Child

I would suggest telling the father that since he has not been in her life regularly, she is not ready for daily talks. Schedule a set day or two a week at a certain time that works for you.

Here is what I think....
For what it's worth and just my opinion.....
For whatever reason, your daughter's father wants to have contact with her. I don't think it's unhealthy. Maybe he does miss her. Maybe now that you are married he is thinking that he needs to be some part of her life so she doesn't feel that he just left her to some other man to raise.
I definitely think she should be allowed to talk to her dad and maybe you should talk to him about a schedule of some kind since it does seem to be vague, BUT, what do you mean you want respect for your time with her? You've had her 100% of the time for 6 years of her life.
You can't have the attitude that it's cutting in to YOUR time for him to call her.
You can't be expected to be home 24 hours per day and obviously there will be times when you go out to dinner or to a movie or something. You don't have to live by the phone.....so, hopefully you and dad can agree to a phone schedule. I did that after my divorce. That way, if we weren't home on Monday evening, there was no griping because it wasn't scheduled. And, if something came up and we had to change a night, they talked on Tuesday instead of Wednesday or whatever. But, for the most part, phone night was phone night and the kids were available. You haven't been through sharing a kid, but believe me, for moms who do, we want our phone time when our kids are away from us too.
When my parents got divorced, my dad moved 3,000 miles away to go back to his family and where he was raised. My mom remarried, he remarried. I didn't see my dad for 13 years, but, he called me at least twice a week. He never forgot my birthday, I got packages, he sent me letters and pictures. My dad did love me and I didn't have to doubt it.
He passed away 2 years ago and I can't tell you how much I miss the sound of his voice. Eventually we were able to work out plane fare and had great visits with each other, but in the meantime, we stayed very close for two people who were so far apart.
Stuff happens to adults. They don't stay together. They make bad decisions. They make mistakes. They have kids and sometimes they can't always be there "hands on", but it doesn't have to mean they don't really feel love for their child.
I would talk to dad in a nice way and say you want to alleviate any upset and maybe you can agree on a schedule. That way he's not mad if you're not there, (which you can't be all the time or the kid konks out early or something) and you can make arrangements to accomodate him.
Something that works for all of you.

You can't expect your 6 year old to ask for someone she's not that familiar with. And 6 year olds have a hard time coming up with things to talk about on the phone. They aren't the greatest conversationalists.
Try to reduce the conflict by making a phone schedule with dad.
It saved tons of trouble for me with my ex and the less conflict, the better.

Best wishes.

Set up boundaries that she is comfortable with. Ask her if she would be comfortable with 2 or 3 calls a week. Encourage her to get to know her father without putting pressure on her to feel something for this stranger she does not. What ever SHE decides, let the father know, and that he has to work with what the child is ready for.

If she doesnt want to talk, dont force it. What is in your custody agreement? Give him 1 or 2 days a week he's allowed to call and stick with it.

I don't know, doesn't sound so terrible to me. My husband tells his daughter that he misses her every night when he calls her. He's not trying to make her feel bad, he just wants her to know he loves her and misses her when she isn't here.
Do you not want your child to have a relationship with her father for some reason? Why would you want to cut down their talk time?

Well this is tough b/c 6 can be simulataneously old enough to make some decisions and too young to make some decisions! I think her father should call every night if he chooses. Obviously there will be times you are not home or cannot answer, and he has to accept that. He can leave a message. And, I agree that you shouldn't force her to talk to him, but she needs to know he's calling. She needs to know he wants to talk to her and get to know her. She's so little still and if she hasn't seen or heard from him since she was 8 months she's probably terrified! Also, I am sure you have many mixed feelings and probably some negative feelings towards him (well deserved probably) but remember that she picks up on it. You don't want her to feel like she has to choose between you or that she will make you upset if she wants to talk to him. In the end, having a relationship with her father is the right thing. It is too bad that it's taken him 6 years to realize it, but it is the right thing. It is better for her to know him and know his intentions now. I hope that he continues contacting her and this isn't a phase for him, but if it is, you can't protect her from that. I think you should talk to her about her feelings and encourage her to talk to him and make sure she understands that it's okay with you and your husband (who she probably sees as a father figure and doesn't want to 'cheat' on either) that she talks with him and gets to know him if she likes.

A. it is such a hard position for you. It is her father and if you were to ask him not to call so often, later in life, no matter what you do, he will blame you. And yes, I agree if you allow it, it is very confusing to her. Any chance of talking to her and explaining in a non-directional form that sometimes people regret their decisions and it can be confusing. Just a sort of, I understand your feelings type thing? Really, they understand a lot more than we give them credit for.

I think it's her father, and it is not to late to realize your mistakes!!!!! Having both parents in a child's life is very important, especially one that is trying so hard. It sounds to me like you don't want him interfering in your new marriage, not a good idea for your daughter. You have a child together and it is his right to speak to his child. Big mistake on your part to discourage that!! I was a divorced mother and I saw the emotional damage it did on my son to not see his dad (his dad's choice) If he wants to be in his daughters life, let him. Sorry, just my opinion!!

I agree... if she doesn't want to talk... don't make her.

He can't know what her boundaries are, unless you enforce them. He asks, she says no, you make her anyways. That's not him not respecting boundaries.

<grinning> And I'll tell ya, there are times I call to talk with my son (when he's at my mum's) and he doesn't want to talk. He's busy, etc. It's just the way it is. Kids don't always want to talk on the phone.

I think maybe you need to talk to him and explain to him that it's nice that he wants to develop a relationship with your daughter but he needs to play it more cool. Like with a cat, if he appears to be too over eager and to insistent, then that can be a big turn off. Just find the words that indicate that you are supportive of him as a father but want to help him and your daughter feel more comfortable with each other.

I'm glad that you don't want to cut him out of a relationship with your daughter. My parents split up when I was really young and I never got a chance to know my father. That was a pretty bitter pill for me to swallow. And then there's the fact that, now that I am older and have children of my own, access to medical history on that side of my family has been cut off from me. It's a hinderance not to know what 50% of your predispositions might be.

How ever you decide to approach this, I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

well I think its wrong for you to make her talk to him if she doesn't want to but I think its great that he cares enough about her to call during the week. My son was sick during the summer and he did not get one phone call while he stayed home from visits for 3 months from his dad.

If you have caller ID have your daughter answer the phone, let HER tell him she is busy. If you dont have caller ID tell father to call at a certain time since you might not be available and then have her answer. If she doesnt want to talk tell her to tell father why. She is old enough. This way it is coming from her and would not be 'your fault.'