Calling a Child by Their Middle name......without Asking First

The answer I gave my MIL, when she wanted to call my son by a different version of his given name was this:

If you don't call him Andrew, you won't need to worry about what you call him because you won't see him.

It seems harsh, but it had to be done. I could go on for days about her and her antics:) Best of luck, stay strong. Xavier is a wonderful name.

Have hubby tell her in no uncertain terms that this is the name he would like her to use and it really annoys him that she doesn't use it.
Have him leave you out of it and if she brings you up he needs to say this is not about A., you are being disrespectful to me and my child.
Or you could start calling her Mrs. G and see how she likes that, have the kids call her that too.

ROFL... I'm with the team that has decided to call you MIL Hortense & Zeb (or some other random names -Suzy & Johnny, Angelica & Frank, etc.) until they knock it off.

Start calling her by her middle name. Lol.

that's absolutely ridiculous and beyond rude. your "poor choice" in name? what a b***h!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd have your HUSBAND tell her that she can call the child by his GIVEN name, or she can go take a hike. that's rude and unbelievably insulting - i am so sorry that she is doing that :(

IF I ever, ever, EVER behave remotely like this with my own son's partners, I hope someone will DRAG me to get medical attention! Sheesh....

I USED to think ignoring this kind of rudeness was the way to go, but I have learned that people who behave this way take being ignored as an invitation to be MORE RUDE.

That said - your husband really needs to be the one step up as this is his Mom. A good response would have been, "Wow, Mom - that's really rude."

Since he didn't say that, the next time it comes up, he could say something like "I want you to stop being rude to my wife, my kids, and ME. I want you to stop being disrespectful to me and MY FAMILY."

And if he won't, then let him know that YOU WILL. Good luck!

(p.s. That's a lovely name)

I agree, start calling her by a middle name.

Both are great names. But you (actually, your DH) are right to tell her that the name you blessed him with (and possibly had him baptised under) is the ONLY one to use. If Xavier is who he knows himself to be and who you know him to be and the name God will call him by (if your beliefs are thus inclined)...Who on earth is she to 2nd guess that? Does she know better than the woman who carried him so close to her heart for 9 months? Does she know better than God?

Every time she uses "Reese" as in "Would you like to go for a walk with gramma, Reese?". Immediately but with as much patience as you can muster, correct what she said by restating it, "Xavier honey, do you want to go for a walk?".

My brother is a James. Never ever a Jim. Several teacehrs insisted on calling him Jim and I distinctly remember him; at age 7, telling his teacher (who was irrate about his inattentiveness), "I will listen to you when you listten to me. I have told you my name is James not Jim." Classic.

One last idea -- Perhaps passive-aggressive...Everytime she does it, respond to the room at large with something like, "Oh Xavier -- Gramma was talking to you. She is older and gets a little confused sometimes and forgets what your name is."

my first borns middle name is xavier, and I get grief for THAT. I can feel your pain, but it's a GREAT name. Tell your MIL that her name is stupid and start calling her by her middle name like someone else said, see how she likes it. lol.

Whenever I have a problem with my MIL, I have my husband deal with her. If she continues, I respond. My husband knows I will not hold back so he usually handles it early on.
But, even though your husband doesn't like what his mother is doing, he may not feel like confronting her at the moment. It's difficult to tell our parents we don't agree with them.
First of all, don't delay on dealing with this or it will only get worse.
Second, you'll have to figure out how to approach it together with your husband.
My first choice:
Tell your MIL that the next child she has she can name whatever she feels is a good choice.
Until then your child is to be addressed by the name he was given BY HIS PARENTS.
My second choice:
"Oh, thanks for telling me. You know, you're right, it's a terrible name. Can you come with me down to city hall to fill out the paperwork to change it?"
A better choice:
Tell your MIL that you and your husband went through a lot of names before you found the perfect one for your son. You also went through a lot of names before deciding on the perfect one as a middle name. You both knew the moment you called your newborn baby boy that name, that you had made the RIGHT choice and that you both now know the other names you had thought of would never have worked for him.
If she feels that she can not go along with your decisions as parents, she is not welcome around your children.
This is harsh, but they must respect the decisions you make for your family.
As for your older children correcting her, when you hear them say something to grandma, make sure you call her on it. Do not let her behave as though she doesn't understand. Stand up for your kids in front of her. They (your kids) need to know that mom and dad are king and queen, not grandma and grandpa.

Be just as rude as her. Tell your kids to stop calling her grandma and address her as Mrs._____. I can't believe someone is actually so insulting, your precious child's name is beautiful and perfect!

This is completely unacceptable!!!!! She is going to confuse your older children (to the point where they may start calling your baby by his middle name) and definately will confuse your baby when he gets older and wonders why his grandma is calling him by his middle name. No way can your MIL do this without suffering consequences!! I am very happy that your husband is on the same page with you. This requires drastic action on your husband's part. Your husband (not you) needs to tell his mother that if she continues to call your baby by his middle name, she will be cut out of his life. I am serious! This is your child and your MIL cannot call him whatever she wishes - she must respect you and your huband's choice in his name, and if she doesn't, then no grandchildren (this goes for your older children, too). She cannot have ANY grandchildren privileges until she has respect for you and your husband and calls your son by his first name. When your husband tells her this, watch how quickly she has an attitude adjustment!

thats horrible, she needs to refer to him by his real name, or not at all. Im sorry you have your hands so full with this lady.

ick

she might as well have said "i've decided i dont like you, so from now on i will be spitting in your face every time i see you"

Have your kids start calling her something else and see how she likes it.

His name was yours and your husbands choice and no one NO ONE! can change it but you. By the way I love the name Xavier!

What an insufferable, so and so.. I am shocked that FIL didn't tell her to knock it off. he must be a door mat..

I do agree your husband needs to address this with his mother. Just try to ignore her. She sounds like she likes to stir the pot. Maybe you could start calling her "Mother G." That would get her attention.. Your kids could start calling "Grandma G. "

She could at least call your son by both his first and second name.

We have relatives that LOVED our daughters middle name so they call her by her first and middle name.. She likes that they have this personal way of using her full name..

Your hubby needs to handle this. She's being an immature twit. If hubby agrees, don't acknowledge her when she asks about your son unless she uses his name. Don't accept anything addressed to the wrong name - just say, "there's no one here by that name". Let your husband answer your children about his mom - that way you don't get caught in the middle of it.

My BIL did that to my youngest who's name is Thatcher Bruce. He just likes the name Bruce better. As our son is named after both my husband and my grandfathers, it isn't that we prefer one name to the other, but his name is Thatcher, not Bruce. I told my BIL that I prefer the name "Alan" to his youngest son's name and I think I'll call him that (which is his middle name also). He got my point. We all name our kids what we want them to be called. It's no one else's business to change their name.
Start calling her by her middle name and see what happens. I'll guarantee she'll ask you why you are calling her that. ;0)

Completely out of line. I would tell her that she is free to call him some cute nickname like her "lil puddin'" or whatever and that I never wanted to hear her opinion about a name that I am my husband chose for my child. I would tell her in a firm, resolved way that I found it totally rude that she would make such a comment about something that is not in any way her decision. I agree nip this in the bud now! I have been called my middle name all my life and it is such a hassle!! Now that I am married it is actually funny. I will get mail for legal stuff that has my first name and my married name and mail that has my middle name and maiden name, it is like an alias or something! Believe me you are doing him a big favor calling him by his given name and I wouldn't let anyone challenge that! Good luck she sounds like a handful!!

Wow. What a (Insert deleted expletive here). I can't believe that.

There's nothing you can do about someone that horribly rude. Let them call him what they like and if he doesn't answer them, tough. I would explain to the kids that Grandma is being very rude and doesn't understand the idea of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Honestly, I'd probably say that in front of her.

The mean part of me would probably have looked at the presents and said "oh, no one by that name lives here! I guess these are for the salvation army" and would have swooped them up and had them in the car before they could say boo. Same goes for phone calls.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with that.

ps - I love the name xavier reese!

I say don't worry about it and just tell the other kids that grandma and grandpa are old and have trouble remember things, like his first name. Say it in front of her enough, and I guarantee she'll stop. :)

No, you AND your Husband, clearly... correct her.
How insulting... that she even say that.
Geez.

TEACH your child as well, to speak up. To say his name. When he is older. That is his right too.
I always teach my kids to speak up to their over-bearing relatives.... anytime they do not like something or if they are being 'bossed' by them in a rude manner.

all the best,
Susan

My MIL wanted to do this with my daughter as she did not like the name we picked out for her before she was born. I was so mad. I made my husband tell her to call her by her name. We told her that she got to name her own kids and now it was our turn. Because of this we kept the name of our son a secret until after he was born so there would be no fights before. We are now expecting #3 and she has already commented on us picking another strange name. Thankfully my husband already told her to leave it alone. Put your foot down and tell her to call your son by his first name. It is a great name by the way.

I would not let her do this, how rude! I would encourage the children to keep correcting her, and would make it clear that it will not stand. I would start by having your husband tell her that the child will be called by his name, and nothing else!! How confusing will it be for a young child to be called different names by different people! It makes no difference if she does not like the name, it is his name, not hers.

It's rude and inappropriate. Others don't decide on what to call a child, the parents do. You are not required to name a child something a grandparent likes. My mother liked my daughter's middle name better than her first name, and commented to my sister that she wished I'd used that as her first name, but she never even said that directly to me, let alone tried calling her the middle name. MIL shouldn't call your child by any name other than the one that you do. You and husband need to confront her, tell her to stop playing games, and his name is Xavier whether she likes it or not. If she gives him a gift with another name on it, hand it back and tell her it must be for some other child, your son's name is Xavier, and oh, btw, if you didn't bring Xavier a gift, the other kids have to give their gifts back to you too, grandma, you can't show favoritism LOL
She is free to feel however she wants about his name and it is her option not to like it, she is allowed that. Telling you she doesn't like it is rude and choosing to call him by another name is inappropriate

First of all, let me say that Xavier Reese is a beautiful name! Secondly, I am married to a man whose family called him by his middle name his entire life and he absolutely HATED it! Not only did he dislike being called by his middle name, he was never given a choice, and when he voiced his disapproval, it just fell on deaf ears. As he grew up and met new people, he always used his first name, as that is what he preferred to be called. He always resented that his family refused to take his feelings into account. Even now, as a grown man, it still irritates him! All his friends and coworkers use his first name. So do I. I think your MIL is being absolutely ridiculous and petty and controlling. Some names do take awhile to grow on you, but if you love the person, the name shouldn't make a bit of difference. She needs to respect your choice of name - no negotiating on this one. If I were you I would tell her in no uncertain terms that she and your FIL are to use the name given to your son, period. Put your foot down now - I think you will really regret it if you don't.

A. - I love the name Xavier. You tell your mother in law that his name is Xavier, not Reese, and that you would appreciate it if she calls him by his NAME. Every time she says Reese, you correct her. Your husband also needs to step up and tell his mom and dad to respect your decision on his name. Shame on your MIL. What a stupid thing to be disrespectful about!
L.

That would bother me. Your new baby (congratulations) isn't old enough to have a preference for what he wants to be called; therefore, that decision lies with you, the mom and dad. I would have your husband speak to her privately and explain that if you wanted little Johnny to be called Frederick, you would have NAMED him Frederick in the first place. If that doesn't work, you could always just start calling your MIL and her husband by different names of your choosing. And explain that you thought that's how things were working in your family now. **Just kidding** Seriously, after your husband speaks to her about it, you just have to be calm and consistent in correcting her. MIL: "Here, this is for Frederick." You: "MIL, we talked about this, we want to call him Johnny until he's old enough to decide for himself what he wants to be called." I think that's very rude and nervy of your in-laws.

I went through a similar ordeal with my own MIL regarding our youngest daughter's first name, which is Mykala (like Michaela but spelled differently). I don't have to fear her granny or anyone else calling her by her middle name until and if she wants to use it because 1st and middle names are Mykala Brantley.

We (DH & I) had to sit his mother down and have a long heart-to-heart regarding our youngest daughter's name and that she would have NO nickname except for the one we've used since she was old enough to hold a pencil & crayons and that nickname is more of a term of endearment than anything else b/c it's "Doodle-Bug" and the reason is because this child has had a gift for drawing anything and everything from scratch without any tracing and it is an almost if not perfect duplication of things she sees.

With regards to her first name, I made it perfectly clear when we named her there would be no Kala or Kayla or any derivative of her name. It's Mykala AND it has special meaning behind it.

You see, I was told from the 5th grade I'd never have children or if I managed to get pregnant, I'd never then carry to term and would likely lose any children I choose to attempt to carry to term. The docs don't know everything, is all I can say. I have a wonderful 23, almost 24yo daughter who is in her 2+ mos anniversary of marriage (they were married on Oct 24, 2010). I nearly lost her many times too but I didn't know her sex before she was born so there were lots of names on the list and we sifted through names that fit with my maternal grandmother being as how I am her namesake and wanted my oldest to carry a piece of the same woman whom I was named for with her. As for our youngest, we knew by the 6th month mark (actually earlier but it was definitive by 6-mos). I knew I wanted to use the name Mykala but being as how her dad was named after his maternal grandfather not to mention the fact he is the spitting image of the man from the 1 photo I've seen of him over the years with him in his uniform from WWI. Nothing fit because Joseph is a boy's name and Coy didn't match so I chose to use his last name as it went well with the 1st name, which is how she came by the name Brantley. Plus, it will look great on letterhead should she decide to go into business, art, writing, etc... Her father is his maternal grandfather's namesake and in staying with my family's tradition, now our youngest daughter is also her paternal great-grandfather's namesake as well just like her dad.

Her first name has special meaning because after spending more time in the hospital than out throughout the pregnancy, not counting the bed rest from the 1st trimester, nearly losing her more times than I can count, and the addition of fighting toxemia, pre-eclampsia, odd test results for spina bifida. The reason for the high-level ultrasound at 6mos gestation was due to spina bifida testing where we learned she was most certainly a she and even more so, it was done on the day of our oldest daughter's birthday and a 2-hour delay in school starting because of ice and sleet the day before there was nobody who was able to take her to school so she came with us; it was her birthday and so when the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex, we both said yes. He overheard our oldest going on and on about her birthday & if the baby would have her birthday or not; the doc asked her what she wanted for her birthday, a little brother or a little sister. She squealed - literally - with delight and told him she wanted a little sister. He whispered this into her ear telling her happy birthday in the process then adding that she got her birthday wish -all loud enough for us to hear. From that moment on, we heard nothing else but how she was having a little sister for her birthday. It was cute. But, after my many hospitalizations, it was hard on her too because she was afraid her baby sister wasn't going to make it.

After 19 and 1/2hrs of labor (no credit for time served so there went the concept of the 2nd child coming much faster; the oldest came in 13 and 1/2 hours) with the help of a pitocin drip to speed up the labor because my water broke at like 5am & the contractions started almost immediately but they never progressed fast enough w/o the assistance in pushing the labor along.

My water leaked from the uterus in small trickles the last few months of the pregnancy & the docs were afraid the sac was going to break at the slightly jostling so there was no moving about too much or I'd risk losing her early. The day before Christmas Eve, I began bleeding from where the placenta was trying to separate yet again but they were able to get it under control. Those extra few weeks allowed her to get up to a bit over 6lbs so it surely paid off in the end but after all those hours of labor then delivery & DH and I arguing about how I wanted her to have the name Mykala, he gave up the fight the moment she was born and we were within an hour or less of the doctor sending me to the OR to have a c-section b/c we were reaching the 24-hour mark & didn't want any detrimental effects on the baby.

DH went to my room, which was already set up and the nurses had put our oldest down on my bed to rest while waiting for me to deliver. He brought her back so she could hold the baby. My first words were, 'Are we going to continue to fight over the name?"

His last words were, "After all this, (ie.. the pain of childbirth and hanging in there for 19 & 1/2 hours) you can name her whatever you want to name her." LOL! The reason the spelling is with the My is because she was My-kala and I had worked so hard for so long to ensure she stayed in my body until she could be born safely without any complications, well more complications than we had already.

To this day, even at almost 14yo, she still loves to hear the story of how she got her name. I tell her each time it's because she was "My" "Kala."

Now I must admit I was fortunate to have a husband who cut his mom off each time she went to call her Kala because I refuse anyone to call her anything but Mykala unless it's Brantley. His mother learned rather quick that there was no arguing the point. It was Mykala or nothing so she caved in and hasn't called her Kala since she was an infant.

Stick to your guns. Let your MIL know that you chose his name for your reasons and you like it. It's his name and she will have to use it or he will not receive any cards with his middle name on it so she best get with the program.

I realize it sounds mean but still, this is YOUR child, not HER child. And, it's time she realizes it and starts respecting you and your husband's rights as parents without interference from the grandparents or the grandmother.

Best of luck and all my best wishes for a happy resolution; names are extremely important and btw, I think Xavier is a WONDERFUL name for a boy! It kind of reminds me of a formerly married couple set of friends of mine and my husband's before they broke up & got divorced and now the child is with the father for all the right reasons including the child's safety... but his name is Kirsten Yohan. I believe this is also a wonderful name for a boy. Besides, how many people truly want to enter school only to find there are dozens of boys with the name Pete, John, Jack, Ray, Roy, Joseph, Cameron, etc... Both my girls were unique in their names as there are no other students with them (at least for my oldset, there were not any in grade school but college it was different. she was tripping over other Tina's in college. I don't see this happening for her younger sister though, esp if she choses to use her middle name as her name she might use if she likes it enough & truly wants to be different. even more than she is now.

Again, all my best wishes that you can get this through the MIL's head... If DH is willing to go to bat with you over it, you have a great chance of getting through.

If you and your husband are in agreement over your son's name, ignore your MIL. If they can't use your sons name, I wouldn't let them see him. they don't have to like the name. They got to name their own children, you get to name yours. If they want to be a part of your family, then they have to accept your decisions whether they like them or not. It's called respect and I'd remind them of that. Best of luck.

This is totally passive aggressive, but how about calling the in-laws by some other names? Just tell them that you and hubby decided that you don't like their given names, so you've decided to call them Hilga and Dick. And yes, I did intend the connotation associated with Dick. :)

I think you should reply to her rude behavior the following way (or better yet, have your husband talk to his mother):

Although we're sorry to hear that you don't approve of your grandchild's name, the fact remains that we're the parents and we like it. If you want to visit your grandchildren and give gifts in the future, then you will respect our wishes and call all our children by their first names. If not, then it is YOUR CHOICE to continue this bad behavior and we will ignore you until you can act like a grownup. (And by ignore her I mean don't talk to her, don't invite her over, don't accept her gifts, etc. I did not mean ignore as in 'let it go'.)

Afterall, she's acting like "she didn't know what they were talking about" so give her a taste of her own medicine.

She's really got some nerve. And for your husband to not jump on it immediately surprises me. At minimum he should have a conversation with her and literally say, "Gee Mom what IS your problem?"

Xavier is not "off the wall" at all, not compared to the other strange things kids are being named now. I think MIL is out of line, and I think you and DH need to let her know this. Next time she addresses presents with his middle name, I would give them back and say "We don't have a child named Reese, we have one named Xavier." That's just me though :) In-laws, they can be peaches sometimes.

Just make up some name you feel like calling her and pretend like that's what her driver's license says. Doesn't have to be a rude or mean name, just pick some random name like "Mary" or "Sue" and start calling her that :)

But then, I don't always handle insults in the most mature fashion.

I think it is very rude of her she should ask to call him by his middle name that is showing disrespect to you and your family.She sounds like she likes to have controll of things let her know now before she does other things that make you mad.

A.! My jaw is on the floor with this one!! Of all the RUDE things for your in-laws to do. Who does this???

You are not wrong and you should not ignore this. You gave your child the name you wanted for whatever reason. It's not anyone's right to call him anything else, (besides your child's if HE grows up and want to change his name). I think I would be blunt on this one and say how you really feel. She's obviously not worried about your feelings.

you shouldnt have to ignore it, he is you're child and you picked the name and she needs to just deal with it. i have a hard time with people calling my son nicholas, nick...haha i know its not that big of a deal and i am ok with nicky but nick sounds so grown up and he's my baby (ok toddler but MY baby haha)

I think it's a lovely name but I do that this thought Grandma and if Gramps is involved in this behavior as well....would be considered Bully's if they were in school by doing such at thing. I would not ignore this behavior Grandma is extended family you and your hubby, children are a family. Plan and simple if Grandma wants to to make childish problems and make the kids ask questions and realize how poorly folks can act before their time of having to deal with such issues then Grandma needs a BIG TIME OUT. I'd say call him by his name and get over it or we are cutting off ties until you stop acting as a Bully. This is not acceptable behavior no one told her what to name her kids, if she wants to name another child then by all means she should have one of (HER OWN).
You and Hubby should let her know it's not only hurtful but it will cause problems the game is over and she'd an adult, stop it or you will stop it for her (Just like you have to deal with a child that's a Bully, period).
He's name carries authority and respect maybe he'll be a famous Judge or President who knows but his parents nor him need be treated with disrespect about it any more and the subject from now on should be in a Judges terms MOOT.
I love the name don't let her BULLY!

My MIL asked the same thing before my daughter was born, and I was SO upset. I cried to hours. Mostly bc I was so mad and couldnt believe she would suggest calling our child a different name. I also picked a name that was unique and different and also one that I know will not be in the top 10 names! Put your foot down, that is your child and YOU had the right to name him, NOT HER!! if she doesnt like it too bad, its not her kid!!!! Man MILs are something else!!!

i think that was rude of her and disrespectful to you. xavier is not that odd of a name. im naming my daughter olive and a lot of people look at me like im an idiot but i just tell them its not their choice and if they dont like it then thats to bad lol some lady even had the nurve to tell me olive is not going to be successful because of her name and i told her well have you ever heard of wolfgang amadeus mozart or OLIVE marie osmand!? then she shut up lol i would also have your husband and her have a little conversation about how it made you feel and if she doesnt start calling him by his first name then do what Kim C. said i think i would be funny :)

Is it that your MIL cannot easily pronounce DS's name, or she really just decided to start calling him by his middle name? Either way, until your child can decide for himself, the name he goes by is his given name (the name given by you and his father). Others (ALL others) should respect you and DH enough to honor the name you chose for your son and not take it upon themselves to change his name. If this is not a matter of a speech impediment or something similar, MIL is disrespecting you, DH, son, and other kids by doing this. Set boundaries and don't back down. How would she feel if you & your household did the same to her?

BTW- your son's name is great!

GL :-)

Wow. That's ridiculous. This woman needs a reality check. She isn't his mother... she doesn't get to decide his name. Remind her every time she refuses to use his name by saying something like... "Our baby's name is Xavier, grandma. Are you having trouble remembering?" I also like the idea of calling her by her middle name, or something random and letting her know that you don't like HER name so you decided to call her something else instead. "Isn't that ok? You are doing it to my son so I thought you liked that."

Sounds to me like this woman may have signs of dementia though. This kind of behavior is just NOT NORMAL.

As an educator let me say thanks for giving your son a name that is pronouncable. Your MIL is just being a pill. Correct her and make sure that when Xavier is old enough to speak for himself, he can correct her; and teach him not to answer to his middle name. In the meantime, sign his true name to all cards etc sent to her and just explain to the older kids that grandmother is just confused and it's ok to correct her; perhaps eventually she'll get the message.

Um, no, you are not wrong. How incredibly ignorant of your MIL to rename your child!! He is your son and only you and your husband have the right to name him, and you can do so as you choose!! Now, that's not to say that some people won't have pet names for him, which is fine I think. But to completely ignore the fact of his given name is absurd. I'm not really quite sure how you can go about fixing this issue, but I think your husband needs to be the one to put his foot down, since she clearly lacks any respect for you. Good luck!

I agree with everyone else. She is way out of line. Don't give up. Insist every time that she call your son what you have named him. She got to name her kids. Now you named yours. By the way, I love Xavier reese.

That's incredibly rude! How dare she? No, do not ignore it at all. Do not let her walk all over you. Let your husband deal with this...
Geeeeez!

Have your husband tell her not to do this; it's not his name!

It is fine that they don't like his name, they didn't name him you and your hubby did.

It is rude to call a child by a name other than what their parents have named or call them (except for nicknames). My daughter's name is Madison Cheyenne (I wanted Cheyenne Nicole but compromised w/ my hubby and we call her Cheyenne). She does not go by Madison (or Maddie etc.). She goes by Cheyenne...Chey, Shiny etc.

We have a niece and exSIL (her mother) who will call her Madison and yes it is her name they are doing it to irk my last nerve. The niece will say "Maddie" and I will quickly say "Her name is Cheyenne".

Since this is your inlaws and your hubby doesn't like it either, he should tell them now (while your son is still young) that his name is "XYZ and should not be called Y unless you are preceding it with X"...example: if his name is Justin Kyle they shouldn't call him Kyle unless they are calling him by both his first and middle name.

sounds like my MIL. lol. Sorry:(
If it bugs you, I would talk to them, or have your husband talk to them about it. I don't like to let things fester, better to just talk about it before too many feelings get involved.

Its rude and its confusing for your child. I love the name Xavier! Whats wrong with her??? Anyways, she should respect your name choice period. The only person this will really hurt is Xavier--and thats not fair~ He didn't do anything to deserve this....I would have your hubby talk to her and tell her its too bad that she doesn't like the name but if she wants to be around him and your family, she needs to get over it and call him by his name! As far as the presents, I would have ignored them and said, I don't know who this person is! Would you like to correct the tags and put his name on there? He doesn't go by Reese. Thats offensive and disrespectful to Xavier-How dare you! Maybe she will become embarrassed and stop. Either way you need to confront her. Hope this helps and so sorry she is so immature~

M

Holy moly.... that's terrible!! Good grief she seems to have some severe control issues. I'd put my foot down and better yet, let hubby stand up to her. I'm at my wits end with my own in-law issues so my first reaction is to not include her in the next couple family functions. Getting her grandchildren's names right should be first priority. She has no right to rename him even if she prefers the middle name.

I think you need to just treat it as a nickname and let it go. It's wrong and it's stupid of her, but it's also not worth it. If you and you husband are correct and she does things just to irritate you, don't let her win anymore. If you don't let the things she does get to you (or at least don't let her see that they do), she loses her power. You might find that she stops trying to get under your skin and starts trying to build a relationship with you.

I can understand being upset if she calls your child by a name she chose. But if she's as rude as you say she is, it sounds like you got it easy. After all, she's just calling your child by the name you chose and like.

If your MIL didn't say her opinion I would have said let it go because we all grew up where people call us "nick" names - ex William (Bill), etc, but because she commented about your choice being poor, that is rude of her. If she is doing it to annoy you, ignore that,because the more you show your irritation, the more she will do it, which is a bit vindictive and childish to me. If she has a deeper issue with you, she should address that like an adult

Anyway, l would pretend she is not doing that and consider it her "special" name for your child. It is not like that isn't part of your child's name, it is just not the first name. It could be worse. She could decide to choose her OWN name and call the baby that, but at least she is using the middle name, which I am sure you chose and like as well. Ignore and don't let it get to you!

WOW!! She has some nerve ~ I would have my husband make it very clear to her that her "renaming" your child is unacceptable. If he is unwilling to do so, then maybe you need to let her know that it is unacceptable and if she cannot address him by his name, then she doesn't need to come around. She named her kids and she has no say in what you name your kids. Her time has come and gone.

Just out of curiosity - what is his name?

I read this to my husband and he and I both agree that your M-i-L is trying to control you/the family and is using your sons name as a means to do so. We both agree that you need to put your foot down and 'nip this in the bud'. I liked the suggestion to call her by her middle name too until she decides to play nice lol.

This is just crazy! and really I am wondering what a monstrosity of a name you gave him that they would put such distain upon it ... And in honesty I would say that we are holding off on nicknames until he is older and can choose for himself. we need to confirm that he responds to his name properly for development sake, if we start to confuse him on his name now it may lead to us missing key developmental markers. Really you can guilt them into calling him by his name or you can tell them to fuzz off and call him by his name or they can not call him at all if it means that much to you.

I have found that people tend to create, make up, and choose names for others whether we like it or not. I believe it's rude too. I guess you just have to decide if it's worth arguing about. Do they live near? You could give them an ultimatum I suppose...They don't spend time with you unless they are in your sight and if they call him by any other name, then you leave.

I think this is VERY rude. If they cannot acknowledge him by the name you and your husband have chosen, then maybe they don't need to be around the kids at all. THIS IS EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL!!! I wouldn't want my kids around adults that are that disrespectful, even if they are family! As a parent, you set boundaires as to what kind of environment/influence you want for your children. If you let them, that means they don't respect you or your choices and the longer the kids are around this, the more they think this type of behavior is acceptable and that it's okay to treat people that way. WRONG!!! Stand your ground!

I had to think about this before really answering. I have a birth name I HATE. No I wont give it on here because it is such an uncommon name. Anyway my grandparents hated my birth name as well. They refused to call me by that name and even hated my middle name which again I hated as well. They gave me a nickname and called me that. Which is the name I use to date. Til the 3rd grade I had to deal with my birth name. Then I got lucky and was given the choice to go by my birth name or by the nick name my grandparents had been calling me. I picked the nickname and haven't looked back.
But that is an unusual situation and thankfully I was too young to know at first know what was going on. As I got older I got use to answering to both nickname and birth name. But I grew to hate the birth name due to teasing and history of the name.
In your case I agree with several moms who say you need to tell her to address your son by his first name. Granted that goes against what my own grandparents did but my grandparents were looking out for me and knew I wouldn't like the name as I got older. You and your husband need to address this now.

I must say that I'm relieved to know that I'm not alone! Thankfully, my MIL wasn't quite so resistant to the names I've chosen and instead try to call them by their middle name. She didn't like my second daughter's name and could never 'remember' it. She found a nickname she likes and uses that instead. For the most part I'm okay with the nickname, as I'd planned on using it myself anyway. Our daughter's name is Avalon. We call her Avie and Nana calls her Ava.

I thought this was an isolated instance. When our son was born we had a nickname chosen for him. One we'd planned on everyone using. Once again, my MIL insisted on calling him something different than what we wished! At this point I was sure she was doing it to irk me! Our son's name is Alexander. We call him Xander. She wanted to call him Alex or Alexander. Eventually she converted to Xander, since that's what his sister's call him and it's what he responds to.

My mom gave me some advice. She said that if it really bothers me, I should call my kids by the names my MIL chose when they're in trouble! LOL! They will insist on being called by the one that doesn't tell them Mom is mad!

I hope this situation is resolved soon. It can cause major resentment between you and your in-laws and confusion for your child. By the way, I like the name Xavier!

Xavier is an awesome name . Glad she hasn't made you second guess your choice. this is rude to the nth degree. Their behavior should not be tolerated one minute more. a very confrontational discussion needs to be had. Apparently subtle comments will not do the job with these people. You have enough stress in your life with a 2 mos old and other children to care for. Good luck with this one. It sounds like there will be many more issues down the road. Nip them in the bud quickly.

I like the name. I think it is rude of her and it will probably confuse the child when he starts coming to the sound of his name. Tell her how you feel and stand your ground.