In our family, on the child's actual birthday, their grandparents come over for dinner, cake, and presents. Just the family.
Then on their party day (which is usually the weekend) we have a party where we invite families also. On the invitation we write "Bring the family" so they know Mom, Dad and siblings are also welcome.
Our tradition for parties is no presents. We grew uncomfortable w/ it about 2 years ago, their friends would argue over who brought the best present and it seemed so competitive. Or one child would have more guests than the other so they'd "get" more. Plus, I didnt' want the parents to feel like they had to spend money on a "good" gift, and if they didn't have the money to do it, I didn't want them to think they couldn't come.
Plus, we've all been or had the parties where the birthday kid opened a present and everyone wanted to play with it, but the birthday kid wasn't ready to share it yet b/c it was new. We've been to more than one party where a gift was given and the birthday kid said, "I already have this" or "This is stupid" -- I didn't like seeing such an ungrateful attitude in those kids, so I didn't want to repeat that w/ our kids.
For our childrens birthdays we wanted them to do something special for others. So now on our childrens birthdays, we ask their guests to bring nothing at all OR a donation for Operation Kindness (a no-kill animal shelter in Carrollton). So the guests bring cat and dog food or cat litter (sometimes monetary donations). That way our children learn to give back.
My dd collected almost $100 worth of dog and cat food last year that we donated, and 2 weeks ago during my ds's party he collected $52, 30 lbs of cat litter, and a case of cat food for the shelter.
It has started to become a great tradition for our family and they all really look forward to their birthday parties now. Now that we've taken the focus off of presents and time to open them, they really enjoy having the time to just play with their friends and have fun.
--S.
Homeschooling Mom to 4 Little Texans