Calling All Moms W/ Boys. Am I Raising a Mama's Boy? Is This Normal?

Hi P., I am the mom of 4 grown boys. It is not unusual for a boy to prefer mom over others. I do think you might try to break him out of having you feed him if he knows how to feed himself. He does have his own personality but you need to remind him that he is a big boy especially before another comes along. Keep trying. Maybe there will be some activity he will enjoy with dad that you do not do. My best, Grandma Mary

I think it's normal. I have a son who has a great relationship with his father,but he rather have me do everything for him as well. I think you're son will grow out of it. He's still innocent he doesn't know what's socially acceptable or not. He just wants his mother's attention.

I think this is just a phase. Even knowing that it won't last forever I would set some boundries - I would tell him that sometimes you put him in his car seat sometimes daddy, sometimes you feed him, but now that he is big enough sometimes he has to do it himself. And follow through. I think 3 is a really hard age - he is testing you - especially now that he is more self -sufficient -he wants to know that you will always be there. Tell him that you love him and always always will, but your job is to help him grow and learn things on his own. Good luck and enjoy the unconditional love!

I am in the same situation with three boys 4, 2 and 9 months - they ALL want only me over anyone!! It is hard to deal with at times but I don't worry that they will grow up to be Momma's boys, they are all still young.

I think that as mothers we are just comforting to the kids, they know that we tend to be more understanding and calm.

My situation is a little different in that I am going through a seperation so my kids do not see Dad as much.

I do try to make the older kids do as much for themselves as I can ... make a game of it and I find it is easier. "Can you eat three peas with your spoon" or "Can you take your shoes and socks off"? When they do it clap and make a big deal of it and they will want to do it more :)

Good luck!

You are not raising a mommas boy this is the time he needs from you. It sounds like you have a great relationship.Enjoy your time with him, he cares about you alot and truth be told it sounds like he is giving you the attentive time that you deserve. My son was clingy at a young age. The youngest of three the only boy this stage passes and when it does you will miss him. Use this time to strengthen morals and values, because you have his undivded attention. Don't push him away,even at this young of an age he will look for a replacement. Enjoy it when this part of his life is fulfilled he will gladly move to the next thing. Their are male dominent cultures that allow the sons to spend the first seven years with the mother then the father relentlessly steps in and their is no looking back.

It is absolutely just a phase. Enjoy it while it lasts! Enjoy every minute and just eat it right up! Eat it up, write it down, and let it be forever frozen in your mind because it goes by so fast and looking back on it will bring you such happiness in later years. With my older son Cooper, he was mine until his dad arrived home from work, then...... I became 'old hat' which was fine with me because I enjoyed watching him interact with his daddy. (Fun stuff! Such laughter!) My younger son Connor was mine and pretty much 'only mine' (his doing, not mine) until he turned four! I knew it wouldn't last forever, so my husband and I both just accepted it and let Connor have the connection with me that he seemed to thrive on. It was actually a lot of fun. I enjoyed every minute and now I have those memories forever frozen in my mind. Now when things that happened all those years ago, come to mind while I'm driving down to the market to get supplies, it just makes me smile so much. I still even LOL over some of it while in the car and say; "He was so funny!" to myself. Thank God for memories, photos & videos! This is a precious time in your life. Just enjoy it to the fullest. God bless!
D. N.

He is quite normal! I have three boys and all of them went through the same thing at that age. You and your husband are doing just fine. My boys all wanted only me, and sometimes they still do! (They are 14, 11 and 4 1/2). My youngest will ask me questions that only his father can answer (like what he did at work that day), with Dad sitting right there! You can remind him that he is getting bigger, can do these things on his own, etc. If he eats on his own away from you, he can do it while with you. Be positive and encouraging. He will be fine, and so will you!

Definitely a phase, but it can be frustrating for both parents. It sounds like he gets and enjoys plenty of interaction with Dad and others. When he is being extra-mommy oriented, you can try explaining to him that you, he and his dad are a "team" and everyone has to work together and that sometimes mommy will help him, sometimes daddy will help him and sometimes he has to do things himself.

Good luck.

Don't feed him anymore.. let him do it. Just tell him no. as for the other stuff.. it's normal.. My son is 13 and still adores me. I have a daughter who would rather be with dad... it's all about dad. that is just how it is. Good luck.. but make sure he still does things with dad. If he asks who is picking him up.. say it's a surprise.. and leave it at that.. good luck

He needs to feel good about doing things on his own. He wants you to do everything for him because you will and it is easier that way. Right now you are ok with doing everything because he is your only one. What happens when the second and third one comes along. He is going to have a really hard time when the next baby comes. By doing everything for him you are preventing him from forming a positive self image of himself. The good feeling someone gets for acomplishing something on their own. I think this is one of the best gifts we can give our children. Teaching them to be proud of themselves. Proud of doing things on their own. HE CAN DO IT!! He will feel so good about himself for doing big boy things on his own.

P. - don't worry - this is all normal. At this age it is normal for a child to "favor" one parent over the other - it is difficult for them to get the whole concept of sharing their love equally for each parent. Boys especially are very attached to their mothers. Both of my sons (now 10 and 7) were exactly like this with me and by the time they were in 1st grade they were appreciating and much more attached to their Dad - on the weekends they now prefer to be with him over me. However they still like to have me do everything for them! So I do have to force the independence issue or I would be a a full time waitress and maid! LOL. Be patient and love your child as much as you can - I am sure the fact that you work full time makes him more "clingy" when you are around - I work part time and the days I work my one year old daughter if def. more clingy with me. Good luck and enjoy all the favoritism! It doesn't last forever!

Here's an idea - maybe you can praise the little independent things he does in your presence. Since he "likes mom best", I bet he would be independent for your praise. With kids things snowball, so really find the littlest thing to start with.

I wouldn't say you are raising a mama's boy. Both of my kids were the same way and I have a boy and a girl. I was a stay at home mom so I think that was a big factor I was the one who did everything with them and most times mommy is just the one they go to for comfort. I remember getting strep throat one time when my kids were little I was down for the count in bed. My husband had to stay home and take care of them and all I could hear from the kitchen was "Mommy doesn't do it like that?!! I want mommy to do it. When my husband came to bed that night he said why do they hate me so much it broke my heart. So I think wanting mommy is normal, however you can begin doing things to help the situation. Start alternating nights where daddy bathes him and puts him to bed and even when he resists tell him firmly mommy loves you but its daddy's turn tonight. Also, encourage him to be more independent use words like why don't you show mommy what a big boy you are and praise him for being independent. Yes, he should be feeding himself and as long as you keep doing everything for him he will never do it for himself. It is up to us to raise our kids to become self sufficient and independent so we can feel secure about letting them into the world someday without us. So you are not being a bad mamma by allowing him to grow and become independent. When it is time to eat sit and eat with him and tell him to show you how he can do it and just do not feed him trust me he will not starve. Especially since you said you are trying for number two you don't want him to feel slighted even more once you become pregnant and the attention and time for him will become less. Being a good mommy is not messing him up, but now it is time to take a step back and let him grow and develop his own independence. Good luck!!

The adoration of Mommy is normal. But that doesn't mean you should feed into his dependence on you. The two do not have to be intertwined. Are you still feeding him? That should stop, cold turkey. There is no reason to still be feeding a 3 year old who is capable. If he fusses and then you just feed him, that will teach him that he can get his way by fussing. If he gets upset because your husband puts him into/takes him out of the carseat and so you take over, again you are both teaching him that if he gets upset, he gets his way. That is a sure recipe for a spoiled brat.

He is old enough to understand about rewards. At 3, my son was getting stickers on the calendar or "milk shake points" (beads in a jar). We had certain criteria and a pre-set reward (Star Wars Legos for bigger goals, milkshake at the local burger joint for smaller goals in our house) when he had a set number of beads or stickers. We used this technique for potty training, staying in his own bed at night, keeping his room clean. You could do it for feeding himself, climbing into/out of his own car seat, getting himself dressed, whatever indepence goals you set for him.

If I were you, I would go away for a weekend or longer if you can. Volunteer to go on the business trip, or stay with a girlfriend or go visit family. Give your son some extended time with your husband. If it works for your husband's schedule, have him start dropping him off or picking him up from school on a regular basis. Encourage him to be independent and heap on the praise about how proud you are of him doing so much for himself. If you have a second baby and you still do everything for and coddle kiddo#1, his demands will only get worse as #2 sucks up all your time and energy.

Hi P.,
I have both a girl and a boy, and it's normal for kids to have a preference of one parent over the other, and sometimes the preference changes! You can't make him "like' you both equally.
However, I would not do for him what he is capable of doing for himself. I've never done for my kids what they can do independently, so if he's looking for extra mommy attention by having you feed him, dress him, etc and he does these things by himself when you're not around, I would not give in and insist that he do these things on his own.
Good luck

My 2 boys are now 17 & 19! My youngest went through a mama stage a little younger than your son is now. He evntually outgrew it but I stayed consistent in encoraging him to interact with others. A little part of my heart was delighted that he wanted to be with me... but I knew that in order for my son to be happy and well adjusted it was important for him to be flexible and confident with himself and others. He laughs about it now and looking forward to college in September so I feel I took the right approach in my case.