Child Asking to Eat in Order to Delay Bedtime.

Offer her the snack 15 mins before her scheduled bedtime and if she refuses then you know that she is just doing it to stay up late. If she eats then she is truly hungry and still gets to bed on time.

I haven't read all of the others posts, so others may have said this too.
My son does the same thing, although quite often I do think he is hungry b/c he picks at his dinner. We save his dinner plate in the fridge and if he is hungry and wants a snack we offer him his dinner plate. If he is hungry he eats it and can even have an additional healthy snack. If he chooses not to finish the dinner plate then he goes to bed and we offer him milk.
We already had the snack built into the bedtime routine but the dinner plate has been a more recent thing. He tries to avoid eating what we give him thinking he'll get to pick his snack and fill up on that.
Good Luck!

Work a snack into her bedtime routine. No more fights. My favorite is a cheese stick or a banana. easy quick and now they can't complain. We just start with bath, snack and then bed.

While bedtime snacking is not something I would want to encourage, I would be inclined to give her the same snack every night PRIOR to tooth brushing, after that it is water or nothing. You control the process.
Also, a timeline. "You have to be in bed with teeth brushed by X hr or no story. (Set a timer). I really want to read a story with you so let's hussle." Story, cuddle time. Reminders that breakfast with the sun is next and you will see her in the morning. Delays are to get more time as you are fascinating people. You won't ever be this popular again so enjoy and try to control the process.
Good luck!
K.

Depends on what time you eat dinner in relation to what time she goes to bed =)
We eat dinner around 530 and my kids are in bed ready for sleep at 730. At 7 I tell them its the last chance to eat so if they're hungry they should pick a snack. Then I give them no more than 15 min to eat. I remind them frequently "ok 5 more min" etc.
If your dinnertime is 30 min or less from bedtime there's no reason for a snack and she should just be reminded at dinner its the last chance she has to eat before bed. She is certainly old enough to realize this. My kids are 5 and 3 and we have been doing this since they were very young. There will probably be some tearful nights but if you stick with it she will learn in a few days that if she's really hungry she better eat when the food is there and if she's just doing it to delay bedtime she will learn quickly because if it quits working she will give up on that tactic! Good luck!

Hi S.,

We have 5 children and what I have learned is that they are all different in regards to when they need to eat. One of them can't really do breakfast...he's just not that hungry when he wakes up. But his brother MUST eat breakfast or he's a complete bear. We also do not "offer" food after bedtime. However, 2 of our boys will routinely come to us at bedtime and say "I'm hungry." Rather than get upset (which would prolong things and play into the game if they are trying to manipulate) we just non chalantly tell them to go find a snack. They usually have a piece of fruit or some popcorn and then go right to bed and right to sleep. When we have tried to tell them no and send them to bed despite their request for food, we end with cranky kids whining about being starving and then they have a hard time getting to sleep.
Our daughters are 2 1/2 and so far they haven't requested snacks at bedtime, but I imagine if they start that we will acquiesce to them as well.

My point really is that it might just be who she is. She might just need a snack to be able to sleep well. When kids are breastfeeding we don't worry about them eating themselves to sleep. I know that I can't fall asleep if I'm hungry.

So....and sorry this is so long....my advice would be to add a snacktime to your bedtime routine. That way you are already building the time in and she gets to eat before bed.

Hope this helps!
Blessings,
H.

Part of our routine is that there is no food after teeth have been brushed (ours hate to do it again so they generally stick to this rule) They know to eat at dinner time, because we don't often have a sweet or snack later (pretty much never). Food is not a point of contention. I offer a variety and expect a token taste as well as appreciation for the chef who has gone to the trouble of preparing it and lovingly placed it before them. If they just can't eat it there is bread and peanut butter...but this doesn't happen often. They have to sit with us without drawing attention to their complaints while we enjoy our meal. We generally don't draw attention to the child's food issues, but enjoy our own food. I offer a variety (and try to include at least one thing they like among all the green veggies:) but if they are hungry until the next meal, so be it.
That said, sometimes they need a few calories to get through the night if they are going through a growth spurt or something....

My advice is to do any snacking well before you start the bedtime routine. Remind her that after teeth are brushed there is no more food, and if she protests remind her of the snack she had earlier.

My daughter does the exact same thing. She too is a picky eater. I too don't make her eat but provide oppertunities and nutritional food through out the day. And a snack before bed. Typically fruit and milk.

The way I look at it is who gets up with her in the middle of the night when she wakes up hungry? Umm not my husband! I allow her to have a snack while she's winding down, coloring in bed before she brushes teeth. What's the harm of a nutritional snack at bed time if it saves me from having to be awake in the middle of the night? It's all about sleep. If she sleeps and I sleep... I"m OK with a planned snack prior to brush teeth, potty and lights out.

Our son does this occasionally. I will bring a cup of cheerios and milk for him to have after his bath only if it's been a while since our last dinner. This technique allows us to stick with his normal bedroom routine and keeps him from staying up longer downstairs. Hope this helps...they seem to be the kings of manipulations at this age:)

My daughter is close in age to Shayla. She isn't such a finicky eater, but she does use multiple ploys to delay bedtime. Mama, I hungy...Mama, I gotta potty...Mama, I firsty.

Since she potty trained in the last couple of months, I take that one pretty seriously...but it seems as though the kid can pee on demand!

As for the hunger, Lucinda gets yogurt if she tells me she is hungry. There is no choice about the snack and I remind her that she'll have to brush her teeth again. It has about a 50/50 success rate. Children this age have occasional growth spurts and depending on dinner time and content, I figure she might sometime be hungry.

If you really don't believe she is hungry, try using a boring snack. When I wanted to discourage eating in the car, plain goldfish crackers became the "car snack". It didn't take long for her to become tired of them!

What time do you eat dinner as a family? If you eat at 5:00 and she goes to bed at 8:00, that is 3 hours and she could truly be hungry. I see no problems with young children having a small snack before bed.

My son is almost 4 and usually gets something to eat before going to bed. The few times I decided that he was not truly hungry, he woke me up around 4 am requesting a full meal for breakfast.

We also have a rule if our son does not eat a reasonable amount of dinner food, he must eat so many bites of his dinner before he gets anything else. If he truly is hungry, he will eat his dinner and then the snack.

Hope this helps.

We've had the same dilemma. So, once dinner or snack time is over with, no more food no matter what. We do allow a cup of milk as the compromise since it has protein and fat to fill them up just in case they really are hungry. That is our compromise.

Hi S.
As I was growing up we always had a little snack just before bedtime- it was a "comfort thing" with us I guess- and when I was raising my children we did the same thing- a little bowl of cereal- small dish of sherbert or just a piece of fruit- nothing too major or hard to digest at nite time- It never hurt me or my 12 kiddos so I sayjust let her have a little something if it comforts her and helps her sleep well.
good luck and blessings

Hi!
Couldnt resist responding to this one...
I lived in Norway for 20 years and loved it. There they eat 5 meals a day. Breakfast-snack-lunch-dinner-"natt mat" (night food). it is great! The culture is not over weight and the meals are small are REAL portions. The "natt mat" thing is planned into the night routine before pajamas, teeth...etc...whatever. It can be a half an apple, a small yogurt, a piece of bread, etc. This would eliminate your worry about her not eating much at dinner and also eliminate any question that she is using it as a ploy to stay up later. Good luck!

Growing kids and picky eaters get hungry at different times than us and she may truly be hungry but would I would do to make sure its not a "delay bedtime " thing is about an hour before bed re-offer her dinner if she didn't eat. If nothing then, then bedtime with no more food! When my son was super picky I would sometimes give him a cracker or a piece of cheese right before bed BUT no staying late to eat!! She is to young to be served dinner and then nothing else for 2-3 more hours before bedtime. She may truly be hungry. Who knows. I do know that my son sleeps better when he is satified and not hungry. Best of luck to you!

My daughter does this. I give in and give her a yogurt smoothy. I know we ought to draw a line and not cross it, but I recall being told that small children don't have very large tummies; they do better to eat smaller meals more often than to just have three big meals. So, with that in mind, I know that whatever she has eaten at 7pm won't last until 7am--I'd rather let her eat before bed than to be woken up at 3am!

My daughter is also on the thin side. As a toddler, she fell from the 50% percentile in weight to the 20% and we had to focus on boosting her weight. And, although she's now at the 35% and her pedi is no longer concerned with her weight gain, I still tend to have the mentality that we should let her eat than refuse... Which is why she is only offered a homemade yogurt smoothie before bed (she isn't a big milk drinker and every opportunity to get dairy in her is a good one.)

If you think about it, this is you golden opportunity to get her to eat whatever it is you think she may have skipped... If you think she hasn't eaten enough protein during the day? Well, then maybe her only option is to eat some hardboiled egg (ok, and ketchup!)... Not a big milk or dairy eater? Then this is the time to get her to eat that. (Bedtime snacks aren't the time for her to get yummy crackers and cereal... kids get enough carbs! If she's asking for food, use it to your advantage!)

If it is truly a ploy to delay bedtime, she will devise another one once you take away the bedtime snack. If she is truly hungry, she'll wake you all up at some point in the night. I still stand by the motto I had when my daugher was tiny: Hungry children will not sleep.

Good luck!

Growing up, I always had a bedtime snack - this was dessert in our house. We did not eat dessert right after dinner. My parents believed if you were still hungry after dinner, you should have seconds. I still follow this routine with my daughter. Depending on time, we have dinner and dd gets to watch tv (or play quietly) while I finish eating and clean up the kitchen. She gets a bath and then it is snack time. After snack we brush teeth, read a book and have some "cuddle time." After this, we have the water only rule. If dinner time is really late or we had dessert at a restaurant, then we skip the snack time.

I will say that my husband's family had dessert with dinner when they had dessert, so he doesn't understand the snack time ritual. However, it is part of my daughter's routine and the nights we go without the snack can be hard, although it is getting better.

If she is using snack time to delay bedtime, just remind her bedtime is in a few minutes and if she is going to get a snack she must do it now. After that, no more food. It may take a day or two (or four if your child is as stubborn as mine), but she will eventually figure it out.

Good luck!
Elaine

In our house, we eat at certain times. If our children chose not to eat when we ate, then too bad. They could eat at the next meal. Her eating right before bedtime, out of routine, is making the problem worse. Children need structure, and she is learning that she is able to bend the rules with eating times. I was a wife like yours once, but my husband showed me the problem. It was hard for me to stand by and watch my children go to bed hungry, but they eat their food now. If they are hungry enough, they will eat.

Also, just to let you know, my husband is a sahd while I work. I find it nice to see others with the same family arrangement, since it isn't as common as mothers staying home.

S.,

I have done what your wife has done and have felt the way she felt. It is a basic difference between woman's nurturing instincts and men's survival instincs. You realize that this could cause your daughter troubles later, and you would be correct.
The best compromise might be to give her dinner with the understanding that she must eat to fill her belly. And then give her a healthy snack about an hour before bedtime. The trick here is that it's at YOUR scheduling and YOUR decision what she eats. She's too young to decided for herself. Make sure she knows ahead of time that this is the new routine and it is not to be broke. Tell her that she's NOT to ask for food at bedtime anymore. Tell her that this IS what is going to be from now on. Tell her that if she refuses the snack, then it is her choice and she can go to bed hungry if she wants. DO NOT bend on this even if she cries and says she is starving and going to die! She's not going to die. That would take weeks. (Think about the kids who really don't get to eat, and then quietly consider your daughter blessed and that your'e just bending to her. That will change your attitude!)
Make it fun, nutricious food! Examples: Get some frozen, mixed fruit. Heat it up in the microwave and let her squirt some whipped cream on top. My daughter loves that! The whip cream is not full of sugar, it's just dairy. Let her stir some cinnamon into softened butter and spread it on toast. If she helps, she'll eat it! Kids understand pride. Put some banana's and Silk soy milk into a blender with a dash of honey and let her push the buttons. Take slices of bread and a glass with a smaller opening (shot glasses work well with this) Turn the glass upside-down and make circle cut outs in the bread. Have her mix shreaded cheeses in a bowl. Put a little mayonaise, or butter, on the bread circles and sprinkle with the cheese. Broil in the oven or put in a toaster oven 'till bubbly, and let her watch from a safe distance. This is mini grilled cheese!
If these things work, feel free to send me a note for more ideas. I have had to be inventive for many years with kids ~ My own and several pre-school classes I taught.
Remember that carbs will make her hungry and actually break down into sugar and give her hyper energy. So try to stay with proteins or more natural foods. Peanut-butter is always good. But I would do honey instead of jelly.
Sorry I babbled, but I hope this helps.
Go Dad! And God bless your family and your efforts!
D.

At our house, bedtime is pretty close to dinner time. But I know a lot of families have a pre-bed snack, it's not at all uncommon. I would have it set as a new thing in your schedule, don't let it be the excuse not to sleep. You could have celery or crackers and peanut butter or some other kind of healthy snack that contains protein. Protein will help her sleep better. No milk at that time- milk makes it more difficult to sleep through the night and more likely to wet the bed. High starch foods like toast may wake her up when it converts to sugar during the night, or it may not. You'll have to experiment and see what she likes to eat and what helps her sleep well at night.

S., mom to 4 girls

I think I am with you on this one. If my son asks for a snack in the evening before we have started the bath, pj, teeth thing I will give him one. If he asks for one after teeth are brushed I tell him he can have a little water that we are done eating for today. If he is playing around with his water I will tell him he has two minutes to drink what he wants and then we are going to read and go to bed. My son too is not a huge eater, he's ok. But I don't want an eating before bed thing to start either. I like what one person said about a boring snack, that is a cool idea. I guess I am lucky though in that once mine is in his bed he sleeps like a log, never wakes up for food at night. Good luck!

This is a typical stall tactic, if it wasn't food it would be "I'm thirsty, I have to use the restroom, my tummy hurts" etc.

My 9 year old still uses all of the above. Our solution is he has snack time about 1/2 hour before bed, with a small drink (not milk). So when he gets up and says he's hungry I know he's full of bologna!

I know how hard it is to not give in to your child when they are asking for something that he/she may need, but mom needs to stand her ground! They definitely will not starve or dye of thirst overnight!

I hope you find a solution that works for your family!

My son went through the same thing, and still tries it sometimes (he'll be 5 in a few weeks). My hubby did the same thing your wife does- he would always give in. I started a rule that our son eats at dinner or he starts his bedtime routine right then- bath, vitamins, brush teeth, etc. If he goes to bed an hour or more early, then so be it. We don't force him to eat, but he does have to try everything on his plate before he can have an alternative. If it's something really doesn't like after he's tried it, then he can have a cheese sandwich or cereal, etc. If he refuses to try it, he starts getting ready for bed.
As long as we stand firm without fighting or giving in to the drama, it works really well. He makes the choice and has to deal with the consequences. It gives him a feeling of power, so there are no more power struggles. Dinnertime is no longer a battle.
I think the hardest part is getting both parents on the same page so you work together instead of against each other. These kiddos are smart- they know who the weak link is & how to get to them and will go straight there every time. =o)
Best of luck!

Good for you for being at Stay at Home Dad!!!

You and your wife are going to have to agree on a plan in advance, and all stay strong as you implement it. Moms always want their kids to eat enough and eat healthy.....so the thought of having a hungry child always bothers a mommy. Keep that in mind as you both create a strategy.

One of my 3 is a little manipulator and has tried all kinds of things to delay bedtime, to watch more TV, to NOT clean his room, to stay at a friends' house later....
I speak from experience---once the kid tastes success at manipulation, they get real creative.
Be able to smell a snow job when you suspect it!

Maybe lunch time is too late or maybe there is an afternoon snack that can be cut out or reduced in size. Or perhaps dinner time needs to be shifted back a half hour or so?
One other thing to try, is to play a fun family game or activity after dinner. You both could tell her, "We all need to eat dinner now, and clean up, so that we can play a game at the table together. If the kitchen is not cleaned up, mommy and daddy aren't able to play until the chores are done."

One thing I have learned about little manipulators---they can be manipulated.
It's like a secret little language they know how to use and respond to it well. Good Luck!

My head it is with you, and my heart is with your wife!! But yes, making a boundary that food is offered through the end of dinner and then after that you can have a healthy breakfast tomorrow, while it will create a few nights of upset girl, will ultimately fix the problem. A middle way, though, since I understand your wife's desire to get some food into her when she can (I have been the same about water at bedtime and you KNOW what the results have been there!), might be to be very selective about what she can have if she wants to eat before bed - whatever it is you are most concerned she doesn't eat enough of -- vegetables, protein -- tell her she can have that, but only that. A friend of mine has "free" food the kids can always have -- fresh vegetables and fruit -- and I think that's worked out very well for her. This could be a chance to tighten up boundaries around meals while still offering extra chances to use her hunger (or whatever it is) before bed to up her helpings of vegies and protein, or whatever. Maybe even build in and bedtime snack, if your night-time schedule has an extra 10-15 minutes in it, which could capture the nutritional value of the pattern she's gotten into, while dissolving the link between food and "leverage" and returning to the parents more control over the time of "lights out."

Good luck!

Hi! I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and they too are hungry right before bed. I just build in a 30 minute snack time right before bed. The boys still go to bed at their regular time so we keep that routine, no matter what. It keeps me from getting frustrated and there is no power struggle. If they are hungry, they do get a healthy snack. It's a win win for everyone. Good luck!

Hey S.!
When our girls hit 2 - 3 yrs old we had set meal times. Our kitchen "closed" after dinner time and if our chld decided not to eat then they went to bed hungry and didn't eat again until breakfast. They each went to bed hungry once then never pulled that stunt again. Yes, it's hard but kids won't starve over night. They will learn to eat when and what is served. When they went to bed without eating I was certain to have a big breakfast availabe (eggs, fruite, toast, etc.). With that being said, one of our decided to test us and our rule and went to bed without dinner for an entire week, but again she didn't starve and now eats what is served when it's dinner time.

I must say that my husband and I were both in agreement with this and were able to support each other during this time. We were able to maintain our standard in a loving and calm manner. We had to give many reminders that there's no eating after dinner time until breakfast the next day. But we got through it. Our girls are now 11 & 8.

hope this helps and good luck! you can do it!
C. H.

"Way to go" you stay-at-home dad! You should feel fine about questioning your daughter's step in trying to change the bedtime routine you have developed up until now.

My three boys have all been finicky eaters. I worry about their appetite and getting the nutrition they need. I have always made them brush their teeth and have said "oh, you say you're hungry? okay, but remember that you have to brush your teeth again". For each of my boys, that has happened no more than twice! (Why is brushing your teeth a bad, boring, chore thing?!!!)

The key to the issue of considering her request a 'ploy' is keeping in mind whether you want to fight over this. If this is the only area of contention, then make a decision with your wife about your response, be it 'okay, as long as bedtime is on time' or whatever. Children feel comfortable when limits are set. They test those limits and that structure should get revised as they grow up. A structured (or planned or limited) the bedtime routine is a good thing.

During my youth, I had a dessert time before bedtime. It was at a planned time. (I still associate milk and cookies with that comfortable (and loving) time of my life!)

You have quite a variety of responses. I hadn't thought of the "boring" snack idea. I might adopt that one for our after-school snack routine! :)

Good luck! And don't forget to post what you and your wife decided and how it worked out! There will be others wondering if your solution could be applied to their child!

Hey S.,
This would be the SAME exact thing I would ask my Mom. The same advice would ALWAYS be givin to me....."you cant out-smart a two year old?". Irritating, isnt it!?! But, its the truth, really. You just have to stand your ground, lay down the law and stick with it. Ultamently, your daughter wants that too. Children need those boundries and limitations. Its what makes them grow. I have had to "suffer" with disipline and time outs, but its for her own good. I do not hit my child. Talking to her, on her level, seems to do the trick. I also recommend the SUPERNANNY book by Jo Frost..she has a lot of good technics in there.

Good Luck in your journey,
Margaret :)

Kids this age often only eat one to two GOOD meals per day. My boys (and my 5 year old currently) try to use this ploy. Since he is 5, he can make the connection between dinner time is dinner time and there is not going to be any other food offered. Often he will say he is not hungry when what is offered is not to his liking. He does sometimes change his story when he realizes that this is what there is and there is going to be nothing else (mommy is NOT a short order chef!).

She may truly be hungry or she may be trying to delay bedtime. Play with your meal times a little- eat 15-30 mins later and see if that makes a difference in her hunger levels. Trim down an afternoon snack. Give her the snack, just less of it. Or eat a little earlier and plan a small, healthy snack (like yogurt) before bed.

Since I do not know her schedule, those are the only answers I can offer... good luck.

My kids, now in their twenties, used to try this. If they didn't eat dinner, I said, "It's a long time until breakfast; hope you don't get hungry." They were trying to manipulate a later bedtime...being a little hungry for a night or two didn't hurt them. Also, I remember reading that an adequate portion for a small child was about a tablespoon per year of age, so "not much" in an adult's eyes might be just right for a not-quite-three year old. Hope this helps!

My vote is that food should be offered at dinner time, with maybe a glass of milk or soy milk later, but nothing after teeth are brushed. My kids don't eat everything, but I've never had a whole lot of patience with them being picky. Children have very tiny tummies and it does not take a whole lot to fill them up. If they have two bites of every thing then that should be enough. Allowing them to refuse dinner and then ask for a snack only teaches them that they can avoid the meatloaf and wait for something better. Just my two cents. Good luck.

"nope sorry its bed time now. you will get to eat breakfast in the morning". if she is truly hungery she will wake in the night from being hungery. also a glass of milk before bed will help. dont let her play games with you. she has found out how to be in controll. also pushing her dinner time back about an hour and offering her the same thing that was at dinner if she does ask later for food might also help. is she getting snack foods that she would rather have? good luck. hope you and your wife can be on the same team about this and all parenting issues.

It seems to me that Shayla is calling all the shots here, thereby running things. If at this age she decided what and when she will eat, there's no telling what decisions she'll be telling you she's made when she's 16. It's time you took control and made the decisions before it's too late. As much as you love your little one and don't want to make her unhappy, she needs to learn where her place in the family is, and it shouldn't be at the head. What do you think she'll do when she starts to school and has a regular schedule to follow. They don't let them eat "at will" in school, so she needs to learn now that she can't control everything. (By the way, I'm a grandmother who knows about how little ones can be).

Have a set dinner time. Before bed time, give her an apple or banana for a snack. Her belly is full and she should go right off to bed.

My daughter is 11 and still tries to pull that stunt, even though it has never gotten her anywhere. Usually what she tries is a drink. So my tactic is, once I say the word "bedtime", only water will be allowed after that point. She's not particularly fond of water, so if she takes me up on it, I know that 1. she really was thirsty, and 2. she's not drinking anything that will harm her teeth or make it difficult for her to sleep. Even then I don't allow her much, as I don't want her up all night in the bathroom. :) If it's a snack she tries, I'll offer a carrot or something like that. If your compromise with your wife is to offer SOMETHING, make it something that your daughter doesn't COMPLETELY hate, but something that's pretty far down on her list of things she likes, too. If she really is hungry/thirsty, she'll take it. If not, you'll know it was just a trick.

Something else you might try is once in a while (not every night or she'll figure it out), ask her close to bedtime if she's hungry. If she says no, and then tries asking for food once you say bedtime, again, you'll know it was a ploy. I would try that only if she hasn't eaten well for dinner, an occasion where she might genuinely be hungry.

HTH
-M.

Hello,

It amazes me how smart our kids can be. My daughter started this same "routine" and I have had the same realization. My daughter is 6. She does not always eat large amounts at dinner. She started saying after her bath that she was hungry. I would allow her to have a snack. It was when she wanted junk and would not accept a healthy option, that I realized I was being fooled. She now knows that dinner time is for eating and if she did not eat enough, she will wait until breakfast.
I started splitting her food up. I offer her an "appetizer" while I fix the main part of the meal. The appetizer is a usually a raw fruit or vegetable. I found she eats more of this portion, than if it was just included on her plate. She likes the idea that she gets an appetizer. She then eats more of her main meal. We no longer have bedtime snack. She still asks at times, but I just tell her the kitchen is closed. I hope this helps. Have a great day.