Brownies - Why Aren't They Nice People to Everyone?

Updated on November 18, 2011
E.G. asks from Canton, GA
41 answers

I have been on the lookout for some means to engage my second-grade daughter (who, although is ADD, is as engaging and inquisitive and sweet-tempered a child as anyone). Last night, I took her to an introductory meeting of our subdivision's "Brownie" troop. My daughter was sooooo looking forward to the meeting, and earning her badges, and was just really thrilled just getting to hang out with other girls. The troop leader's daughter, however, is one of those children who is very into relational aggression, a la "Odd Girl Out" type of stuff. Last night, while my daughter was sitting at the table working on the tail-end of their project, this child whispered to another little girl, and then turned to my child and asked her what Girl Scouts is. My daughter, having never stepped foot into a Brownie or Girl Scout troop, tried to answered as best as she could. The troopleader's daughter's response? "That is SO not what Girl Scouts is!".

I mean, come on..... aren't Brownies and Girl Scouts supposed to be all about inclusion and teaching the girls to be KIND to each other? I was so hoping this might be an avenue for our daughter, but after last night, I wouldn't go back to this troop EVER.

Can anyone offer me some guidance on this?

Thank You.

E.

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So What Happened?

My husband took the liberty (since he was at this meeting last night as well) to speak with the troop leader about our concerns.

Her response was very much in denial and lacking in any intent to take control of her daughter or this situation. She mentioned our daughter's ADD issues and seemed to say that this was the reason why her daughter behaved the way she did. She made the comment "well, girls will be girls." At this comment, my husband said that we would look elsewhere for a group for our daughter to belong to.

We're gonna check out Indian Princesses at one of the area YMCAs. Hopefully this'll be a better fit.

E.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Ugh. Some people.

I guess Brownies and Girl Scouts are not the first group to spout inclusion and practice just the opposite.
I'm sorry.
People are dolts.

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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hate to say it, but that's what happens when a bunch of girls get together :-( Can't we all just get along like the Boy Scouts and do cool outdoors activities like them?

Keep looking for another troop.

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

It might just be a bit of "hazing" I would keep going for now. Chances are she will eventually be accepted when she is no longer new to the group.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

You would never go back because of one rude comment? from a child?
Of course Girl Scouts are about community, inclusion, working together and acceptance. But these are children, and they are learning.
I have been a scout leader for many years and ALL girls (including my own daughters) have made rude comments, been mean to each other, etc. at one point or another, even the "sweet" ones. That's why we spend SO much time focusing on the Girl Scout law, and learning how to work together, especially when the girls are still so young.
This can and will happen in any group setting. If you quit after only one meeting you are not even giving the leader a chance to address it, let alone giving your daughter the skills to handle people who are not always nice (an important skill in my opinion.)

14 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Yes, she should know better, but you know what? This is going to happen where ever you are even as an adult,. Church, playground, neighborhood, school, sometimes even with relatives..

The best thing you can do is to teach your daughter how to reply to these types of people..

Also your attitude about it will also teach your daughter how to feel and how to react. Just do not make it a big deal.

Teach your daughter to NOT be like that girl. To instead be welcoming. To accept all people and their differences.

Teach your daughter how to start conversations. How to use a smile.. Not to whisper in front of others. etc..

And that people that act like that girl are not happy about themselves and so they do not want others to be happy.

I taught our daughter that not all people are nice, but our goal is for us to be nice. Before we say something think about it and how it would make us feel.

I am sorry you had this experience, but do not let a 7 year old spoiled brat, ruin your experience. She may be a Queen Bee in her own mind, but does not mean people like her.

9 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

As a GS Troop Leader I would want to know. You don't have to give her specifics but I would talk to her or email her about it. A GOOD troop leader will take the opportunity to talk to the girls about GS, about "being a sister to every girl scout"...

We had a girl come to us because she was being picked on at school by other kids. So we took 20 minutes in a meeting and talked about friendship, how to treat other people, how caring, helping can make someone feel better, can make them happy.

This is learning opportunity for the troop, the leader, you and your daughter.
I try very hard to watch the behaviors of the girls in my troop, and it's not always easy, and I have caught them talking mean to eachother. I will then review the troop rules and ask if they remember those rules and did their behavior go along with that. I do NOT do talks to individuals in front of the whole troop, if I need to speak to one specific girl I will ask her to help me do something and we go for a walk in the hallway.

Don't give up after one meeting. You don't know anything about the leader, her daughter or the other moms after one meeting.

Talk to your daughter about GS, at this age the girls really don't know the all around meaning of GS. The purpose of the meetings is to teach them what the meaning is...Courage, Confidence and Character...please don't say all of "them" are mean. Some of us try very hard to make there meetings safe and fun for all...but sometimes girls can just be mean, and I'm trying to negate that with kindness!

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Your question is worded incorrectly you concuded THEY on the actons of one kid. I could make the same statement about any group based on the actions of one person by substituting the word Brownies. "Red Heads - Why aren't they nice people to everyone?" I'm sure there is a red head out there who's not nice but I'm not going to say all lump all red heads together. Adults can't catch every digression from what the group should be and how they should be acting. If someone did join who could model good behavior and help the girls when they don't live up to it it would go much further than sitting at home grumbling about all of them based on the actions of one person.

I'd encourage you to let the leader know what happened, you don't need to let her know which girl said this, just that it made your daughter not feel welcome and ask if you can help change that situation.

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⊱.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi E.,
I'm sorry that happened. Poor dear, she was probably embarrassed by that girl's 'baiting' question. You know what, though? Our daughter just started in a Daisy troop a couple of weeks ago. Honestly, she wasn't really aware of what scouts is all about, either. Heck, having never been involved myself, I wasn't, either. After a few meetings now, she knows more, but will continue to learn. That is what scouting is.

So I say you DO take your daughter back and encourage her to get involved. And like Laurie A. commented, little situations such as these continue over our lifetimes. Some people are always going to think that they know more than you. Teaching your daughter the tools to handle them -- even a little self-deprecating humor -- will go a very long way in helping her make her way in life. Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from New York on

Sometimes 7 yr old girls are not perfect. Please don't teach your daughter to run away offended when people around her are less than perfectly sweet.((especially children still learning) Please teach your daughter what to say when girls at school say something mean to her-it WILL happen because these are Very young children who haven't always learned how to talk politely. I teach my students by having them role play. If I say "I dont like your sweater/or your picture" They have to respond in a normal tone of voice (not mean and not a whisper) "Well that's OK I really like it" If she learns to back away from a comment like "that is not what Girl Scouts Is" she may end up being picked on and bullied.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I wouldn't blame girl scouts for this, for one. Girl scout leaders are as different as any mom you come across... because that is what girl scout leaders are. Same for the girls in them. So, a Girl Scouts in general thing never applies. WHENVER anything like this happens, the girl scout leader needs to be informed immediately. Your daughter or not, her daughter or not, doesn't matter, shouldn't matter. She's EVERYONE'S leader... just like a teacher is everyone's teacher.

Kids misbehave. I wouldn't say no to the troop just yet- although, if you do, there ARE other troops out there... You should talk to the leader, get involved. I hope you all had a parent's meeting prior to the initial meeting (it isn't mandatory, but BOY, is it helpful!). My advice is, get to know the parents. Once you know where THEY stand, you should be more comfortable (or not) with the troop. You are available during the meeting, so offer to help if you can. If you wanna switch (it may be too late to do so however... I've got two girl scouts, i'm a big helper to one troop and the cookie mom to the other), try it, but that doesn't guarantee there won't be a rotten apple in the bunch.

BTW, we've got a girl in one of our troops that can be a stinker!!! I like her mom, she's awesome. It is JUST the girl. We gotta watch her! I've been with this troop for 4 years now- same kids- and yeah, that girl is still some trouble, but everyone knows it! LOL! We all love her (for one, we know everyone very well), but we all watch her, too. ANOTHER thing to know, a LOT of the troop leader's daughters get attitude cause they see their mom paying attention to all these other girls, and tend to make a fuss about it. Over the years, I've seen other troops say the same thing as well as I've noticed one of our troop leader's daughter be difficult JUST CAUSE, and it stinks, but that is what happens sometimes.

That girl's behavior was rude, but are we just supposed to avoid ALL rude comments and NOT teach the right way?!? No, we are to address the inappropriate behavior and watch it for the future, IMO

Just some things for you to consider. Good Luck

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

What you are describing is the bad manners of an individual child, not the organization at large. Sad but true, similar bad behavior is sometimes found in any group, including Sunday schools and churches.

Yes, ideally a brownie group would be inclusive. I feel sad about your daughter's experience. Please help her understand that the behavior she encountered is good information – that is not the group for her, but someplace else might be much better.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Unless this little brat is confronted or "told on", she will never change. I'd call the troop leader, and if it's her mother, oh well - she needs to know how her daughter made your child feel. I'd encourage you and your daughter to continue with this troop on the premise that you've told the troop leader that she needs to be watchful for this type of behavior. Unfortunately, your child is going to run into this situation in many different avenues throughout life. It's not just Brownies, and I promise you, they are not ALL like this. It's time your daughter learns now how to cope and handle these type of aggressors. You could make this into a positive learning experience for her and teach her how to handle bullying, because that what that little brat is when it all boils down. Good luck!

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I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

The reason we work so hard to teach our children to be nice is that it doesn't come naturally, especially to the spicier personalities. Be gracious, if this is going to cause you to "never" come back then may I suggest you never leave your house. I get it, its your daughter, it was a slight, and it made you protective. But really, in the relative would of unkindness, this is pretty small. Your daughter is going to experience way worse before its all said and done. Validate your daughters feelings and tell her to make different friends. Talk to the girl's mother if you think she needs correcting. But if you cannot find forgiveness for this minor infraction, may I suggest you daughter is going to learn unkindness from the most influential woman in her life- her mother.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Yikes, I'm sorry. In my experience, Brownies is just a social organization for girls. It's only going to be as nice as the girls in the group. Did the leader witness this snotty comment? I'm sorry but this kind of thing can happen any place, school, sports clubs, etc. How does your DD feel about it? I'd be just as mad as you, but why does your DD not get to do this activity because of one or two rude little girls? I think IF your DD wants to give it another go, have her go again and try to sit by or hang out near some different girls. If she tries it 3-4 times and is still doesn't feel welcomed or like she wants to be around that group, I'd would pull her out. But I'd at least want to give her a chance to see if she can have fun with the other girls in the group before quitting altogether.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

First off, this is NOT a Girl Scouts specific problem. It's an unfortunately all too common human being problem. This type of thing will happen at many times throughout your child's life. I think that you should use this as a lesson on how to teach your daughter to deal with difficult personalities, and I think you should not remove her from this troop yet, especially for a one time occurrence. If you have the time, volunteer to help so that can help teach what the troop leader may not be, and so you can see what's really going on. If the behavior continues & you really feel that your daughter is being treated, then speak to the leader and/or find another troop. Heck, start your own & you won't have to worry about what type of things are being taught to the girls.

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P.B.

answers from Austin on

You've gotten some good advice below. I'm sorry this happened :(

If it makes you feel better, my daughter joined a troop in 2nd grade; all the other girls had been together since, I guess, K (our school did not have one; we joined up with another group). The girls were so-so but not really overly inclusive. The moms/leaders were GREAT!

Around 4th grade or so, we all went bowling & the moms (ok, they were great but NOT attentive) did not really supervise. I had to. The girls were doing incredibly dangerous things with the bowling balls -- like holding them over other girls' heads. I freaked (inwardly) but got them to stop.

Fast forward to when we moved to another city. Daughter decided to be a mentor to a K group. Of course, they were going bowling. I emailed the troop leader with my concerns (because, no, I don't trust leaders' supervision. btw, I did my part as a leader for 3 years). My teen daughter came home & told me that the moms and leader were making FUN of and laughing about my concerns!

So, I feel your pain. Hope you can get this straightened out and/or find a more welcoming group of girls!

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I recommend the book Queen Bees and Wannabes

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I would not have your daughter quit over one incident. Talk to the leader about it privately and see what response you get. If there is a pattern with this child or this troop not being led in a way you are comfortable with then look for another one in your area. Yes, the organization teaches girls to be a "sister to every scout" but I argued with my actual sister plenty as a kid. It varies on how each leader handles it in her troop. When you talk to the leader try to get a sense of her style. When I was a girl in scouts we had several troops in town and there was a fair amount of variation. Leaders who tended to favor their daughters tended to have daughters who the other kids didn't like as much. My mom and her co-leader when to the other extreme and gave us more responsibilities than the other kids (jobs no one wanted, getting paired up with the kids who always got in trouble). The other kids didn't resent us but it was sometimes a pain

I was in scouting from 2nd grade until after college and my mom was the leader many of those years. In my mom's troop she set the expectation that everyone was expected to get along at scout meetings and events without the kind of stuff that is called relational aggression these days (teasing, secrets, put downs, ganging up on one kid, etc). She confronted it and would put a girl to the side for a while if a verbal correction didn't work. But once the expectation established it wasn't hard to keep it going. Even as a kid it was nice to have an organization that didn't tolerate that kind of behavior. I do remember one girl who was mean to me at school but not at scouts.
If your daughter is ADD then how is she at picking up social cues? If it doesn't come easy to her spend some time teaching her to handle difficult situations (role playing is great for this). My kids are younger but I try and ask them what could you do differently next time when things don't go well.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

It's unfortunate that you had this experience. Sounds like the troop leader's daughter needs to be schooled in what Girls Scouts is. The ending of the GS promise is "to be a sister to EVERY Girl Scout". My daughter is part of a large troop (19 girls). They have been together since Kindergarten and are now in 4th grade. Over the years, some of them have had to be reminded of the proper Girl Scout Code of Conduct. You will never find a perfect troop where every girl is nice, but if you have good leaders, they will watch out for and correct these kind of behaviors. Does her school have a troop? If not, or if she's home-schooled, contact the council to find another troop in your area. We have one girl who is home-schooled, but comes to my daughter's school for meetings. Good luck!

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K.L.

answers from Medford on

Maybe the troop leaders daughter hasnt been to very many meetings herself and will be a great canidate for learning to be kinder and nicer to others in the course of the season. I wouldnt write off a troop just because of 1 girls attitude. Her mother being the leader is probably going to her head and she thinks shes more special than she is. Give it a few more weeks and if it doesnt seem to work out then look around for others to join up with. In the meantime, I hope you havent bad mouthed this girl to your daughter. They may end up great friends someday.

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T.C.

answers from Spartanburg on

Find out the number of your local council. When my daughter started in GS, her troop was not a very good fit for her. She enjoyed it, but there was some animosity amongst the girls. My daughter was the "odd girl." She was not homeschooled or did not go to a private school. I called the local council, and discussed my concerns with them. We were able to locate a trrop that was better for her, and more convenient for us as well!!! Erin loves her new troop. She has earned badges and proudly displays them on her vest. She is very happy with this troop! Please don't give up on the scouts. One person's attitude should not be the deciding factor in your daughter's participation. Look around, you will find the right troop for her.
As others have stated, it is the parents responsibility to teach our children to be accepting of others and treat everyone with kindness. Children are exposed to a multitude of diversity in life. How they react to it is a good demonstration of what they are exposed to in their daily lives. This child is not displaying the proper GS attitude or teachings. I am sorry for your negative experience, and hope that you find the rigfht troop for your daughter.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

My oldest daughter has been in GS for 10 years (youngest 9 years). The GS program has many programs that teach friendship, diversity and accepting everyone.

Over the years we have had some great troop leaders and some bad leaders, and some inbetween. My first adult experience with GS was not a good one. I persisted and found the right leader and the right group for my daughter. She has really enjoyed her GS journey (she's in Houson at the national convension and leadership insitute right now), and has learned and grown so much through the GS programs. We've had our ups and downs throughout the years, but overall the good out weighs the bad.

No matter what you do (GS, sports, music) there will always be girls like the leader's daughter. It's just part of life.

Please don't give up yet, and try to find your daughter another troop.

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L.F.

answers from Atlanta on

I am a GS co-leader of 17 girls in a 5th grade troop. 12 of the girls have been together since kdg. We currently have 3 girls with challenges, i.e. Aspberger's, ADD and a reading lag of 4 years. With the parents permission, we have talked about differences since Day 1. We have acknowledge ways in which we are unique. Mary may not read very well but then Jane isn't so hot in math. Betty has a hard time finishing a project so her patrol votes on her to start the project. All challenges are out in the open and accepted. My families have thanked both leadership and the girls themselves for respecting each other's differences.

With this said, we still have issues. 11 yr old girls are trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in. While our troop may be a safe place bullying behavior still creeps in. This year the girl's have adopted a good behavior chart with very concrete rules and consequences for breaking the rules. It a continual learning process.

If you and your dtr are interested in scouting there are probably several Brownie troops in your community. Contact your GS council and inquire. I'm a firm believer in what GS offers. Please don't let one bad experience or one misguided leader sway your interest.

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A.H.

answers from Omaha on

I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. The other little girl acting the way she did didn't raise my eyebrows. There will always be a child-girl or boy-that will behave that way, simply because they are still learning how to act socially in an appropriate way. Really sorry to hear the troop leader/mom would behave this way, though. She should not be the one leading this group with that kind of example. I agree with others that have posted already which is I hope you keep looking for another group for your daughter to participate in. Many troops meet at local churches, schools and other facilities in the community. Also, if your daughter was bothered by this behavior use it as a teachable moment. Teach her to give grace to kids like this, but don't lower herself to that standard. Talk to her about her feelings. If it made her mad, sad, lonely, excluded and to remember never to treat anyone else that way. Sooner or later, she will find friends that share her core values of respect and it will make her a stronger, better person. That is truly what Girl Scouts or Brownies is supposed to promote.
HTH,
A.

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J.S.

answers from Tampa on

unfortunatly, there are mean girls and crappy parents everywhere you go. Simply teach your child to feel bad for a child like that who has to say mean things to other kids to feel good about herself, and who has a MOm who doesn't teach her right from wrong. YOU love your daughter enough to TEACH her. UGH! Why do some people even have kids??

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

This isn't about Brownies not being nice people. This is about one girl and her mother who you didn't have a good experience with. We have never, ever had a bad experience with Girl Scouts, and two of my daughters are scouts. My eldest has been in a troop for five years, my middle daughter for two. It's been a wonderful growth and learning opportunity for them both, especially my middle daughter with Autism and ADD. These girls have been their best friends, the ones they rely on the most and can trust the most. Given the chance it can be nothing but positive and skill building.

When I was in Girl Scouts, I was in a troop that my bully belonged in and her mother was the leader. I hated them both, but I didn't let it ruin my experience. I changed troops. I'm still a Girl Scout to this day. Don't let two people ruin this for you. They are not what Girl Scouts are about. You're being far too quick to judge.

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S.N.

answers from Chicago on

That is terrible! It is especially horrible because it's the troop leader's own daughter. It's unfortunate that your daughter will kind of be stuck with this troop because you have to be in your own school and grade's specific troop.
I hope that your daughter gives it some time if you think it won't be too traumatizing for her. Hopefully the "mean girl" doesn't set the tone for the whole group.
One suggestion: look into something called "Indian Princesses". It's a group of girls that do activities with their dads, and it's similar to Girl Scouts. I know it's here in Illinois, not sure about other states. It used to be run through the YMCA, now it's independent of the YMCA, but it's been around for like 50 years and apparently is really fun.
Good luck!

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Well, did the troop leader hear her daughter? It's unfortunate that she's not very nice, but I wouldn't write the whole thing off. What is that teaching your daughter? The minute one person is pissy -you just give up on something you want to do and drop it. No, she should go back and do what she wants within Brownies. Tell her how to reply to kids like that: "Well, since you're an expert, why don't you explain it to me?" "Why are you so mean? Don't you have any friends?" If the girl keeps it up, I would speak to her mother. There are plenty of places that are supposed to be nice and inclusive but are populated with cliques or some really rude people -churches, Girl Scouts, civic clubs, etc.

I just read your SWH. So, if some kid at Indian Princesses is rude, are you going to keep her out of that too? She needs to learn to stand up for herself!

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K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I remember having issues just like that when I was in Brownies so many years ago (30+!). My mom even tried her hand at being the troop leader to make it enjoyable but there just were some girls (and their moms) that were just bad apples and it didn't matter what anyone did. After a stint as leader my mom stopped and so did I. It just wasn't worth it.
I would see if you can find a better group to join as you mentioned. Hopefully not every troop is the same.

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R.N.

answers from Houston on

All 3 of my girls have been involved in Scouts at one time or another (the younger 2 are both in troops currently). I have to say that they have all experienced this to one degree or another at some point. But, it also happens at school, at birthday parties, on the playground...you get the idea. Girl Scouts are not immune to 'mean girl' behavior. What I believe it offers are learning opportunities. We talk about why the behavior was wrong, and I am able to turn these situations around and when one of my girls seems to have 'joined up' with a 'mean girl,' remind her of what it feels like to be treated this way. My oldest (almost 15) constantly amazes me with her ability to 'march to her own beat' and not cave to peer pressure. She will not mistreat someone simply because they are not 'one of the pack.' Sometimes she is punished for it but she somehow DOESN'T CARE. She cares more about doing the right thing. I don't know that she would be as aware if she hadn't personally experienced the opposite. Last night at my 7-year-old's Daisy meeting they were handed a bunch of flower lollipops and told to hand them out to their friends who do nice things for others. So now they are all on the lookout for other children being kind, which I think will encourage them to be kind themselves. So even though the girls do sometimes slip up and behave badly towards one another, the overall message they are receiving through the Scouts is a positive one. It sounds like this particular troop leader might not be a good fit for your family (I can't believe she brought up your daughter's ADD!), but I hope you will continue to look for a troop that works--even if it isn't always perfect! I hear good things about Indian Princesses. Good luck!

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S.E.

answers from Philadelphia on

I know you already gave your What happened so I hope you still come back to this. We had the same problem with Brownies. Initially I wanted to just yank my daughter. But I talked at length to her about it and she wanted to go back. I hesitated and for months every meeting ended up in us having long discussions about what was appropriate and what wasn't, whose behavior was "good" and who was not being very nice. It was hard, very hard. For me.

It took me a little while to realize that it was harder on me than it was on her and that she was making good friends and the discussions with me were Waaaay worth the price. My daughter is not the most osically adept child and probably never will be. Had we not had those lessons early on fourth grade (when the girl on girl bullying gets brutal) would have been a horror show. Additionally, we eventually had a coup in the troop. I was not alone in thinking things were off and after that first year when half of the troop was thinking about leaving we got an awesome mom who went to district council with very specific concerns and had the leader overthrown. The next two years were good.

Nothing that happens in scouts will be worse than what will happen in school. The difference is that in scouts the groups are smaller, you get to be there and since its aim is for girls to be empowered there really is a structure to help you make the problem better. (When the girls get catty I would simply ask them gently: Are you living by the girl scout law?)

Good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Denver on

I was in Brownies and Girl Scouts and most of the girls in my troop were snobs. I was friends with one or two other girls, we were the "misfits" for sure. The other girls would always tease us and whisper about us when there weren't adults within earshot.

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J.A.

answers from San Francisco on

That sucks! I don't know if I would let one comment ruin your chance of joining brownies though? I have heard that Indian princesses is great too though!

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Y.W.

answers from Athens on

As a mom with a disabled daughter, I know what you two are going through. I wish I could give your daughter a big hug! I think you answered your own question. Do take her back to that troop. Find her another troop.

Good luck.

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C.D.

answers from Atlanta on

Good for you! They don't deserve having a sweet girl like yours. It makes me very sad to hear this kind of thing. So many children today are so jaded and they haven't even reached purberty yet let alone adulthood. I really believe that we should all keep the light burning in our children so they can carry it into their adulthood. She'll find friends else where if she hasn't already. Blessings to you both.

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M.B.

answers from Athens on

I'm not sure you are ready for my answer... but first little girls are humans and no different than many adults. We all have feelings and emotions that can be stepped on, this sounds like a perfect teachable moment situation. I think you are wrong in not going back, you can use this opportunity to help your child grow and see the importance of being kind to one another. You don't want to teach her to run every time something is said or done wrong toward her. Help her research what a girl scout is, and explain next time she is asked she will be more prepared. Also, ask her how it made her feel to be asked as she was, and share that the other girl wasn't being too thoughtful of her feelings, and we wouldn't want to make someone else feel bad by treating them in that way, in order to be a better person. We can't answer for someone else's actions, but we can answer only for ourselves. Explain that it wasn't fair for the girl to ask her that question, when it was her first time, but that is what she is there to learn.
Also, maybe you should share your concern with the leader what happened and it would give her a heads up in a way to encourage being kind to one another, the golden rule should always be used, but we as adults know that isn't always the case.
Good luck and best wishes. My daughter was a girl scout and learned a lot about freindships during that time. Don't let one persons actions keep your daughter from this life experience that could grow into a wonderful educational experience.

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

If we don't teach our children good manners and compassion, and how to be friendly and kind to all, not a select few, and not mean or rude to anyone, then they act like the troop leader's daughter. This young girl's behavior is a reflection of what her mother hasn't taught her, how sad.

And the troop leader's guidance of the young girls in her troop will be lacking necessary skill-teaching, too. I remember my Scout leader, Mrs. Price, who I had from Brownies until I was in the 6th grade, and she always taught us how to treat people with kindness and respect.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

in my experiance , the troop leader's daughter from my daughter's brownie troop last year was like that too.
You can request a troop move.
Just tell the person in charge of putting girls in troops , can't remember the title, that your daughter is having difficulties with the troop leader's daughter.

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C.L.

answers from Sacramento on

First I want to let you know that I am outraged right along side you.
But after thinking about things (and reading others responses) here are my suggestions.

This is an excellent learning opportunity for you to share with your daughter. Others have said it better than me, so I'll leave it at that.
Ask your daughter what she wants to do. You actually have several options:
1) She can be "big" about it, and go back. She can't expect the other girls will change, but she can change how she responds to them.
2) She can find another Girl Scout troop to be in, or be an Independant Girl Scout.
2) She can try a different activity (such as sports, Indian Princesses, Campfire Girls, etc...)

If she enjoyed most of the meeting (and just that one incident made her feel bad) and she wants to go back, let her go back. But be involved in the meetings and with the troop.
I'm not too thrilled with the leaders response to you, but if your daughter is going to go back to that same troop, you probably don't want to ruffle feathers.
However, if your daughter does not want to go back to that troop (whether she wants another troop or something else) I highly recommend that you contact the Council or Service Unit Manager (unless it's that mom, obviously). The Leader was not herself demonstrating what Girl Scouts is about, and might need to be guided or retrained on how to handle girls with learning differences or disabilities.

From the Girl Scout organizations website, you can drill down to the council for your area, and possibly even the Service Unit Manager. On the main GSUSA website you can also find out information about Indenpendent Girl Scouting (for girls who don't have troops near them) where they can earn badges and still participate in Council and National activities.

I was a Girl Scout from Brownies through Seniors (back before Daisies even existed), and believe in what the origanization has to offer girls (though I do agree that more Boy Scouting types of events would be nice too). I'm sorry that you have had this bad experience and hope that you'll give the organization another chance.

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T.M.

answers from Atlanta on

I'd look into American Heritage Girls. They offer it at the church that my son attends Cub Scouts at. It's a Christian based version of Girl Scouts. www.ahgonline.org

Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

Try and see if you have a roots and shoots group.

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