Children Present During Chidbirth

I think that if you talk to her about it and she is ok with it than it would be an amazing thing for her to experience with you. I know at that age I would have been fine I loved medicine and wanted to be a doctor, I am a nurse now because it is more condusive to having a family, I would have been so excited. she can sit in a chair by your head and only see what she wants. I do think that you should tell her all that she will see so she is prepared I know the thing that my husband was shocked about was how hard they pound on the baby to get fluid out, they are not as fragile as you think and often get some fluid in there lungs in c-sections. I forgot to prepare him for that. Bottom line everyone is different and you know your daughter.
Good luck,
C.

Hi R.,
First of all, make sure your daughter is a mature 11 1/2 year old. Having taught that age for many years, I know it's not every child that could handle it. Then sit down with her and possibly your doctor, and prepare her for the process. Having been thru 2 c-sections myself, you will want to prepare her for the smell of your flesh burning as they make the incision, as well as the water breakage, blood--make sure she's not queasy. Give her some idea of what a newborn looks like before being cleaned up--LOL. If you have an epidural, do not let her see it. Plans should also be made for her care in case she has to leave the room--somebody to stay with her while your husband stays with you. Good luck to you--hope it's a wonderful experience for all. NancyA.

Hi R.,

I don't have experience with this, but I felt I could respond. I think that if you are comfortable with your daughter being in the room and you feel she is mature enough to handle the blood, seeing you on the operating table etc, you should go for it. My only hesitation is how she will react to seeing you opened up and on the operating table- sometimes it can be traumatic...so just weigh the pros/cons. Good luck to you!!

Molly

I have a niece that watched her sibling born (vaginally, not c-section) and walked away swearing she would never, ever have children. (She was 12) She is several years older now, and I am not sure what her feelings are currently, but it was very traumatic for her to watch. Each child is different, so you never do know how they will react. Your daughter might be just fine. Personally, I don't think I would have wanted to witness any births of siblings, c-section or otherwise. Just my opinion~!

i think it would be really hard on her.

by the way, why are you having a c-section?

I think it would be great to have your daughter present. Just warn her what she will be in for, and let her decide. They may not let her see the gory stuff anyway.

But maybe it will make her want to become a doctor!

My son (9 at the time) expressed an interest in watching his little sister be delivered vaginally. We spoke with the doctor and the hospital and they were fine with it. I then contacted the childbirth training center (division of our local Hospital) and asked for birthing videos that he could watch to prepare for it. I viewed them with him, answered his questions and explained what was happening. We talked extensively about the process and his feelings about watching mommy in pain, but also about the beauty and joy of a birth.

He was prepared and eager to be there and hold our new baby right away, but when I actually went into labor and he could see the pain on my face, he changed his mind and went to school instead. It was a shame because I had transitioned in the car on the way to drop him and his brother off at daycare so they could be taken to school. I had hard labor for about 15-20 minutes and delivered the baby within 3 minutes of getting into the hospital room with no tearing or bleeding.

Anyway, my point is that you can prepare your daughter for the event, but at the last minute, she just may not be able to stomach watching her mommy be cut into. Do everything you can to prepare her for it, but have a contingency plan in case she changes her mind. Maybe dad, a friend or family member who is willing to stay with her in OR vieing area and leave at her prompting or someone to stay in the waiting room so she can leave if need be. Hope she is strong enough to watch the new baby arrive. Congrats on your new baby!

Hi,
It depends on your daughter, I'd say. My 10 year old son was present at my vaginal delivery in which I tore an artery and bled profusely and had many internal stitches, etc. He was the first to see his baby brother's head and loved being there when his brother took his first breaths, had a bath, opened his eyes to peek, etc. He did very well through the medical, gory part, so well the dr. remarked she'd never seen a child so interested, calm. I know the early labor was a bit difficult for him when he saw me in pain and I started with the noises. Once I told him not to worry, I was making noises because it made me feel better, he relaxed. We all loved him being there. My mother and best friend were there along with my husband in case he needed to step out, but he never did. Enjoy. Congratulations.

HI R.,
I didn't have a c-section, but I do remember the doctor being very strict about having only one other person in the OR. If that's the case with your hospital, I would have serious reservations about her being the only other person with you. Not to mention, you might appreciate the support of your husband as well.
That said, I don't really have an opinion about whether your daughter should witness your birth or not. You know your daughter better than anyone and have received good advice so far.

Have you thought about having her in the recovery room with you and the baby? I am a nurse, a parent of a 12 year old girl and two older boys, had 2 C/Ss and one vbac. Being in an operating room with all the sterile equipment, blood, fluids, and machines might be very overwhelming to an 11 1/2 year old girl. The baby does not look like she will expect it to look, and your daughter will see you in a very vulnerable position. On the tiny, tiny chance that a complication might occur with either you or the baby, your daughter would be have a better experience if she sees the two of you in a "recovery" mode, not critical. She might blame herself if something did not go as planned. A Caesarian section is still an operation, and we all have to remember that, and things do not always go as planned. My daughter has a pretty strong stomach, but I would not send her into this situation. Maybe your daughter could be the designated first relative besides your husband to hold the new baby, thus having a special role in the baby's arrival.

Hi R.,
First I want to ask if your daughter actually asked to be part of the birth, or is it something you had in your heart to share with her?

Next, in reading through the advice already given, I wanted to say that I agree with the majority of mom's and grandma's here who are concerned with the potential trauma of your daughter seeing you cut open. No matter how much she might enjoy medical type shows, it's so different when it's your very own mom.

A couple of other things to consider, if something went wrong in the surgery, she would probably be rushed out of the room. Do you have someone ready to take care of her should it it become too difficult for her to stay in? Also consider that the pictures in her mind will be there forever, and yet they will be attached to a childs understanding, which can produce a lot of pain.

I send my prayers for a wonderful safe delivery for you and your new baby.
Blessings to all,
D.

Something tells me (my gut) that no matter how mature and precocious your daughter may be, that this is NOT something she should be exposed to. If she were 16, I'd say yes, but at 11 she is forming very important things on her slate for life and I just don't feel that the delivery room is a place for a young child. Some things are better absorbed with a mature mind. Watching kittens and puppies being born is okay, but the human experience is much more intense, can be vulnerable, and not rated "G" for general audiences.
Have her there until it's time to "twilight" you and then see her face when you show her the new sibling. I'd skip the gory details.... she doesn't need to see that part.

I can only tell you that at that age I would have been TERRIFIED to see my mother cut open in major surgery. I think, depending on the kid, it might be traumatizing. Natural birth I am sure would be much easier to handle, but seeing an incision is a different ballgame. That's just my opinion, perhaps your daughter is a budding surgeon and it wouldn't even phase her. We're all different. In general I wouldn't think kids can handle that sort of vision of Mom until later, maybe the mid to late teens.

Dear R.,
Having your children present for a new child birth is a very personal thing. I think the decision is fine, either way. Whatever works.....
My daughter was older when I got pregnant with her brother. She always stated that she wanted to be there when he was born. She had seen births on television, etc. And, I personally love watching different operations and things. It fascinates me. She was aware of the whole process of birth....either vaginal or c-section. And she never thought she would get a sibling. It meant a lot for her to be there and I told her all along that I was totally fine with it. That was our plan.
But, when the day actually came, at the hospital, she decided it was too much for her and she couldn't actually handle it. She got really scared and kind of freaked out by it.
Fortunately, we had plan B. Someone just a few minutes away from the hospital that she could stay with.
I think it's up to the individual child. What they actually can and can't cope with watching. I ended up having complications and it was best that my daughter decided for herself that she had changed her mind or we would have had to have done it for her.
If it gets to be too much for your daughter, I think you'll know.

Best wishes....and be sure to let us know when the baby arrives!

well i read your question again so i thought i'd respond even though i don't have personal experience with this. i do have to say though that my cousin had her 5 year old daughter in the room when her son was born (not C-section though.) I think it all depends on the maturity level of the child. She is very mature and always has been for her age. As parents they've chosen to be bluntly honest with their kids about everything - stuff like Santa Claus, where babies come from, etc. So I don't think it was a huge issue for them as a family. I think you just have to go by your own child because you know your child best. You could always ask your daughter what she wants and give her the option. She may not want to be there or she may be really excited about it. Good luck to you!

Hi, congratulations on your upcoming arrival!

I agree with most of the moms. C-sections are way too graphic for anyone to witness.

R. V,
I don't recommend it at all, you never know what could possibly happen, here is my experience, my daughter went in for a c-section everything was suppose to be ok, I was sitting there watching the whole thing, something went wrong and when they cut the umbilical cord from my grandson he died right in front of me. I watched in horror the things they did to try and revive him the response my daughter went thru, and we never had a clue anything was wrong, we thought we were going to have a healthy little boy, but instead my grandson died and I witnessed everything. I would hate to know an 11year old went thru what I did. I was 40 then, I'm 42 now and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it.

I think it's really nice that you want your daughter to be there for the birth of her new sibling and it might even be empowering for her, but you have to consider that it's really scary to see your parent in surgery... even if she understands and is mature for her age it can be really overwhelming. Definitely a personal decision, just wanted to give you a different perspective. Good luck with everything!

wow first of all I'm shocked your dr. would say yes. Most hospitals do not let more than one person in the operating room, and especially not children that young.

Have you had a c-section before? I just had my 2nd one and a cesarean is major surgery. You are literally strapped down to the table, tubes and monitors everywhere, not to mention the possibility of complications (I hope you have none). I hardly think it is a place for a child, no matter how mature the 11 yr is, she is still a child. It also might cause jealousy between the other siblings.

I would think it wouldn't be wise, not to mention if it's even possible.

but good luck and congrats!

Hi

I am a Doula and student midwife, and I am not sure if you know that most hospitals will only allow one person, usually your partner with you during surgery even if the doctor is ok with it. You should check in with hospital policy before asking her so she will not be disappointed.

I have attended many birth ( vag) with children and they usually do fine, not sure about surgery, it might be scary to see your mom incapacitated.

T.

Hi R. -

I would think about what this experience will do to your daughter's attitude about her having children in the future - if it is traumatic for her, I would worry about it creating long term anxiety and fear for her -

I have watched c-sections before, and it is not like having a family gathered around a home birth - it is a major surgical procedure -

Good luck with your new baby!

All I can say is my HUSBAND almost fainted during each of my C-sections from the gore, and he used to work in the health field. He said it was very different seeing his wife cut open with organs exposed than it is when it is someone else.

I'm also a bit shocked that the doctor was okay with it, but everyone is different. Our hospital policy was husband - okay, but no one else, and no video allowed.

If you do decide to have her with you, make sure you prepare her for the fact that there will be a lot of blood, and after the baby is removed, they take your womb out of your body (yes, it is still attached) and examine it, so make sure there are no small cuts that need to be repaired before they close you up. Yes, it is a bit gory.

I think it's great that you want to have your daughter there for the birth of her sibling. I would explain to her the procedure and ask her if she is okay with that. I would also explain that this is not the normal way to give birth.

At my c-section, there was a cloth at about my breast that was draped to hide my abdomen and my husband and midwife sat near my head. They didn't have to see the surgery part of it if they didn't want to. Perhaps that is what it will be like for you and your daughter can decide if she wants to see the cut/surgery parts of it.

Absolutely great idea to ask if she wants to be present. i think if she fully understands ahead of time what the process is she must be old enough & mature enough to not be grossed out, maybe nervous. she won't be looking AT the CUT & BLOOD b/c she'll be next to your head. But what a great bonding experience for you & her AND she & baby. My younger sister & i (9yrs old at the time) were present for our little sister's natural birth & we still have great, fond memories. We also attended a class for siblings about childbirth. I'm sure you'll have other supporters there if they need to take over & she decides to sit out or there are complications. My 4 1/2 yr old son will be there with me in just 4wks for my 2nd CSec, but only for triage part so he can experience parts he does understand (hospital stay, needles, i.v.) & so he can see me experience that after he had his own hospital stay this spring with pneumonia. He knows when he gets out of school that day he'll be able to see baby for first time.

If I were you, I would insulate your daughter from this potentially upsetting procedure. Despite the fact she may be a 'mature' girl, she is still a child and it is distressing for ANY child to see their mother all hooked up to IV's. It's almost as though she is asked to be all grown up, when all she wants is to be your child. I am the oldest of 3, and gave birth by caesarian section to my 2nd daughter when my oldest was 4 1/2. I think it is best to have your daughter meet you once you are alert and comfortable and back in your hospital room with the new baby. Good luck with all your children, and don't forget to allow your eldest daughter to be a child and not just a little mother (which will be natural for her, I am sure).