Bottlefeeding issues...help!

I know you already got a lot of answers, I just wanted to give you one more thought. My baby needed a "practice" bottle every day in order to continue taking his bottle while I worked two afternoons a week. If we didn't give him his practice bottle, he wouldn't take it while I was gone. It was a pain and meant a bit more pumping, but it worked and I was able to stop doing the practice bottle around 10 months. Good luck.

Sounds like a terribly stressful time for all of you!

Who knows why these little guys do what they do. Some babies miss mom so much when mom goes back to work that they completely switch their schedule to nurse just when mom is home...it's called reverse cycle nursing. In that case, the answer for you is learning to nurse lying down while you are dozing and bring him into bed with you to nurse. That produces the least impact on your sleep.

I'd suggest you try two angles:

1 - it's the bottle/nipple. There are a lot of different nipples out there. Don't buy more than one, but buy several & just try one a day. I have seen the Breastflow work for a lot of breastfed babies. There's even one that is a complete one piece - Idiri. It's pricey so make that your last choice! (Both are available at Bosom Buddies website and stores.)

2 - it's how the milk is delivered, i.e. positioning, timing etc. For instance, some babies do better with a bottle when they are sitting up more; this can reduce the speed of the flow since there isn't as much push on the milk from gravity. Or, did you switch to a faster flow Avent nipple and he prefers the slower?

Have your husband try a little distraction: turn baby away from him letting baby's butt rest on his hip (the way we hold a baby to let them see away from us). Get him watching something, like out the window or (horrors!) TV, then slip the bottle in his mouth.

As an opposite approach, have your husband cuddle baby skin to skin with baby's cheek next to Dad's chest. Then try the bottle. Or wear your hubby's t-shirt to bed so it smells like you and have Dad put that on when he feed the baby.

A third possibility comes to mind: could it be the milk? Is it fresh pumped or frozen? What temperature?

Hopefully your son will figure it out soon, and I wish you the best. You are all giving him the best by hanging in there and continuing with Mommy's milk, so remember that it really is worth it for him.

S.

You might try a different bottle and nipple. Maybe his mouth is feeling discomfort with the existing one, or he's not getting the right amount and getting frustrated. You might check with your pediatrician's office, too.

The only advice I have is probably the absolute LAST thing you want to hear; that is maybe, maybe your baby needs you more than your career at this very moment. Possibly, prolonging your end goal of a career woman can wait just a few short weeks longer. I know I'll probably be skewered for say that but it's the only compassionate truth I can think of...for all of you. Your baby, your husband, and yourself. I'm just saying, you have your whole life to be a nurse and only a few short moments to be a mama to such a wee one. Possibly this little guy's needs have to come "more" first than what you're doing now...just for a bit longer.

Please understand, I'm simply offering this, there's no negative statement toward you.

It is possible baby simply prefers the position and difference in cradling he receives when nursed versus the bottle. Also, there's more actual intimacy with the breast, you "must" hold your baby and are unable to prop a bottle while leaving baby to suck down it's contents. Could that be an issue, I know lot's of people do that. So maybe it's an interaction predicament you find yourself in rather than bottle vs breast. We're meant to interact when we eat, think of the dinner table, or even dating your husband--dinner and talking to get to know each other. This is an essential element in the nurturing and caring of wee ones, too. Perhaps a renewed focus on that alone would create a noticeable difference for you.

I have never been able to breast feed my children. But I know some that have breastfed then some that gone to pumping, putting it in a bottle for the same reason as you, work. And they would have to find a nipple that was like momma's breast. So you may want to try getting a natural latch bottle nipple, that might help.

As Regina K pointed out, your baby needs YOU. He is a newborn, and babies need their mommies. Please give some thought to postponing your career and taking on the job of Mom that you were given when he was born. It may seem like the hardest thing you ever do, but it will probably also be the most rewarding. You can be replaced very quickly at your place of employment, but you truly cannot be replaced in the eyes and heart of your child.

I know you already updated, but I just wanted to say I have to agree with Michelle and Regina. You were given 2 little miracles with the expectation that you would be mommy-ing them. It's very hard to be mommy when you are not there at night when the baby needs you, and when you are sleeping and/or too tired during the day to pay attention to them. Although you work only 2 nights, it turns into a 4 day ordeal counting sleep. Pardon me for saying, but your comment about how hard your last two years were seemed a little selfish to me. Think about how hard it is on your kids not to have you around because YOUR "career" is coming first, and how hard it is on your husband to pick up the slack. He probably misses you being there too. Seriously, I'm not saying this to be cruel, but just to put it into perspective. There are always ways to make living on less money work for the sake of your kids,husband, and your sanity. Another point besides the kids, how much attention and time do you get to spend with your husband loving him up? Doesn't sound like much, but of course I'm not there. To reiterate Michelle, you can always be replaced at any job, but you can never be replaced as mommy. For now, in my opinion, your career should be raising your kids and making your house a nice loving home for your husband to want to come home to. Being an RN can wait. That job is endless, but your kids are only small for a short time. I guess I don't understand how putting your "career" off until your kids are older would make the last two years be "all in vain." It's not like the nursing field is going away, and you can't ever take refresher courses. It's not like your husband could never find a job to support you in your more important role as mommy. People keep talking about how it just can't be done in this economy, but that's not true. There are plenty of us out there that have made it work. We just put family before anything else; before our own selfish wants. I have been in your shoes. I worked overnights as a Caregiver and know how exhausting it can be, and how neglected the kids are. Mind you I only did it for one month, but in that one month my whole family felt my absence, and I felt like a horrible mommy and not part of the family because I needed sleep when my husband and kids were out playing. Thank God I picked a man who knows it's more important that our kids have a sane, happy, awake mommy around than having the paycheck. It was his idea for me to quit the job, and I couldn't have been more happy to go back to being a happy mommy and loving wife/girlfriend. No woman can "do it all" without the husband and kids paying some price for it. Sorry, but the way I see it, no career is worth an unhappy family. So, I say, the bigger question is not which bottle to try, but how to start in making arrangements to be home to do your most important job of all. Good luck, and I hope you look at your situation from the eyes of your babies and make a decision based on them.

Hi S. - the same thing happened to me- my baby boy started refusing the bottle at 3 months.. it's like he wised up and learned what the difference was even though he used to suck it down out of anything when he was a newborn. I was panicked.. getting ready to go back to work. My doc said at least we know he will take a bottle eventually, and he's not going to starve. I did some research, and people online recommended the "First Years" "Breastflow" bottles (you can get at Target). They mimic the breast because baby has to do this suck and compression thing to get the milk out. Our daycare lady said he fought the bottle for about 15 minutes, and then eventually gave in. The second time he fought it for about 5 minutes and gave in. The third time, he took it no problem. So don't worry... your baby will eventually give in!

Hi,
I went through the same thing. I worked overnights and my son was breastfed. I pumped and he had a bottle when I worked. At 6 months he "weaned" himself off of the bottle. He refused to take a bottle, no matter what kind or who gave it to him. I was already giving him baby food. So when he went to the sitters house I would take babyfood with us so that there wouldn't be a fight and he would get full and sleep. I still breastfed him during the day and on my days off. It drove my sitter crazy for a while until I started taking babyfood with us. You could also try putting milk in a sippy cup. That's what I did and it all worked great. Good luck.

usually when there is a big change in the family, like you going to work more, the baby can react with something like this. They have no way of communicating their uncomfortableness in words so they do it in actions. I'd be sensitive to his needs and try to breastfeed as much as possible and reconnect with him. He's worried about not being close to you. Good luck!

S.,
I don't have any earth shattering advice except I read some of the responses to your request for advice and wanted to support you. You are experiencing a difficult time right now and I beleive you are doing what you need to to support your family. I am sure the advice about putting your carrer on hold isn't helping you, only giving you more guilt. As everyone does, for your own reasons, have chosen a path you believe is the best option for you and your family.
So, with that being said , I think switching bottles may help, I hear the breastflow bottle simulates breastfeeding the best. Also try having your husband place a piece of clothing you wore that day next to or near the bottle to simulate your smell, that may help.
As a last resort, my friend had a similar problem and she ended up bumping and bottle feeding for ALL meals, because sometimes switching back and forth is the issue, if you can't breastfeeed for every meal than you might have to bottlefeed everymeal. If not offered the breast, he will be eventually hungry/thirsty enough to drink from ANY bottle. Thirst is one of the strongest instinctual needs we have. It may take a day or two of frustrating times but it would fix the problem for long term if you can be disciplined.
Good Luck. I wish you well.

I am sorry you are tired and frustrated! I can think of a couple of ideas, but my best one is to get in touch with your local la Leche League Leader, since she can give you free and medically accurate suggestions that fit your situation. You can find her at www.llli.org.
In the meantime, consider reading the book 'Working Without Weaning," which you can probably borrow for free through your LLL group. Also, consider warming the artificial nipple to make it more appealing to your baby. Remember, too, that a bottle is not the only way for a baby to be fed artificially--you can try a syringe, which many families find effective, especially if Baby will suck on dad's finger. You can also try a spoon or cup (messy but sometimes works. My favorite way of getting through sleepless times is to nurse in bed, laying down with Baby by me. Then, when Baby is done and wants to wiggle and chat, Dad can come and get him so you can sleep better. Or, if Baby falls asleep, you can both snooze comfortably (with your shirt up so the buffet stays open ;) and Dad can peek in on you. This way you can skip the mental gymnastics on pumping and measuring and your hubby will not be feeling frustrated trying to feed the baby and can use his energy being cheery with the baby in other ways. This is a tricky time in your family's life--it won't last forever, so hang in there!
I really do recommend attending a LLL meeting so you can chat with other moms who work outside the home, or at least calling your local LLL Leader and posing this same question to her. LLL saved my sanity on so many baby questions over the years!
Best wishes to you and your family!

I saw some bottles by The First Years at Babies R Us, that are supposed to mimic the breast. They have a few different types of bottles so make sure you look for the ones that are supposed to be just like the breast. They look like really good bottles to me, although I haven't used them, I think it would be worth a try. Good luck, and I wouldn't hang up your career quite yet.;)

the only advice I can give (I've had no experience here... my daughter switched back and forth like a champ) is to try to First Years "Breast Flow" bottle. Its blue and has a double nipple (a harder pointy one inside the typlical silicon one). I've heard from friends that if your baby is bottle picky, thats the one to try.

Breastfeeding is easier than bottle feeding, so if he seems very hungry but won't eat, you might want to have him checked by his pediatrician for an ear infection.

You also might try a different bottle. We used the breastflow bottles (you can get them at Target) and those worked really well. However, if he was taking the Advent bottle before, my guess is that is not the issue.

Sounds like maybe he isn't really hungry? Some kids do reverse cycle. Good news: less pumping. Bad news: more nursing during your sleep time. Consider a bedside bassinet or pack and play to make it easier for you to put baby down when you are done nursing.

My daughter also went through a period where she would only take pumped milk if it was room temp (not warm). Some kids also like breastmilk cold (kind of weird, since you really have to shake it and even then it isn't fully mixed). So DH could try some different temperatures of bottles.

Good luck! I know it is frustrating buy keep in mind that even a 12 hour nursing/feeding strike is not really going to have any affect on your son's long term health. Rather, it is just stressful to you and DH.