DS is two weeks old and breastfeeding is such a struggle. I have been to three lactation consultants, and they have tried to help me latch. But when I get home I get stressed and can never do it right. In addition my DS had a tongue tie which was clipped Wednesday. I assumed that would make a difference, but it hasn't. My nipples are cracked and so full of blisters. I use prescription all purpose nipple ointment and it really doesn't help. Now I am pumping like I did with my daughter, which takes so much time. I am not sure what to do. I wanted this time to be more successful, but apparently it isn't going to be. Boy am I feeling like a failure!
The first 6-8 weeks are always hard, but then it becomes a joke. It took me two months with my first to get a good latch.
No advice, just a "you are doing great!" Breastfeeding is hard!!!
You're not a failure. You're doing the best you can to do what you think is right for your son. I pumped exclusively for 12 months for my daughter. That was the only way I was able to increase and maintain my supply. It was a hassle and I felt like it was time consuming, but I know that I did what I thought was best for her at that time. If pumping doesn't work for you or you just don't feel like wasting your time pumping, formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. That will probably make breastfeeding even more difficult.
For your nipple pain, try Hydrogel pads. I used them for about a month when my daughter was born: http://ameda.com/breastfeeding-products/breast-care-acces...
I don't have any practical advice, Maria, because I chose not to breastfeed my three children, so I wouldn't know where I was coming from anyway. But I want to tell you, no matter what you decide to do, you're not a failure. You want what is best for your son, that is obvious, and you're doing everything you can. At the end of the day, if you can't, then it's ok. You'll feed your baby, right? That's the important thing. Don't beat yourself up. You're a great Mom and it shows.
HUGS.
Rent a high quality pump from your local La Leche league and pump. Your baby will still get that great nutrition, and you won't have to worry about latching.
It's okay, momma. There's no medal for moms who breastfeed without pumping, just like there's no medal for moms who give birth without an epidural. Just a lot of sanctimonious moms out there who like to make you feel guilty.
Don't feel bad. Do what works for you and your baby.
You can try lanolin for your nipples, buy when it comes down to it there is no shame in using formula, sometimes breast feeding just does not work out. I used both breast and formula for my boys and they turned out just fine :).
I know with all the Mommy wars that go on and everyone beating the "breast is best" drum it can make one feel like a failure if they struggle, or feel guilty when they decide to stop torturing themselves. As long as baby is getting fed something then you are in the right! Do what works for you and ignore all the noise from the peanut gallery.
((HUG)) Please don't feel like a failure! You are trying hard to make this work. For many of us, it DOES work. For some, it doesn't, and it's not your fault if that's the way it turns out. One of my best friends has had to formula feed all four of her babies because her breast tissue never fully developed and she couldn't lactate. You know what? They are smart, healthy children. I breastfed my babies well into toddlerhood. They are smart, healthy children.
Pump for as long as you can, because breast milk, which carries antibodies as well as nutrition, really is the best possible infant food. Don't give up just yet. If your son's tongue tie was just clipped Wednesday, he may be sore, and that may be interfering with his ability to suckle. But if you do need to bottle feed with breast milk or even eventually switch to formula to nourish your child, don't kick yourself for it - you are doing your best! And while formula is not the BEST infant food, it can be good enough.
Don't feel like a failure. BFing may be natural, but sometimes it's just not easy. Have you told the WC's about the stress factor at home? I would assume that the tongue tie thing may take time for both of you to get used to, so try not to expect a change overnight.
Have you tried feeding him when you are both lying down? You on your side, holding him? I don't know if that would work, but maybe it'll help with the stress to just lie down.
Tell your LC's everything, about the stress, etc., and hopefully they can get things working. I had to supplement with formula because of getting sick right after my son was born and not being able to BF. It screwed up my supply big time. We were able to get on track but it took a while.
Be sure to rub some of the breastmilk ON your sore nipples. It helps them heal. Hugs!!
You're not a failure!!! Our bodies and functions aren't perfect. Natural things, don't always come or happen naturally. We can't control when things like this don't work. We can try, and if it doesn't work, accept that it wasn't meant to be. No failure involved there.
Keep trying! It's been a while but I think it took at least a month for it to stop hurting for me, even without cracked nipples. Good luck!
I had struggles with breast feeding - it is truly one of things that was the hardest in my life. DON'T feel like a failure. Feel like a normal, exhausted, new mom who is doing her best. Whatever her best may be.
Here are a couple things:
The only way that ever worked for my daughter was the "football" hold. If you don't know what that is.... hold him with his head in your hand and his back running down your forearm and then one leg on either side of your elbow. he will be perpendicular to your body. Then just angle your hand up a little bit so he's LOOKING directly at your nipple when he feeds. My lactation consultant said it was a tried and true secret and lo and behold, it was the only way my daughter could get a good latch.
Really, honestly, do some meditation before you b'feed. visualize a good feeding and take slow, deep breaths.
And if it doesn't work out, switch to formula or get a better pump. Really, it doesn't matter much as long as your son is fed.
Updated
I had struggles with breast feeding - it is truly one of things that was the hardest in my life. DON'T feel like a failure. Feel like a normal, exhausted, new mom who is doing her best. Whatever her best may be.
Here are a couple things:
The only way that ever worked for my daughter was the "football" hold. If you don't know what that is.... hold him with his head in your hand and his back running down your forearm and then one leg on either side of your elbow. he will be perpendicular to your body. Then just angle your hand up a little bit so he's LOOKING directly at your nipple when he feeds. My lactation consultant said it was a tried and true secret and lo and behold, it was the only way my daughter could get a good latch.
Really, honestly, do some meditation before you b'feed. visualize a good feeding and take slow, deep breaths.
And if it doesn't work out, switch to formula or get a better pump. Really, it doesn't matter much as long as your son is fed.
How is your supply? If you your milk came in well and you have a good supply, you might try feeding on one side per nursing session. For my second, my milk came in a LOT, and I could nurse for a few minutes, give a break to burp, and then put him back on the same side to finish the feeding. This means that each breast got a longer break in between feedings, and had more time to heal when I was having issues.
Once I got to about 12 weeks and my supply started matching demand more, then I went to the more usually 'feed 10 min on each side per feeding' schedule.
This can make your supply less over time, so it's not something you want to do if you think your supply is just making it.
Remember that you are learning how to do this and your baby is learning too. It takes time and if you stick with it, you'll get it.
You are not a failure, you have done everything you could and your body is telling you: This isn't going to work. So move on. Supplement your milk with formula or exclusively formula feed if you want to. Keep trying if you want to. But get out of the destructive guilt spiral ASAP.
There is so much out there about "natural" motherhood and how we fail as women if we can't breast feed or have the perfect birth. I was the only one in my circle of friends to have to have a C-section and I felt so guilty and like a bad mother. Out the other side now I can see: what a waste of my energies. Move on. And perfect your "stare of death" for anyone who challenges your decision, whatever it ends up being. What is best for you and your son is the only right choice.
Definitely contact your local La Leche League! I didn't have an issue with a tongue tied baby, but I know there were several women in my LLL group that had been through it. You will get advice and SUPPORT which is so very helpful when you are going through something so frustrating.
Hang in there, I promise it will get better, you are doing a great job!!!!!
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE!!! Keep trying!! The most important thing you need to do though is relax. Is there someone there to help you - and I just mean getting relaxed. What I did at first was let someone help with putting the baby in my lap. You need to get totally comfortable in a comfortable chair; use a pillow on your lap so you're not expected to support the baby totally with your arms. Sit in a chair with a foot stool or a lounger-type chair - just something so you are totally comfortable. Take a deep breath (or two, or three) until you are relaxed...then, and ONLY then....
Have someone gently hand your DS to you. Hold your nipple for your baby. If the baby isn't latched on correctly, that's when it will hurt. I was shocked at first how much of the nipple goes into the baby's mouth but if it doesn't, then they're not latched on. Please be patient and keep trying.
When I first started, I literally cringed because it hurt so bad but i kept going and I am so glad I did. It was such a wonderful bonding experience; I cherished the times I could just sit there nursing my baby.
Don't give up!!!
Good luck!!
Have you tried a nipple shield? My 1st had latching problems and after trying everything this finally worked. It's a plastic nipple that his over your nipple. It's larger and easier to latch on to. It also helps blisters because the baby's saliva doesn't touch your skin. Just a thought. Good luck!
There is a learning curve for breastfeeding like everything else. Please don't feel like a failure. For most of us there can be various challenges in the early days/weeks. It is so difficult when everything hurts. Have you tried La Leche League, as someone else suggested? Many leaders will come to your house to help you. When I had a newborn, that home visit was a life saver. It can be difficult to translate what the LC says in her office to your reality at home. Also, if he just had his tongue tie clipped, though he now can physically nurse better, he still needs to figure out how to do it again. If nursing is important to you, don't give up and go on feeling like a failure (you are not a failure!). Whatever decision you make you need to be happy with it. Have you tried laid back breastfeeding? The Breastfeeding Inc website has a bunch of videos and other helpful resources for sorting out latch issues. http://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/content.php?pagename=videos. Also check out kellymom.com. She has a bunch of helpful stuff on there. To find a La Leche leader near you this website lists the NY groups with websites https://www.llli.org/web/newyork.html.
I struggled to the point that my son never latched on but my daughter did much better. What helped out with her latch was a nipple shield. Some lactation consultants are for them and others are against them. I think it was the only thing that got me to breastfeed. My lactation consultant gave me one when my daughter bruised me up to the point that I could not handle anything close to my nipples, let alone a little mouth suckling. I used lanolin cream and then put the nipple shield on and the nipple was lubricated from the cream and slid in and out smoothly while my daughter nursed.
It was a little hard to get away from the nipple shield, but I think part of it was my mindset. I think you can do it, but even if you end up only pumping of even using formula, anyway you get your baby to feed is the right way! Good luck and let me know if you have any questions about my experience in a PM!
Might a La Leach League group offer you tips? Let you know you are not alone?
You should also ask your doctor if you (or the baby) has thrush. If not, you may find plain old lanolin or your own milk to be healing.
Do not feel like a failure. The first weeks are hard. Can he latch at all? What about a nipple shield? That was my best friend for a while with DD. I watched TV, too. In part to not be so focused on her and to relax. Can someone come to your house to help you with latch?
Just a word of encouragement. You can do it!
Some people don't even try to BF so at this point with what you've gone through how could you call yourself a failure? You're a HERO.
I had excessive problems with my first born. I won't go into the details but it was one of the most challenging times in my life. I made it through and was able to nurse until she naturally weaned around two years.
At our darkest hour lots of people were telling me to just go to formula but in my soul I knew what was right for us. When we finally got our act together after many weeks of struggle I felt like the strongest Momma in the world. You need to consider the emotional repercussions of continuing or not, only you know what is best so listen to your heart and base your decision on that.
Below is a list of things that helped me make it through:
1. High quality commercial breast pump, rent one if you haven't already, WAY more efficient then any personal pump
2. Talk to La Leche League in you area 1-877-4-LALECHE (1-877-452-5324)
3. Be sure you're draining the breast through baby or pump, careful of mastitis and clogged ducts
4. I used plain old lanolin
5. Try to relax, deep breathing, stop with the negative thoughts. You're fighting for what is best for your baby. Every day you make it through is a day you've given him/her the best food possible. Two weeks is a great start in life!
5. Try different holds (football, laying down)
6. It's only been two days since the tongue clip, we had one too and it did help but it wasn't a magic bullet. She still had a weak latch and we had to keep working at it.
You just had a baby & a C section. You're taking care of a three year old while going through this. No one thinks of you as a failure except yourself. Everyone else is saying "Wow that's one strong woman".
Hang in there!
