Burned Out on Being Mom

take a break! everyone needs a break, yes, even sahm's. send the kiddos off with grandma or even dad. find something fun to do. i woudl suggest at least 3-4 days :) feel better mama. you're not a terrible person.

I was a SAHM for many years. It was very lonely and sad. I loved that i got to be there for my children. It did take a toll on me though. I am sending you ((big hugs))

ps. spring and summer will be better. have some picnic lunches and enjoy the sun. it really does help.

This is the reason I went back to work. Hang in there, we have all felt this way at one time or another!

You need time to yourself.
Your HUSBAND... needs to babysit. Regularly, so you can have a life and get out and go out and do things without the kids in tow.

No Mom, can stay sane while taking care of kids/the house/the Husband 24 hours a day 7 days a week, without a break.

Don't feel bad.
Many Moms go through this.

AND Husband NEEDS to, help with the house too.
He lives there.
It is his kids.
It is his house, too.
He is a grown up.
It doesn't matter that you are a SAHM and he may work.
HE is a part of the family.
Therefore, he is not exempt, from its responsibilities. DAILY. And taking care of the kids. TOO.

And if your Husband will not help or realize this.... then tell him to hire... a maid or nanny, to help you.

Because, you are human. Not Super Woman.
And, a burnt out Mom... is no good to anyone.

Personally, (my kids are now 5 and 9)... but when "I" need time to just deflate, I TELL them. I TELL my kids "Mommy is tired/stressed.... so I am going in the other room.... please try and give Mommy time." And they understand. They do it.

ALSO, I am not afraid... to tell my kids, "No"... when they are calling me every 3 seconds for something. If it is a non emergency, I tell them "No... Mommy is busy, you can do it by yourself...."
Kids, also need to realize, that.

I dont think you should feel guilty! I know bits of motherhood are fun...but whoever...or however it happened that for some reason we think that we are always supposed to have everything under control and be happy, have fun, make fun, and feel guilty because we cant do it all or maybe we just raised our voice because we felt stressed that our kids are behaving like little monsters...is insane! You shoudnt have to feel guilty! I gave up feeling guilty about my feelings a long time ago because I realized the only reason I felt guilty is because my expectations or what I thought being a SAHM was supposed to be was wrong. Its not always fun...and sometimes it really sucks doing everything on your own with little to no appreciation. Im a SAHM to a 4 year old and a 2 year old who both have Cystic Fibrosis. CF includes lots of meds and daily care...do you know what my husband tells me when I tell him Im overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done or everything that I need to remember...he says "well thats just a part of life". Thanks Jerk! So you know what I think...if I have days that Im not excited about being a mom...Im gonna give myself that permission to not be excited about being a mom and you should do the same! Today the kids are having snacks in front of the TV and sitting on the floor with a paper towel and Im sitting on the couch....WHY... because I never do that and Im taking some time to just sit! Good Luck to you! I really hope that you just accept your feelings because pushing them away or denying them is worse! And lower your expectations! :)

And as for Gamma G's answer...sounds like she had kids so the school system could raise them! I will never understand why people who dont even understand what someone else is going through answers a question. You dont get it....so dont answer it! Simple as that!

How can you be more excited about being a mom again? TAKE THAT VACATION. even if it's only for a night out or a complete 24 hours away from the house or whatever.

Get some YOU time.

Is your house unsanitary or dirty? (not just messy but DIRTY) If the answer to that is NO it's just cluttered a bit and a bit messy then don't stress it. Get done what you can each day and don't worry about the rest. It'll wait.

Your older one needs to learn to play on her own sometimes also. It's ok to play together but she also needs to learn to entertain herself.

And last but not least ... if you'd be a happier mommy with a job then by all means GO BACK TO WORK. Staying at home doesn't fit every person's personality. And anyone who tells you it does is LYING.

You can also have happy healthy intelligent bright and well rounded children if you work outside the home if that's what makes you a happy person. Anyone who tells you different is LYING.

Take that vacation ... or a mini-vacation from the "mom" thing first though. You may find yourself rejuvenated and ready to take on the sahm thing again :)

Good luck :) It'll be all right in the end ... if it's not all right .... it's not the end.

You've gotten tons of feedback here, but I wanted to chime in only b/c the term "burned out" resonated with me. I have used this exact phrase (burned out on mothering) to some close loved ones to describe how I'm feeling lately.

And talk about guilty. I have only one child (she's 8 now). I think of moms with younger ones and more than one, and wonder how they do it. But the fact is, SAHM is the hardest job in the world. You just don't find out until you're in the middle of it.

Don't feel guilty about asking the question; you are smart to recognize the situation. Being a mother is demanding physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.

Every mama gets burned out now and then. And when you get tired and frustrated, every other plot of grass looks greener than yours! But a lot of that good-lookin' green is astroturf.

Here are just ideas for you to try. They may or may not work for you, but they have worked for other mamas.

I agree with your trying to establish a schedule. Don't make it such a tight one that you feel a slave to it, but some planning can help to give you a little direction. Keep in mind that some days the only thing you can accomplish is getting through the day - but on the other days it helps to have a plan!

You'll have many things to put on that plan, but you must make yourself a priority. That is actually practical, not selfish. If you don't do regular maintenance on your car, you'll find yourself walking (or paying big repair bills). If you don't take care of you, you can't do what you need and want to do. How you arrange that Mama time will depend on your circumstances, but you can figure it out.

You don't need a magazine-cover home; it needs to be (as the old saying goes) clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. When you go to the grocery store to shop for healthy food for your family, make sure you eat it, too. If you do a martyr thing and skip your own nutrition, you don't have the energy you really need.

Have you had a physical checkup lately? It would be good to do.

Can you connect with other moms in your area? You might google MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and see if there's a group near you.

Here are some other things to prioritize ahead of the cleaning, the shopping, and the laundry (important as those are) - and they can actually help you accomplish the rest of the jobs. Hugging your children takes priority. Kissing them takes priority. Never put a grocery list ahead of a good kiss. Looking at them and remembering how much you love them takes priority (and you know how that can be forgotten under the pile of dirty clothes). Sitting down and reading a book with them takes only about five minutes, so do it. Respecting and appreciating your husband is a priority. The dishes will wait while you spend time with him. In the morning, getting fully dressed and quickly fixing your face and hair take priority, because anything better than the default "dead and dug up" mode can actually give you a better outlook.

Talk to your husband about getting a sitter one evening every week (or every two weeks) and going out on a date together. Talk to him about getting a sitter for a half-day at least once a month so you can get a manicure or a cup of coffee or a book from the library or a chance to window-shop by yourself.

If you keep the TV on for the noise, and the noise gets distracting or depressing, turn it off. Put on music or something else. You may find that will help your outlook.

Spend some time outdoors when the weather allows it. Fresh air is a blessing to busy moms.

You have a whole cheering section of mothers and grandmothers who want you to succeed at home. We've all been through these times, and we know you can get through them, too.

You know, not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM. Can you go back to work? Have you discussed it with your husband? Maybe that would help you to love being a mom again. I know it is hard, I have worked part time the whole time I've had kids and I'm not sure if I could stay at home full time, sometimes it does get stressful. And don't feel guilty about it. It is a normal feeling for lots of people. You just have to try and figure out what works for you and your family. Good luck to you.

When you worked you probably had breaks and vacations and the like. As a mom you expect to do this work without a break or a vacation, which is why you are burned out. Get your break by any means necessary.

Call in your village to watch the kids while you soak in a tub or something. Get a hobby or learn something new. Your life isn't just about the kids and the house but what else? Rediscover you and you will learn a new appreciation for the life you have.

If you don't have an exercise routine get one. It really helps with mood and energy levels. Long story short. Don't be afraid to get someone else in there to clean the house, do the laundry, make the beds, play with the kids, fix the food, grocery shop, etc. What ever you don't want to do or don't like doing figure out how you can outsource that economically and then see what you will want to do with you free time.

Please don't consider your burnout to be a reflection on your kids or your love for them. Burnout happens whenever we do ANYTHING for a long period of time without taking time out to regroup and recharge. Nothing to be guilty about.

I would explore options for:
- Sending the kids to grandma's or another relatives for an overnight or weekend. Use the time to do what makes you happy. For me, it's scrubbing the heck out of things that never get clean when the kids are around, organizing closets, etc. (sad I know). But it could be bubblebaths, reading, watching Lifetime movies, date night with your husband, wandering around the park, food shopping ALONE!
- Making a set time each week where you can go somewhere alone. Maybe it's the gym, a Zumba class, the library, Starbucks, whatever. Just a set time you do not deviate from. It will be easier to stick to if it is something like a weekly yoga class you are paying for.
- If you can't get out, exercise dyring naptime. Get a video or an exercise ball. Get your body moving and it will help your mind. Perhaps even find a neighbor to watch the 4 year old, put the 1 year old in a stroller and walk. If you can afford it, try a double jogging stroller... they often have them on Craigslist.
- Plan a getaway -- either alone or with your husband. Even one night in a hotel in town will do wonders.

Good luck, mama!

oh, honey. you're exhausted and maybe somewhat depressed. i'm so sorry. you need a calgon WEEK!
first and foremost you really do need a break. you've got to figure out a way to get some just-you time, whether it's leaving the house for the whole day once a week, or even a couple of afternoons a week. there's some way to do it, between husband, friends, family, daycare. if all you do is sit in a coffee shop and veg, or borrow your best friend's spare bedroom and lock yourself in with a book, that's fine. just being alone will help recharge your batteries. and if you get recharged from other people, do that! go to gym, take a class, hang out with friends. but get away from your house and your kids, just briefly (but regularly!) and you'll feel better.
not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM. if you miss your career, think about going back to work. it's okay. and if you can segue into it part-time, even better!
take care of yourself, mama.
khairete
S.

make playdates so other kids occupy your kids and you can chat and have fun, go to childrens museums so they can explore, go to nature centers so they can see outdoors. I can;t stand being indoors with kids on top of M., maybe this is your problem too? I miss the day of being home with my daughter but I remember how much I felt burnt out in the first year before I started packing our days with the above, now I miss it so much!

You are definitely not alone as you see from all of the responses. I gave up a fantastic career to stay at home with my son when he was almost one. Although I have never regretted the decision, and it was the best for our family (also had an 11 y/o SS, a 14y/o SD, and a 15 y/o SS at home at the time and husband travels all the time), there were, and still are, occasionally, days where I felt the same way.

Staying at home with our little ones can be very isolating. You don't say if you have any mom friends with kids around the same ages as yours. If you do, call them up, get out of the house, and head to the parks, play gyms, recreation centers, etc. The kids will get some exercise and socializing, and so will you!

If you don't have any other mom friends, start searching them out in MOPS groups, at play gyms, preschool (when your eldest starts), or look for stay at home mom groups in your area on meetup.com. It might feel awkward meeting all new people at first, but it is so necessary to have our girlfriends and our support systems.

Do take some time for yourself, even if it is just a short time while the baby sleeps and your 4 y/o plays on her own (as others have said, it is really important for kids to learn to do this). Read a book or magazine, get going on a hobby you'd like to pursue, watch anything that is not on nick jr., sprout, or Disney : ) .... whatever you like....just do something that has meaning to you and energizes and refreshes you.

You might also want to see if there is an older middle school or younger high school girl in your neighborhood who could do some babysitting for short periods just to let you get out of the house by yourself from time to time.

Hugs to you, Mama Llama. Be gentle with yourself and nix the guilt. OK, easier said than done, but please know that we're all here for you and know what you're going through.

Let us know how you're doing.

J. F.

First remember we have all been there. And 1 and 4 are TOUGH ages. Mine are 2 & 4 and my husband and I are always tired, overwhelmed, sex deprived, and emotionally spent. :)

I'm a working mom so trust me the grass isn't always greener-but maybe you could try working p/t just to get out of the house some? My husband and I also recently initiated kid free nights weekly. We take turns and one night a week we each get it to ourselves. It isn't seamless and doesn't always happen every week, but boy am I a better mom when I've had a little break-even grocery shopping by myself helps!

Your house-I've decided to lean into it and accept that with two hairy dogs, two toddlers and two adults we are just going to live in a mess for the next few years. We have a cleaning service that comes every other week so at least someone is vaccuming. :)

Also-google: Claire Bidwell Smith she has the greatest blog and I just read her "underside of parenting' post which is exactly what we all feel at times, we just don't feel ok acknowledging it.

Go back to work if you miss your career. I need to be adult me in order to be mom me. If I didn't have my career I would be an addled mess. DH feels the same way - he has never considered giving up his career and adult self to take care of our son. We both work have careers and we both parent.

You are not alone! This is the price of being a mom. What you need is breaks! You need time away from the house and away from the children. You and hubby need to get away and you and some girlfriends need to get away as well. You need a night out or afternoon out now and then to revive yourself. You need a chance to miss your children! You also need some hobbies, preferably things that take you out of the house like scrapbooking, book clubs, pottery, jogging, whatever. Too many moms think they can't be good moms unless they're with their children 24/7 and doing everything for them. Not true! You have to take care of you and enlighten yourself or you will be no good to your children. Remember, your children are only with you for a short time but you have YOU for a lifetime! Why wait until you're 40 before you start taking care of yourself and having outside interests.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I've been a SAHM for almost 4 years now to my 3 year old and have a 5 month old too. I get like this too and get overwhelmed and tired and not excited about being a mom. I guess what worked for me was when I put my 3 year old in daycare for 2 days a week. It gave me the chance to get things done and take some time for myself. However, now that I have the 5 month old I won't be having that time for a while. I will have my husband take the kids for a few hours so that I can go with a friend to lunch and that helps too.

Does the 4 year old go to school? If not, you should start her up in a pre-school program. She needs to have her own thing going, independent of you. Then you can maybe get her some playdates and stuff too.
My other thought is to get a babysitter for a few hours at least once a week so you can go away on your own. Get a pedicure and read a girly magazine. Meet up with a friend.
Also, take the kids out and about and tire THEM out. Parks, malls indoor play areas, children's museum, zoo.

I know it may be hard to think of doing these things that cost extra $$$, when you may be on a budget from having only one income (or not, I don't know!) It's hard for me to spend $$$, esp on myself (pedicure, shopping) and we have two incomes. But really, your sanity is more important! YOu have to do what keeps you refreshed. Go ahead mommy, you have our permission :) Do something that will make you feel like you again.

Kids are 24 hours a day, its no wonder we get overwhelmed at times! I totally get that way as well, and only have one right now. I have found that its not too costly to share a babysitter with a neighbor 1/2 day per week, and get some time to just be a person. If I can go shopping with a friend or have some uninterrupted reading time it helps tremendously. Exercise goes a long way too. Can you take them strolling or pull them with a bicycle? Really refreshing. I also make my husband watch our son an a couple hours per week so I can go to dance class and class to learn a foreign language. What did you used to love before you became a mom? Try to remember and let your husband know you need a plan to get back to it. Men seem to respond best to really specific issues, so ask whether he can cover for you Tues or Thurs night for your hobby, rather than just telling him you are overwhelmed. And remember, a refreshed mom is a better mom!!

Most women today don't realize that the single-family household is a relatively new invention. Families used to include grandparents, sometimes adult siblings, under the same roof, and often available to give the mom some help with housework and interacting with kids. I grew up in a 2-family household until I was about 5, with my granny at home, and there were always multiple adults to manage the children. I was also expected to do some regular chores by then, and "big" jobs from time to time. I probably didn't do them very well, but it may still have given my mom some relief from doing all housework herself or needing to entertain me.

I'm sure you can agree that you never had any idea how constant the demands would be before you were a mom. It's more exhausting than any of us can really know until we've don'e it. I loved being alone with my daughter, but I'm the introspective, introverted type. Even so, I had days when I HAD to get us out into the world and the company of others. If you are more extroverted, the isolation would be more likely to get you down.

I've heard that playgroups and Mommy and Me groups can be quite helpful. Inviting other children your daughter's age could be worth the exertion. But make opportunities to connect with other adults, even if it's a group where you have to include your children. That probably sounds like a huge effort right now, but you'll be more energized for it. My best to you and your family!

You are not alone. We all go through this as stay at home moms, so don't feel one ounce of guilt. You need to make some time for just YOU - no hubby, no kids, no responsibility toward them. Take a weekend away with a girlfriend, or if that's out of the question, try taking a few hours each week where you leave the house and family in your husband's control and go see a movie or shopping. (not grocery shopping though) You need a break, and it's ok to say that.

I'm don't know what your career was, but are there any special organizations that you could still be involved in or meetings that you could attend to keep yourself in the loop? That might make you feel better too. It might make a transition back to work in a few years (or whenever) a lot easier.

Who cares about the messy house! It shows that it's LIVED IN, and not some museum, decorator house, or unrealistic page from a magazine. Who cares if the beds are made, all the clothes are washed and put away. You are doing the most important job by being there with and for your kids and husband.

We all go through this many times during our "job" as stay at home moms. It never is easy to feel this way, but it is completely normal. Find something for you to recharge yourself now. Don't wait!

Hello.
I only read a few, but I want to ensure you know you have every right to be YOU while being a SAHM. Get at least one night or day a week for you. You deserve to do things for you. I started a Mom's night out through my church since I needed something. They were interested and now I have a group that comes each month. We all need an outlet and that outlet will likely help you relax a bit. Recognize you deserve time for you and your kids will enjoy you more when you're recharged. Another way to get YOU time is to ask your husband to take the kids to dinner. Mine goes to McDonalds once a mo and it's great for them to bond and me to just hang in my house.
If anything, please know you are not alone in your feelings and a majority of us have felt what you've felt at some point.

Make a daily duties schedule and stick to it. Put yourself on the calendar for 1 hours of alone time. It takes a few weeks to get into th swing of things but it sure does help with the cleaning of the house. In fact if you do it right you will have open spots for things you want to do.

Trust me it does work. I stayed home with a newborn and a 4 year old for four years out of the country and was ready to pull my hair out. But after I made up the chart it was easier. We even went to the park in the afternoon after our naps (me included) and had fresh air and exercise. Dad would swing by the park and pick us all up and drive us home. Dinner was usually cooking while we were at the park in the oven (electric range - I sure do miss that range).

You have to make time for yourself and don't feel guilty about doing it. If you don't take care of you no one else will.

Here's to you and to a sane happy life.

The other S.

PS If you must go back to work as you may be like me and not be one to stay home 24/7, 365. It's all about quality and not quantity of the care we give. It also lets kids know that mom is a person other than just mom.

Hugs going out to you!

I've felt like that too, when my older two were young, but I was a working mom, single, but working mom. It was HARD. Talk to your husband, your mother, MIL, asked them to help out, let you have a day to yourself. You will probably feel guilty and miss them. Try not too, you just haven't been getting enough rest, "me time" so of course you are getting burnt out. Then one day, you look around, your kids are teenagers and some days you barely even see them, and you missed these years. I know it's hard to see now, but trust me, those days will come. I also had almost 10 years between #2 and #3. I learned to really appreciate these younger years with my youngest, plus I was older and more mature too.
Don't be hard on yourself. Little ones are demanding and take a lot out of you, they also give a lot too. When you start to feel frustrated, look at their little faces smiling, and smile with them. Now when they are crying and cranking, just tell yourself, there will be better times, count to 10, and breath.
Hugs going out to you!!!

I go through this too. I like staying at home for a certain amount of time. I am trying to get a job and get back into the work force after being out of it for a year. I don't clean every day because I know I will be home tomorrow and can finish it then.

I think the main thing is "we" have lost our "purpose", yes we have a great purpose in raising our children, but I know I want to be recognized for being something other than my daughter's mom. I ran into a woman from my church yesterday and she said "I hardly recognized you without your daughter". ARGH!

Try to find a part-time job for starters. That might help.

I took the plunge and went back to work. It made a world of difference for my family and MYSELF!

It is what I truly wanted though. If that is not the case for you...have hubs take a day off and you in turn take a day off and just go do something for yourself.

Even just an afternoon...you will feel refreshed and back in the swing of things.

I know I always look so forward to the kids going with grandmas, grandpas and dad for evening...the first 30 minutes its like dancing on the ceiling...then I get the "hmmm now what, are they coming home soon mode"....

I don't understand sometimes. I never had that problem. The kids have a bedroom with their toys in it. If they bring the toys in the other parts of the house their toys go in time out. Noisy toys better be in the bedroom too, not in the hallway.

I guess I taught the kids to go play. Even last night they were running wild and I told them if they came across the floor in front of the door they were going in time out. Kids need boundaries. If you don't teach them how are they expected to learn them.

I think you need to thing about some boundaries. The 4 yr. old is plenty old enough to understand that kids play in their rooms with their toys.

I would also suggest you plan on Pre-K this fall. A 4 yr. old should be in pre-K if it's offered now days. It's the kindergarten of just 5 years ago. Kids in 1st grade are doing things that 10 years ago were being taught in 2nd or 3rd grade.

New laws take effect on education reform in a few months and you can bet within a couple of years the kids not in school yet today will be expected to go into kindergarten with many more skills than they have now. Kindergarten will be like 2nd grade is now before too long and pre-K will be like old 1st grade.

In the most expensive (Exclusive) private school in this area they start the 3 yr. old pre-school kids on reading programs. They are often reading by the time they turn 4. They are reading for sure in pre-K and if they can't read by kindergarten they are thought to have learning disabilities.

Send your 4 yr. old to pre-K this fall or if she turns 5 later this spring or summer to kindergarten full day. It is a natural progression and you'll get a break.

I can honestly tell you that I am not a stay at home mom person. I am one to stay busy outside of the home and put the kids in child care. The house stays clean since no one is home all day running amok, the dishes stay clean, the work environment fills a need in me, I have something I enjoy outside of the home, I feel more fulfilled and useful.

Remind yourself that they are only little for such a short time that you are gonna blink and they are gonna be 10 years old! Hopefully that will help?

~Some women just aren't cut out to be SAHM's and there is nothing wrong with that...maybe ease back into the work force OR take a night class at the Community College to get your mind focused on something other than cleaning and taking care of the kids?

Don't feel guilty your not alone, I've been feeling this exact way recent as well. I have a 2 year old that's in the middle of potty training and a 8 month old that is teething, cries all the time and still wakes up 3-4 times a night. My husband is wonderful but I was getting in a rut of feeling like he was just a third person to take care of. I was feeling guilty for being burnt out that I was afraid to speak up to him and ask for help. I felt like if I admitted out loud that I couldn't do it all that I was failing but this is sooooo not true. You are amazing to be doing all you are and stronger then you think. Don't allow yourself to lose peices of yourself. I agree with S.H., talk to your husband, share the work load. Take a break and do something for yourself. Get a sitter and go on a date with your hubby. Sometimes I picture in my head how my little ones will be when they are teenagers and I hope that they'll still need me and want me as much involved as they do now. Your a great mom and getting burnt out at times is normal, by admitting it your already half way there to fixing it. Sometimes I just drop everything and dance around with my oldest and get into a tickle fight or I lay with my little one and just cuddle a little bit longer. There is always going to be cleaning to be done but special moments will be lost forever.

i have no advice - just realize you're definitely not alone. i have a kindergartener and a toddler, and there are days i just want to hibernate in bed. it's not because the kids are cranky or misbehaving ... the job is just so physical overall, it's not like sitting at a desk for a day job. there's always the feeling that you have to be "up" and cheerful and encouraging, even when it's the last thing you feel. between cleaning up, laundry, dishes and meals, it's totally exhausting. i feel for you. wishing you warm, sunny days and positive energy.
=)

Get the kids involved in what you need to get done, it makes a huge difference in how your house will look and you will feel better getting things done while still playing with the kids. I have a 2.5 year old daughter and a 3.5 year old son and while i am a working mom i am recently divorced so if something needs to get done guess who gets to do it. Recently i have had my kids helping me and they think of cleaning as a fun activity they get to do with me. My daughter helps me with moving clothes from the washer to the drying, unloading the silverware from the dishwasher so i can put it away putting it away(she just sets it on the counter), and will put folded clothes in to each persons basket. My son is a little more hands on he loves to mop the hardwood floors, help me make dinner, clean the table, and dust. They only thing i cant get them to help me with is cleaning the bathrooms, LOL even at this young age they know that is the worst job in the house.

I like being a SAHM and what I do is i send my little one to part time daycare at a church (she goes 1-2 days a week and I pick the days she goes no T,Th, or MWF). It is reasonable as far as money and it gives me time to do anything I want, like go to appts., grocery shop, clothes shop, run errands, do laundry or clean,have lunch with friends, or hubby, catch a movie outvolunteer at my sons school, or just plain SLEEP & watch TV or movies at home alone all day! on those days I feel so happy to see my family when they get home and I am more relaxed!
But I also miss work and am currently looking to go back to work since my one year old will be two, I'm just looking for something that will allow me time with my family also...a nice balance. Good luck in your journey to find peace as a mom! :-)

I raised 3 boys on my own and when I was expecting the last one I found my ex was having an affair (we were separated then). What kept me going was watching the channel that shows where children in Africa are dying....malnourished to the point where their bones could be seen so clearly and flies crawling over them. I realized that my children would never go through that and after I had my last son I went to work, found a live-in housekeeper, got a divorce and started dating younger me (it helps boost your ego)...but never had any man come to my home to pick me up. I didn't want to confuse my sons. When my youngest son became an adult and I turned 54, I became a flight attendant and travel all over. Think carefully the what if's.....one of your children was paralyzed, crippled or had a deadly disease.... see....you will find peace and enjoy your children.

give in to the guilt.. no dont walk away from your drooling charges, give yourself permission to wish you were somewhere else,.. at least for a few seconds. take five minutes out of your day to do something you want to do, even if its eating that jumbo bowl of ice cream that you have been hiding in the back of the freezer. motherhood isnt easy, if it was, EVERYONE would have at least one small child clinging to their leg.
K. h.

OMG can I ever relate!!! I am finding my patience is nearly non-existent with my son these days. I watch him during the day while hubby works and then I work 12 hour shifts at night. We can't find a decent daycare that we can afford so I'm stuck with this situation until God knows when. I can barely muster up energy to play with him, and I know it's not fair to him. I cry all the time because I feel he deserves better. I hope you can find a way to get back into mommy mode! Good luck.

When your one year old is napping have your 4 year old nap or play alone and do something you enjoy and that you find relaxing. When they are awake listen to them, hug them, play with them, enjoy them. Often we see them as our 'job' and they are our children and some day they will be grown and gone and you can't repeat these days. I know now you don't want to repeat them but when you are my age you will wish you had really enjoyed them and played and hugged more, etc. You can have peace and quiet if you schedule it right. Don't let the kids control the day, you control it and let them be part of the day and help you in little things they can help in and then use your own time to get more energy to go on when they wake up. It is work being a stay at home mom too. If you get the kids excited about fun things and games and playing and helping you will be more excited.

You need a break! Everyone deserves one especially sahm! I too had a professional job that I quit nearly 5 yrs ago to stay home and I miss it too. I miss getting ready for work, wearing real clothes and having adult conversation. My youngest will be 5 Thursday and I get tired of always being "the one". Most of all, I miss ME! I love my kids and im grateful to have been able to stay home, but this is the hardest job ever! No lunch breaks or being able to clock out. I wish I could take my own advice and take some "me" time but then I wonder who's hanging from what and if the house has burnt down yet :) not to mention the hell of a mess I get to clean up afterwards! Do as I do love, take one thing at a time. That's all you can do. Talk to your husband and maybe pick a day day and have a few hours to yourself. Even if that means drawing a hot, lovely bath and locking the door!

Why don't you go back to work?

Hi, Mama:

You are in the throws of grief over the lost of yourself. Do you have anyone to take care of your children so you can go on a vacation alone? Do you have a husband?

Do you have any family to take care of your children? Once you get that done, then write back and I'll give you some more suggestions.
Take care of yourself.
D.