Can I Have One for My..... Begging for Stuff, Bug You???

I admit that once I got to the part about giving into a 6 year old (because she kept at you), that's when I quit reading. She has been taught to do this by adults giving in to her.

My opinion? You should have put away the extra one as soon as you said no, politely told her no one more time as she continued, and then ignored her for the rest of the time. Period. If she got to the point where she was obnoxious, you send her away from the table to "think about" why what she is doing is inappropriate.

I promise if this happens again, and you employ this before-considered plan, you'll feel a ton better.

Dawn

Big smile. "Sorry, sweetie, not today. Aren't you nice to think of your brother! Maybe another time." Bigger smile.

Don't offer an explanation why; it gives the idea that the conversation is still going on. If you say it with a smile on your face and in your voice, you don't sound like a meany.

I tell my kids, you can say anything to anybody. It's all about timing and delivery. In this case, you can't control the timing, but you CAN control the delivery.

Keep it short and too the point..."No, sorry, I don't have any extras tonight". Then move away without engaging them in conversation again.

I agree with Dawn. My neighbor kids are like this. They can be super sweet, but they also do not know the meaning of the word "no". They like to try to wear my down or tell me how it is. They all come off really authoritative for being such little kids! I can only guess that it is because their parents just say "yes" to everything. That being said, when they are at my house, I will not be bulldozed. I tell them no a lot..."No, I am not making a snack for you", "no, you may not take that toy home", "No, the kids are not able to play right now, they are doing homework". And they will generally come back with some argument, and that is when I firmly tell them, "I told you no, I am not sure why you are asking me again when I already said no. Now it is time for you to go home".
It sounds like the kids you are talking about don't necessarily even want the craft or whatever they are asking for, they just want to see how effective they are at manipulating an adult. They want to put their skills to test. Tell them no and don't feel bad about it! You will be doing them a favor.

in the begining if you notice you will have extra quickly put it away and if she asks if there is more tell her no and leave it at that. If she asks again, ignore her or simply tell her I already told you no and this is the end of asking... then give her a sweet smile :)

If you can't put it away in time, then tell her no. She asks again and tell her no and please to stop asking I need this for the next time. If she asks again... tell her that you need to step away from the project if you can't listen to me. Maybe that will get her attention.

You have to be firm. Set the boundary and stick with it. Once you told her no, that should have stopped her from asking. I would come up with a generic answer so you are prepared next time. " No, that won't work for me. No. that won't work for me etc. Over and over and over--no matter what they say--you say no that won't work for me. If she persists you say I have told you the answer, you need to respect me enough to stop asking. If you don't stop asking, I will let your mother know you are being disrespectful.

Its not about the craft, its about the refusal to listen to authority and respect you. You have to nip this in the bud- and quick! Good luck!

M

For team stuff... I always bring enough for siblings. I consider them cheerleaders. I don't know how I'm always first up on the snack roster (seriously, always)... but everyone else tends to follow suit.

For other stuff... just ask my son. No means no. I can say no 10,000 times with a smile on my face. (It drives him insane. Esp when he's spoiling for a fight). The other kids who are around me GET THAT after a couple times, but they're reeeeeeally baffled by it in the beginning. What? I aks you 50 times and the answer is STILL NO??? What gives? My son says it's not fair. With HIM, if he asks receptively, I start taking away stuff! Ditto, I'm willing to bargain... DOWNWARDS.
"But I want 5!!!"
"1 or 0."
"3?"
"0 it is!"
"No! Wait! 1 would be AWESOME! PLease, please, please.... just 1???"
Sometimes (if he's pitched a fit about more), he gets 0. "Next time, be happy with what you've got. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, in asking for more... but if told no... you'd better be grateful for what you DO have!"

I'll pull this with OPK's when were out and about, as well. I'm ALWAYS willing to negotiate downward :) :) :)

Trick o Treating, etc... I just wink at them. Good effort, no dice.

Kids amuse me. If they've gone past amusing into irritating, they've just achieved a major accomplishment and are in some very less than distinguished company.

"Honey, it's really great that you are so nice to your brother. But I don't think he will want to do this craft, and I want to keep it so I can use it for next time."

You really need to learn how to say no, not be annoyed at a kid for asking. If you can't say no to a six year old (without being annoyed), how will you ever say no to an adult when you need to (which you will)?

This one needs to be spoken to firmly.
When my girl scouts got like that, I said no and moved on to another child. When she came back to me, following me around the room I said, "The answer is no, go do your craft."

Does she get away with it with mom? She will need someone to say no to her as she grows up. She will respect you more for standing your ground than being wishywashy. Except right now she'll just get mad. :o) Such is life with a first grader.

In other situations, say "Sorry, one per child," as sweet as you can and move on.

Say no, mean no and tell her to stop begging. No. It's hard to do sometimes but if you don't give in, they stop begging for extras. "No, this is only for charity. Your brother isn't even here. Please stop asking. The answer will stay no."

"I know that infants don't need candy. Next!"

I have one who repeatedly plays with the classroom items...I have told her a billion times that the rules are "we cannot play with the churches toys, computers"...I finally said, "if you continue to disrupt the group this way, we are going to have to have your dad come pick you up until next meeting".

She hasn't touched anything since. Just tell her that "these are for GS only and if you would like to do one at home I would be happy to tell your mom where she can get the supplies"...they soon "forget" they wanted to do them at home cause mom will say "no way"...

I will say that if my child was having this behavior I would want to know...because we do not beg, and whine for things for our brother, ourselves or anyone for that matter. But I also don't want someone ignoring my kid for the rest of the time because they were annoyed by her questions.

ETA: I also have noticed these are the kids who are doing this for extra attention...sometimes because they don't get enough at home and they want the praise of "how sweet you are to think of your brother"...or they simply just want someone to listen to them and they think whining is the way to get what they want.

Was her mom there? I would not have given in. I would have said "I already answered you", and then walked away.

Personally I would hope to God my kids (4, 6, 7)wouldn't do this to an adult. HOWEVER if my kids did this I would pray that the adult would be the adult and not give in. I don't know how my kids behave when I am not around and I cannot guarantee they wouldn't beg. BUT anyone that knows me, knows that I don't budge so they would never say " i just wish parents would parent and guide their kids". So If my kids begged to another adult it's because they lost their manners in the midst of having soooo much fun or it's because they know that that adult is a pushover and will just give in.

If my kids get on repeat mode for *begging*, I say "This is not up for negotiating". That's when they know I won't budge and they drop it.

We've got a neighbor boy who will follow my kids into the house after school and beg for food. My daughter comes in for a snack and this boy comes in saying "I'm starving!" No please, no manners, and if I do offer him something he'll complain about it "I want milk, not water!" His parents aren't poor, they live very nicely across the street from me so there is no reason he can't go home to eat. After the first couple times I got really good at saying I didn't have enough for everyone, or the kitchen was closed, or just No, sorry, if you're hungry you'll have to go ask your dad.