Birthday Guests Want to Bring Siblings

that is outrageous and I would just say, "Sorry, no we can't accomodate extra kids." My daughter's last party was ice skating and light-up hats and on and on. Why should I have to provide for the sibling? Well, neither should you. It's not rude to say no. It's rude to make the request.

The parents will understand if you gently say that no siblings because of limited space issue. If they throw a fit, then guess who isn't invited next year! :)

We encountered this similar situation earlier this year. I responded to each inquiry explaining that there was a limited number of guests and space available and I was at my max capacity. The parents I spoke to understood and most of them dropped off their daughters with no problem. The best thing to do is be honest and straight forward and it should be fine. Good luck!

And, why should you see it coming? Those children were NOT invited. What makes them think that the siblings are entitled to come? (Sorry, but I am a mom and grandma, so my kids are "old," and have seen things get WAY out of hand in recent years.) If those moms are so braisen as to ask, I would be as braisen and say "no." No explaination needed - they weren't invited. If they can't understand that they need to put themselves in your shoes and not be so bold. Good luck.

I would love to see "drop off"! We have been to a lot of birthday parties and they are so crowded with all the parents and kids & siblings hanging around. If you say "drop off" the kids can go & have fun with their friends. You and your husband can go and then ask a friend or two to help manage the kids. Figure one adult to every 3-4 kids.

I agree with most. If it's a close friend of yours; then of course the whole family should be invited. If it's just a classmate or friend of your child; then that child should only come. Just tell them that it's limited space and "Jimmy" was only invited this time. Apologize and move on. If they are offended; then so be it! It's for YOUR kid!! :) You are paying for it, not them! Just be honest with them. It'll be fine. I have to do this often with my kids parties!
Good luck!
Mom to four great kids! :)

My son who is also an only had his 5th b-day party not even a week ago. I had to give a head count the day before the party because the place needed to plan for a certain amount of guests. Well, no one asked about bringing siblings they just showed up with them! I was just in shock that they did this. Not only was it crazy having 18 kids in a small place but it ended up costing me $13.00 extra per sibling! I am still not sure how I would word it on the invite or if it would have even mattered to the people who did this. Some people are just rude. Good luck!

For my son's 8th at the pizza place with the big mouse, we were limited by cost on the number of invitees. Alot of the other parents with multiple kids didnt know what to do with siblings since it was an half hour away. I offered the parents to drop the invited kids off at my house and we took 2 mini vans full of kids. The parents that insisted they needed to go were giving the option of paying the cost for the additional kids. If anybody was offended, they didnt mention it.

The invitations can read "invited guests only due to space problem"....something like that.

Not exactly the answer you were looking for, but I'll add my 2 cents anyway. We also have only one child and we don't generally do the drop off thing because he isn't always very well behaved. He recently went to a party at Chuck E Cheese and we both went with him and stayed since he could only be there for about 45 minutes due to a baseball game. My husband and I ordered our own pizza and bought a few tokens and played skeeball. But we definitely didn't expect the birthday boy's parents to feed us. Our son was invited not us. You would think that experienced parents would realize that a bday party at a venue costs per head and that if they want their child to come, they should pay the extra money for them to attend.

Some of the stories I've read on this thread shock me. Some people are just tacky.

I guess I come from a different view point on this. My friends have always been rather close and when I have parties everyone is invited. Parents and kids and have even had grandparents and great grandparents come along as well as other kids. So when one of my friends have a gathering with a child who spends time with both of my children I wonder. Recently we had a party where the parents of a child who hadn't been to one of our parties commented that they had never been to a party where so many parents stayed and enjoyed the party.

A few times I have been called and told about a birthday party and I have no idea if they mean both kids. For example a very close friends child had a party. She is 3 going on 4. My oldest just turned 5 and my youngest is 3. So it is hard to know what is being asked if it isn't specified. Plus my kids really haven't had much separation from each other yet. They do everything together.

Anyway, I see no problem with either, just make a formal invitation that says the child who is invited and then if there are options to add a child (let them know how much it would be or if only the invited child then tell them that you are limiting the size of the group, etc.) A friend of mine has 1 kid for every year in age for instance.

Another instance was an older child who is the granddaughter of my babysitter invited both by children. I wondered whether they wanted us (my husband and I) to hang out or not. Ended up they wanted us there and we helped run the party. It was strange though...they have a huge extended family and none of them were there.

Anyway...I wouldn't think of them as rude, they are just trying to find out what the situation is and what they need to make plans for. But write only the invited child's name who is invited and that would be a first clue. I would probably still ask regarding hanging out or what. But just because I am not always good at busying myself when I have a short time period and don't want to drive to much around. You may even want to say parents can drop their children off between ___ and ___ and pick up between ___ and ___. The more you spell it out...the easier it is for everyone.

Off my box.

As a mom of 3 with #4 on the way, I have inquired about bringing siblings to a birthday party if I was close to the host, and the same has been asked of me. At my daughter's 5th birthday, one of the guests asked if they could bring a cousin that was visiting. I had the room, and it wasn't costing me any extra, so I said sure. I don't think it's meant to be an imposition. If you don't have the space, just saying "no, I'm sorry there isn't room for all the siblings", would be polite enough. The problem would arise if you said yes to some of the siblings and not all, but I think you've got that covered.

Good luck and have fun!

If a certain child is invited, I think it is presumptuous if a parent brings along a sibling without asking. Even if there were room, people need to realize that it might be costing the birthday parent extra money for extra heads. If everybody brought an uninvited sibling, that could really add up. I only have one child right now, but if I had another, I would not assume I could bring my other child if they were not specifically invited. I would not be offended if I was told that there were space limitations.

I had several people do this for our wedding... it was my 2nd and so i had kids that were attending... MY KIDS... two people refused to come because they couldn't bring their children... whatever.. it wasn't casual... it was a formal event.. my kids were there because they are the kids of the bride... i thought it was incredibly rude to ask... i would never dream of bringing my kids to a formal wedding... but i digress...

anyway, i would just say 'oh gosh, i'm sorry, the space only holds a certain amount of kids, and if everybody brings their siblings, we would be over capacity so i'll have to say no this time, i'm sorry... you are more than welcome to drop your son or daughter off if that would be easier for you'

I pay attention to who the invite is addressed to... and stick to that.

Good luck!

First, it is rude for a parent or anyone to invite their other children! Simply tell them that it isn't possible. (You reserved the party, are paying for the party, and don't need to make more work for yourself by watching other children not to mention the extra expense).

Learn to say "NO". (A great book, "Boundaries" by Cloud/Townsend)

Hi Willa, If my experience is any indicator, this issue will come up over and over again for you over the next few years, especially as your child's friends grow up and new, younger siblings are born. Parents often do not see it as an inconvenience to the host if the younger sibling is under the age of 2, since they typically don't participate or eat. However, it is not unreasonable for you to want to limit the chaos by banning siblings entirely. I have learned to word my invitations very carefully: "[My son] would like to invite each one of his classmates and a caregiver to join him in celebrating his birthday at...." Since it sounds like your invitations have already gone out, in this case I agree with the other moms who suggest you just be honest. "Due to head count limitations, we cannot accommodate siblings. I hope you understand." Good luck!

Use the place as your excuse. Say you are very sorry, but there is a limit as to how many children are allowed to there. Also, be honest and say they are not the only person to inquire about siblings, which is the problem. That way you are blaming the venue and other parents, which is basically the truth, leaving you in the clear.

In my opinion these guests are rude to even ask you, but when I think about it I guess there are parties that are open to siblings so maybe they're just speaking from experiences they've had elsewhere.

I think if you're candid and explain that the venue simply has a # limit and you already invited the maximum, they'll understand. Everybody who has ever been in a wedding, which I'd imagine all your married-with-children friends have, understand about seating maximums.

People are just plain out rude! Absolutely no consideration for others! Simply say no. There really is no graceful way to say it, if the parents don't understand, oh well!

I would just be honest and let them know that you hadn't taken siblings into account and that the facility will only accomodate 12-20 children. So, in order not to pick and choose which siblings can attend, you will just have to ask that siblings not attend.

This is my big gripe! I had one party for my son where if I went over it was going to cost me $200. On the invitations, I simply stated something to the effect of due to space limitations, no siblings please. I got one nasty response from a single mom, who never told anyone her situation. She was not a close friend and the year before she brought her older one too without telling me and then the older one kept interferring with the pictures I was trying to take of my son. So, no I didn't feel bad and I held it on a weekend, gave plenty of notice so she could have easily scheduled a play date or asked a relative to take her older daughter.

It is your dime and your party - you need to do what is best for you. If you make an exception, make sure it is for the right reason, close friend, etc... just not because you feel bad.

When they say can I bring little Tommie too, just say something to the effect of "Gee Barb, I wish I could but we are really limited in the number we can invite (if you want add something like I invited the whole class/my child is such the social butterfly/etc). You know since Sue has little Bobbie and her daughter Janie is invited too, why don't you see if you can do a playdate/carpool combination so each child gets to spend time with their friends since this is a dropoff party. Thanks for understanding!"

Be prepared for some to just show up with sibling(s) in tow and be prepared to stop them or have DH or a close friend play the heavy. "Hi Betty! Please feel free to leave Erin here and you & Bobby might want to run to the park/mall down the street while Susie's party is going on. You are, of course, welcome to stay, but little Bobbie will have to wait here with you while the party is going on." Of course, allow the appropriate pauses for responses (oh, we are going to run over to the grocery store and stock up for the week), so you may not even have to get to the last sentence.

you can just say something like, "i would love to be able to extend an invite to ----'s brother or sister, but the space is limited to -- people... maybe next time ill try to arrange for more guests to attend... sorry.

You need to be firm, but kind, and simply say, " I'm sorry, but the establishment has limited the number of kids we can bring, so we have to allow the birthday guests a place first. Thanks, maybe another time we can get the kids together informally."

I have a place in downtown plainfield where I do girl dress up parties and I need to know how many girls are coming so I can prepare as the owner. You could tell the parents that you have a certain number that you are allowed and need to know your number so many days in advance and tell them the the party location wants it. I need it a couple days a head because of place cards at the table. If it is a place where the parents can drop off tell parents that at the door get their cell phone # and leave it at that. You are not prepared for the siblings so they can't stay and parents should accept that. Good luck but I would say some thing like you need an exact count and that your daughter invited her number and can't have siblings attend this time. Hope this helps and good luck.

You need to be firm in explaining why the gust list is limited and tell them no siblings. Explain liability, birthday party place rules, etc. but BE FIRM. People will get over it if they're shocked or offended. I have gone through this with a neighbor who was shocked when her son couldn't attend my daughter's 7th birthday. Same issues, only 12 guests maximum were allowed. The mom had the nerve to call the party place and ask if her son could hang around and wait to see if he could have a turn after the birthday guests were done. I told her this was unacceptable and she would have to go with him another time. She was miffed and even placed the emotion onto her poor daughter who had a miserable time "because her poor brother couldn't be there". Drama!! Be firm because it is YOUR child's party, not theirs

How many kids are coming? If everyone drops off do you have enough adults to help you during the party? I think most people understand there is space limitations at certain places.

You just say you don't have the room. I think it's rude of these parents to ask. It would be different if you extended the offer, "I'm so glad Johnny can make it! Sophie is welcome to come too!"

Hi Willa,
I believe that you should be able to be honest with your guests and let them know that you are limited on space. Tell them you'd love to have siblings, but the space of the venue just won't allow that option for all. If parents are offended by that they should think a little harder about the situation. Honestly I think they would understand. (they should) I believe that if the invitation is for Child #1 in the family, # 3,4,etc should not expect to go, nor should mom expect to drop them off there.
Good luck!

I've never heard of parents asking on behalf of siblings, however, I'd be inclined to use the number limitation as an excuse. As a side note, don't you pay per head cost at these places?! I know they're not cheap! Why should you have to pay for siblings?!

Been there!
I learned to say no after a challenging experience with a couple of demanding & needy younger siblings.
Just as you explained just say 'Since space will not allow us to include all siblings I'd rather not risk any hurt feelings by allowing some & not others.'

I think just simply telling the parents you don't have enough room is fine. I don't think the other parents are trying to be rude or put you on the spot or take advantage of you. They probably just wanted to know. In my experience, it never hurts to ask, and that maybe the deciding factor if the child could attend. In the future, on the invite simply state if siblings are welcome. For me it is very hard to bring my 4 year old to parties b/c I have two younger ones at home and no one to watch them. So my daughter has missed many parties, except the ones that allow siblings - which have been a few. And all the invites my 4 year old has received have all clearly stated siblings or not.

If you tell parents that you would like to allow sibs, but space won't allow it, I think they will understand. You can remind/reassure them that they are welcome to drop off their child and that they don't need to stay.

First, let me say I am a mother to three children, ages 1, 3, and 5. I can't believe how rude people can be. We have had parties and have been to parties where everyone was invited, as well as parties where only one child was invited. If one of my children are invited, one of us(my husband or I)will take that child and the other will stay home with the others. If we need to, we hire a sitter and as a last resort, RSVP that our child is unable to attend (which hasn't happened yet). Usually, those places make you pay per person and if everyone brings one or two siblings the price can easily double or even triple. If someone is rude enough to ask to bring other children, just tell them sorry, but the venue has a limit on the number of children who can attend. They should understand.

I agree with all who have said that it is just rude for anyone to want to bring siblings!

First of all, your guests' parents are not inconsiderate for asking - it's a miracle you got RSVPs at all; I have stopped asking for them since people simply don't respond.

Of course you don't HAVE to include kids who are not invited, but . . . speaking as a parent of multiple kids, I can give a little different perspective: the process of dropping off and picking up with perhaps two hours in between can get complicated if you have kids who are not invited. Besides, esp. younger siblings are frequently friends with the birthday kids, too. I was always grateful for parents who included sibs and most did. I say just let 'em all come, because you'll have some no-shows anyway and it will all work out, and everyone will have a better time without a lot of nitpicking. If you are considering a party with expensive favors that relies on a specific number of kids, reconsider - flexibility really helps and it will be more fun, not less, if you go for something less expensive and rigid. Never forget that birthday parties are not supposed to be for parents, they're for the kids, who are happy with almost anything and will enjoy all guests.

By the way, I have also been to many parties where the I was invited to stay along with the sibs, and I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. I stayed on the sidelines but not having to drive around for hours and come back was a relief, and sometimes it was a nice social time with other parents, too.