Bus Stop Parenting, AKA, Handling Other Peoples Kids.

Do you know his name? Greet him right away. Every morning make a point of saying hello to him and star a conversation. Ask him about his morning or compliment him on his coat or whatever comes to mind - movies, sports, tv, video games. Make a point of showing an interest in him.

He's probably bored. If you take the time to talk to him and show him some positive attention, I bet his behavior will improve and then he'll respect you more if you do have to correct him.

I don't think he is a bully. I think that term is SO overused it is insane.

It sounds to me like he wants attention. Like someone else said, it is pretty sad if one of his parents won't walk to the bus stop with him which leads me to wonder what his home life is about.

If my kid were causing any disruption to a daily event, I would want to know. However, part of me thinks his mom doesn't care which is very sad for this child.

If I'm ever in a situation like this I ask myself "what if this was my kid? What what I want the other parent to do?"
I would certainly want to know if my child was causing this kind of disruption at the bus stop!
Wouldn't you?

I agree that you should tell the bus driver. I drive a school bus, and the procedure I would follow would be to write a documentation of what a parent tells me. That would be kept on file with my employer and also be sent to the principle of the school the child attends. They will in turn notify the parent. It also couldn't hurt to notify the principle of the school yourself. Some may disagree with me, but I would not talk to the parent myself. It's my experience that children who act out consistently have parents that are fully aware of it and either won't do anything or are at their wits end trying to do something and having another parent judge them is the last thing they need. Even if one is not judging it will be perceived that way. The school really is your best resource.

The couple of people posting that it's no big deal, you're hovering too much, let the kids work it out, and so forth -- they seem to have totally missed two key details: He throws snowballs at cars (I agree, very dangerous for the driver and others on the road) and throws ROCKS at other children. I don't know if he's a "bully" (overused word) but he's out of control and needs adults to rein him in, now.

I presume you say something directly to him when these things happen, don't you? As in, "STOP right now-- it is very dangerous to throw rocks at anyone/throw snowballs at cars" etc.? If you do not--start doing it, and add that "I've seen you do this before. I am calling the school and your parents today as soon as you are on the bus."

And then do just that. His parents should know that he is throwing things that could end up with their being visited by the police when some driver has a damaged car or veers off and hits something after being snowballed on the windshield at speed. And the school and bus driver need to be alerted that his behavior at the bus stop puts other kids and passing vehicles in danger.

Sorry, I don't let "kids will be kids" or "don't hover" or "let them handle it themselves" get in the way of stopping and ratting out a kid who is behaving this way. It's not a matter of "let the kids learn to handle it themselves" when he is throwing stuff at passing cars -- other second-graders should not have to be responsible for telling him to stop that. He does it one time? Maybe he didn't know better. He repeats it, after you have spoken directly to him? Then it's past time to tell his parents and the school. Since you don't know the parents yourself, I would not just tell them and let them handle it. I would also inform the bus driver and the school. Period. Stop wondering what to do and just report exactly what you have seen and add that you expect the school to DO something about it before he injures a driver or a completely oblivious passer-by.

the most obvious and best course is to talk to the mom. it does come with risks, though. often (not always!) a kid who acts this way is simply demonstrating what he witnesses at home. but we all have to remember that kids this age often test out asshat behavior, even when we're parenting 'em well.
and i'd bet dimes to doughnuts that every single one of us would say 'why didn't she bring it to my attention???!!!' if we were the parent of the hooligan.
i'm also aware that this sort of conversation can very easily be perceived as an attack, even when handled tactfully and sympathetically, and if you don't know the mom it's touchy.
but at some point kids should be able to hit the bus stop without a parent there, and for that to be okay for everybody, hooligans need to have the brakes put on 'em. if talking to the mom is too far out of your comfort zone, and engaging the kid isn't working, i would for sure let the bus driver and the school know. one can't expect the driver to discipline actions he doesn't observe himself, but he needs to be aware that they're happening.
i'd be furious if my little guy had to spend a day at school cold and soaked because of a hooligan.
khairete
S.

You are the one adding the unnatural dynamic. My kids have always done the bus stop alone and the dynamic is you dump snow on one kid there is a very good chance everyone dumps snow on you. You throw rocks the other kids tell you to knock it off or they are all going to get in trouble.

They self police and learning because of it. You being there short circuits this. You comments to your own child make other kids question whether they should intervene. There is a reason I am so anti parental hovering, it doesn't allow the children to grow, to mature, to understand how you work through problems like a kid dumping snow on you.

My kids tend not to be the physically mischievous kids, they are the quirky wits. I doubt they would be the kid you speak of but just for the sake of argument I will tell you what would happen if you would darken my doorstep. I would politely listen to you and ignore everything you say. Then I would tell my kid not to annoy you because you are annoying me. That would tone my kid down, not that my kids would be that kid.

You are the one who chooses to hover over you kid who I think is in third or forth grade? You are the one who chooses to keep screwing up the dynamic so the kids can't self police. If you don't like the position you are choosing to put yourself in teach your child what is expected of them and stay home, problem solved.

Oh, even though the other kids, not yours, would stand up to this kid, they won't because you are there. So you are not only hampering your own child's development but you are inhibiting soaked child's ability to stand up for himself. You are not helping anyone being there.

Oh Mel, I feel like after the millionth time you have called me out without using my name I should point out, only you, and people like you, actually think that is not attacking a specific person. By the way, you are missing a few huge points like the people in the cars don't care, the soaked kid didn't care, no one cares except this hovering mother.

Sorry. But as long as you don't step up? He will continue to do it.

If this were me?? I would state unequivocally "Johnny, that is NOT acceptable behavior." I would ask for his mom's number so that I can call her and tell her that he is NOT behaving properly.

You can also report it to your school transportation department. While they can't control what happens at the bus stop?? They CAN control what happens ON the bus.

I would tell the mom exactly what is going on. I would ask Johnny if he would behave this way with his mom here...if the answer is NO, then he should NOT be doing it.

Throwing snow balls at passing cars?? TOTALLY UNSAFE!! And TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. I would wonder if the parent would be held liable for the accident because of her son's behavior!!

I'm not one to pussy-foot around. I will go directly to a parent and discuss their child's behavior. I might record it just so the could have visual proof of the incident.

Good luck!

I would go to the principal of the school and let him/her know what's going on. Second grade is still too young (in my opinion) to expect these children to defend themselves from bullies - that kids' parents probably have their head in the sand as some parents do - Julie S. - and either have no idea what their kid is doing and/or they just don't care. I'd be interested to know how this kid acts on the bus.

In the mean time, I would continue taking my child to the bus stop and just telling my child to stay away from him as much as possible - on the bus, at school, playground, etc.

Do the other parents do anything about this kid?

Good luck!!

Call school and/or bus company. If you've Got a cell phone that takes picture videos record it.

Tell the school or the bus company and let them handle it.

Probably not anything that you can do except for tell the bus driver. I am guessing that you approaching the other Mom would not be well received.

In the short run, I would stand right next to this kid for the duration of the waiting time, and I would make myself as large and imposing as possible. I'd have the other kids stand behind you even if it impedes their play. If you make it pretty inconvenient for the kid, and just look him in the eye constantly, it might help. You would need to cooperation of other bus stop parents to make this effective though - in terms of herding their kids. But I think standing very close to him and making constant conversation (stopping just short of warnings) would be effective and not considered excessive discipline.

Then I would call the school transportation coordinator (who runs the bus routes for the district) as well as the principal for the particular school, and report it. I think you can take some pictures as well and provide evidence. You can request a bus stop monitor for a few days as well, keeping it anonymous that you are the complainant. I would not call the parents directly unless you know them well and have that sort of relationship - and even so, this sort of call can ruin what you have.

Safety is paramount and having a kid throw things at cars is a huge problem. Our bus stop was broken up into 2 smaller ones because of chaos reigning, kids running back and forth across the street, etc. It's really stupid because the bus picks up a bunch of kids, then drives 2 driveways further down and picks up the rest. A few parents are ticked off about it (and got all silly in protesting the school's decision about which side of the street to stand on), so now there are people not talking to each other - there's a real ownership about bus stop corners, apparently!

But yeah, get involved, because the first kid who slips on the ice and breaks an arm is going to be getting insurance coverage from the school. So parents need to speak up that there's a problem.

I would bring it up with the principal of the school. I would not talk directly to the mom. Waiting for the school bus is considered school issues as far as I am concerned. Aggressive behaviour like this will only get worse if it's allowed to continue. Don't care if it's a "cry for attention" or anything else. It should not be allowed to continue. He's going to cause harm if he keeps throwing rocks or aiming at passing cars. That he continues to pick on kids does make him a bully. He has no respect for a person's space. It's not a matter of "kids will be kids" and let them work it out by themselves. If this is an expression of his home life and a cry for attention, bringing it up to the principal can get him the help he needs through counseling and such.

Definitely report it to the school. 2nd grade is old enough to know better, it's gone on for 5 months now which is far too long. Schools teach students to speak up and not be bystanders when they see bullying or unsafe behavior going on. By saying nothing, they cannot help because they do not know what is going on. Throwing rocks into groups of kids and snowballs at cars...that could cause such an accident that someone could be seriously injured. For the safety of the kids, please say something to the school.

Report it to the school. If his parent isn't there and he's doing something dangerous, keep telling him. Let the bus driver know also, in case he's a problem on the bus.

I would document the child's behaviour when you see it at the bus stop and send a note with the bus driver to give to the school each time.

I do agree with Julie S though. The other children should be the ones reporting his behaviour to the bus driver/school.

Remember you will be sharing this bus stop for years with this family, so it can be uncomfortable long term if handled poorly. Not to add pressure!

I would talk to the mom first. I would kindly say that "I am uncomfortable disciplining your child, but I felt I had to tell him to stop throwing snowballs because it was unsafe. I just wanted to let you know that I had disciplined him" kind of thing.

I would really stress the "I'm uncomfortable" part. If she's receptive to it, then you add "well ... he's also thrown rocks .." but I wouldn't mention names. As for instances like the boy soaking the other boy with snow, let that family deal with it. They might not like you to complain on their behalf.

If you go to the school, the school will call all the parents and bring each child in to the office individually (or that's the process here). That can be upsetting to little kids who can feel they are tattle telling, so if you do go that route let the families know first. I think most would appreciate a heads up. If you're only going to mention the snowballs, etc. I would leave the kids out of it. Again, if kids are being bullied, it really is up to their parents on how they choose to deal with it. By all means, you can offer to give your account of it if asked.

I would deffinately tell this childs mother. If he is hurting other children, then i think you should. It is not your reponcibility to babysit other peoples children. If sh doesnt do anything or gets mad then just say you will complain tothe principal.

"You, go stand over there by your driveway since you can't stop hurting other".

"Hey, that's not allowed and you need to go home and tell your mom she needs to come to the bus stop with you".

Or choose to drive your car there and sit in it until the bus comes. Allow the other children who mind to sit inside too. If his mom asks why you aren't allowing him let her know they are sitting in your car to get away from him.

How old is this kid?
Self defense is permissible.
If that kid pulls something like the snow down the back trick once too often, some kid is going to beat him up.
It's a natural consequence.

I feel sorry for kids like that. At that young age it is usually a sign of them trying to get attention (even by doing bad). Since his parents don't walk him to the bus stop I wonder if they are involved in his life.

Let the school and bus driver know but try approaching him with some kindness and steer him into behaving better. Sounds like he is lacking guidance.

I would talk to her, but be prepared that she might not take it well. While some of us are reasonable and understand that yes, even our precious little angels can act like devils, others think their kids can do no wrong.

When our son did baseball (2nd grade too), there was one father who volunteered to go in the dugout with them each game and monitor them. At first I thought it was odd how he always disciplined other children, and I mean always. But came to love how much he wanted to guide them and watch over them and insist on proper behavior. At the end of the season, we all gave him a gift. :) So, I say, you can discipline them, especially if no one else is there. I'd have those kids on a short leash each morning and continue to go each day to keep a very close eye on them...well, him. ;)

Call transportation and school. They also live in your neighborhood, so I would take the child back to his home and alert the mom of his behavior. I don't tolerate a child that young to be without their parent. Especially when they are engaging in bad behavior as well as possibly safety of others. A second grade child should be able to be redirected to stop what they are doing when an adult tells them to knock it off. It shouldn't take 5 months.

Where is the mom usually? Not there I guess since you've only met her once? How many other parents are there? This is strange. I would never leave my kids at the bus stop. They are really well-behaved, but if I wasn't there? I'm sure some other crazy kids could get them into mischief pretty easily...and none of the other kids are unsupervised either! And this is a pretty scrappy crowd too...not frou frou hover types, but why is this terror at your bus stop alone every day? Second grade is really young!

If the mom is not there, you need to talk to her when you see her. She may have no idea her son is doing this. You can say it in a friendly tone with a smile, so she sees you're not angry or attacking, but you should let her know you've had to stop him numerous times from_______.

If you don't want to let her know her son needs supervision at the bus stop, then I might work to keep your kids away from this kid more than working on being this kid's discipline source. It's not your job to keep this kid in line or to protect all the other kids from him. Maybe fortify your own kids to put him in his place verbally as much as possible and steer clear. but. hmmmm. Tough one.

Honestly if the offenses are not big, you should back off. You don't need to correct every single thing he does. It's not stopping the behavior. Sorry he's a brat!

Oops, he's in 2nd grade, he's just a baby. Can't use my technique.

I'm the only Mom at my kids' bus stop. My little one is only six and I don't feel comfortable sending him alone. I tend to do as you do and ignore the other kids' behavior as much as possible. But at the same time, I am more than willing to step in and let them know when they are doing something unacceptable.

One suggestion I have is to engage this kid as much as possible. Ask him questions about his teacher, what he's learning, etc. He is probably desperate for attention and maybe a bit will help distract him enough to not pester everyone else. Some of our bus stop kids seemed a bit difficult at first, but now I enjoy them all and engage them each day. We all benefit from it.

The posters that said you are overstepping your bounds are wrong. They are the ones with "high spirited" children, aka annoying brats, that set no boundaries and don't teach their kids right from wrong. They say "kids are kids!". Wrong. Well-raised, properly parented children can be left at a bus stop without torturing or annoying others. Those without limits and boundaries and a lack of proper social skills are the problem with kids today.

I'd talk with the bus driver each time this kid takes things too far. You sound as if you know when to pick your battles, so keep that in mind. Good luck and keep on top of things. In fact, it may be helpful to keep a little log of what this kid consistently does. No need to engage mom as I can guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Be meaner.

"HEY! You stop that nonsense right now or I'll make sure you have detention for a month!"

When the bus arrives, let the driver know and ask that she find a special seat for him.

Call the school. Let them make contact with his mother.

I would not speak to the mom. I would go to the school and file a report. They can then call the mom / dad in and say there has been a report that this is happening on the bus stop. You could also speak to the bus driver. You could also just step back and let the kids work it out themselves. Eventually a kid is going to complain and learn to stand up for themselves. And like you said these are not big things. Kids learn to speak up and eventually a kid will.