Calling All Moms of 3+ Kiddos

I am a army wife and mother of 4. Moving around with the little ones is much easier even if there are 4 or more. It is when they get older that the "friend and school" issues arrive with every move. We have moved 6 times in the past 7 years almost 8 years. Honestly the biggest issue I find is the money. Kids get more expensive as they get older. I have two 14 yr olds that both require a TI-83 calculator this year. They are 110 dollars a pop. They also are really getting into name brand clothing this year. As for college....I would love to pay for it but I know from experience when a parent pays for college for a kid it is not as effective and the kids dont do as good. It is a free "party" time for them. If they are on a scholarship or have to work to make a payment while in college the kid is much more likely to get great grades. Not saying we wont help them but I have found that when you give a kid something without them doing some work for it they seem to not appreciate it as much.

My 3rd is now 3 1/2 months old, and it's totally great. I was scared for #3 too, but SO glad we went for it. We're military too, and everything's gone great. Best of luck!

I've raised six boys so I think I'm qualified to answer your question!

My oldest is now 27. My husband, who is from Thailand, had a very helpful suggestion when he was little. He said that in Thailand, the first girl is the second mother and the first boy is the second father. Your two are still small, so you're in a good position to practice this.

We gave our oldest--and the other older boys--responsibilities from the time they were three or four. (Btw, my oldest was a bit of a terror at two and three, but he settled down by four.) It was little things like picking up toys and clothes and helping pick up unbreakable dishes at dinner time, etc. They learned that they were important members of the household.

This was really my secret. Kids who feel responsible are, in general, better behaved.

In terms of sibling rivalry, I took a page from my mother and simply didn't allow it. I stopped it at every turn. If two kids fought over a toy, I took the toy. My mother let us know early on that fighting with each other, either as children or as adults, was not acceptable. Now we're in our 30s, 40s, and 50s and closer than ever. In fact, the sister I never thought I could live with may come live with me, and I'm excited at the prospect.

With just a few simple guiding principles--I'm sure you have some of your own--you can successfully raise a large family. And it pays off wonderfully. I just got out of the hospital and my two oldest sons came to town to be with me. At night, because I have trouble walking still, they help me go to the bathroom. They help my 14, 16, and 19 year old who are at various stages--the 14 year old is starting high school and we have the other two learning to drive. My 23 year old lives about 20 miles away and comes often, whenever he doesn't have to work. Last night he and his roommate invited my husband and the boys over for dinner.

Having a large family is even better if you move often. We moved often also, not so much from necessity as from my nomadic yearnings. They were and are friends to each other. And, of course, they always pulled other boys into their circle. I have many "seventh sons."

I strongly recommend a large family. It was better for my kids to learn how to live with others, and to have that great group of siblings. And, though it was sometimes tough when they were small, I had the energy. (I was 30 when my 3rd son was born and nearly 39 when I had the last one.) Now they're here for me. They can carry me and take care of me. And they're all very close so we have a great family network.

One last thing. Money was a little tight. But there are thrift stores and Aldis and all kinds of ways to save money, especially these days. I still wait for the 5 cent sales on school supplies, though I have only two kids in school anymore. We have three in college, but one pays for himself and another one has a good scholarship. FAFSA is our friend. And the kids start working when they're 16, saving for college and helping out. It's tight, but it works.

We have 3 sons, all 3-4 years apart. We were content to stop after 2 but the good Lord had other plans! My sons are good big brothers and always got along with each other. We only had a 2 bedroom home so we used bunk beds with a full size on bottom as well as bunk beds and a twin bed. Sometimes it was wall to wall beds, toys and clothes. Of course clean and dirty mixed together!LOL! They are all young men now. My oldest moved out when he was 17 leaving more room for the others. Then we moved to TN, so the younger two became even closer. The middle one is now 18 and leaving for college, the youngest one is excited about having his own room. Your children would probably be closer in age and if your not against two of them sharing a room it can be fun to share a room. As for the college if you start saving now and put some in an accout for each one. We purchased EE bonds. You can buy a $25 bond for $12.50, let it sit for a given amount of time. (I don't recall the amount.)It matures into the full amount then you can take that amount and buy the next denomination up. You can also tell the grandparents, aunts, uncles etc... that you would appreciate a bond for the children as gifts. IF they purchase them they will need your full name, social security number, and address. If you do not want to give that out then ask for the cash to purchase yourself. You can do this at your local bank with a teller. As far as day to day expenses you can always stretch a meal with extra veggies, cheaper and better for you,or pasta. Growing up we always had sliced bread and butter and during the summer sliced tomatoes and whatever fruit was in season. We personally eat a lot of salads. As the boys got older we had to buy more meat because they could really pack it away. I would make taco meat and add a can of refried beans to it to stretch it out. We make homemade pizza and I can stretch one pound each of sausage and hamburger for at least 6 pizzas. You just learn to be creative with how your family will eat. Hit garage sales and thrift stores for the clothes that they outgrow quickly. Pray on it together with your husband. God Bless and Good Luck

I have 3 children and wouldn't change it for the world. I had my tubes tied after the 3rd and there have been several times I really regretted it. I know our family is complete the way it is, but I still would have liked another child.

We have 5 children ages 11-24. We had wanted 4, our 5th was a pleasant surprise. I was always concerned when I was pregnant if I could have enough time, energy and love for another child. I felt my heart was filled already with a husband and 1 child, then 2, then 3...but each time I loved that child as much as my first. It just seems for me that God gave us what we needed in terms of love, patience, energy and means to support our family. We trusted that if He indeed blessed us with them, He would provide a way and He has. We loved having our large family, we are down to 2 children at home now and our 3rd child is married and we're expecting our first grandchild in March. I am 50, so as you can see I had my last one at 39. I was more tired after he was born, but that soon changed and we settled into a life with all of them. At one time we had 3 teenagers a 10 year old and a 5 year old, that was some fun, LOL. But I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.

No one can tell you yes or no, they can only share their experiences and you'll get hundreds of opinions. It just comes down to what do you and your husband want? IMHO you're not too old to have another child. My daughter's mother-in-law (my best friend) is also 50 and the mother of 10, ages 4-26, and they are such a blessing.

Oddly 3 kids seemed harder than 4 and then 5, don't know for sure why? But not so hard I would've avoided it had I the choice to do so.

Best of luck in your decision...after all it is yours to make, no one elses.

We just had our third a month ago, and my husband just joined the military as an officer a year ago. It is certainly more of a challenge right now with a newborn and two older ones; I've heard a lot of people say that three was the hardest, and after that (4, 5, etc.) it wasn't any harder. At least in the military your husband gets 10 days of baby leave and all of that, which we sure never had before. It has helped immensely! I absolutely love having a baby around again, and it makes me want to have more... They are so cute and sweet as toddlers, too. Then once they go to school, you have more freedoms...

When they are so little it will certainly be difficult, but can be managed if you get into good habits. I really liked the suggestion about having the oldest be helpers, which is what we do. Our oldest is 6, and it is his "job" to help unbuckle the three-year-old from his carseat, because the middle one can't do it himself, among other things. Also, chores (simple ones that they can do) should start at age 3. Our oldest gets an allowance based on how well he did his chores for the week, which is motivating for him, and really helps me out.

I would recommend a few books or people who have really helped me:

for finances and saving for college, etc: Dave Ramsey - he's on AM radio, and has books and a website, www.daveramsey.com

for raising well-behaved children by common sense: John Rosemond (Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, Six Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children, etc., rosemond.com)

for potty training: Toilet Training in Less than a Day, by Azrin

for keeping your home organized: the fly lady, look her up online

I don't know anyone who regretted their children after having them. I especially look forward to them being teenagers and adults, and how much fun that will be. It is difficult right now, but if I keep my cool and practice good habits, it makes all the difference. Also, a wise person once said that "mothers who know, do less", meaning don't feel pressured to sign your kids up for everything in sight so that your whole life is shuttling them around to different (costly, time intensive) activities. That's not what makes a good parent, though it will make a tired one who has no time for herself, and kids who are self centered. Again, John Rosemond is the best recommendation I can make. He has a weekly newspaper column as well, which appears on his website, too.

Good luck with the decision!

L.,

First I have to say I know where you are coming from and definetly it is something you need to be 100% sure that you are ready for, both you and your husband.
Age is really not a factor unless you have health issues. I just had my little girl at 41 and my husband is 46. I also have a 2-1/2 year old and an 18 year old (who no longer lives at home).
My husband and I decided that we were done but I am not going to lie the urge to be pregnant and have that feeling is still there from time to time. Now that I know we can not have any more children (hubby had the V) the finality of it all does weigh on me but I look at my two beautiful babies and think of our future and how blessed my husband and I really are.
Two is perfect for us but you may feel the need for more. Give it some time, don't stress, and enjoy your babies that you have now. Who knows you may just wake up one morning and say, "I am perfectly happy with our family just the way it is."
God Bless and remember, take one day at a time.

todays world is scary, but.. if you have the love and the means, go for it!

Frist, there is never a perfect time for any pregnancy whether it's the first or the 15th. We were going to have that 3rd and last child and had twins (none in the family, no fertility treatments). I had 4 under 4 yrs. old for about 6 mos. Now we have 5, the oldest is 7 and am working on another! You just have to make things work for you and your family. Don't sweet the small stuff. Your house won't be perfectly clean, probably ever. Dishes may be pilled up but the joys of those children will never stop!
Just go for it!

My 3 are grown. If we had had a boy and a girl or 2 girls, I would never have had a 3rd. I wanted that girl soooo badly that we tried the 3rd time, boy were we lucky! A daughter to a mother is a precious gift. Growing 3 up was difficult. It wasn't any one child, it was the third who always rocked the boat. The 3rd to have to buy for, the 3rd to start a fight, the 3rd to walk in on 2 playing nicely. An extra child cannot do it's own thing if you have to get 2 to 2 different activities. Anyway, in this day and age with the economy as it is, I wouldn't. Just my opinion.

LOL! I only laugh because we had this same decision process about 6 years ago! I was younger, and had just left the military when our second child was 2 years old. I was beginning college and a new career and my oldest was only 5. The only thing that really helped us decide to have another is that my husband wanted a son and both children were girls. I did tell him he had until I was 30 to get me pregnant, (he's military too) and I just felt once I was 30, it would be enough. I will say that when our son was born, he had medical problems and I actually regretted having my tubes tied...later when he was safe, i feel it gives me more time for my children and the thought that we won't be in our 60s when they are wanting to play basketball in the driveway!! Having a third child has not changed anything for our family. Moving with the military has been about as crazy as it normally is! We simply put the younger children with mom and dad too the oldest while driving 2 separate vehicles and vice versa on the move back across the nation! Not a bad deal. I hope this helps some, and even I love the sound of a newborn's cry, but I do enjoy the fact that I can return them to their own mothers!!! Good luck and our very best to y'all!

Hi, i am a mom of seven. 4 by birth and three by blessing,(step). I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. They are all mine. The oldest is about to turn 29 and the youngest just turned nine. By birth i have a 27,24,11,9,. I had my youngest in may and turned 40 that aug. My first at 21. I have been married to my husband for 21 1/2 yrs. When they all started getting older we decided we weren't ready for an empty house so we added on. The closes one to the 11 yr. Old is 21. I say go for it. It really isn't any harder. 2 ,3, 4, etc. Just more love to go around. And a benifit is grandbabies. So far 2 boys and 1 girl. Fantastic. Good luck and let god give you your anwser. He doesn't get it wrong. R. uhls

We have four children, ages 7.5, 5, about to be 3, and about to be 1, and not only would I have all of them again in a heartbeat, but we are actually debating whether to have one more. Not every day is easy or good, but the ones that go well, especially when your kids are getting along well and playing nicely, more than make up for the rough ones.

We are not military ourselves, but we have several friends who are. All of them have more than 3 kids. Some of them are older families, some of them are younger families, but of course, they've all moved several times. There are some times when they say it has been hard on the kids, usually when they have stayed in one place longer than others and then have to move, but on the whole, they and their children seem to be able to adapt well to moving. I have had many of their boys in my cub scout den, and they are some of the friendliest, best behaved kids. I personally think that it is because they are not uncomfortable with changes and new situations.

As far as money goes, I agree with the lady who recommended Dave Ramsey. He gives some of the soundest financial advice we've ever heard. We've been going by his Financial Peace program for the last almost two years, during which time we have gotten completely out of debt, built up a decent savings, and paid cash for two vehicles (only on my husband's income since I stay at home). If you are a person who doesn't mind giving up a few unnecessary things on the short term, you will be able to meet your financial goals, even with three children. All it takes is perspective and discipline.

Best of luck to you in making this decision!

I have seven grown kids. I never "had to decide" to have another. While we tried to space our kids 3 yrs apart, they kept coming every two yrs, in spite of our best efforts! I did feel very overwhelmed at times, but knew God would never give me more than I could handle (and as Mother Theresa said, "I just wish He didn't think so highly of me"!) and have been in debt since #5, but we wouldn't trade any of them for the world! they are all fine adults that make me proud to say I've raised them. By the grace of God, not of my own doing! The third I think was the hardest, after that, you just have to delegate, not do it all yourself. We had a chore list the kids followed. The older ones helped the younger ones. They are all now great friends, esp the four girls, even though they fought when they were little, as all kids do. They love getting together at Thanksgiving and reminiscing about their childhood. They all thank me for having them, teaching them charity, compassion, and most of all responsibility.
We have not been able to pay for any of their college tuition. They know they have to study hard to get scholarships, and work hard to survive. I think too many kids that get college paid for think of it as one big party. Our kids appreciate the learning experience more. We have two that never went to college, one that started but dropped out, two still working on degrees, two have graduated, and one of them is now working on her masters. We have done what little we can to help our kids through school, like paying their car insurance for them, or letting them continue to live with us, free (ones not in school and over 18 must contribute to the monthly expenses, or find some place else to live).
My advise is to put the decision in Gods hands. He knows best.

I loved reading your question. My husband and I have been married for 33 years and have a son and a daughter and I always felt like our family was "complete". However, if I had been slightly inclined to have another one I would have had a third back then. What I am saying is that if there is any doubt in your mind -- go ahead and have another baby -- my friends who have 3 children are wonderfully blessed and happy -- I have two sisters who I talk to every week... sometimes every day.... and my daughter now tells me that she wishes she also had a sister!

Hi L.,
I'm 37 and mom to four boys ages 13, 12, 9, and 6. My husband was a little on the fence about having #3 but he knew I wanted another so that wasn't a big decision for us. However, after #3 was born it wasn't long before I was thinking about another. I put it out of my mind for as long as I could. I knew my husband didn't know how much I wanted a fourth child. I finally realized though that it was something that I would always wish I had had. Over time I realized that it was another child that I wanted not just another baby-hope that makes sense! I finally confessed how I felt and once my husband saw how much
i wanted another child he was okay with it----
i can't say he was thrilled!!!! But now we wouldn't change a thing! I love having four kids. I would have more if I knew that I could have a least 2 girls. We have both agreed that we are happy with our family the way it is. It is hard having a baby with other small children as you know. I know that my fourth child napped and ate more in the car, in parking lots, and carpool more than at our home. My kids love having each other. They of course have their moments! They always have someone to play with. They have no other option but to share their things and share their time. We make it a point to do things individually with them though.
Good luck!!

I have four children. I would DEFINATELY have four children even if I "knew then what I know now." Although, I have to say, the third one was the hardest. It wasn't that he was a difficult child, all my kids were great as babies. It was the adjustment of going from two to three. I have two hands, not three. We are two parents, not three. That kind of thing. It was actually easier to add the fourth than the third, and I added the fourth after learning to walk again because I'd broken my leg so badly that I couldn't walk through most of my pregnancy.

Each of us is different, but I love having a big family

Go for it guys!!!!!!!! The more kids the better:) I believe that God does not give us more than we can handle. If He has another child in plans for you ,you can handle it. It's not a guarantee though. I have friends who had their 2 kids on the first try and it took them 4-5 years to get preg with 3rd.ANother one on other hand decided on the 3 rd only to find out that it was 3rd and 4th:) Just never know.
We have 2,I wanted 8 when we got married.....hubby says we're done :(......it's a blessing that your hubby is not against it. Best wishes!!!!!!!!!

Hi L....

I am a military wife and mom to 3 boys (6 1/2, 4 1/2 and 20 mths). We didnt exactly decide to have the third but were hopeing to get a girl in the mix since we had lost our little girl before our first boy at 29 1/2 weeks pregnant. We left the decision up to GOD and he gave us 3 but we are stopping at 3 unless adoption comes into play for a little girl. I will not lie to you, it is very hard especially being an older mom (I am 37)... they have lots and lots of energy. I think that if you want to have another then go for it... the money will work itself out. And who knows, you might have brillant minds that get scholarships to college and you wouldnt have to pay anyway. My theory on everything is that you live for today and worry about tomorrow later because you cannot predict the future and if you worry about nothing but that you cannot live a happy life now.

I know I havent given you a specific answer but if you want, we can get together and you can see how things run with 3 in a house.

Good luck and if there is anything I can do to support you, please let me know. You always need as much support as you can get when you are in the military and a SAHM.

A.