Can I Become ADD or Is It Just the Truckload of Stuff?

True ADD doesn't 'appear'... if you were fine before it's probably stress or difficulty with multi-tasking!

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You seem very stressed... AND you are having to do a TON of stuff, at the same time...everyday.

I read a study, that said people today are multi-tasking SO SO much... that it affects us... in the ways you describe. It is overly-tasking.

You seem to be doing everything... by yourself. You didn't mention, what your HUSBAND does or if he helps, at all, with the kids and in the home.

AND plus, you are your parents Care-giver. SO... that in itself is a TON of stress and "burden" upon you.
I did care-giving for my Dad... when he was ill... and I know what a TON of stress it can be as well the huge amount of time it takes... everyday... PLUS with your own responsibilities for your own family/kids/Husband/school/job/bills/housework/working... and EVERYTHING you are doing.

You... are very very over-tasked and over-burdened.
Your Husband has to help.
People with ADHD... are able ya know.
WHY can't your Husband help?
If he struggles... why can't he get Medical help for his condition?
ADHD people... are not handicapped... nor non-functional. MANY ADHD people are HIGHLY successful.

It seems, you are doing everything... and your Husband is not. He needs help to deal with his condition.

Next, can't your parents HIRE a care-taker???? Some home health aide or something??? Otherwise, this will be a 'job' that you will have to KEEP doing... forever. Unless your parents, take initiative... and do something to help themselves.

You cannot.. .keep on doing what you are doing.

All the best,
Susan

I doubt it. I asked my doctor the same thing as I was experiencing your same symptoms of disorganization, forgefullness, not staying on task, etc. She asked if this was a problem before and when I told her no she ruled out ADD and said it was stress.

With all that you have going on right now your level of stress has to be through the roof. I would work on how to reduce this. If you can't take away any of your stressors than find ways to reduce its effect. Exercise, meditation, medicine can all help. Talk to your doctor about this though. The increased level of cortisol brought on by constant stress wreaks havoc on your body.

ADHD-I or (inatentive type) is one of those things that needs to be present by age 7 to be diagnosed.

There are many other issues that have simular presentations, and since you have so much going on, it could just be that. We all have this process, called working memory, and it is only so storng, and is one of the numbers that makes up our IQ. Working memory is the ablilty to hold things in your mind and kind of set them aside, while you think about something else. With all you have going on, it s no wonder that you might feel like you can't concentrate on things.

Sometimes too, when people have issues with depression, they will have trouble with concentration too. If you have any other depression related things, it could be worth looking into, but if not, just chaulk it up to way too much on your plate.

M.

Take a deep breath. You are not ADD, you just have a lot on your plate. I understand how you're feeling, because I have a lot of the same time management concerns myself (working, kids, marriage, paying the bills, keeping the house up, dealing with needy relatives, school, etc etc etc - it's enough to make a person crazy!).

I think what you have to do is give yourself a break. You're hitting a wall because you have NO downtime. Is there any way you can scale back on some of the things you do every day? For instance, does your community have an elder care bus that could take your parents to the places they need to go? Can your Dad sign up for an ESL course? Could you consider putting your master's degree on hold (or scaling back from 2 or 3 classes to 1 per semester)? In lieu of taking classes this semester, how about going to counseling with your husband? I don't know if any of these options appeal to you, they're just some ideas I thought about reading your post. I think you need to pick the #1 thing that stresses you out, and think about what you can do to minimize that stress. You CAN'T be all things to all people. This lifetime isn't long enough for that. Just do what you can, and you will have to let some things go, or get help with them.

Most of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You are going through a lot right now. Just do your best. Nobody's perfect!

Sounds like you are very very stressed out. Probably turning to surf online to 'run away' frm the problems you are feeling, which is common. Turn off the computer, or set a time limit... it's a major time waster and can create addictions and you the ability to lose focus. Try and write a list and do the priorities first. Take some time out for just yourself.

You need for your husband to step in and help. If you can hire a caretaker to help with your parents, that would be wonderful for all of you. If they are on medicare, disability or social security, it can come from that.

Maybe, if you can afford marriage counseling, that would really help not only your marriage, but give you some things to work on as well. I just wrote a post about coping with stress, here are some links:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-stress/SR00030
http://healthylifestyle.upmc.com/StressWorkplace.htm

Now, articles on dealing with anger at your children:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/430938/damages_a...

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/parenting_insights/11...

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/getting-your-childr...

There are ways to learn to calm down. Walk away from the situation, learning to say no, deep breathing, refocusing, organizing your tasks, going for a walk, doing stretches, listening to calm music...:

http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Emotional-Health/Bipolar/...

http://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamers/f/calm_down.htm

...and at that, I am going to turn my computer off too, I have a lot to get done today!

ADHD (i, h, or c) is something that a person is born with, because it's how our brains function. MANY adults are finally getting diagnosed, but they've always had it.

Also, while you mentioned some of the downsides, there are scores of *up*sides with adhd. One way to figure out if a child OR adult is adhd, or if it's something else going on is to look for those upsides. Things that mimic adhd, just plain and simple, don't have them. Some (just for example) are :

- Able to think of multiple and disparate things at the same time, or to pay attention to multiple and disparate things at the same time (most of the adhd adults I know can simultaneously be thinking of 5 or 6 things concurrently. Medication usually kills this aspect of adhd entirely, making it possible to only think of one thing at a time, and is the big reason why I don't take meds. I can't write while on meds. I have to outline if I'm on meds, instead of holding it all fluid and changing in my mind. The scientists, soldiers, artists, etc... we DEPEND on this ability as much as others depend on breathing.) This is also a large part of the foundation for the "distractedness" that comes along with adhd.

- Hyperfocus. On what is actually *interesting* to us, we can be so involved in it that we don't surface for air until forced to. In toddlers, it can manifest as 1-4 (ish) hours of intense concentration, in adults it can stretch fairly easily into DAYS of singleminded driven focus. With bathroom breaks maybe once every 12-24 hours. Our body's needs don't even break into this intense focus until we "surface". Meds blunt this to eradicate it.

- Hypervigilant. Common amongst those who've experienced a trauma, it's just rather naturally how our brains work. Our brains are CONSTANTLY absorbing and sorting info. Something out of the realm of "normal" yanks us 100% onto the abnormal thing. It means we're VERY reactionary, and is one reason why the Special Forces have a HUGE % of adhd'ers in their ranks. In every day life it's also what's behind the "Oh look! A chicken!" sort of comments. Meds blunt this.

- Hyperobservant. We're aware of EVERYTHING all. the. time. Minute facial expressions in others (plays into social awkwardness, as we tend to be "naturals" with the whole lying thing... but lies are such a part of everyday life that it's hard to reconcile with what people's faces and body language are saying one set of things while their mouths say something completely different, it's uber confusing.), light levels, movement, the way our skin feels inside our clothes, how our eyelashes feel / bounce off of each other each and every single time we blink, LITERALLY hundreds and hundreds of pieces of information flooding our consciousness all at the same time, with equal priority. Meds blunt this as well.

- Thinking more clearly under stress. Many of us are chaos seekers, or adrenaline junkies for just this reason. You find a LOT of us in high stress jobs. Like ER docs/nurses, military types, professors, firefighters, professional athletes, preformers, aid workers, etc. ADD stress into our lives and we thrive.

There are dozens of other strengths that play into adhd... and MOST of them contribute to the whole "distraction / forgetfulness" aspect that adhd is known for.

So as others have said, it's highly unlikely that you're ADHD.

A note... as someone who is ADHD-c... I can't handle finances either. They do a lethal combo of boredom + anxiety that means I CANNOT handle paying bills on time. My husband can, easily, so he does. But before I was married, it was an easy fix: I had an accountant. My paychecks went into an account that she paid all my bills out of, and kept track of things for taxes. Easy. Ditto, I had a maid come in once a week. I still had to clean, of course, but I didn't have to beat it down with a stick. Part of the COOL thing about being in a marriage (imho), is that one of us is usually "better" at one thing than another. We don't have to BOTH be good at something. It's created problems in my own marriage, because instead of my husband being proud of the things that he does well, and taking pride in the things I do well... he sneers. Treats me as "less than", because to him something that is VERY difficult for me, is easy for him. It's condescending, rude, and short sighted. What I do well, I EXCEL at. But he just likes to sneer about how I can't do x, y, or z. You know what buster? I did them JUST fine when I was single, because I outsourced. No one person does everything well. Or business or colleges wouldn't have more than one department. People who do well in R&D might be the world's worst accountants, a brilliant physiscist might flunk out of a humanities class, and a linguist might not be able to draw a stick figure. A stellar CEO might not be able to market to save their life. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Accentuating the strengths while downplaying, propping up, or out and out avoiding weaknesses is one of the pillars of success.

When I am feeling overwhelmed, I just start forgetting things. I'll forget appointments, take my kids to the wrong class, and just generally be scattered. When that happens, I know I need to put serious effort into finding down time!

Surfing the Net with no purpose (or frequently reorganizing your sock drawer or canned goods, or any other time waster) is procrastination. It's your effort to put off something unpleasant, but still feel like you're getting something done.

You bet, it's stress! Find some way (or ways!) to take some of the pressure off, and don't feel guilty about doing something just for fun.

Hi K.,
I hope you got my message. If not, let me know. (FlyLady.net)
Lucy B.

K.,
there is a brilliant doctor Ned Hallowell, who is himself ADHD non-medicable, who has written many excellent books on the subject. One that you might find helpful is "Married to Distraction". He also has a lot of great ideas that maight even help NON-ADHD people keep their lives in order.

Good luck with finding time for yourself--you deserve it and need it to preserve your sanity!

This is more just to be supportive, because I do not have any actual knowledge about whether or not you can "develop" ADD or not, but as one busy mom to another...sometimes it feels like a side effect of being a mom...I refer to mine as momnesia = ) I will head upstairs only to reach the upstairs and not remember what I was there for, only to go back down and remember and get to tthe top of the stairs to be called back by a need of a child = ) Also when I do have a spare moment, which is rare I will know it is not long enough to do anything productive so I will either look on mamapedia for a while or pop over to my facebook page quick, check my hotmail...

the best advice I can give you is take care of you...do not neglect yourself. Moms forget they have to be nice to themselves or we get burnt out. So take walks, schedule you time, take a hot bath...read a book. Look into finding some volunteers to help at home with your parents maybe through church?
Hang in there, but know that you will get burnt out if you do not make some changes, just reading your post was exhausting! You are one busy mom! Maybe you could get some counselling? Having so much going on makes it difficult to make life changing decisions.
Thoughts and prayers...
B.

I so understand what you are going thru. Im not an MD (nor do I play one on tv :) but I have found myself googeling, 'random stuff to look at' with no purpose. I start a project and never finish it. I work part time (2 jobs one in the house & one out) and do all the child stuff. I am lucky that my husband helps out and grocery shops, etc. But I cant tell you how frustrated I get when nothing gets accomplished at the end of the day.

I now try to focus on what I DID do. Not what didnt happen. Today the kids got to school on time, teeth & hair brushed, etc. I came home and cleaned. Said children were picked up today (not forgotten at school). etc etc. It's not the same as it used to be. But it's all good. It really is.

someday the kids will be grown up and we will have time to complete a project and will lament these days (or so Im told :P
take care of you!!!

Your body is out of balance. I am a lifestyle coach if you want to learn how to reduce the effects of your stress let me know.

Have a wonderful day.

N. Marie
____@____.com

K., You are on over load and the world is all on your shoulders. It's not ADD its pressure and stress of you believing that you have to do it all.
Some of it is now going onto your marriage and family life, Having many generations in the home is not hard of all are doing thier part. One doesn't have to speak English to help with house andyard let alone some of the day care-- since you say you are thier caretaker they must not be able to help there. You can contact IHSS In Home Support Services, to see if they qulify.
There are Senior Centers in your area and they help with eaching English and activities- there is bussing that you pay a fee for to get them there and home.
But to give up on your marriage becasue you chose to bring your parents into the home, you chose to over load yourself, you are perfectionist and now want to add going to school on top of it all??? I have 2 daughters that are in nursing school- the toll its taking on the family is horrible so that is just a train wreck waiting to hit.
Look at your alternatives and see what is out thee to help and let the rest step in and do thier part it may not be like you do it nor be up to your perfection standards but it will be doneand that goes for the husband who isn't as good as you at money things. Believe me I do not know a single woman that says that life is esier wo her husband becasue you are still going to have all the rest plus the fat of organizing how to keep the children's lives in 2 households that you are going tohave no say in going. Let go of some ofit. Believe me many of us have been where you are and haveseen the results with experiance .

You are not ADD but you might be experiencing some depression due to your situation right now. Talk to a counselor or doctor.

Lack of sleep will give you symptoms similar to ADD/ADHD. It sounds like you are either lacking good sleep and/or somewhat depressed. All of the symptoms you describe are true for both situations. Of course, lack of sleep can increase depression, which in turn will increase lack of sleep. Get some good excercise - 1.5 hours of vigorous exercise 3/week, and eat lots of raw vegetables and get good protein. On top of all that, put your attitude out in front of your feelings and let your feelings catch up with a good, positive attitude.

YOu have a lot on your plate and taking care of your basic needs is very important when you have so much stress. And, if you are a believer, than add regular prayer to your routine and you will find a peace that is uncomprehensible in the midst of such trials.

Good luck.