Can Anyone Help with My 21 Month Old That Shows Signs of Severe ADHD?

He sounds like a kid that needs little sleep and is very active. You are going to have to find a parent group similar to your child's activity level to glean ways to help you both.

I know it is no fun trying to think of what an active child is going to do next but it does even out a bit later. I had one and he was adopted at five weeks old. Yes, I did lose weight and some sleep but I tried my best to keep up with him and give him things to do to keep him out of trouble. He did attend childcare while I worked but I still was responsible for him when at home.

Try to come up with an activity schedule for morning and afternoon that you can handle that will give him some things to do while you do your chores. Yes the house is going to be upside down for a bit and that's okay. If someone does not like it, hand them the broom or the mop and have at it. If hubby is around let him take over for a bit each day so that you can get a rest and he can bond with his child.

What do you feed him? Does it have a lot of sugar in it? You may have to change the way you eat and provide more freshly prepared items that you make to eliminate the sugar highs. I think at one point my son drank black coffee to calm him down. Everything that was a stimulant was a depressant and everything that was a depressant was a stimulant. Just the way some kids are wired. Good luck to you.

the other S.

PS I know there is never a dull moment with them and you get a huge cyber hug from me.

One of the best parenting books I've ever read is called Raising Your Spirited Child. I found this in a book store when my oldest son was 3 and I was at the end of my rope. It was a total game changer for me and gets into some of what's behind kids are just "more" - more active, more clingy, more moody, more angry, more sensitive, more everything - than their peers, and how to handle them. Regardless of the root cause, you need strategies that will help you understand his behavior and manage it for his own safety and your sanity.

While you learn to live with your little tornado, you can also continue to search out the root cause. If it's something like ADHD, you have years to go before you can get a diagnosis and try medication, which is a good thing. We don't want to diagnose and medicate every spirited toddler. But that doesn't mean that you can't try other things first. Maybe there is something in his diet that can be tweaked, or his sleep schedule, or a supplement that he can take (like fish oil). If your pediatrician is dismissive, try seeing a naturopath. Many chiropractors are naturpaths who can work wonders with nutrition and supplements to help find ways for his body and brain to calm down. He could have sensory issues as well, which can be helped with a lot of different tools and techniques.

Put thoughts of ADHD out of your head for now, as it rarely looks like what you think it does (my husband and 1 of my sons are diagnosed with it, another son has a lot of signs). The hyperactivity of ADHD is often the brains way of waking itself up and stimulating itself so that it can focus on a task. It's often not really an excess of energy, but a need for self-stimulation that's behind the hyperactivity associated with ADHD. Maybe someday your son will had ADHD - a lot of parents of ADHD kids knew that something was off from the beginning with their kids - but for now, you need to find ways to keep your sanity and help calm him down.

Best of luck to you (and him) - it's hard to have a "spirited" child but there are lots of rewards too. You'll survive!

I have a massive extended family. Every one of our many cousins has an average of 10 kids like the Duggars (minus Josh). I've been around A LOT of toddlers under three. A LOT. And about 30% of them act like you are describing at that age. In their world, "some kids need way more discipline than others" to eat at tables, not throw tantrums, etc. Not one of them has been diagnosed with anything over the years. Many of them have their own huge broods of kids now. Just remember, ADHD is massively over-diagnosed in the USA. He probably does not have it. And if he does, it is TOO SOON to know that. SO don't sit eagerly waiting for the minute you can get him diagnosed as if everything will become better when that happens. I know this stage of life is exhausting for you. I know. I had a super energetic, stubborn son who almost wore me down, and I saw many toddlers even worse. LOTS of toddlers are extremely energetic and hard (impossible without firm discipline) to control. I had a super angry one too-my third. They're both super rambunctious, passionate, wild kids who love to brawl now. My oldest was easy.Your son probably has nothing wrong, so go with that mindset and find natural ways to structure your days healthfully (no sugar including fruit after lunch) and calmly and effectively discipline him. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson is great for normal things like table chaos and tantrums.

Welcome to mamapedia!!

You have a TWO YEAR OLD. THIS IS WHAT A TWO YEAR OLD DOES!!!

You are stuck in the BABY phase. Your son is a TODDLER. He is into a new stage. And you are NOT liking it because you don't have the control you had just a few months ago.

You need to say no and mean no. Right now? Your son has learned that he can scream his head off or wiggle enough to where you give in to his whims and demands.

Does your son have ANY schedule?
Does he go to day care? If so - how does he behave there?
Are you a SAHM? What structure does he have during the day? At 2 - well - all through childhood - their brains are sponges and will absorb anything. He has learned how to manipulate you. You need to set boundaries and stick to them.

Then talk to your pediatrician about parenting classes so you can get the help you need to breathe and see the phases your son is going through. As long as you allow him to push boundaries and cave? He will learn what he can and cannot get away with.

Don't be so quick to "label" your son either. Watch his diet. What is he consuming?? Lots of fast food? Lots of pre-made frozen foods?? Diet has something to do with behavior as well.

If you think it's REALLY bad?? Video tape it for your pediatrician. Take it to him/her and ask for help. Start with parenting classes. You need to learn the phases your son is going through and how to deal with them. Just caving in to his demands is NOT going to work (as you can see already).

Good luck!!

There's a really good website that my friend told me about that kind of pinpoints the differences between a typical toddler/preschooler and ones showing signs of ADHD.

It's more than just being active. One of my boys was super active. We used to refer to him as a bouncy ball. But when I saw him with other little boys his age, he wasn't that different. I definitely agree diet and being overtired could make my kids totally hyper so where yours is not getting enough sleep .. hard to say. I think if you keep track of his behavior, and just keep track of his sleep and diet (just say in a basic chart so you can show your pediatrician) that would be helpful.

This article might be helpful (below). It's a safe site. Good luck :)

http://www.livescience.com/22362-adhd-symptoms-guide.html

I'm going to go waaaaay out on a limb here, but this does not sound like ADHD. This unfortunately, given the multiple stories and books and magazines I have read in my 55+ years as a human being, sounds like the beginning of other mental health diagnosis. Your story is not unfamiliar to parents who look back at their toddler's behaviour and how it manifested into their adult lives. There are many similarities. But I could be totally wrong and off base as well. As we don't know the whole story. Boys are typically much more high energy and not just need but absolutely requires tons of outside time, exercise and running and jumping at the park, etc. You must find lots and lots of ways to tire him out, that don't necessarily tire you out. I took my toddler son out every single day unless someone was sick. And then even at home, he had slides, a jungle gym, a train he could ride on in the house, etc. He absolutely required exertion. Without it, he'd become what you describe.

Your observations are actually quite normal. Most kids do climb out of their cribs. Then it's simply time for the toddler bed. Most kids do jump and hop if allowed to and not given other outlets during the day. His naps might be too long now. I have one daughter who seriously never napped more than 20 minutes, even as an infant. She's a straight A student now and competitive athlete. It was just her nature.

I would recommend you journal and keep video clips of his behavior, every single day, keeping in mind how much you take him out to play and if there is any effect on his ability to calm down.

Kids are so darn cute at this age. But they are crazy! They do things like wake at 2 in the morning and decide they have to have a grape-NOW. They don't want the fun to stop, so they try to stop napping. They play the, "I'm not going to sleep game."

You need to be consistent. It's exhausting, but kids this age have no attention span. Get the book, my two year old" by Ames. She has this neat picture of how toddlers move about a room-they are all over the place. Some are more active then others, but LO are all ADHD.

My 2 year is in the "I am a dictator" mode, and she's insists on crazy stuff like leaving car doors open while driving! She yells and makes weird demands. My son never did this, but I remember my oldest going through what we called her "nazi" phase of impossible demands on the world.

Luckily, she is finally going to sleep easily, but i found that all my kids went weird with sleep around 21 months. This is a big developmental period. In a few months, he will settle, and start full on talking!

I highly recommend getting some books on strategies. That's all you can do. Mastering distraction and self-control are keys with this age group. 2 year olds are adorable, but they are demanding and draining.

Hang in there. Also keep in mind that developmental periods go up and down. So the half-year leading up to birthdays are usually awful. Their brains are rewiring for a big leap, so you do see their worst behavior. Then around the birthday you get a calm.

Sounds possibly sleep deprived...I would have some more conversations with the pediatrician. As a mom of an ADHD kid, I'm skeptical. The very reason they don't diagnose it in 2 year olds is because it doesn't present in 2 year olds. Also, 2 year olds by nature are exactly that - impulsive, energetic, even hyper active. You have quite a few years yet before you can even begin the diagnosis process for ADHD. There could be some other issues going on, some things do present similar to ADHD and quite possibly would show up at this age, but don't diagnose him yourself. That's what the professionals are for. There are a ton of things to look at it (which you don't really mention here), as I said sleep issues, diet, your discipline strategy, his normal routine, etc.

a 24 month old child should have a 2 minute attention span. so a younger child shouldn't be expected to do anything for more than 2 minutes. yes children that age are capable of sitting for longer periods but generally 2 min is the max especially if they want to be running around.
ajust your daily schedule so your child can run about and get the energy out. set up buffet style meals so the child can eat on the go.( graze healthy foods as they are hungry, and don't expect them to sit down to a meal) and it may seem early but at 24 months both my kids dropped their naps and when they did that bedtime was no longer a struggle.

i thought my (now 5 )yr old son was adhd but turns out he was just an active toddler that didn't want to quit. he is thriving in kindergarten now and i no longer think he is adhd.

Our 6 year old has ADHD, and I have to admidt that I didn't even try to put him to be still awake until he was 3 or 4 (can't remember).

I would rock him to sleep or sit on the couch with him. We would read books, and he would have his drink (sippy cup or straw cup). We just snuggled together until he got sleepy. When he did finally fall asleep, I carried him to bed.

I couldn't say whether or not your son has ADHD, but I can tell you that my 6 year old does toss and turn quite a bit before finally falling asleep. His psychologist told us to give him Melatonin. He told us that our child needed to sleep! And that right now he probably wasn't getting enough sleep because of all that activity. Giving him Melatonin has really helped us.

It can't hurt to mention it to your ped. Just let him/her know your concerns and ask for suggestions. Also, think of ways to calm him and sooth him and get him ready for sleep. Snuggling worked for us, but it might not work for you. Sometimes a bath before bed helps, but there are some kids who get energized by a bath. Ask yourself what would help your son calm down and relax.

This is where the term "terrible two's" came from.

Your pediatrician doesn't want to diagnose it at this age because he is so young. This is how toddlers are, they are learning and never want to sit still.

My first question would be what is he eating?
Keep a journal of EVERYTHING he eats and start there.
Too much sugar, too much processed food, too much junk, etc.

If you feel your pedi is not working with you or you are not connected then find a pedi who you trust. It might be a good idea to find a good nutritionist as well.

This could be as simple as modifying his diet. Maybe he does not need as much sleep as other children his age?

Good luck to you.. we all have the moments when we feel like we are going crazy. Hang in there.

poor tired mama. sounds like a totally exhausting little fellow!

but i'm concerned that you're diagnosing, and putting him in the 'severe' category, even though you are aware that even the professionals don't diagnose babies this young with ADHD.

2 year olds are often cyclones. yes, yours is off the charts. and you could well be right. but there's mom-radar and there's stress exhaustion, and it's easy for the two of 'em to get tangled up.

before deciding it's a brain function issue, try to do all the sensible things first. keep a food diary, and try to eliminate ALL processed, dyed and artificial foods. make sure he gets lots and lots of good, positive, happy exercise. make it part of your parenting philosophy, not just something you do to try and wear him out periodically. it may be that the park or having play equipment in your yard or even gymboree classes are a necessary component in your toddler's toddlerhood. make sure you stay calm and firm, and give him the boundaries his boingy self desperately needs. routine and solid expectations are paramount for Wigglies.

he's probably going to remain challenging, at least for a while. maybe he'll grow out of it when he hits the 3s and 4s, maybe not. so in addition to finding good parenting strategies, make sure you remember self-care. figure out how to work in regular breaks for yourself so that you have the oomph to keep up with your little dynamo. i'm sure it's difficult- but you can do it, mama!
khairete
S.

I'm not sure if you have reasonable expectations of a 2 year old. They have short attention spans! You have to find ways to answer his energy with intense calm - and I know that's so hard when you have one nerve left and he's getting on it!

You may need some new strategies. And what's your plan even if your child is diagnosed with ADHD (which is impossible to do in a child that young)? Do you want to medicate right now? Send him to behavioral therapy? What's your goal?

I think you might benefit from some parenting support groups or a child therapist even who can help you develop better techniques to manage.

This is exactly how my son was at that age. He does not have ADHD. He also would not sleep...he'd wake up all through the night. I was so exhausted. Traveling somewhere on an airplane was crazy bc he could not stay in his seat. I would be walking up and down the aisle almost the whole flight. He never would sit at the table. We tried but we gave up and one of us would just walk around with him outside if we were at a restaurant and we would come in when the food came. My advice is to just find your inner strength. This is a marathon and you love this little guy with all your heart so you can and you will do what is needed to be done every day no matter how tired you are! My son is 11 now and sits at the table just fine, sleeps just fine, has a normal attention span, is very smart and goes to an advanced academics school. My daughter who is 6 was never like this...she was so easy as a baby. Loved to sit in her high chair with us at dinner the whole time. Would go to sleep like a normal baby and stay asleep! Anyway...your doctor is probably right you can't tell anything yet. A certain number of babies/toddlers are just naturally like this and have LOTS of energy. PS - I should add that my son does not have ADHD but he is slightly different than other kids. He tests off the charts in academics. He seems to have sensory issues...much of which he has outgrown. He has a hard time with transitions and has always been one to argue a lot. He seems to be outgrowing this though.

I honestly think 17months to 2.5 years is very difficult in terms of a child having more energy and moving from place to place (or thing to thing). This was the age we did not go to fancy restaurants. At age 3 both kids could easily sit through a movie or be respectful in a fancy restaurant that had a longer wait time.

Can you tell us a little about what a typical day is like for him and you? Do you stay at home with him? What kind of activity does he get? What kinds of foods and snacks and drinks does he typically get during a normal day? Do you ever go to a baby type of exercise and movement group (where the moms can get some exercise and socialize with the other moms and the babies can bounce and move safely)? What about tv or video time during the day?

If he really moves constantly during his sleep, I'd suggest that you start keeping a log of what activities and food precede bedtime, and what routines you follow at bedtime. Then I'd record his sleeping patterns - the restlessness, the movements when he's asleep - and show the log and the video to your pediatrician.

My younger daughter has ADHD-Combined, and is now 10, but her behavior as a toddler is pretty much what you describe. She has a bit more self-control now, but is still ALL over the place and never stops moving, not even when she is asleep.

My best suggestion is to keep him active as much as you possibly can. (My daughter takes ballet 6 days per week, several hours per day, and also rides her bike, roller skates, hula hoops, plays with the dog, climbs trees, almost without stopping.) Tons of intense physical exercise is almost the only way to manage a child like this, in my experience. That, and you have to adjust your expectations. My older daughter (who doesn't have ADHD) has always been able to sit nicely at mealtimes. My younger daughter found it impossible up until maybe 2 years ago. (Although even now, if dinner drags on, she gets increasingly unable to sit.)

I also found that traditional school didn't work for my younger daughter. She was completely miserable at having to sit for hours on end, to the point that she would cry, and was always in trouble because she literally cannot stop moving. She was even in trouble on the playground because she is SO active that she had trouble following the rules (no climbing the trees, no being on top of the monkey bars, no hanging upside down from them, no running on the blacktop... ugh). After her third grade year, having been in constant trouble since Pre-K, we pulled her out of school and started homeschooling her. Best thing we ever did. She has absolutely flourished. We do lessons for 20 minutes, then she takes 10 minutes to run and play. Then we do another 20 minutes of lessons, then another play break. All day long. I allow her to stand up at her desk to do her work, or stand at the white board, or do jumping jacks while I explain the science lab for the day. It's unconventional, but she is completely caught up academically and is very cheerful about school now!

Anyway, take heart. If he does have ADHD, it's manageable with or without medication. It's just a difference in how the brain is wired, and often accompanies extreme intelligence and creativity.

Sounds like all 4 of my boys when they were 2.

They have found their voice and movement. They are on the go all the time!! Your son is no longer a baby. Have you ever read books on parenting? What to expect in the first 5 years?? That will help you understand you are NOT crazy. and your son is no longer a baby.

Social interaction, i.e. play dates can help.
daily structure helps. We had a schedule. I admit it was hard when Tyler came back home from deployments and getting him into our schedule. Where is your husband in all of this? What does he does with his son?'

I would stop naps. This SHOULD help him be tired at night.

What is his diet like? I know a girlfriend of mine was giving her son soda at this age and wondered why he couldn't stop. When a few of ustold her it's the soda silly!! Ans she stopped giving it to him? He stopped!!
Keep a log or journal of his daily food consumption and what he does during the day. Does he get outside and allowed to run free? How is he getting his energy out during the day?

If you continue to go in an check on him during the evening? He will stay awake. Do you have an evening routine? Bath, brush your teeth, read a book, bed? Does he play any electronics? I know he's 2, you would be surprised at what people give their kids!

Your son is changing and growing. Be ahead of the curve not behind it, get some books on growing and phases.

Many two year old boys are like this. I found that my kids needed a good hour of outdoor active play before each meal in order to be able to settle down at the table to eat a meal and an evening swim was the best way to get them to settle down for bed at night. Neither of my boys were big nappers and they slept less than most kids at night. Neither one is ADHD.

I agree with most of the suggestions except insisting on naps and high chair. He has outgrown them, I would find a day care or early preschool you can bring him to about 2 mornings a week to burn energy and he can learn how to manage and they can assess as to whether he is off the charts. I would drop the ADHD idea and look up spirited child. You also need more breaks, play dates with moms, nights out etc.

you need to ask for a behavior specialist to come and consult on what to do - your son is overtired in my opinion, at that age he should be getting at least 15 hours of sleep every 24 hours. you need a specialist to solve this issue.

Hi M.,

I have two "energizer bunny" boys - now ages 5 and 9. They have tons of energy - they need to run and play outside and burn energy!!! They have been this way since they became mobile! Neither has ADHD although they are both very smart.

You need to impose some structure or give in - your choice. A 21 month old should be able to sit in a high chair for 10-15 minutes to eat a meal. He should be mostly feeding himself finger foods. You tell him that he needs to sit down to eat and you strap him in - and for safety stay right next to him.

Make sure that he is getting plenty of exercise - and outside every day if at all possible. Is he in daycare or home with you? He should still be taking a nap - and you need to force it. Make sure he gets to bed at a reasonable time - between 7 and 8pm. To this day, if my 5year old is up past about 8:30 he will become overtired/overstimulated and stay up until 11pm or so...We know he needs his structure and routine. Work on a CIO method of getting him to learn to fall asleep on his own. Stay in the room but near the door, then outside the room, etc.

My 9 year old still moves a ton in his sleep. We find him sideways, upside down, etc. I hope that it improves as he gets older but who knows....

Play a lot of tag - run races - do you have SoccerTots or PlayBall classes in your area? Sign him up and make sure he does all of the activities! If he stays home with you, then he is old enough to be a helper. Have him "sort" laundry, "help" wash the floor, etc.

Hang in there - every age has a "phase" and as soon as you figure it out it passes! Oh, and they aren't the same with a 2nd child:)