Boy and Girl Siblings Sharing a Room?

Hi Janelle,
I have a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter who share a "bedroom." I put it in quotes because, literally it's a room with all the beds...one has a trundle for my step-son who is with us on the weekends. Then they have a "play room" with all the toys and fun stuff. They LOVE sleeping in the same room...and it really does make them bond more as siblings. Dr. Sears highly recommends siblings sleep in the same room for this reason. It's perfectly normal...and the fact that they are different gender doesn't matter much at this age. I would keep the decoration simple and neutral for both the bedroom and the playroom until you decide it's time to separate

C.

My 2 older kids shared a room for a few years. It isn't a big deal until they are about 7 and 9. The way I would decorate my kids room and it always looked really cute was with supplies from the learning store. I would get them each their own comforter that was a solid color so that they had their own special space. On the walls I put posters with ABC's and colors. The posters were educational and cute. It didn't cost that much either.

I always had the rule that they weren't allowed on each others beds so that they had something that was sacred. I also had a general toy box that had all of their toys, but I would give them each a smaller box to put special things that they didn't want to share. I don't believe that kids have to share everything and because I didn't make them my kids chose to share on their own.

I think it is fine for mix gender siblings to share a room. Mine do.... my 2 girls (ages 7 and 4) and their 2 year old brother. They have worked out ways to share the space. They enjoy the pillow talk at night and having someone there if they wake at night. We plan to move brother to his room when sisters hit puberty. Until then they don't want the change.

My kids are turning 3 and 6 this month and my daughter and son (she's older) share a room as of six months ago when we bought him a bunk bed. She chose to sleep on the upper bunk rather than stay in her own room. We still have the other room set up as hers whenever she decides to go back, but in the meantime they keep each other company and it's working really well.
Good luck with the move!

If you just use your imagination, you can create a private
space for each of them...think how you may have seen schools
with the huge open spaces (and some businesses). You can use
cleaver pieces of furniture to have a His and Her side of the
room and then a common area where they can play, read, do
puzzles etc. I think sharing a room can be fine, but equally
important for them to have their own "private space" also, even if it is just the area where their bed is. You could use
a shelf (small or as big as you want, put one shelf opening
to her side and add another shelf unit back to back to that
one with its opening to his side. They can be very inexpensive finds at resale shops or Dollar stores if you
don't already have some. Years ago, I even used a couple
of concrete blocks I found and put a board inbetween each
and layered it about 2 or 3 high and put books and stuffed
animals etc. Used this to separate children for an Air
Force couple I knew that absolutely had no money to spare
but lots of love. It was cute, homey and utilizes space
well.
G. (wife, Mom, Grammy)

I don't think there should be a problem with them sharing a room at all. We just moved to Arizona a couple of months ago and I put my five year old son in with my almost two daughter. They got along famously, but I ended up putting the boys back together because they missed each other. In your case I think it should work out fine. They are way too young to worry about modesty, and hopefully by the time they are old enough for that to be an issue you'll have moved to a larger place where they can have seperate rooms. Try it, and see what happens. Good Luck!

Take this advice from an authority on this subject because when I was growing up, due to my family's circumstances, I had to share a room with my brother until I was 18 & moved out!!!!! At 2 & 4 I really don't think there is any problem with doing this. In a couple of years is when you're gonna need to change things up, if possible. I remember at about the age of maybe 8 or 9, just wanting my own space & wanting to have just my own decorations, posters, toys, etc. around me so I began to resent my brother being in the way of my doing that. Other than that, at your kids' current ages, if this is what you need to do then trust me, they won't be permanently scarred or anything! Haha! In fact, sometimes it was nice & less scary (for me & him) cuz we always had someone to keep us company when it was dark, stormy, or one of us had a bad dream.

I think it's fine at this age, and will be a lot of fun for them (but hard for you if they wake each other up). My sister and I used to always sneak into my brothers' room after we were put to bed and we'd play baseball with socks and laugh our heads off together until my parents would come see what was going on and we'd hide under the blankets thinking we could fool them. Completely innocent and healthy bonding and fun. And their room was cold, so I remember one brother would sometimes come into our warmer room and climb into my bed and steal my blanket. Again, it was completely innocent. I would say that once they start puberty (probably sometime around age 10-12 or so) then you should figure out new sleeping arrangements.

As far as decorating goes, I know a lady who actually painted an accent wall blue on her son's side of the room and pink on her daughter's side and decorated each side according to the gender and made it all go together. It turned out really cute. I personally would do a gender neutral room (I'm practical) and make it a really cute theme that accomodates both of them, such as fish or animals. At this age, they both are probably interested in similar things. My son loves to dance and play with dolls, and my daughter loves balls and cars like her brother does.

i'm wondering how come you are questioning this option. is it because they are a different gender? are you concerned about them not having enough of their own personal space? or are you concerned of what other parents/peers might say?
i was a single mom of a son and a daughter who lived in a one bedroom apartment for several years. the kids had the bedroom, my oldest (son) had the top bunk, my daughter had the bottom. my son was about 9 and my daugher was about 6 when we were able to split them, they were excited to have their own space but it really never came up that they needed it. i think if you need to make the change because of finances, you should probably do it without giving your son too much power/control over the situation. it's not like they're teenagers; at this age i'm sure they'll love sharing a room and there won't be any peer problems about it.

At that young age I don't think it's a huge deal that they share a room. I think it will be fine and mostly comes down to what you make of it. A cool way to decorate the room is to take that common interest of fishing and make use of your memories surrounding it. Creative Memories has these really neat bulletin boards that they can hang their personal interests and memories from and then you could do it up fishing camp style, but have the colors gently fade from more masculine on his side of the room to lighter more pastel feminine versions on hers.Say hers more like the inside of the fishing cabin his more the lake. Anyway, my brother and I shared rooms at times until we were in High School. We are the best of friends and there was never anything weird or strange because we had different interest and rarely used the room at the same time as we got older. He is two years older than I am. It was much easier to share a room with my brothe than it was with my younger sister I'll tell you that.

My best friend just moved her 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter into the same room and she says she loves it. It is working out very nicely for them. She did it so that they could have a sleeping room and a play room instead of two bedrooms. She has been telling me all about it because we are considering doing the same thing when my youngest gets out of a crib (although both of my children are boys). I do not see a problem with it at all, especially at this age. Give it a try and see how it goes. Good luck!

I think it is a great idea! Gender doesn't really matter yet. I think you might need a backup plan though for when that time comes. Right now by 4 yr and 2 yr olds share a room. It really helps them to not be scared at night. As for decorating, try finding coordinating plaids or stripes. Nothing to boy or too girl.

Hi Janelle. I have boy/girl twins that have shared a room since they came home from the hospital. They are now 3 and there have never been any issues. I'm sure we will split them up in a few years as they want more personal space but at this age they really enjoy the friendship and common space.

Hi Janelle~ :)
It's been fine for my kids for about 4 years now. We had similar experience, moving from a 5 bedroom to a 2... When we moved, my daughter was just going into kindergarten. She'll be 10 in October of this year. Her bro is going to be 12 this April. At this point they are both beginning to voice a need for their own space, but when we first moved in they loved it. Obviously, the older they get the more they feel their space needs to expand, but your kids, at 4 and 2 years, likely aren't concerned about that particular.
As far as organization, in my case, I had a very small space to fit the things of 2 kids into so, beds were not going to work out without being the entire floor almost. I did want them to be able to use the room for more than just sleeping, but to have the ability meant either 1 twin bed or those Murphy beds,...( Murphy beds are those that one can hide into a wall basically... http://www.smartspaces.com/murphy.html )... In as odd as it may seem, I actually ended up opting for hammocks. My kids loved them and they took up even less space than other options, with the added bonus being, that hammocks are a better way to sleep, (no pressure points... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hammock .. we used the Mayan design and no spreader-bar). When my husband and I were looking for a solution to our own room, we ended up building a loft bed, ( http://www.mcwoodworksinc.com/index.html). Of course our kids thought it quite a novel piece and, if not for our bed, they would still have their hammocks. In fact, they actually still want them. In the couple years that they slept in hammocks, niether of them ever fell out of bed... within the first couple weeks of having their loft beds, my son had managed to roll and fall from his. Only on that one occassion, but a rude and rather scary awakening nonetheless!
Anyway,.. the experience of my own 2 kids sharing their room hasn't been a bad one. If your 2 are happy with the idea, what would it hurt to give it a go? :)
Good Luck!

~J

When my four oldest were young we had to live in a very tiny three bedroom apt because of a housing shortage where we moved. At the time we had two older girls who shared a room, and then the two younger, my son and his sister had to share a room. My son was was older, in 1st grade and his sis was in preschool. He got the top bunk, so everything at his bunk eye level was "boyish" We hung his pictures/posters, and made mobiles of his favorite toys. I hung nets in the corners of the ceiling by his bed where he kept his "hands off toys" that he didn't want his sister into, and we put up shelves on the wall by end of his bed where he put books, and legos etc he didn't want his sister to touch. He had his own bedsheet set that he liked, I think it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (he is 24 now) His little sister had girlie colors on her bunk bed, and we hung posters for her on the bottom of her brother's bed she could look at while she was in bed. She had a night light for her bunk so she wouldn't be afraid of the dark, and filmy net that she could let down so she had a "tent" around her for privacy. Her toys and belongings had a bookcase by the head of her bed as well. They each had their own dresser, and we divided the room in such a way that they had their own space, and we put her dresser away from the wall and made a little dressing area behind it because as a 4 year old she didn't want anyone to see her getting dressed. They were very respectful of each other's space, and now that she is 21 and her brother is 24 they still treat one another the same way and look out for each other. I think learning how to make adjustments and sacrifices for one another while they were young affected their adult relationship. When we moved to our new house and they each had their own space, they would have "sleep-overs" where she would still climb into the extra bunk bed in her brother's room.

Hi Janelle,

My children Lilly and Hunter are 5 and 4 and have always shared a room untill we moved here. They are best friends , they do squable as with any bro/sis relationship, but it was never a problem. I think it brought them closer. We did a jungle theme. Lilly got her animal print and pink sheets and hunter got his love for lions and tigers out of it. We put leafy garland around the top of the ceiling and added little accents on the wall like pictures from madagascar and zebras and I painted wooden letters that spelled their names and hung them over each of their beds. Of course with leopard spots on hunters and zebra stripes on lillys. It was fun. Just concentrate on the fun you can find in downsizing. It can be cozier and easier to keep clean with less to manage. Well good luck to you and your family.. S.

Hi Janelle,

My kids are 15 & 18 now, and I too have a boy and a girl, my son is older. But when they were younger they shared a room for several years. I think it's fine when they are younger to do that. What you can do for decorating is on the boys side do "boy" decorations, and on the girl side, do "girl" decorations. That way they still have a few of the things they each like in the room. I put my sons bed against one wall, and daughters against the opposite wall, that way they are still seperated a tad. Hope it works out for you!

I have 3 kids in 1 room. My daughter is 4 and my boys are 3 and 1. They have never had there own rooms and they do just fine. The only problem is that sometimes my daughter wants alone time in her room, but since it's the boys too, the disagreement can get a little loud. Decorating wise, I let each of the older kids pick out a rug and then put them in front of their beds and they both put pictures and posters or those peel-able wall stick ups around their beds. We put a double hanging bar in the closet so all their clothes go on 1 half and my daughter can get her won. That leaves the other half for additional storage and organization. (If that's possible with kids) :) They do talk sometimes at bedtime or nap time, but that's to be expected. We tell them to stop and they do. Once the initial excitement is over and things calm down it will be less of an issue.

my kids shared rooms for a while, and they were fine. I just told them they had to change in the bathroom.
Bunk bed work great and then they can decorate their walls the way the want it.
I think my kids are closer after sharing rooms. They still fight as all siblings do, but they are good friends now and they didn't used to be.

my two kids are 4 and 18 months. the oldest a boy and the younger a girl and they are sharing a room right now. i do preschool in my home, which takes up the other bedroom, so until we can add more space or move, they have to share a room. at think at this age it's fine. they really like sharing a room. as far as decorating and organizing, their room is yellow and white and i have a few things for each of them on the walls and i keep only a few toys in their room. the majority of the toys i keep in the preschool room anyway. it works out well for us for the time being, so if you're kids like the idea it's probably worth trying out. good luck with your move!

WE have our almost five year old daughter sharing a room with our almost three year old son and they love it! Our daughter was sharing a room with her older sister but the fight so badly that it was not working out. We have decided to do a Diego/Dora room for them when we move cross country next month. Right now their room is pretty bland. Our other thought for decorating was going to be cute little car cartoons the little slug bug shaped cars with butterflies flying around the walls or flowers.
I hope it works out as well for you as it has for us!

My kids are sharing a room together and it is working amazing. They actually both love it and they are seeming to go to bed easy and sleep well. My son is 3 1/2 and my little girl is 14months. I am still not sure on the decorating, my son is into spiderman and so his half of the room is all out spiderman. When my youngest it out of the crib I might try and do something differant with the decor!
I think that it will be fun for the kids when they are young.
Good luck!
N.

Hi Janelle,
I think it is fine for the ages they are at. I know that when I was growing up my brother and I shared a room and even a twin bed...we were dirt poor! I don't think it did any major damage! They will be fine and probably bond a little more. As far as decorating...you could do a red, white, and blue theme. Very fun and doesn't really have to go either way. You could add stars and stripes for fun and really go all out. Also, another idea would be jungle. Then you could incorporate some of their stuffed animals. Good luck!

My son and daughter shared a room until they were 7 & 9. They loved it and the only reason things changed, was we put our 3 girls together in a new room. We never had problems with opposite sex issues, that's something that I think takes care of itself when the elder sibling becomes more modest.

We decorated in an outdoor theme, with Wallies bugs on the wall, butteryfly net, etc. If anything, I think my kids sleep better when there's someone else in the room with them.

My 4 yo boy and 2 yo girl have always shared a room, and they love it. It helps them settle down at night after reading time without us going back in. Of course there will come a time when we will need to put them in their own rooms, but this is working great for now. I just have neutral decorations (no pink walls etc).

My children (5 1/2 yr.old boy, 3 1/2 yr.old girl) share a room. They moved in together when I was about to have our third baby. (Our fourth bedroom is downstairs, and we weren't comfortable with him being by himself down there, in case of fire, etc.) They absolutely love sharing a room! In fact, the other day, we were looking at new houses online, and when the subject of moving came up, my son burst into tears and said, "Then I couldn't share a room with Clair!"
As for decorating, we have bunk beds with similar sheets in different colors. My son's are light blue with sock monkeys and my daughter's are pink with retro dogs on them, both very cute, if I do say so myself. On the walls, we have "Dick and Jane" framed posters, and an old fashioned alphabet poster. It was difficult decorating a room for different ages and sexes, but it's not impossible.
I say, go for it! Your kids will love it, and I think you will too! (It cuts down on good night kisses time, because you only have to go into one room.) :) Have fun!

My daughter and son shared a bedroom for awhile when they were younger. It worked out fine until we added on another bedroom for our son. They were about 2 and 4 also, at the time... Now they are 17 and 19! As far as decorating, they had bunk beds, so my daughter decorated all around her bed on the bottom and the top of the walls were decorated for my son... Same with sheets and pillows... The rest of the room was pretty neutral... Oh and my husband was the baby of six children and they ALL shared one room!

~C.

I shared a room with my brother until I was about 8 and he was 4. I think that the experience brought us closer together. Check with local housing authorities, I have heard there can be restrictions on ages.

My 4 (almost 5) year old boy and 2 (almost 3) year old girl share a room. We live in a small home, and once our baby arrived, we had to move them together. We have bunkbeds, but they like to sleep on the bottom together. I have never seen any problem in it. She still takes a long nap in the afternoon, so our son knows that he has to stay out during her nap. He usually wakes up 30-60 minutes earlier than she does in the morning, but it doesn't seem to bother her much. I was really concerned about it in the beginning, but all the kinks really worked themselves out. I think sharing a room has really brought them closer together. Big brother really like to help take care of his little sister. As far as decorating, we have done bold primary colors, with pricess and boy stuff scattered throughout. At that age, they really don't care what it looks like. I think it's more of a mom thing! When the baby gets into a big bed, I will probably put the boys together, and give our daughter her own room. Best of luck with the new move!

I see no problem with it until one of them hits puberty then they need their own rooms or at least being in the same room with siblings of the same sex. My two share a room, granted they are 2 and 8 months. Half of the room is decorated for him in airplanes and the other half is Sesame street and primary colors for her.

Janelle,

I had a similar situation with my children when they were younger. My son, Carl (older) and daughter, Sarah, shared a room from the time when their other sib was born (ages 5 and 3) until Sarah was about 6. At that time, it worked very well. It's not a long term solution, but when they are young, why not? Having a roomate can be comforting at night -- occasionally Carl was there for Sarah after a nightmare and helped her go back to sleep. I think they both liked to additional tuck in time.

As for decor, there are plenty of non-gender oriented themes -- jungle, space, animals, etc.

My kids are 17mos apart. My son is older than my daughter also. I needed to have them share a room until just a year and a half ago. They were 9 and 7 when I was finally able to give them their own space. I think they really bonded during that time. It also made it easier for them to go through my divorce with their father. They are good friends now. I see no reason not to allow them to share a room while they are young. It will be obvious when they need to have their own rooms. You will know. While they are young, they don't see the differences between boys and girls. They are simply best pals and brother and sister. I say go for it.

I always kept the colors very bold and primary. Red, Yellow, Blue, Green. They are still in the primary stages of life and are not too concerned with decoration and fashion yet. If you are condensing for financial reasons, don't stress about the decorations. Save if for later when they are older and do care how their rooms are decorated. It will cost bundles, way too soon. : )

I think it's great for the friendship and other side benefits. We are moving to Italy and it's assumed there that the kids will share a room, regardless of sex. Most homes have one "kis" room. Most places in the world, that is the standard. The families I know that have had it are some of the closest families I know, even now that they are adults with their own families and live all over the country (or world). I'll be interested if there are any against it, since we're going to be in the same boat if #3 is a girl! As far as decorating goes, everything in Italy is unisex, so that's how I'll be going when we get there. That's not much help. Sorry.

Right now with the way our house is, two bedrooms upstairs and two down (I won't put the kids down without me), my six year old daugther and 3 1/2 year old son share a room. I have them on seperate areas and each has their own decorations, like my son has his side all spider man and boy like and my daughter has tinker bell decals up. I did the decals so not to have to paint again when my daughter moves downstairs. I have a neutral playroom downstairs so really nobody goes into the bedroom unless they are sleeping or my daughter has a friend over to get away. They keep their toys in the playroom downstairs. Right now until I feel a lot better about my daughter being downstairs alone (hard to hear from one level vs the other) I will probably keep this up. I staggered the bedtimes, so the older one gets to stay up longer too and my son is asleep by the time she comes up to bed, putting them down at the same time MADE LIFE HARD. So my suggestion is different bedtimes. My daughter loves getting to stay up a little longer then my son and that is our one on one time too.

Janelle,

I think having siblings share a room can be a really good bonding experience. Pottery Barn kids has lots of cute stuff you could mix and match for a boy and a girl. If you shop for the stuff on ebay you can get it very reasonably.

You could do a jungle or animal theme that would be really cute for both also. I like to redecorate so I tend to get generic bedding (Pottery Barn kids has a good selection on chambray and gingham bedding that mixes and matches with their other stuff really well and their colors are consistent throughout all of their bedding lines) and valances and then I like to "decorate" with the art of the walls and the accessories. Or you can do most of the room in solid colors and then say just get a themed quilt or themed sheets. It is much cheaper to do it that way if you get bored with stuff the way I do.

Good luck!

T.

Janelle, You have gotten several responds the same as my own I to grew up sharing a room with my brother until I was 12 and we didn't have any problems I was the messy one he was the neat one and we still got along and as for decorating we had a very neutral room we even shared a dresser we had bunk beds and sometimes they were up and sometimes they were down that was our space. As for my sons we still have them in our room with bunk beds and we share this space together so our dresser define our space again the color is white. So do what you can but it really isn;t that big of a deal especially at this age. Good luck.