C- Sections and Un Wanted Comments

When she brings it up just say, "Shhh. I don't want to talk about it anymore." Then walk away if need be.

Beeca T. has the best answer on this.

I just want you to know you're not alone. I am having my second in August and I have decided not to tell people about my planned c-section unless they ask as I have already gotten a lot of "opinions" on this. I truly believe that what is best for the mom will be best for the baby in the long run.

I had to have a C-section with my first pregnancy (twins). With my second pregnancy my dr. said vaginal birth was not an option, and my husband and I were fine with that. My MIL and SIL were visiting one day and it came up in conversation. I tried nicely explaining why I had to have a planned C-section and my MIL started making comments about avoiding pain, and how natural is always best, etc, etc. My husband came into the kitchen to catch the last few comments and saw the look on my face. He went to get a soda out of the fridge, opened it and then looked his mother square in the face and said, "It's my idea. I like her vajay-jay the way it is and I don't want it getting stretched out." Then he turned and walked out of the kitchen. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, (and to allow my face to get back to it's normal color, because boy was it red), and it has never been mentioned since. In fact, I overheard my MIL explaining to her SIL how it was a "medical necessity"! Now this is a little crude, and it may not work for everyone, but it sure worked for us! And my husband and I both still get a good laugh out of it. Good luck!
B. M.

Your mother-in-law may be a nurse, but she doesn't know what she is talking about. I work in the NICU and have seen infants who were compromised by an attempted VBAC (vaginal birth after cesaerian). There are a few people who are candidates for VBAC. Many are not, and, for VBAC a very bad idea after cesaesrian. If your mother-in-law thinks you are avoiding pain, you might remind her that a C-section is major abdominal surgery with the major hormonal shifts that accompany childbirth. You might ask her if whe values the safety of her next grandchild so little as to encourage you to chance a risky delivery. Better yet, have your husband ask her. I hope that you will shut her words out of your head. You are making an informed decision for the safety of you and your baby. And, as one of my friends says, you know what they call a wooman who delivers by C-section? A mother. Mother to Beth who has had 5 sections with 5 beautiful children. Liz

I'm sorry your m-i-l is making you feel that way. C-sections are very painful and are definitely not an "easy way out"! I guess all I can say is stop trying to explain your reasons to her. You've already tried and she is not showing respect for you. Maybe just say something like, "you've already heard her opinion and you don't care to discuss the matter any further with her" and change the subject. If she continues on the subject walk away and leave the room.

I also have large babies and have had one vag (9.2) and the other c/section (10.7). I am now pg and will be having another section because this one is following the same path. I am so sick of hearing that "your body will never make a baby bigger than you can birth".
This is what I say back "If there is a 1% chance that this child could get stuck in the birth canal and be injured due to his size, that is too high of a risk I am will to take. I myself could not live with myself for being that selfish."
I get so tired of hearing this. Like I am some bad parent due to the way my child came into the world. I understand the having a child Vag. is the way that most of us come into the world but I am more concerned that my child comes into the world healthy and unharmed. So if that's taking the easy way out, I am okay with that.
K.

I'll bet this isn't the first "none of her business" matter that your MIL has stuck her nose into. If you play your cards right though, it could be the last. First off, you don't say what role your DH is playing in this headache. Is he supportive of your choice, or might he be talking to his mommy about his uncertainties with the upcoming birth? If her supports you,k then he needs to have a brief chat with his mother, and it needs to go something like this. "Mom, I appreciate that you are concerned about the health and safety of my wife and our baby. We have discussed the pros and cons of the c-section with my wife's OB, a trained physician whom we would be not seeing if we didn't trust. We have made the best decision we can with what we know. Your comments and criticisms are hurting the relationship we have with you. We don't have the time and energy right now to listen to any more of it. If you don't stop, you won't be seeing or talking on the phone with any of us until this baby is born and my wife is completely recovered from it's birth. Period".

I have three children all were delivered by c-sections. The first was an emergency and the other were scheduled because my doctor said it would be safer for me. Having a c-section is not easy at all and being a nurse she should know the recovery time doubles since it is major surgery. Congratulations on your new baby!

Hi L.,
Take a looooong deep breath and get rid of all the stress it is not helping your pregnancy. Like I've said before, I'm pretty much beyond caring what ppl think of me. I'd look your mother-in-law straight in her face and tell her that it is none of her business and butt out! But then I'm not known to keep what I feel to myself.
I feel for you, it takes a lot longer to heal for a c section then it is for natural birth. I had natural birth with all four of my children, and the oldest was 9lbs 6 oz, I healed rather quickly, my sister-in-law had two c sections and it took her forever it seemed. You are not wrong and she should just back down and keep her oppions to herself, if you can't or don't want to do it, have your husband.
Good luck with your pregnancy, sit back and let the stress just roll off your back because the last thing you need is more problems!

I know it's easier said than done, but I think you just need to ignore your MIL. I too am due with my 2nd, the first was breech. I too am opting for another c-section, I could go either way, but I had a great experience the 1st time, so I chose that again. My husband is real supportive about it too. We keep getting comments also, why would you want surgery? Blah blah. I just ignore most of them. Maybe your hubby could have a little talk with her. It sounds like you don't have a choice, she needs to understand that. It's your baby and your delivery, not hers or anyone else's. I know it's hard, but try not to feel pressured or upset. Some people are just ignorant!

Sounds to me like your MIL has been blessed with the gift of easy natural childbirth and has never had to make the decision of natural vs. c-sec. Lucky her. But you would think that being in the health profession she would have empathy for those who are not. I know it is difficult to constantly deal with snyde remarks from people who are suppose to be supportive, but try not to take it personal and write it off to the fact that this is just the type of person she is. And next time she decides to interject about YOUR situation perhaps you can just tell her that it doesn't mattter how your baby gets into this world, just that he/she gets her safe and sound, and ask her to please stop discussing it because it's a personal topic that really isn't her business and you prefer to not talk about it. You probaly have already tried that, but if not, good luck. Sometimes people just don't know when to be quiet or realize their opnions aren't welcome and need to be told (put in their place) It can be difficult to do this tackfully, but perhaps she's the type of person that doesn't need tack, but blunt. Either way, good luck with your upcoming birth! C- sections are a vital part of a healthy birthing otherwise they wouln't have invernted it, right?!. Oh, and one more thing, you can tell her that my OB had THREE C-sections, and hers were all by choice, so she could schedule them at her conveinience. SO if an OB can use a C-sc as a conveinience, then it's DEFINATELY ok for you to do it for health reasons!!!!

Good luck!

You can also tell her you already had a zipper installed, and it would be wasteful and disrespectful to the DR if you did use it! :)

Ignore her. Don't reply to her nasty comments at all. Do what is best for your baby. As long as he/she arrives safely it does not matter how the baby gets here. Congrats, good luck and speedy recovery.

I think there is a BIG difference between a planned c-section for convenience and one with medical factors such as yours. If you're comfortable with it, I like the one response that said to take you MIL to an appointment. Or just keep being strong and telling her your doctor has spelled out all the risks and this is the safest for YOU and THE BABY. The trend is going towards less c-sections so I can't imagine your doctor would lean that way just to avoid pain - he/she probably wants to avoid a rupture and life threatening complications! Good luck and hang in there!!! p.s. I had a c-section and if ever get the courage to have another HAVE to have c and by 37 weeks because of cut/rupture risks - it's good to be prepared for the people who need to MYOB!!!!!

I'm a women's and chilren's RN at a Twin Cities Hospital.
Just last weekend we had a infant that they had to use forcepts to deliver and the baby had bleeding in it head due to trama from the forcept. You Do not need this stress bing pregnant and if your mother in law was a good nurse she would know that. You should have your husband talk to her and tell her to keep her opionions to herself. Your medical team know what is best for you and the baby!

Tell her its a decision between you and your doctor and that your doctor recommended a c-section. That's what I did.

Oy. Mother-in-laws! Yours obviously has an opinion and like most woment who have had to give up complete control over their son to a woman not of their choosing, said opinions can be nothing short of suffocating!

Here's the bottom line, medically, technically, and however else you want to phrase it, there are LESS risks associated with repeat c-sections than with a VBAC. Lots of people do have vbacs and everything is fine, but the risks are huge. A csection, of course, carries it's own set of risks, but if you experience a uterine rupture because of a weakness due to the csection...well that can be fatal for both mom and baby.

I labored for 12 hours with my son- who was also a very big baby- and then had to have a c-section. I wasn't happy at the time, but when it was all said and done and all the measurements were in, it was a good thing we did a c-section. My husband and I did an IMMENSE amount of research when I was pregnant with our second child as I thought I might feel like I "missed out" on the whole pushing experience. Our research told us the risks just weren't worth the "experience". You are doing the right thing by putting the well being of your child and yourself above pleasing other people. Good for you. Maybe a little distance from your mother-in-law will send her a message that she needs to back off or the choice won't be hers anymore. Hang in there, and congrats on your latest pregnancy!!

Hi L.
you have gotton really good advice on this and if it were me I would tell we are going to neede to agree to disagree. I am doing what my doctor and I feel is best and safiest for this baby thank you for your opion but I disagree.

your nicer than i am! i would tell her where to stuff it! she isn't the one who has to deal with the pain wether throu c-section or vaginal. but i was also very opinionated while pregnant also.. (i guess maybe a little to much so even while not!)

anyways, next time she brings it up i would tell her that if she feels this strongly about it then she is welcome to come to the next dr visit and discuss her thoughts and feelings with the dr and hear what your dr is telling you and see if she still feels the same. you don't want to insult her knowlege, your just following your dr thoughts. if she declines then i would tell her that was her oppurtunity and to please keep her thoughts to herself. honestly your hubby should be the one who has already told her that, im sure if you are asking us then you have brought it up to him. he should have nipped it in the butt then.

good luck if nothing else just say thanks for your input and walk away. be the bigger person

good luck with her, the delivery and your little one!

I did a vaginal delivery with my son and, in spite of the pain, found it to be the most amazing and empowering thing I have ever experienced in my life. Of course I want all women to have the same beautiful experience I did. That doesn't mean I have the right to shove my ideal in their face or make them feel they are doing their birth wrong just because they aren't doing it the way I did.

The same thing goes for your MIL. I'm sure it is with the best intentions for you and your baby that she is encouraging (nagging) this, but she should be old enough and wise enough to know to let it go if you aren't interested. Maybe the next time she brings it up/pressures you about your birth choice, try stating, "I know you bring this up because you want the best for me and the baby, but my Dr. and I have decided this is the best choice for me and the baby (mainly because of VBAC). I know how you feel and appreciate your concern, but please stop mentioning it as it is only hurtful/confusing."

If you really want to learn more about the vaginal birth process (which isn't as bad as people make it out to be) and some of the pros and cons of different birth plans, watch, "The Business of Being Born." It is a very good documentary about different birthing procedures. It does support natural childbirth over cesarean, but it still gives alot of good and interesting facts and insights. It may also help with your understanding of your MIL's opinion and how to discuss it with her.

But the bottom line is, no matter what the case may be, your MIL should really back down. It is your body and your baby and your decision. You need to do what feels best to you and you have every right to (politely) tell her that. Stand up for yourself! And good luck :)

S.

I had my first two vaginally and my third was a c-section. My first was 24 hours of back labor- no drugs, my second-8 lbs. 13 oz- no drugs and I would take that any day over a c-section, so don't pay any attention to what people like your Mother-in-law might feel. Also my sister-in-law did both of hers C-section, her first was breech and then she planned the second no matter what and my niece was a very big baby-11 lbs. 1 oz.- so I do believe had she planned it natural things would have gone wrong and ended up with a c-section anyways. I feel for you because I also have a Mother-in-law that feels if she has never experienced a certain kind of pain- she has no empathy for others who do. I've been married 22 years and still haven't figured her out. Good Luck to you!

L.,
I'm sorry to hear that your mother in law is not being supportive! And being a nurse she SHOULD know that bringing a baby into this world is a true labor of love PERIOD. NO "way" is easy and it done out of pure love! The delivery of a child is just part of the journey, you have already fostered and loved this baby growing inside of you as you will the REST of your LIFE! What you are doing is BRAVE, SELFLESS and AMAZING! Be proud! Congratulations!

This is between you and your doctor, not your mother in law. You can research the dangers of a vaginal birth after a C section and show her what you find. You can just tell her this isn't up for discussion with her, it is between you and your doctor and each time she brings it up, change the subject, or you can just ignore her comments and try not to let them stress you our or hurt you.

I had 3 c sections. We were going to try vaginal birth after my first C section but when we talked with the doctor, he explained needed to let us know the risks involved. Once he spelled out the risks I asked him "is it more dangerous to the baby and me to have a C Section or vaginal delivery?" He told me that there was no doubt about it, the risks were greater with a vaginal delivery after a C section then to have a second C Section. That was all I needed to hear, we went with the C section. With an epidural (however you spell it) you can be awake during the delivery and you don't miss that first cry. You need to do what is right for you and mom in law will just have to deal with it. Don't let her bully you.

Hi! How 'bout saying "I'll tell my doctor your opinion." Of course she'll hound you to here his reply and you can tell her he thinks C-section will be safer.

Or you can say "Thanks for you input." and change the subject.

Good luck!

My situation was extremely similar to yours. We decided early on to not tell anyone about the planned c-section due to added stress, etc. I understand that you are past this point though. Medically a repeat c-section is safer, maybe just reinforce this and if it does not work then just try ignoring her. I know it's probably easier said than done, but if she is so adament about going on and on about it, it does not seem like you can change her mind. Plus, many doctors and nurses have different opinions about this, so keep this in mind. Good luck!

What is best for you and the baby is between you and your doctor. Nurses, while helpful and knowledgeable are NOT Doctors!

The issue you are really facing is not really about the birth method. This is just another form of how to tell your MIL, or anyone else, that you know what is best for your child. So smile politely, and tell her as many times as necessary that "I appreciate your advice, but I am following my Doctor's recommendations."

Good luck and may you have a healthy baby!

I don't know what kind of scar/incision you have from your first c-section, but if she's a nurse, she must also know that there are great risks that can come from delivering vaginally after you had a prior c-section, and your doctor will remind you of that many times and make you sign a consent I am sure. Do some research on the RISKS associated with it, and then remind her of them.

I had two vaginal deliveries, but I would never put up with my mother-in-law saying such rude things. YOU are having the baby and YOU make your own decisions. This is your birth, not hers, don't let her make you feel bad or push you into something you don't feel comfortable with. She had her babies already.

By the way, where is your husband in all of this? Is he at least sticking up for you?

See, your story makes me sad. I don't like that your MIL likes to blame you and saying that you can't take labor pains and stuff, but in reality, doctors really play off the fear of labor & delivery to convince moms to go in for unnecessary c-sections just to save their own butt. Your's is a prime example.

I'm sorry your MIL is making this so stressful for you though. Good luck mama!

I feel bad for you! I have had two c-sections...first time went through all of labor and then had c-section. I am guessing your mom-in-law has NEVER had a c-section! WIth a regular delivery there is a faster recovery.....does she really not realize how much it hurts to heal from a surgery where you are cut open! Geesh! Have her call me and I will give her a piece of my mind! Ha ha. I would just ignore her from now on and say this is my decision, not yours and if you can not respect it you need to leave it alone. She may be one of those people that like to argue for the reactions she gets, so say the above and any time after that just do not engage in conversation with her after that is she starts up again. Good luck! I feel your pain!!

You and I are in a similar situation, though I'm getting the reverse pressure. My second child was born via emergency c-section after a long labor. His head was too big and he went into distress. The c-section probably saved his life. Anyway, I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and was really hoping to do a VBAC. I got the opposite pressure from people to do the c-section. I know how hard it is to deal with the pressure when you just want to do what's right for you and the baby. Hopefully once your baby is born, the family will put aside their opinions about the birth process and focus on the lil one and appreciate the fact that s/he is healthy!

Has your doctor stated that a c-section would be safer for you? If so, you could defer to the doctor's opinion. Nurses generally have respect for doctor's opinions (my mom is a nurse) and if they hear "doctor's orders," they may be more patient with you.

Good luck!

It sucks that she is adding to your stress. I do agree that you should tell her you do not want to talk about it, if she is not listening to anything else you say. Let her know how stressed you are. You are, by far, NOT taking the easy way out. The recovery from a c-section is so much longer than natural birth. My daughter was my first and I was 2 wks late and my water finally broke and went in, 13hrs later they said they would have to do an emergency c-section because the baby was stressed and I was not dialating. Everything turned out and my daughter is 9. Then, I got preg. with my son and they gave me the option. I wanted to try natural. But I was 2 wks late again and they scheduled a c-section. The night before the c-section was scheduled, I was up stressing about it and my water broke. Then, 12 hrs later, the DR said they would have to do a c-section. My son is 5 and healthy. Sometimes it is just better to trust the DR. than to go through anything you don't need to. Good luck :)

I can't tell you how to respond, and no matter what perhaps nothing you say to her will help her to see the error of her ways. First and foremost, do not fret about something so trivial. If the Dr. reccomended a c-section and you agree and are comfortable with that, that TRULY is all that matters. Tell your DH to ask his Mom to keep her tactless opinions to herself. It's so wrong and rude to give negative comments to other women regarding personal matters. It is your choice, not hers. Potential problems can result in terrible things for yourself and your baby, you're making the right choice to keep yourself and your child safe, don't allow someone to cause you to question that.

Take care & Congrats!

Without causing a fight, I would just stress to your mother in law, that if she gave a hoot about you and the baby, she wouldn't even have a comment on how the baby gets here...just that it is healthy and well.
She is probably just doing it to get you going, and worked up. Nurses of all people should know that if a labor goes on too long with a big baby, or if the baby gets "stuck" there is risk of brain damage.
I had both my children C section...it doesn't make them any less people....it didn't make the occassion any less joyous.
If she insists on stressing you out, just tell her it is not good for you and the baby, and she either needs to keep her comments to herself, or go home.
The baby and you will be more calm and you will look more forward to the arrival without her hanging around.
It may cause friction for a while, but it is your body and your baby....you have to do what is best for you.

Ok other people below have said things much more eloquently and fully than I could add to. But I just wanted to comment on thing... "taking the easy way out?" Is she CRAZY? What in the world is easy about going through a major surgical procedure and then having to heal for weeks from it while caring for a newborn. Tell that MIL of yours to stick her nose back on her face where it belongs!

L.,

I would have my husband talk to her once and explain that she has been heard out and your decision has been made. She needs to drop the topic because it is causing conflict and she isn't going to convince anyone.

If she won't stop, you may just have to learn not to take her nurse advice personally. Don't feel too bad; my family has told me they don't agree with the size of my famliy multiple times and my in-laws alude that we are singlehandedly overpopulating the planet and that it's impossible for parents to give four children adequate attention. All of this is their problem, not mine.

Good luck on that C-section and congrats on baby #2,
S.

IS that MIL of yours an OB Nurse? She doesn't know what is best for you as she hasn't spoken with YOUR Dr. :) MIL's can be pests, that's for sure. Just cuz it may have worked for her, doesn't mean it is in the best interest of you.

I ended up with an emergency c the first time around and now we are 33.5 weeks pg with twins. I am opting for a c the 2nd time around as well. AFter laboring for nearly 17 hours and then dialating only to 4 only to regress to 3 and my daughter didn't handle the pitocin drip and I was in the seizure zone with my BP...I wasn't willing to risk that again.

In the end, you know what's best for you and your baby. Are you able to tell your MIL and others not agreeing that "you agree to disagree" and to please respect your decision? We had a set of friends we had to do that with, but it was over politics and abortion...but still.

I wish you the best of luck as you don't have much time left! Emotions run so very high here at the end....i must say, I totally understand :)

Wow you would think that with her being a nurse, she would know the risks associated with a VBAC. If you feel you have reminded her of the risks to both you and the baby enough then I would just blow her off. In four weeks she will have a new beautiful grandchild and will forget all about the c-section conversation.... she will probably have a new one for you.. hehe Good luck!

Your mother in law may well be a nurse, but that doesn't mean she knows what she is talking about. Is she an obstetrical nurse??? just remind her next time she says something that the Dr is the one who is saying you should not have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian) There are very valid and safe reasons for a Dr to make that decision. I used to work in an OB/GYN clinic, I understand the risks to you and the child, she perhaps does not!! Stand your ground and be strong. If she is upsetting you, tell her you do not need the stress while pregnant and ask her to kindly leave her opinion to herself. Good luck!!

Hi L.,

Sounds like we have the same mother in law. When my mother in law, who is a nurse, tells me things that goes against my doctor's advice or my own opinion, I thank her for her opinion, and just ignore it. I have found that when I make her feel relevant I do not get as much of the "crazy" advice. Changing the subject always works too. Bottom line, she can and probably will say whatever she wants, but it is your life, your child, and you get the final say. Good luck to you and I hope that you have a safe and healthy delivery.

You have a long life to live. You can't let these things bother you. You could spend way too much time justifying yourself to people. It is a total waste of time. She is probably just jealous she didn't have those options when she had children.

L.,

As a mother of three with all three being c-sections I can say that a c-section is NOT the easy way out. Recovery is longer, muscles never come back the way you want them to, nerves are severed and numbness is a lasting affect. I'm sure no mother would choose a c-section if not guided by suggestions of doctors and her own gut feelings. I thought about v-bac on many occasions, but decided to go with my gut feelings. Why risk complications from v-bac when you've already experienced a c-section without major complications. It's more important to be around for your children than to succumb to the idiotic pressures of people who think you are taking the easy way out. Childbirth is painful either way - you either experience the pain before the child emerges or you have pain after. Neither method makes you tougher or any less of a mother. I think your mother-in-law is very shallow for thinking natural child birth is some sort of a 'rite' to motherhood. I would just share with her that it is your body and yours and your husband's baby - therefore the decision-making process ends with you two. Good luck and try not to stress out over it. In the end, all that matters is a healthy mother and healthy baby - - it doesn't matter how that gets accomplished.

J.

I guess you could just say "Sure, I could. But I guess I want to avoid all that, and if you don't stop, I will be avoiding you. Stop. This is my body, you are not my doctor, and you are not my husband. I do not want to have this fight any more. Stop."
If it doesn't, make your husband deal with her. It is his responsibility.

Dear L.,

The next time that she says something, I would hand her your doctor's business card (or a piece of paper with his/her name and phone number written down on it) and tell her if she would like to take it up with your doctor, feel free to do so. Otherwise, you are going to follow the advice of the man making the big bucks! That ought to quiet her down a bit!

I always say that the most pain that a baby brings is the advice that comes along with it! : )

Good luck with that gem of a MIL!

C.

Hi L.,

Most women who have one C-Section need to have C-sections for future pregnancies. Your MIL may be a nurse, but she is not a doctor. She does not have as much schooling as your doctor and is not treating you. Your doctor is. Do not feel bad about your decision to trust your doctor.

I have found that some people who are know-it-alls (I have a SIL who is the same way) feel the world would be a better place if we just lived the way they intended us to, but in the end, we have to pick our own path. I have learned that having discussions or defending myself does not work. However, smiling and nodding my head and ingnoring them does! Try not bringing up the C-section. If she does, let her know that you are working with your doctor on what's best for you and your baby. If she huffs, nod and smile and ignore her comments.

She's not going to be there when the baby is born. Get your C-section. If she huffs because you went ahead, have your husband gently remind her that this is your life, not hers.
More than likely though she won't say anything. My SIL was in the room to be my coach when I delivered my baby and even though she was against any type of pain reliever during labor, I got the epidural. They had induced labor and broke my water (I had gestational diabetes and was past my due date so the doctor didn't want to put it off any longer) so I went from no labor to full blown labor and I didn't know how long I was going to be in this amount of pain so when I was far enough along, they gave me the epidural and then I could relax and rest so that when it came time to deliver, I had the strength to do so.

I have no regrets on my decision. Caley was born healthy and happy and has been ever since. Also, you will find other nurses who will totally support your decision so realize your MIL is one person and while she's a part of your family doesn't mean she has any control over your life or decisions. She's one peanut in the gallery. I hope I was able to help. Best wishes on your new arrival.

Angie

She's a nurse not a doctor so no, she doesn't know. In Vet Tech school they tell you that you can't diagnose but you follow the Vets orders. Maybe it's the same thing here.

I'd be outraged if it were me and I'd tell her in an upset way that it's medically needed to deliver by repeat c-section or you may have complications and unlike her you want to deliver safetly so you remain alive to hold a baby and a live baby for that matter. I'd then ask her what her problem is.

I also had 4 c-sections, the first was not by choice the last three were planned since I knew it was impossible for a natural delivery. It's definitely not the easier way out. I don't know how many times I wish I could have experienced natural child birth to see if the pain is any less. My first was 9 lb 8oz, after him I was told to always plan on c-sect's since I tried for 12 hours, 3 1/2 weeks over due, and didn't dialate at all.

Dear L.,

1st and foremost, let me tell you how sorry I am that your mother in-law has given you a terrible impression of a nurse. I happen to be a labor & delivery nurse, and if you physician tells you that you need a repeat c-section than you do. Next time your mother inlaw gives you unwanted advice just simply tell her well if you feel that way maybe you should go to medical school for some correct medical advice. Your doctor is not going to steer you in the wrong direction he has medical standards of practice to uphold just as nurses do. Next time your mother in law say's anything just say "I am sure you understand that there are far more medical risk for a csection as opposed to a vaginal delivery so you can help me after I have the baby" Just enjoy your last trimester of being pregnant. Feel blessed that this little baby will should be enlightening your life, and truly love being pregnant. Shrug off any negative comment from anyone. God bless you and good luck with your delivery.

I ended up having a C-section with my first child too because I dilated to 8 and then he got stuck. My bloodpressure began to drop and the baby's began to go up. I am 6 months pregnant and plan to schedule another C-section.
Have you talked with your doctor about this? My doctor gave me the greatest response to give people and their unwanted comments about c-section, breastfeeding, etc.

He said to tell people, "Either option I choose (C-section or vaginal birth)is my decision to make and nobody has the right to give me any grief about it."

It has surprisingly shut people up! You don't need to go through unnecessary pain or injury anymore than your baby does. Personally, I think C-section is the way to go, but that is my opinion. More power to the people that choose a vaginal delivery. Good luck to you!

HTH,
A.

Dear L. J,
Good morning. I am a gramma myself and both of my children were born c section 30 years ago.
Who's having the baby here?
How is it possible to be giving birth "the normal" way while worrying about the health and safety of you and your new baby?
Just tell your mother-in-law that you love her andare doing your best by listening to yourself and your Dr so that she can have a healthy new grandbaby.
When you think about having the baby "normally" does that thought feel heavy or light to you?
How about when you think of the c section?
What's wrong with telling her that you just don't want to go the dangerous route and you need to do what is right for you?
Warmly J.

Oh, I am so sorry you have to deal with taht it is just so uncomfortable. That being said, maybe just for ease of mind, My sis. in law is a very sought after OBGYN and she elected for a c-section. There was no reason that she couldn't have had a vaginal delivery. She has just seen all of the repairs she has had to do on women, and all of the risks to the baby during vaginal deliveries. She a professional who truly knows what she is talking about actually chose a c-cection and thinks that more women should do so!

I agree with the post that suggests to invite her politely to have the argument with your doctor. Tell her that since the doctor is the one overseeing the pregnancy, not your MIL, that you just feel best trusting the doctors judgement.

I'm sorry she's causing you stress.. I mean seriously, how is going thru major surgery 'the easy way out' ??!!!

My friend that had a natural delivery was on her feet later that night and it took me weeks of recovery after pushing unsucessfully for three hours then having a C... I want to have a natural birth if/when i get preg again.. But if it means not going thru the pain of a recovery of a pulled muscle from trying unsucessfully to push again for so long on top of the regular prolonged C-secton recovery... Bring on the scheduled C!

Try not to let her get you too down, I'm sure she means well.. Some people just dont know when to stop. You are doing what is right for you and your baby. Dont doubt yourself because she doesnt see it that way. :) And definately try to talk to your husband about this. He should be on your side and take care of things if his mother is causing you stress. He may know the best way to get thru to her...

Take care and God Bless!

I was in your position and ended up with three C-sections. A few people asked if I was going to have another C-section, but no one questioned the advice of my doctor (who is the one who should know what is best for my child and me).

With regard to any comments from people as to whether you can't handle the pain...unless they have had a C-Section, they have no "knowledge" or experience as to what pain YOU go through after the surgery. Let's see...having your body "sliced open"...seems like a little bit more of a deal than getting clipped a little during a vaginal birth.

There is a bible verse that goes something like, "Forgive them, Lord, for they know not of what they speak." It seems to fit in this situation.

Do what you believe is the best for you and your child!

Good luck.

Hi L.,

Everyone here already has great advice. Your MIL is a nurse, not an OB/GYN. You are not alone, you are doing what is best for you and the baby.

I had an emergency C after 24 hours of labor - 8 of it hard pushing - with my oldest. I planned the second C because the OB/GYN thought it would be best for both of us; baby was supposed to be large and my age indicated a possibility of a uterine rupture (i.e. potential death if not caught immediately), scarring, etc...

You are not taking the easy way out. There are many risks to a C and the associated anesthesia, surgery, recovery...the longer recovery time, the additional pain, etc... you know, you've had one already. It isn't easier, and it certainly isn't less painful. The pain is just later rather than right away.

I would just tell her that your OB/GYN went school for a long time to be qualified to make these decisions, and you're trusting him/her to make the right choice for both you and the baby's health.

If she won't leave you alone, ask your husband to talk to her. If that doesn't work, just ignore her and be certain in the knowledge that you are doing what it is right for you and the baby, that you are protecting both of you, and that you are not wrong or alone.

I hope it gets easier for you. A C isn't easy, nor pleasant, as you know, and the additional stress of someone badgering you about it can't be easy.

L.

L.,
You can't control what your mother-in-law says, but you can control your reaction to what she says. Ignore her! Your doctor knows best! It is your decision based on the facts you know. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wimping out or otherwise. Many doctors will insist that if you have had one c-section that you should always have a c-section. Fewer and fewer are going away from VBACs. You don't need the stress! Try to avoid her, and if you can't tell her outright that this decision is based on your doctor's recommendation - plus there are so many pros to the repeat c-section as far as planning for the birth itself. Be at peace with your decision and don't let anyone tell you differently!

My MIL tends to make comments all the time about what she thinks is best for me to do. What I have found when it came to my pregnancy and our daughter is to tell her this is what my/our doctor said we need to do. In most cases that has shut her up.

Don't feel guilty about having a C-section. I never intended to have one (that was the one chapter in the Mayo Pregnancy book that I didn't read!). But, our daughter had different ideas and 12 hours after my water broke she still hadn't dropped into the birth canal and I was only dilated to 4 cm. I'm going to try to have a VBAC with our 2nd, but I've been told that because we don't know why our daughter didn't drop, I may end up with another C-section. Our niece was born with a C-section and my SIL has been told that a VBAC will definately not be an option for her. My SIL has been told that her birth canal is just too small. (Our niece was only 7 pounds and didn't have a big head.)
Your doctor knows best, not your MIL.

Hi L.:
You don't have to explain or defend your self. You Mother-in-law may be a nurse, but she doesn't know everything. Nurses are taught that the doctor makes the decisions; nurses follow orders. You, your husband, and your doctor have made a decision that is the best for you and the baby, that's it. Your mother-in-law is being overbearing and controlling. She is also very disrespectful of you and your doctor. Years ago when the battle for Roe vs Wade was being fought women were arguing that we have the right to make decisions about our bodies. But they seem to forget that means all decisons and having a C-section is a decision about your body. Ask her if she forgot that point. It's time you put her in her place. She is your Mother-in-law and the grandmother to your children she is not the medical professional you see or listen to. She hasn't seen your chart or files and has no right to oppose your decisions.
Good luck dear.

I just (18 months ago) had my second by c-section. I decided I wanted to try a VBAC -- however, my doctor would not allow it --- he is unwilling to do them for insurnace reasons and the chance of serious bleeding complication because of the previous c-section. Turned out to be a really good thing my daughter was breech and we didn't know until thec-section. My clinic is highly regarded and they won't do them--- as a nurse she should know that VBAC are becoming more controversial.

L. -

Wow, I am very envious of you, I would have probably lost my temper with her by now. I would simply tell her that according to the doctor it is safer to deliver the baby via c-section and that you are not willing to risk your baby's health or safety because anyone else thinks that you should deliver vaginally. Secondly I am guessing that she has never had a c-section. The not so great side of a c-section is that the pain is not done after the baby is delivered (maybe a couple days later) it takes weeks sometimes months before your body feels normal again and without the pulled muscles everytime you sneeze or turn wrong etc. And from my experience and that of other moms I have spoken with the 2nd c-section is more painful (sorry) for the first few days. Don't feel bad about putting her in her place. My mother in law is the best and due to our circumstances with our youngest being a premie we are unable to take her to their house at all right now due to her smoking and I continue to appologize for that and she told me: "You need to do what you feel is best for your kids and don't worry or care what others think". I hope this helps and I really hope your mother in law gets a bad case of laryngitis soon! Good luck and congrats!!!

First of all, this is your decision (together with your husband and doctor, of course). You should not feel guilty about having another C-section, and I agree with everybody who said a C-section is NOT taking the easy way out. I feel sad that women should feel ashamed about having major surgery in order to deliver their babies safely. I'm currently pregnant with #2, after having had an emergency C-section with my first. I really hope to be able to have a vaginal delivery this time, for many reasons but probably most importantly that not being able to pick up my son (who'll be 20 months and probably very confused about what this new baby is doing with us) for several weeks would break my heart. I just wanted to write because after doing a lot of reading about having a vaginal delivery after a C-section, I think your MIL may be right as far as that you COULD have a VBAC if you really wanted to - but that of course doesn't mean that you should! This site has a lot of information about C-sections and VBACs, although it's probably mostly geared towards people that really want to go for a vaginal birth, in case you're interested: http://www.ican-online.org/

Hello-
I am a OB c/s nurse in Madison and I have seen first hand what can happen when some babies are too large for Moms pelvis, they get stuck with sometimes bad outcomes like trauma to their head, bruising, seizures, meconium stooling while they are still inside from the stress ,which they can inhale and cause lung damage. You are more likely to have an even larger baby this time so I think you and your doctor are wise in choosing this route which MANY women like yourselves do!Not to mention this time you will be prepared to have the c/s and will bounce back so much quicker than having go through hours of labor with possible cutting, tearing, forceps, vaccuum, poss uterine rupture and then maybe a c/s anyways! You have a 3 yr old now as well so you want things to go smoothly. I would share with your MIL that you , your husband and doctor all know that this is the best option for you and the baby and just leave it at that. Good luck, it will be fine after you have the baby:)

A c-s is NOT easy! It drives me nuts when people say it is the easy way out. I have had 4 and there was nothing easy about any of them! I would ignore her comments and not even get into it with her. It is really no one's business but yours. It is rude and insensitive of people to make such rude comments! I am sorry she is making you feel bad about it. Try to just ignore her or have your hubby talk to her about dropping it.
S.

The secret here is how you decide to respond to her words. You need to establish with her that you are in charge of your body ("my body=my choice"--the old saying goes a long way), and if you do need to say anything to her you could look her in the eyes and tell her point blank, "Drop it. This is MY pregnancy and I am going to birth my baby the way that I want." That type of response might take her aback and she may start leaving you alone about it. You could also remind her that cesarean section surgeries really are not her area of expertise in the RN realm (I don't know if that's true, but you could help her find some humility by reminding her she's not the big expert she thinks). This is all about boundaries, and while you are establishing better ones with your mother-in-law why don't you go get yourself some prenatal massage or pedicures as a reward? Good luck, and don't help her effort to upset you during such a blessed time.

Why is getting a c-section viewed as taking the easy way out? It's like if you don't have a vaginal delivery or if you get pain meds, you are considered less of a woman or something. This is supposed to be the most painful thing a person can go through in life. So why would someone want to go through it having an intense, and painful delivery? I have 3 children. All were delivered vaginally. My 1st labor was long and the pain was something I will never forget. The other 2 labors were faster, much faster but still with a lot of pain. I wanted pain meds, but didn't get it with the first b/c my dr was against it (I found out later), too quick for the 2nd, and didn't work for the 3rd. So, who cares if you can or can't take the pain??? It's like some cruel initiation into motherhood. Forget that! You might need to tell your MIL that while you appreciate her opinion, you only need to hear it once, to know it. Feel confident that you are doing what is best for you and your baby. Deciding to have a c-section is no easy decision. C-section is a surgery and a pretty intense one at that. You will have a lot of healing to do afterwards that you wouldn't have if you did vaginal. Of course since she is a nurse, she should know that! Good luck...I feel for you. I really wish women would stop thinking/feeling as though you must have a long and painful vaginal birth to be initiated into motherhood. Nothing is easy about giving birth, any way you do it! Congrats to you, and enjoy your sweet little baby once it gets here. Sorry for the rambling.

L., I have a slightly different take on this than most of the other posters. First, let me say that I have given birth eight times, seven vaginally, and one c-section, both with and without pain meds, induced and without augmentation. We laughed this last time that I had almost tried each and every possible birthing option. Beyond that, I have a friend who had her first vaginally with great tearing and vacuum delivery, and who sat on a donut for the next 6 weeks, but went on to have two more vaginally without any problems. C-sections are no easy task. The recovery is not fun. The decision is yours to make, on the advice of your doctor, with your husband as your advocate and co-decision-maker. Try having your husband talk with your MIL, the rule here is you handle your family, I'll handle mine. Blow her off when you are with her, and take a minute to clear your head when you leave. My MIL also knows best, and I have learned to smile and nod, and when we leave, I tell my husband all the wonderful things she shared with me that particular day. It's a give and take. Please know that the risks of problems vbac-ing after a c-section with a bikini incision and regular scarring are minimal. But you and your husband and Dr. need to decide for you what is best. Blessings on your new baby, and I hope you have a wonderful birth, the one of your dreams!
~S.

Ignore your Mother-in-law and do what the Dr. reccomends.
Thank her for her interest and just tell her you will do as the Dr. says but if she still continues to know what is best for you, have your Dr. talk to her. Don't let her superior attitude spoil this special time in you life.

you tell her that there are huge risks to consider when thinking of a VBAC, and those risks, even at only 1%, are more than enough to trust your doctors and that you made the right choice. its none of anyone else's business anyway.

i am pretty convinced that doctors do not always make the best choices for first time mothers, and most of the things that they require in a hospitol birth can actually cause more interventions to be neccessary.... which is good for the doctor because they do get paid more for a c-sec than a vaginal birth. however, when it comes to vbacs, though they are possible and risks are low, any risk is still more than enough for me to let the doctor help me make the decisions.
i had an opposite experience than you, i had a very calm, 'easy' 7.5 hr labor and delivery with minimal drug interference, and i loved every minute of it, and im so happy i was able to do it.

i dont know anything about your first birth experience. i wuold assume that you are like most women, who kinda thought their whole lives they would have a natural birth, and were disappointed by how things turned out, but as long as you have healthy babies, the way it happens doesnt matter as much.

what im concerned about is that your MIL is making you feel more and more guilty even over what happened in your FIRST birth... and the guilt may be doubled over what is happening in your second. you have to know that you make the decisions that is best for you and your family, NOT your MIL. those are important things to remember EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life. you and your husband are the people who make decisions for your family. your husband needs to be on your team with this. i hope that he is, since you dont mention him i assume he is. :D
just keep strong. theres no reason to get all in her face, but just keep stressing that you and your husband make the decisions for your family, and info that she may give you will be heard, but not necessarily followed.

and just trust yourself. you are making the best decisions for your family.
good luck

Heh heh heh...I'm not laughing at you, but sharing your pain :) My mother in law is also a nurse, so I know where you're coming from. I had to have 3 c-sections because the babies were breech. Tell your MIL that your doctor says a c-section is the safest way for your child to be born and does it really matter how the child is born as long as it's healthy? Tell her to look at the big picture, you're bringing a life into the world, and the baby doesn't care how s/he's born, only that there is a loving family to greet him/her. You didn't say whether or not she had a c-section, but you could remind her that a c-section isn't the easy way out, it's actually much more painful, dangerous, and has a longer recovery time. Either that or tell her to butt out :) Good luck.

It's not your mother's in-law's business to tell you what to do here. Nurse or not. If you are tired of talking to her about it, my best advicce would be to avoid the topic or avoid her entirely until you have the baby. You don't need the stress and she probably brings that on. Almost every woman I know who has had a c-section the first time, gets it the second time to bc of risks with a vaginal delivery which I am sure your doctor has told you about. You are doing the right thing, so don't fret about her telling you otherwise.

Hi L.,

I have had a c-section, 2 v-backs and my last was a c-section. Unless you are at a facility that can handle emergency issues such as a complicated v-back then doctors are advising that women have another c-section. I was very bummed about my last because I had two successful v-backs but was told at the hospital that they no longer would do them do to liability. This may be the case with your facility. But regardless your clear issue is with your in-law. How hurtful it must be for you especially during this point of your pregnancy when you are ready for your next child. Just remember that the problem lies with her...not with you. You and your husband are doing what you are told is the best for you and the baby. That is what is important...not what she thinks. Hang in there. Remember, Christ was ridiculed when he was innocent...he understands suffering of all kinds.

Hi,
Maybe take her to the doctors appt. with you? That way the doctor could explain your risk factors. Otherwise I think about speaking your mind to her. Explain that she is adding stress to your life and if she wants to continue to be a part of it she has to back off!
My first birth was a vaginal where my daughter got stuck. I pushed for nearly 3 hours before they used a vaccume pump. Thankfully she was ok! So when I heard my second was breach my doctor and I both decided on a c section. I don't regret ever having one. It was medically necessary and nothing to be ashamed of.