Changes in Behavior

I would be very upset too. I would shut the tv off, no music, computer or video games or even outside play without supervision. I then would not allow any after school activities for a while. I would let her know these are all privileges that she gets because you have trusted her to make good choices and right now she has showed you that she needs redirecting. Spend some extra quality time with her planting good seeds in her mind while still being firm about the extra stuff. A little tough love goes a long way right now and 2 weeks should get your point across. As far as the 5 year old I would let him or her know that it is not appropriate to kiss or touch another person in that way and that the next time someone dares or askes him to they are to come and tell you. Dont be mad at the 5 year old but do give them the responsibility of making good choices. My son is 9 and daughter is 6 and we are constantly talking about makeing good choices and how to handle certain situations. Use this as a wake up call to redirect and dont be hard on yourself your still a good mom!

I know you sweety - you are such a loving mother and have such beautiful sweet kids.
You have gone through so many changes lately, she might just be feeling a bit mixed up and taking it out on the kids in this passive aggressive way.
For one thing, you have noticed everything and she will learn she cannot get anything past mom.
Don't forget to be consistent with the punishment so she will understand what rules are not allowed by your family as well as consistent with the praise so she will also know what it is you expect and she is achieving that.
I love you! C.

if this all started with the new little friend of your daughters then I would talk to the parents to get a idea of how they are with there parenting skills and morals, sad to say to many parents do not in still morals or boundries in there children,I have had the same problem with my kids and some of there friends and have made it clear to them wrong or right that my husband and I need to know their friends and the parents, so we might have a better understanding of what might or could happen, this has helped us keep problems down to a roar. Now that my kids are almost grown and grown 23,20 and 16 they have shared stories with me about kids they know of that they know that get mixed up with the wrong kids because they want to fit in and end up having more problems... my girls have all said we were stricked but very thankful we were. . Hope it helps, but trust your instincts you are right it does have to do with the new little friend.

L.

Dear C.:

I imagine that your daughter has not changed very much. She seems like a "pleaser". Until now, her family has been the focus of her life. She did things to please you. Now she is focused more on peers,so she is trying to please them.

Focus upon doing the right thing and spend time explaining what is right and wrong (not just because YOU say so). Encourage her to think. When she thinks things through and truly agreees that your values make sense, she will "internalize" them. She will never need a parent looking over her shoulder and giving approval. Her values will come from inside.

My son complains that he can never do anything bad because he feels too guilty. Poor thing! All that time spent discussing (really more of just asking him questions to get him to think it through and look at other viewpoints and consequences) has paid off!

Jen

I would be curious to see how she would act if she wasn't around that friend anymore. I would not allow the children to be kissing until they were old enough to move out of the house, or at least 18. Kissing stimulates a sexual behavior in your body no matter what age you are. If they're doing that now, I would be very worried about the future if they planned on keeping themselves pure until marriage. I would put an end to this immediately. Good luck.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and my suggestion is to get her into a counseling program. If you start communicating with a therapist now you might be able to understand and correct her way of thinking sooner than later. I pray you all get all the help everything you need.

Sounds like she is reaching that age where peer pressure is hitting her hard and she is starting to run with the wrong bunch of "friends". It is not easy being a good kid these days and it takes us parents to reinforce the good over the evil.

Have you tighten down on punishments? I am not sure what to suggest. My son is 8 and has started up with a really bad attitude towards me lately so I have started showing him just how much I do for him but NOT doing certain things or flat out telling him that he is breaking my heart and we need time away from each other (he goes to his room).

I will be praying for you..and myself!

J. S.