scrapbook you make of shared memories etc.

You don't say you dislike the idea or the trip, and you don't say that the cost is unwelcome to you, so have fun, but be aware that this is a very unusual celebration. I've had friends throw their own birthday parties but never anywhere but at a restaurant in the area, or in their own homes.

You should bring a gift. Whoever is throwing the party should also be footing the bill for any activities/meals that are part of the celebration. So if it is a dinner and night out, you "should" be responsible for paying for, say, your lunch the day you arrive. Then they should be paying for the dinner and any cover charges or admission for after dinner activities, though you paying for your own drinks would not necessarily be out of line. It sounds like they are expecting you to pay for everything other than the favors and t-shirts, so I wouldn't worry too much about proper etiquette! However, I would never go to a birthday celebration without a gift of some kind- picture frame, bottle of wine, bath and body stuff, something. If it's too much for you, just politely decline. I did that a while back for a pricey bachelorette party, no ill effects!

i seriously doubt she is expecting gifts. most sane people who plan something like this for a 50th birthday (and i think it's an uber-fun idea) are tickled to pieces that they have buddies who are willing and financially secure enough to join them at such a shindig.
i'd add a little gift, but nothing extravagant. clearly she wants the trip and company to be her gift. but it's always fun to open something, isn't it?
khairete
S.

I've heard of destination weddings, but a destination birthday is new to me. If I received such an invitation, I would decide the proper etiquette was to decline the invitation and send a card to the "destination" instead.

However...

I guess that unless the invitation states, "No gifts, please," you are expected to bring a gift. :^(