We have a young Cousin who will be married in June! This is the first wedding in our family in a long time, so we are all excited.
She lives out of town, so ll of the Aunts and cousins in this area, asked her if she would like a shower, but would she be willing to travel. She was thrilled and said yes We are very excited.
So a group of the women in the family will be hostesses. We sent out the invites and included the different women invited were also welcome to bring their daughters.
Well we have one cousin who does not go ANYWHERE with without all of her children (5).3 boys 2 girls ages, 8 to 19. This is fine, we all agreed this was fine. Her kids are extremely well behaved.
This cousin called her mother (My Aunt)to ask what was going to be served. When she found out we were going to be serving Sangria, she said she did not want her children to be around "liqueur". My Aunt has heard this before, so she said, "well this is not just my party, we are doing this with a group of other relatives". Our cousin said "well just tell them I do not want my kids to be around it so please honor that."
We are going to be serving Iced Tea (herbal). Lemonade and Coffee, along with the Sangria. So, I suggested we have the Sangria in the kitchen and use Opaque cups so the kids "do not see it." My cousin is not pleased. Mind you they are also going to the Wedding and there is going to be an Open Bar. But my cousin has not said a thing about that.
Do you all think we should have to honor this cousins request?
.
Just finished speaking with my mom. She was glad to hear we were all on the same page. We are going to go ahead as planned and my Aunt will inform her daughter that Sangria will be served. It will be up to our cousin to decide i they will attend or not.
This Bridal Shower will be very tame. My 90 year old grandmother will be there and my Aunts are lots of fun, but by no means wild.
This cousin home schools her kids and they all live on a giant piece of land and are all really close. They are very conservative and have very conservative views.
Her children are all very bright and well behaved, but they do live a very simple and sheltered life.
Which of course we all remember this cousin, who was never wild, but did enjoy dancing and drinking a bit back in the day.
I guess she just wants them to stay young and protected. And yes her eldest is 19, I cannot wait to hear what he is going to do about College. Should be very interesting and eye opening for him.
Thank you all for your time responding.
Momma has to cut the apron strings NOW!! She doesn't need a sitter she has a 19 yr old who can watch the kids while she goes to the shower. I don't even want to think about the psychological damage she has done to those kids by not allowing them to have their own life as she needs to have her own life. What a mess.
No, it's her choice to bring her kids when it's not a children's event. Bridal showers aren't intended for kids and you all are going above and beyond in allowing them.
If she doesn't want them around adult beverages, she shouldn't bring them to adult events.
If she doesn't like what people are drinking, just wait until the bride-to-be starts opening up gifts of lingerie.
Nope, she can either not go to the bridal shower or have her 19-year-old baby-sit. Or she can calm down and realize that there is nothing wrong with them being around the alcohol--it's a bridal shower, not a frat party! But I think it's weird that she would bring them to a bridal shower; if I was invited to a bridal shower, I would not bring my kids because they would be bored. And if I did bring them, I definitely wouldn't make the host or hostess stop serving alcohol because I'm afraid of having my kids around it (I wouldn't be afraid of it, though, because I think that's just shielding kids way too much). It's not my party and not my place to tell others how to host theirs. So tell her that this is how it will be, and if she doesn't want to come then that is her choice.
I think she is being incredibly rude. If it's THAT big of a deal to her, she can find a sitter or stay home. This party is not for her, and it's not about her. She needs to figure out that the world doesn't revolve around her and her issues, and back off. I would most definitely NOT honor her request, and I honestly wouldn't go through any pains to accomodate her, other than providing an alternate beverage for the kids to drink.
Absolutely not.
She is being extended a favor in the first place (bringing ALL her kids). IMHO it is in extremely poor taste for her to attempt to dictate what is served. If she does not want her children to be around alcohol perhaps she should not bring her children to an adult party.
I would not "confront" her per se, but I would not back down either.
Sheesh. Some people have alot of nerve. JMO.
No, her request is selfish and ridicuous.
I am going to assume that this cousin made the assumption that an invitation to the shower was automatically also an invite for her five children, since you write she is never without kids. It is already inconsiderate enough that this cousin thought that it would be alright for her children to attend this function without asking first. She's already got her first pass on that one, not to mention your offer to hide the drink, so she does not deserve yet another.
She should recognize that, family or not, this is not her own party. If she does not feel comfortable, she should keep her mouth shut and simply not attend. The last thing any bride-to-be needs is family drama.
Your cousin is a guest at this party... it's not her place to make requests about what is served and what isn't. If she chooses not to have her children around alcohol, then she can leave them home.
Your cousin is rude to bring her entourage of kids to the shower, and should be delighted her family is so accomodating! Sounds like she gets her way enough. It's a bridal shower not a kiddie fest! Serve what you want and if she can't handle it, let her and her kiddos stay home. I guess they've never eaten out much or been to any concerts, festivals, hotels, etc. where booze is served. Hope she never plans on the kids leaving home! Are they even able to shop at regular beer and wine-laden grocery stores? Sorry, but the sheer gall of her request would incense me!
She has been informed of the menu ahead of time. It is her choice whether she wants her children to go or not. She should not get to dictate anything on the menu. Unless she is the guest of honor, then she really shouldn't have a say in this.
No. She is within her right to graciously decline-go forward with your plan to have fun and drink responsibly!
NO - IT IS NOT THEIR DAY!
Tell your cousin and her mother you understand how they feel and understand if they will not be ABLE to attend. It is so wrong for anyone to think the world should be revolving around them or their children or their specific beliefs. Better for all concerned if they remain in their imaginary world.
In addition, children have no place at a bridal shower.
Blessings..
No you do not have to honor it. If she has a 19 year old then that one can babysit for a couple of hours. Good grief!
Sorry, but it sounds like this diva has been spoiled for way to long and been catered to too much. She can call the shots (no pun intended) if and when she hosts the entire thing at her place and on her dime. Her sense of entitlement just irks me. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I would just ignore this "request" and have the shower as you all see fit and she can come or not. She is not going to keep her kids from "liqueur" forever, and it's not like she's taking them into a seedy bar or anything.
Nope. If she doesn't want them around it, then she should leave 'em at home. Period.
I've got a few relatives who expect group events to be geared toward them but we mostly just ignore them :o) Besides, a bridal shower is more of an 'adult' event, IMO. When I'm invited to one, *even* if my children are welcome, I leave them at home and have a nice, relaxing time....with "liqueur" hahaha
People that are like this crack me up & pi$$ me off :) To answer your question: no. Ask her if she would like to host the shower instead? If she says no, just tell her you hope she will be there, but it will be her choice whether to join in on the celebration or not. I wouldn't put the sangria in the kitchen either!!! This ain't her party!
About the open bar - she probably feels she has some control over the people throwing the shower, but realizes she has none concerning wedding.
Does your cousin allow her children to be around cough syrup? I understand that it contains alcohol.
I do NOT think you need to honor this cousin's request. She doesn't need to bring her children, nor does she need to attend herself if she is going to be offended by something so innocuous as Sangria.
Can we say drama queen??? Tell your cousin that the sangria is going to be served, and if she doens't like it she and her entourage of kids can all stay home (say it much nicer, of course)!
Also, it is completely ridiculous that she insists all her kids come. She is the epitomy of high maintenance.
Wow. Your cousin is a piece of work. People who think the entire world revolves around themselves and their drama truly astound me. Just...wow.
Um...no.
She can choose to come to the shower or not, and she can choose to bring her children with her or not.
Personally, I don't buy into the "we have to do this because XYZ always does ABC" type of logic.
No. Your cousin can get a babysitter. If this was her bridal shower, I would expect to honor it, but it's not and she's not organizing it. Let her know you plan on being discreet, and leave it at that. Let her make her own decisions.
A bridal shower is not typically a kid-centered event, anyway.
Does your cousin go to restaurants? Many serve alcohol these days. And, egads, the grocery store sells it too! Perhaps she needs a gentle reminder that alcohol is available in our society, yes, even at family parties, and it is up to her to teach her children the dangers of underage drinking, etc. Serve the sangria, have a fantastic shower, and don't give it a second thought!
Your cousin cannot expect the world to bow to her rules...and now is the time for her to figure that out!!! She should not be bringing the children to a bridal shower in the first place...so to think that she can start issuing edicts about what she will "allow her children to be around " is ridiculous!!
I can see her being upset if there was going to be a male stripper brought in or something...but then of course the question would be WHY she was bringing her children to an adult function!!! Same question applies to this...she is NOT the principal person at this shower and she isn't running the show.
Your cousin is absolutely out of line. First, she is being afforded a curtesy by you all allowing her children to come. To insist that there be no beer or wine is just nuts. If she doesn't want to come, she doesn't have to come.
I think that your aunt's response was fine. I think that if your cousin pushes the point, you can say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way. You make whatever choice you think is best for your family. The wine will be served."
No. She is trying (consciously or not) to control the situation. Tell her sorry, majority rules on this one.
I'm confused. Does she think you will serve it to her children? No I would not honor her request.
I second the drama queen statement. It is not her party. You invited her and told her the menu. If she does not want to participate, that is on HER! She needs to deal with it or back out!
I don't see why you should. Since when does one person get to dictate what is served at a party that they are attending just because she wants to bring her children? I seriously doubt anyone there would let the kids drink it, and I don't think it sounds like the kind of part where anyone is going to get smashed, so I don't see the problem, really. Either she come and deal with it or she can leave the kids home. HTH
No, you don't have to honor this request. I would only make an exception if there is someone in the family who has an alcohol problem (either the cousin or any other relative who might overindulge and act inappropriately).
Stay your ground and serve what you are planning ~ children really don't belong at a shower anyways.. Good Luck and enjoy!!
I agree with the other posters, her request is out of line and a little odd. Stick with your menu!
No. I think you guys are being very nice already to let her bring her kids along, specially the little ones, for me a bridal shower is no place for kids, at least the ones I have go.
There is not alcohol at my house because neither my husband or I drink, but if we are to go to a family house that has alcohol we don't demand them to put it away. It doesn't matter if my 13 year old sees it, she knows she is not allowed.
If the problem was that one member of my family gets too drunk then I would keep my eyes on my kids and in that family but that is about it.
Well, if that is not pleasing to her, then she can just stay at home. I do not drink nor do I believe in drinking, but I do not go to other peoples' houses and tell them what to do and what not to do.
What a perfect opportunity for these sheltered children to see what
they will someday see in the real world, as they will still be attended by
their mother at the party. I don't think you can hide from this sort of thing in the real world. Why not educate in a controlled environment. Teach them not to partake and not to judge; certainly not to dictate someone's
party plans. Or she can model how not to attend a function when it is not
in alignment with your beliefs.
I agree with all the posts that I took the time to read. If she can't make it
a life lesson how to have fun without following the crowd (drinkers), she
needs to keep them home or go by herself.
Who made your cousin the Queen of Everything?
This is not her wedding.
This is not her party.
Children have no place at a shower anyway, usually.
Let her know (nicely) that this party includes Sangria, (and I wouldn't hide it in the kitchen with opaque cups either!) and that you will certainly understand if the children can't come because of it.
Have a wonderful time and enjoy the party and the wedding.
No way! This is not about her OR her kids. Most bridal showers don't have kids anyway. Are there going to be other kids? If not, let her know that and tell her you understand her request but you cannot accomodate everyone's request. You had a solution of having it in the kitchen with opaque cups- I think that you are compromising and she is not! Besides, what is she going to do, request that there will be no alcohol at the wedding? She should get a sitter if she doesn't want alcohol at either. Just my opinion. I hope you stand your ground...
No, you do not have to honor this. Very nice of you to put thought into it ; )
but your cousin has a choice to make.
It is wonderful that her children are well behaved but in my opinion,
not so wonderful that they go EVERYWHERE with her!
I think kids need to learn how to be at social functions with all kinds of people and have to learn coping skills in many different situations, around people they know and new faces.
Yes, college will be an interesting experience for them.
I am totally late, but really she should not expect the party to be tailored to her, but rather to the bride and then she should decide to go or not. Common courtesy I think. I would never ask anyone to change plans for my kids for any reason, just wouldn't go or take them if it was not kid friendly. Have fun!!
No! It's your party and you can do what you want to. This guest has already stretched the limits by bringing kids, which is not really appropriate, and then she wants to dictate what you serve. No way! (I am a 65 year old grandmother who has hosted many bridal and baby showers. Each one had different menus, but none was decided by the guests!)
As your Aunt has said, the party is for everyone. Your cousin is not doing her children any favors by shielding them from alcohol, but that is just my opinion.You can tell her that this is what is going to be served. You are sorry she doesn't approve, but she is more than welcome to send a present and her love with a family member.
I'm late in responding here: but sure, your Aunt will inform her.
Brave soul. Good for her.
And you all, came up with a good compromise.
It is not 'her' Bridal Shower after all, 'she' cannot dictate the party.
She cannot dictate... anything in this world.... that is not in her home.
This is the world. There are many different tastes/cultures/traditions.
Sangria, is a cultural thing as well.
A kid via their parents, simply learns what life is or is not.
And how to do what is appropriate or not.
She home schools her kids... well, she seems to shelter them.
Some Home schooled kids are very very very... aware of the world and its MANY traditions/cultures/food offerings.
The thing is, a person will be around many things in life. Learned or not.
And so, one has to learn 'discernment' and what is appropriate or not in their family and once they are (19) years old, like her 'child' is, they can make decisions for themselves.
Right?
She can't control their every movement in life.
Well at least her kids are well behaved.
I wonder what her 'adult' kid, thinks?
I guess, this Cousin... tries to control everything that they/her kids attend? It must be a real pain in the rear, for others.
What about all those b-day parties her kids must've attended since they began to have friends?
She must get real stressed out... via her own preferences. Self-induced.
Just chipping in - at those ages, she does not NEED to bring the kids. She may WANT to, but she doesn't NEED to. And if she chooses to bring them, that's her choice, it does not give her the right to dictate what you serve at a party that you are hosting. A party where probably many other people may enjoy a glass of sangria. It's not as if the sangria is the only drink available. And it's sangria - it's not like you all are going to be doing tequila shots or anything.
Sorry, no offense to anyone, but people who try to shelter their kids from everything really get to me. It seems to be the more you try to forbid certain things, and make them seem "evil" and "wrong", the more alluring they may become - then when the kids do decide to try it, they won't know how to control or protect themselves. To each their own, I suppose, but I don't know what she thinks she has to shield them from. It's like the parents that won't allow their kids to read Harry Potter because they are "practicing witchcraft" - puh-leeeeze! They will be out in the real world eventually, you might as well prepare them for it as best you can. I would just go along with the shower with sangria available as planned, and still have the open bar at the wedding too. If she says something, maybe remind her that there was a time when she did some drinking, and it hasn't ruined her life yet!
Unless she is throwing the party, she does not get to dictate what is being served. It is her choice to come or not now that she knows what is on the menu.
Geez.
If the bridal shower was FOR her, sure... otw... she's been invited to a party and is trying to direct it. If you don't want your children around x, don't bring them to somewhere with x.
Non-Sangria Cousin doesn't get to have any say in whether or not there's sangria served, and she had some brass ones to demand that alcohol not be served at a party she is a GUEST at. She does have a say in whether or not she'll ATTEND the party or whether or not she'll attend with her children.
In any case, I'm happy to see that no one is backing down to her demands. Although I do wonder out of curiosity if there's a reason for her to feel this way. Is it due to issues with alcoholism? Or an unhealthy attitude that children should OMG!!1!!11! NEVVVARR EVARR be ECKPOZED to ALCKERHALL!!!!11!! Most teetotalers recognize the rights of others to imbibe responsibly but it sounds like she has some issues.
Wow--I'm glad you got your answer in time. I cannot believe the nerve of some. As everyone else has said, this is not her party. You extend the invitation and let her determine if she wants to attend or not. Period.
It's not her shower and she is not a hostess, so she needs to get over it. If she doens't want to attend due to "Sangaria" being served then she doesn't have to. Sorry to be so blunt. Does she never take her family to a resturant where alcohol is served? Or the grocery store? Her children will probably grow up wilder because of their sheltered lives... I've seen that happen numerous times... Just my opinion... Don't shoot the messanger, please!
Absolutely not. She should just leave them home. This is the real world.
This sounded so CRAZY to me I almost thought this was a troll post. LOL!
I think you should tell her that the menu is set. It is a family event/atmoshere but is more of an adult party. While kids are more than welcome, and no one will be "drunk", there is an alcoholic beverage being served as well. Explain that while you respect her stance on not having her kids around alcohol there is a difference between adults behaving responsibly and having a drink and "having kids around liquor". Tell her that you are all looking forward to seeing her and her family but should she feel strongly about this issue you will understand if she chooses to come without her children this time.
Also, is it a baby shower like your title says or a bridal shower as the details suggest? If it is a baby shower, I would think alcohol is inappropriate. Bridal showers tend to be less appropriate for boys than girls anyway.
NO!!!!!!! Tell her sorry, you will miss her but you are not changing the menu so as not to 'corrupt' her kids. I guarantee your party is going to be much more fun without this stick- in- the- mud anyhow!!
No,it sounds like it is mainly an adult party.She needs to leave her kids home with the 19 year old or her Husband for a couple of hours if she doesn't want them around it.I am not a drinker myself and don't take my children around it either.But I would not miss a family members wedding shower because it was being served.I don't imagine anyone would be getting drunk at the shower so I don't see what the problem is with your idea.The party is to honor the lady that's getting married and not about her!If she just can't go without her children then her children are old enough that she could explain some adults will be having a casual drink in celebration.And if she still can't get over it then she just doesn't attend.
I know you already have the decision, but I just now saw your post and was going to answer "Serve the Sangria." You are right - what on earth will her college-bound child think when he sees his friends drinking a beer and then offer him one? The mom sounds way too uptight. Like you said - open bar at the wedding - what will she do with that ??
absolutely not. she is perfectly within her rights to attend or not (or to leave her kids with someone else) but she is extremely rude to demand that everyone else conform to her desires.
khairete
S.
i realize I'm late in responding but this is just ridiculous!!
This is beyond being "sheltered" - does she expect them to live with her for the rest of their lives?! I can't imagine how W. they are going to get when they get out into the real world and get a taste of alcohol!! They'll probably get blotto-ed!! :)
At some point, the kids have to be exposed to alcohol...conservative or not - the kids need to be able to socialize, see what others do and react - how are they to be "integrated" into society - when they become of age? Oh wait!! The 19 is STILL at home?! HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!!!!
Sorry - not being a stinker - but really!!! I'm soooo glad that you have stood up for yourself and not get walked over by her!!! CONGRATS to your Cousin! May she have many happy years married!!
