Birthday Gift Etiquette - Lake Worth,FL

If I can't go to a party, then I don't usually give a gift unless it was someone I was really close with.

My kids are invited to birthday parties constantly it feels like. Even if I wanted to let them go to every single one, the scheduling just isn't always possible. Unless it is either of their respective BFF's, we don't send a gift if we're not attending regardless of whether the birthday boy or girl has attended one of their parties.

I'd reciprocate to the families that gave your child a gift

No gift unless you attend the party.

Definitely no gift necessary if you don't go to the party.

I see your dilemma. If it were me I would not be offended if my child didn't get a gift if the child couldn't come to the party, but I could see other mothers might be...so I'm not really sure what advice to give. I'd say that if you can afford it you might consider a small gift (like $5 or so) card to a popular store or ice cream shop and include it in a card you mail to their home. This way it's a gesture but you're not spending a ton of money.

How about sending your regrets and as an alternative to sending a gift, inviting the child over for a playdate. You could include doing some sort of craft or cookie-decorating type of activity so the child has a fun little "take home" item from the playdate.

You give gifts because you want to, not because you have to, and not because you expect something in return. People throw birthday parties to celebrate with their friends & families, not to get gifts for their kids.

A 3 year old will not know the difference, and they most likely don't need another toy cluttering up their house, anyway. Besides, you are saving them money by not going - they won't have to pay to entertain you.

I have been on both sides of this situation & no one made a big deal about it. So, IMO, you are not obligated to give a gift when you don't attend the party.

Your not obligated to give a gift if you dont go. Even if you do go. Though I would not feel comfortable showing up without a present I also would not be upset if someone showed up without one because times are really tough right now.

I second Tori H.'s idea. A birthday card with well wishes and a small token gift card would be thoughtful. If these moms are mentally adding up how much they spent on your daughter versus how much you're spending on their kids, then they are petty.

Tough question b/c you don't say if these friends are neighbors, weekly small playgroup, large preschool class... For the first two "types" of friends, I would say that you should probably have a small gift at the next play date or play group. For the preschool "whole class invited" party, no need to send a gift into school later in the week.

My son's 3rd birthday party is in a month and I would be really surprised if he received gifts outside of his party attendees!

What we did was - if you are invited, you give a gift. If you go, you spend X (whatever you normally spend, say $20). If you don't go, you spend half of X (or $10).

I think that you should give a gift if you want to, but you shouldn't give a gift purely for the reason that someone else gave you one. It should be out of the goodness of your heart--not to break even. If you don't attend a party, a small gift is appropriate if you want to give something-you could drop it off at their house at a time that is convienient for you. GL!

M

A pretty card and a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or even be creative and send a "coupon" for a future playdate and snacks. Include the Mom. You'll figure it out.

Even if you go to the party you're not obligated to give a gift. There's an etiquette saying that when someone invites you to their party that "your presence is their present." No gifts should EVER be expected. If you can't attend then don't worry about buying a gift. No one should be keeping a tally or scoreboard of who gave whom what.

Of course with close friends and immediate family, I do tend to buy gifts since they're always very generous with us. That's a completely different scenario than class parties although the same etiquette applies.

I would not start that habit. I am sure that you did not expect gifts for your child if they party goer could not attend. I would not send a gift if your child is not going to the party. I agree if the birthday child is a close friend, frequent play group attendee, or neighbor then yes a gift may be in order but not required.

I would say yes, I mean, that's what I was taught and what I always do, especially if they already gave your daughter a gift, it seems the polite thing to do. I think if I spent even $10 for your child and got NOTHING in return, not even a little box of crayons for my daughter, I'd feel a bit insulted, and my daughter would probably feel hurt and wonder why this friend did not give her anything after she gave her friend something. It would be different if it's a friend of a friend, a child you may not run into but if they go to school together or the child is in your daughter's social circle, the mother may become angry and make it a note to next year not get your daughter anything. It's the same for office Christmas parties, if I get a gift, I am courteous enough to give that person something too, be it a box of cookies or a nice card. Gifts for kids are cheap enough anyway (or you can find something second-hand on Craigslist if you cannot afford $10), so why not return the favor, especially if these are families you and your child deal with? You can always make something homemade for the child with your daughter as well, this is cheap and also encourages creativity and is time well spent together.

When it comes down to it, it is whatever you feel comfortable doing. But always remember that not everyone will choose to do it the same way. So make sure it is your decision and not based on what others may or may not do. Also remember that if you choose to do it now, you may get yourself in a financial bind later. Good Luck.

I'm with Mommyprovider.

IF you can afford it, I would get a gift for them anyway. It never hurts to err on the side of being polite.

i think for older kids and adults its not that big of a deal. but for 3 year olds, all they know is presents and cake.... so make there day more special, send a gift....

You are under no obligation to send a gift if you can't attend the party. It didn't bother me if people came to a party with no gift.