Child Potty Abstinance

Updated on March 01, 2012
A.M. asks from Yakima, WA
9 answers

our 3yr old child refuses to use potty, everything we tried failed, so we backed off, but even worse, now he wont even go on pull-ups. hewill actually hold & hold & hold till he gets constipated, then it really becomes a nightmare to get stools(poop) out. it is quite stressful. just seen the DR.& she recomended we give him "miralax" laxative to help out. has anyone had similar situation?? we would apreciate any info... blesings to all

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So What Happened?

sorry took so long, like to thank all wonderful moms who gave awesome advise. well, we got our 3 yr old on some laxative(over c. ) theres @ 3 diff. well known products, u can get em at any store. at same time, we started him on a reward deal,. he would get 1 small sticker for potty on pull-ups, but 2 stickers for potty in the toilet. at this point, we just wanted him to stop holding back from going potty, if left olone it can be a seriuos med. issue. fortunately, we use the dr's advise on laxative till problem got ok, & we used lots of good proven advise from moms. after 2 wks of hell, he simply did it on pull ups, then after onother wk, miracle happened, he used toilet by himself. we still have him on reward deal, he uses stikers to get prizes, so bottom line, use laxative as prevntive measure, but the reward really worlks to get em going for the long run. blessings from A.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Does he eat fruit and fiber? If my DD is constipated, blueberries or raisins or grapes seem to do the trick. If he's dehydrated, that will make it harder, too. Does he poop in a diaper? Not ideal, but if you're rolling back, maybe roll all the way back to a point where he was eliminating effectively.

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sorry you are all going through this. My guy held his stools, never went on Miralax, though, and I backed off poop training a few weeks until I came across this helpful site, aimed at our refusers and "poop holders":

http://rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

In sincere honesty, my guy at 26 months was literally running to poop in the potty, due to his "power incentive" after just a little over a day. The site goes into more depth on the power incentive, but basically it is something your child REALLY wants, YOU, the parent owns it, not the child, and he "earns" the privilege of using it for 30-60 minutes by pooping in the potty.

Best wishes!

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B.B.

answers from New York on

I don't believe laxatives are healthy for anyone. You need to give him probiotics every day as well as prune juice. What is happening is that when you ignore the signs of pooping, the poop "gets mad" and then you have major issues. I think you need to talk to your child about what is going on and maybe see a professional.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

So many kids now live on Miralax and I don't understand why they are all holding it in and not going. Our twin grandsons are on it, everyone I know is on it. Why? I don't remember kids doing this years ago when I raised my kids. Do you give him lots of fruit, water, and most of all exercise? Vegetable help too. My kids all ate a 'balanced' meal and played outside and got so much good exercise. Try having him play outside and run and do things plus the diet that's good. Wish I knew what is causing this is all the kids these days. I suspect lack of exercise.

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J.U.

answers from Washington DC on

I am going through this with my 6 year old. We tried Miralax and it made him feel horrible when he had to go. That was just his experience. We give our son 48oz of water and green tea a day, he eats tons of fruits & veggies and I generally give him a bowl of mini wheats 2-3 times per week. He also takes gummy fiber chews every morning with his vitamins. Nothing seems to help. He hates going at school or any public place and is constantly scared it will hurt if he poops. I am sure that he has had pain from time to time. I feel horrible for him but it is also very frusterating. I have scheduled an appointment with a gastro specialist to see if there is any other issue going on. He has had other issues along with constipation and I would write a book to explain it all. We have taken him to his ped 3 times for issues and I would say the quicker you get a hold of things the better off you all will be. Boys are the worst offenders at holding. Good luck!!

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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

My girlfriend had to do this with her son and it was fine, but I personally would recommend a natural alternative like adding probiotics and lots of fiber to his diet.

For probiotics, you can buy Culturelle for Kids and mix it into anything. It's tasteless and dissolves into anything, but you'll get double benefit if you mix it into applesauce or yoghurt.

For fiber, aside from regular apples, see if your son will eat prunes. My son loves them but I have to cut him off at one or two per day or he'll have extra messy bowel movements. Dried apricots and apples are good too, as are broccoli and leafy greens, if you can get him to eat them.

You could also switch any crackers, bread or pasta that he eats to whole grains -- whole wheat sandwich bread, whole grain goldfish, etc. And cut back on cheese. If he eats a lot of cheese without enough fiber in his diet, this will cause constipation too.

Lastly, there's a brand called Barbara's that makes a whole wheat fig cookie that's pretty yummy. It's like a fig newton but with more fiber and it's sweetened with pineapple juice, if I remember correctly. You can usually find them with the organic cookies. My son flips for them because he just thinks they're a cookie.

Good luck!

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

I would simple explain the consequences of holding it now they he has experienced it and then explain why we put poop in the toilet --for health reasons. My daughter went through a holding stage. When I explained to her that it wouldn't hurt if she didn't hold it, etc. she stopped doing it.

I'd also get a copy of Everybody Poops. Great book for poop training kids.

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

We went through this stage. I introduced them to the miracle cure: coffee and "big raisins" (prunes).

Give him a couple of prunes every day. No more than that. They're a treat, and they also keep things soft and moving.

When he can't go or won't go, make him a cup of coffee. Wussy it up all you like with milk and splenda. I guarantee he'll be on the toilet within a half hour of the coffee. I've never had it fail.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Miralax is not a laxative, in spite of the name. It's a compound that is not digested, but passes all the way through the intenstines along with fecal matter and helps keep it moist and softer. I've discovered from personal experimentation that Miralax can cause diarrhea, however, so I'd introduce it in gradually increasing doses, and for most kids, yes, it does make withholding more difficult, if not impossible.

I'm wondering whether your son has felt pressured to use the toilet. If this happens (particularly if the pressure/manipulation started before a child is physically able to be trained), many children become reactive and defensive, and a withholding pattern starts. This can result in large, painful-to-pass stools, and then fear makes the child even more likely to withhold. They're too young yet to "get" on an understanding level that they will suffer more if they withhold. They just know they don't want to suffer right now.

My grandson was/is very prone to getting constipated, so this has been a bit of a struggle at times for him. His parents increased the veggie and fruit content of his diet, encouraged him to drink as much water as they could coax into him (I have "drinking races" with him every time I spend the day, and he'll down a whole glass of water to win), and very occasionally helped him when he was "stuck" with a children's glycerine suppository. He hated those, but was always so grateful after he pooped. The addition of Benefiber and occasional dried fruit WITH lots of water seems to be helpful.

I'm glad you're taking action early. A difficult condition called encopresis can quickly result from children withholding or a bout of constipation. Then they really lose touch with the urge to have bowel movements, and accidents ensue. Google encopresis for lots of information.

If your son is expressing fear, there are acouple of books some moms have found helpful: It Hurts When I Poop, and Everybody Poops. Also, the link GrammaRocks gave you is a good one!

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