My sister-in-law, she is 7, refuses to sleep in her own bed. She will start out in her bed, but at some point during the night migrates to her mother's bed. Apparently, she has tried to stop her (she hasnt' told me how), but is really stressed out by it. My mother-in-law is unable to sleep, and it is affecting her older sisters as well because she is being so disobedient. She just starts screaming and throwing herself on the floor when they try to get her back to her bed. I think it is to a point where my mother-in-law just has given up and just lets her stay there now becuase she doesn't want to deal with the screaming, but they are always complaining to me about it. So, anyone have any advice on what to tell her??
I don't know what to say because I am very happy sharing the bed w/ my 16 month old and my 7 yr. old every night. They are this young for such a short time that I prefer to enjoy it to the fullest.
This is going to be hard to take because to solve this problem in the beginning is going to be harder for the parents then the child. The parents are going to have to be consistant in returning the child back to her room and mean it. meaning that even if the parents have to sleep in the room on the floor for a while that is what must be done. I had to do that for 2months but now I am able to sleep in peace because my 2 and 4yr old sleep in their own beds now. so basically consistency and repetition is the key to solve this issue. Also talk to your child to see if there is any fear of the dark etc. If so put in a night light it worked with my kids. Good luck.
She could try to offer a reward for each night she stays in her own bed....it would have to be something really good though to get her to do it the first few times. Or a system of stickers and a reward chart. For example, after 5 stickers, take her to see a movie of her choice or take her roller skating, whatever she's into. I bought my son (age 5--has autism) a fiber-optic light to have in his room to turn on when he wakes up in the night. He lays there watching it until he falls back to sleep. Also, try asking her why she likes to come into her mother's room. Maybe it's a solvable problem. Maybe ask what it will take to get her to stay in her own bed. Good luck to her...I'm a mother of 5 and have been through this a few times myself.
What I hear is an awful lot of judgement about this poor child's behavior ("disobedient") instead of an effort to look into her heart and see what needs are not being met. Perhaps she has some fears about being alone in the dark, perhaps she has a strong need for connection with mommy that she is not getting enough of during the day. Also, if a child is routinely waking at the same time in the middle of the night and very agitated, I would check for pinworms!
: )
Maybe the parents should take the girl to a psicologist, because she is too afraid of the night, the dark, to be alone... She needs love, comprehension and feel secure. Maybe a professional can help the girl to get rid of her fears and insecurities and the mother to deal with the situation.
Maybe to start making a routine of mommy going to bed with her in the girls room, until she fell asleep will make her to start sleeping in her room. Also to create a nice and relax ambiance before going to bed. It can include stories that teach her that nothing wrong is going to happen, that her mother is always going to be there for her no matter if she is somewhere else, like the other room,...
Maybe she needs more bonding with her mother. Tell the mother that she should try to listen carefully and pay attention to the messages the girl is sending to her. Maybe she has a problem and she doesn't know how to tell mommy about it.
You sound a little upset about it. Kids needs love all the way!! They not need to be judge, they need people that care, guide and teach them how to have a happy and loving life and it includes how to deal properly with fears . I hope everything goes well with all of you.
It is hard when a child is that old and has been doing it for always, but not impossible. She just has to be persistent about having her go back to her room, it may take a little time but if she doesn't do it the child is getting what she wants and knows she will get her way anyways.
It happened to me with my 10 yr old when his father and I separated he grab his pillow and said im sleeping here now, at that time he was almost 6 and it took me at least almost 2 weeks but he slept in his bed but I was consistent.
Good luck!
She should say no, and mean it. Better to spend a couple of sleepless nights teaching the child that there are boundaries, and mommy's bed is one of them. When the child comes down the hall, march them right back to their room. Give plenty of hugs and kisses, and make sure a light is left on for her, but under no circumstances let the child believe that all she needs to do is cry and she will get her way. That is simply inviting future tantrums, and it will spread to other issues as well. What happens when she decides she doesnt want to go to school, and throws a tantrum?
My sister and brother-inlaw are going thru the same thing with their two boys-ages 4 & 3. They fall asleep on the sofa and are carried to their beds. There are night lights in both their bedroom and their bathroom. The older one only sleeps in his bed about 2-3 hours, then walks down the hall to his parents' bedroom. The younger stays in his own bed until about 4-5am. My sister says they are too tired to bother taking them back to their room!
My boys are 18 and 23 and I never had this problem. Rewards and praises haven't worked for them.
