Hi S.,
First, congratulations on the birth of your son and being determined to breastfeed him -and for seeking support for it. Breastfeeding is natural, but it does take time to get it all down...and once you get a great routine going, sometimes it can change. So just take one day at a time with it. As far as your questions. Newborns will fall asleep during feedings. They sleep alot. And nursing sessions can take up to an hour at a time because they fall asleep so much. I don't like to give "rules" for parenting, but there are some guidlines that can make it easier for you.
Nurse on both sides every time. Usually, newborns will need only 2oz or so at a time. Since you can't measure out your breatmilk while he's nursing...it's usually about 15-20 minutes each breast. If he falls alseep half way, gently wake him up by burping, massaging his back, rubbing his cheek so he can root that way. Babies will stop nursing when they are full and eat when they are hungry. Sometimes they just want to suckle for the comfort. For the first few months it's best to nurse on demand. It's not just physically good for them, it's emotionally healthy for them, and it help keep up a good milk production. When he's a little older he might just naturally space out his feedings or you can encourage more of a "routine", or you can feed on demand until you are both done with breastfeeding. (This is where no rules come into play - you parent from within...doing what's best for you and your baby.)
As far as being confused by his signs or being afraid of misreading his cues......it can be difficult and even frustrating to figure out what our little ones are trying to tell us. Next time it's time to feed him, I want you to just breathe him into you, settle into your bones, and just listen to him. Listen with your ears, eyes, heart, and mind. And be gentle with yourself during this new journey. Now listen to your inner deep knowing. What is HE telling you S.? Not what is a book telling you, or what is a nurse telling you, or what is your mother or friend or online support mamma telling you. What is your son and your inner knowing telling you? It's ok to seek support from your village - it's good. But in the end - you have everything you need to nurse your baby. To parent your baby. To guide and love your baby.
Below is a little article written by a friend and fellow mentor. I hope you will find it encouraging and helpful.
Much good energy to you and your little one for many beautiful, messy, crazy, and joyous days together.
Breastfeeding From Within
By Virginia Bobro
Birthing From Within encourages and teaches "doing the next best thing" when it comes to making decisions within the flow of labor and birth. The same mind-set is important during postpartum and breastfeeding. In the days, weeks, months, and even years that a woman is breastfeeding, she will face numerous obstacles, detours, and unexpected events. How she prepares prenatally and how she views these challenges can make a difference in her ability to cope.
As a breastfeeding counselor, I support many breastfeeding mothers who have to change their perception of what a "successful" breastfeeding relationship is. Some mothers need to wean much earlier than they hoped. Others need to supplement with bottles or formula. These are opportunities to re-envision what it means to nurture and nourish their babies. Many mothers are humbled when the "breastfeeding fairy" presents them with difficult circumstances and spoils their fantasy that nursing is easy and blissful.
When breastfeeding does not go as expected or hoped for, a mother can feel regret, anger, blame, grief, and guilt. Inevitably, this negative self-talk begins to affect her self-esteem and attitude, her ability to receive support, and her relationships with her baby, partner, and others in her community.
So, what can be done?
In addition to learning practical things that make breastfeeding easier, do this:
♥ Learn and practice mindfulness.
The same pain-coping practices you learn to help you cope with labor can help you postpartum when you need to still your mind, quiet negative self-talk and deal with physical discomfort and stress. (See Birthing From Within, pp. 213-238).
♥ Get a breastfeeding "reality check."
Breastfeeding is natural, but not always straightforward and easy. Very few women sail through breastfeeding on calm seas from beginning to end. Even for the most vigilant captain, storms arise outside of her control, and still, she can do the next best thing. When women know that they can influence but not control what happens, they can see the wisdom of preparing for all possibilities.
♥ Set up your breastfeeding support system.
Having a supportive crew onboard in the first months of motherhood can make all the difference. Welcome meals, errands, and compassionate listeners. When breastfeeding gets rough, support is needed to keep going and not get mired in "what ifs" and judgment. You need to hear acknowledgment that you are doing your best, not more advice and information.
♥ Focus on connecting with your baby and yourself as a mother
Come to breastfeeding with an open heart. To the degree that you can, let go of your ideals and goals, such as breastfeeding exclusively for six months. Just hold the intention to do the best you can. When you love yourself and feed your baby in love, this is the heart of breastfeeding from within
EXERCISE: Feeding with Love
When sitting (or lying down) to feed your baby, try this:
Begin to notice all the sensations around you, beginning with your baby:
Look at her face, notice the touch of her skin, take in her smell and her sounds.
Then begin to bring your attention to your own body: Where does your body touch your baby's body? How is your breath moving in and out of your body?
Where do you feel relaxed and open?
Where does your body feel tight, tense, or closed?
Gently and mindfully breathe into those places, softening and releasing anything that is unneeded in this moment. This may take several minutes. Go slowly and do not expect perfection!
As your body lets go of anything extra, feel your heart opening.
Allow yourself to inhale the presence of your baby, loving her in this moment and loving yourself as well. With each new breath, feel into your baby's heart, visualizing a connection that endures beyond feeding time.
If feeding is difficult, your focus may return to the task of latching or monitoring the feed. Do what needs to be done, then, when you are ready, take another conscious breath and return to your opening heart.
In light and joy,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com