Birthday - Inviting Kids from School

We ask my son's teacher, who he plays with the most. Who they think he'll want to invite the most...
K.

Invite them all, only about 5 will come anyway, that way you will know you invited the "right" kids and no one will feel left out either.

I agree with the others that all the kids need to be invited or none of the kids. There is no way that the un-invited children won't find out - even if they aren't close friends with your daughter, their feelings will be hurt. Have the party in a park, keep decorations to a minimum and just focus on some good snacks and fun games.

The only other option is to have a girls only party and then invite all the girls in her class. Many teachers do have policies that all children must be invited or they won't hand out invitations - some teachers will allow invites to all the girls or just all the boys - most boys probably won't have much fun at a "princess" themed party.

Good luck.

L.

As a mother of 5 children here is what I do. I send invitations to all of the children. 90% of the kids won't show up. Especially if your daughter isn't one of their closest friends. This spares feelings and sometimes the last person you think will show up shows up. The ones you plan to show up usually don't.

If you aren't prepared to invite all of the children I wouldn't invite any of them. Many teachers have classroom policies against sending invitations to school if all children won't be included.

Just fyi, based on experience with at least 50 kid birthday parties where the kids went to schools with rules (you can only hand out invites, if you invite the entire class) the average turnout is 25-35% of the total number invited. Therefore, if you invite 20, approximately 7 will show up. don't fret. You can have it at a Peter Piper or Chuck E Cheese, because you only pay for who shows up. Good luck

I would definately invite all. You don't want any hurt feelings, because it will happen. Just last year, my daughter was upset because she did not get invited to a classmates b-day party. We have always over invited. Only 10% or so show up. I have done parties with spending lots of money and parties with little money. What I have found out is the kids don't matter how much you spend on food and decorations.(keep it simple and invite all) You are also making friends with other parents. I took my daughter to a b-day party and only 2 kids from the class attended this little girls party. I felt sorry for the little girl. We attended the party and know we hang out as a family because we all clicked. Now we are the best of friends. A couple things I do to keep my parties low budget is: make a punch, cupcakes. What kid doesn't like cupcakes? Also I leave out the ice cream. Last year we grilled hotdogs for the kids and hamburgers for the adults. As far as games: we played musical chairs, the limbo, my version of pin the tail on the donkey, I printed out coloring pages and had the kids color until all the guest arrived.
Oh one other thing, you can't control how many people show up even with RSVP's. People RSVP and don't show up and the ones that don't RSVP, show up???? LOL Hope this helps! Good Luck

I had the same issue and only invited some of the kids by an online invitation (thought no one would have hurt feelings then). I spent a lot on party goodies and set-up. The kids couldn't care about the set-up and lost most of the goodies before the party was over. Everyone we invited showed up plus their siblings and more. In the end it was a great party but I wish I had done less party favors and invited the whole class instead. There were kids my son is friends with who I did not know or invite and the other kids at the party talked about it and I'm sure some feelings were hurt. So go with what others suggested- plan it at a park during a 'non-eating' time. Some things the kids loved- water balloon & water gun fights (during summer). have fun!

bring cupcakes to class on or near the birthday - or have the party at a park where lots of kids can come for a couple hours and their parents can stay and watch them - have games like pin the tail on the donkey or relay races for little prizes - and cake - your child will get lots of presents and you just have to bring paper plates and juice boxes

Hi Amy and Laura,
I know your dilemma, oh so well. Although my experience has always been the opposite of what so many have recommended. But I think if you decide to take these suggestions it will turn out as well as our parties did. At least as far as the inviting went.

First off, you need to decide and know your finances that if you did take the advise of most here and invite the whole class "are you prepared to financially if they all come"?? In my experience both for myself and with friends I know that usually the whole class will come!! More so, than if you would of just stuck to your original number. Especially if you plan on doing it at a convenient time or a weekend. Most people do not like to keep their kids from a BD Party if they can they make it happen.

So having said that. What I do is I always ask my children who their "Best Friends" are at school (there usually is more than one) or who they would like to invite. When you narrow the group for them it makes it easier though. I learned that the hard way! I also got a lot of what you got from my kids when I asked but I end up determining who I know they spend more time with and also give them various scenarios with and without certain friends. Just to get from them who really matters to them. You will eventually figure it out.

Then with plenty of time before your set date (have an alternate date your thinking of also on hand) I personally contact my daughter or son's friend's mom. Either by meeting them personally when they come to pick their child up or drop them off for school. Depending on the situation (because they may be rushing to get somewhere else like work). If possible maybe getting their phone number from the Teacher, School, or the child. In either scenario I introduce myself and tell them I am planning a BD Party or Small Party for my child and we would like them to be able to come. If in person I always say if they would not mind if I got their phone number and or e-mail so I can call or let them know the details. Phone Call is better unless they have time you can give them the details right then and there.

I am a "Lay all the cards on the table" kinda gal. So I let them know that I would love to invite the whole class but times are tough and tight! Everyone usually understands that. So, I let them know that my child and I would really love for their child to be able to come. How does this date and time look for you? Once they get back to me and say it looks good (now keep in mind I am talking at least a month away). Then I send them a invite or I personally give it to the Mom. Never in the classroom or where other parents are aware.

Because I agree, we don't want others to feel excluded. But what they don't know won't hurt them. This way if you talk to 5 Moms lets say, and 2 come back and say that date and time does not work for them you have your second date to offer and or you can invite one of the other friends you had on your long list. When you have that small of a group you can do that. My daughter's last two or three parties have been small and girls only. Two of them were Teas- Really Cute!! The older they get you can do that not so much before 9 or 10.

On her 7th BD we invited her whole class plus other friends (approx. 20 invited and about 15-18 kids came)but we were in a better place financially and could afford for all to show up plus we went to a party place that could handle the crowd.

I've never have had a problem with kids coming to one of our parties and talking afterwards at school etc.. in front of others that may have not been invited and causing problems. I think that just comes from proper parenting. I always tell my kids not to go and talk about a party they have just been to in front of other friends or classmates that may have not been invited. I always remind them how they would feel.

Anyway, hope this gives you and easier way to do it if you decide to keep to your original plan of a small party with few invited. It truly has worked for us and their have not been hurt feelings to speak of if you do it discreetly. It can be really nice to have a party that is small, intimate, and less-strees financially!!

Most of all- "Have Fun"!!! Also, hope I was able to help in some way.

A.

this is tough we ran into this each year. I would not invite all unless you want all to come. With our daughters parties they all showed up- even over thanksgiving week:)
Maybe try to find ways to make it less expensive with a craft or simple food. NOt sure of your ideas but at this age I invited all to encourage friendships- this way I saw which ones really clicked with my daughter so I could do playdates outside of school and nurture those friendships. If you want to run by your ideas we can talk about ways you can make the party happen with all of the kids and not break the bank.

I worry about this every year. I have always invited my kids entire class. I am lucky to get eight to show up. I think you should be able to invite everyone. Have them RSVP by calling you by a certain date. I am always surprised because I always take my son to parties he is invited to but a lot of parents do not.

My sugestion is to invite her whole class. Most of them wont come anyways. With my experience in doing this only 5 showed up out of 20. Good Luck!

Our son did the same thing, and we chose the ones he talks about the most or tells us about. In most cases we have found that we invite 15 - 20 and only bout 8 show up. Good Luck!!

Maybe you can just invite the girls. You'll probably only get about 5 kids anyway...

If you want to inivte anyone, you invite everyone. Remember not everyone will show up, but it would be rude to leave anyone out and you don't want hurt feelings.

My daugther usually has 60-80 people at her birthday (family and friends) and we always use a $100.00 budget. Just get creative and remember the more kids you have the less you have to do. They entertain eachother!

You need to invite more than 5 because in my experience the attendance rate is usually very low and it would be awful for your daughter if nobody showed up. I would also suggest that you invite everyone or at least all the girls. If you're having the party at home, it's really not going to cost that much extra and you're probably not going to end up with more than about 5 anyway.

I agree that you should invite the whole class. We tried to tell my son to pick 5 friends, but he was so excited about his party that he was talking about it to all the kids. I didn't want to hurt any feelings. So we invited all 26 kids in his class (plus about 12 kids he didn't go to school with). We prepared for ALL of them to show and had a total of about 12 kids at the party.

Try using the dollar store for little party favors. MUCH cheaper that way.

Hope her birthday goes well!

Try taking the party to a place where you could handle it if everyone showed up. We do ours at a local park ramada. We get about 7-8 big cheap balls from target, jump ropes, chalk for drawing, etc. Schedule it at a time where most folks will have had their meal, i.e. 2-4pm. Let the kids run and play. If you live near a Food City you can get a pinata the kids can take turns busting open, have your birthday song & cake & call it a party! Easy clean up and no worries about the quantity of kids, or how to fit everyone in your house! Our is in 1st now and it's worked a treat!

Another thing we do to keep the quantity of presents down, we choose a charity and ask parents to bring an item in need. i.e. Humane society - bag dog food, dog collar, leash, dog treats. We've done the Diaper Bank, toys for the treat box at the cancer clinic (as our daughter is a cancer survivor). It saves parents risking buying a present that someone may not like. It makes the focus more on playing and having fun with her friends, celebrating life!!

check with your child's teacher before sending invites to school. my son's teachers for the last two years refuse to hand out birthday invites unless the entire class is invited. if you only feel comfortable inviting 5 kids, then just do that, but do not send the invites to school because the other kids will be left out. if you don't have addresses ask for the parents phone numbers so you can get the addresses and deliver them yourself. Just stick with a small party if that's what you want though. you want it to be a special day, not a choatic one. good luck.

I used to be a kindergarten teacher and I've seen this so many times! If you pass the invites out at school, please invite them all! There will be a lot of hurt feelings if not! Even if you don't pass them out at school and the kids are talking about the party in class it could still cause a lot of hurt feelings! Most of the time only a few will show up anyways!