Choosing Someone to Raise Your Kids If You and Hubby Die

In our will we have that if my hubby and I both die our parents will decide where our children go. However, we have expressed who NOT to allow our kids to go with so our parents are aware. But, our first pick is actually my husbands sister who lives in another state as they are financially secure, her two boys are now teenagers but she's still really young and she LOVES being a mom. We've never expressed this to her but we have to our parents and they do agree with us. So, I guess at some point it may come out but we haven't officially ever mentioned it as our parents will technically be the ones to decide.

We chose the family who we thought would both love our children, parent similarly to us (although not exactly the same) and who we thought would make a good effort to make sure the kids stayed in touch with both sets of grandparents. We also made sure that we have enough life insurance that if this should happen, my kids won't be a financial burden on the person that take them.

We chose a sibling, but it doesn't have to be so. A good friend asked us to be potential guardians for their child, since they do not have any family who they think could do it, for various reasons. We were honored that they asked.

It is a hard thing to think about, but if we didn't set it up, I could imagine the grandparents arguing about who should take the kids, the state having to step in to decide, etc. We don't want that to be an issue.

My hubby and I have always had a will since he was in the Army for many years and its something they strongly encourage, sometimes even require. Our will has changed several times over the years. Our first will left the kids to my hubby's oldest brother. He was the only sibling married with a good, stable job at the time. We then changed to my hubby's sister once she married and had a son. This last will was changed to my sister who finally married 2 years ago. She has always been our first pick since our kids are closest to her but she was in college and I didn't want to leave her with 3 kids at a young age. As you can see, we have siblings that have been good choices for us. We're lucky! When we talked to each sibling about being in the will, they were all more than willing to agree. What about your parents or your hubby's parents? Are they an option?

We haven't made it legal yet, but we have asked my SIL and her husband that if we were to make a living will, would it be okay with them to take our kids. They said they were perfectly fine w/ that and actually asked the same of us, we both have 3 kids.
When it comes to something like this, the most important part is to think that the people you are asking would most importantly love your kids as if they were theirs. Raising them as you would unfortunately is a pipe dream.
With such a tragic occurence being in motion for this to happen, the most important part would be someone to take in and love your kids, raising them to the best of their ability, such a hard thing to think about!

We asked my brother. Like your brother in law he parents differently but he loves them. I not only asked him to take my kids but to take on the legal responsibility to fight for them against my ex husband. My brother understands how important it is for me to have a safe haven for my kids from their father.

When I asked him he didn't hesitate when saying yes. My brother is an attorney, his friend is the attorney who drew up my trust papers and my will. A man who fully understands what he accepted took it on without thinking about it. That is the love that only a family member generally can give. Maybe it is just me but if you have family members that love you kids it is the best choice.

The thing to remember is that the person you pick should be able to love and support your kids. We picked my bother and his wife. I'm not terribly close to my brother but I know that he is a good and caring person, as is his wife. They have one child who is younger than my daughters. I trust him to do the right thing.

we chose my parents, but we are named as guardians for children of friends, as their families live out of state and the kids would have to make too many changes. We love them like our own and would take them in a minute.

We asked by SIL and BIL. Our youngest is now 17, so we should change it to his older son.
We know a couple who asked friends rather than relatives.

The movie "Raising Helen" helped me get some perspective on this. I chose 3 people/couples that I thought would be good guardians. My first choice, i took out to coffee and talked about it and then said, "You guys go home and give it some thought and prayer." I let them take their time to get back to me. In the end, they decided that they were comfortable with it.

These are not family members as I have a completely different lifestyle from the rest of my family. Some things that we discussed: How much interaction would they need to make sure my son had with my family? What if they needed to take a job out of town/state, how would that affect my kid?

When our daughter was little we decided on my sister and her husband. They were very honored. They live in town and in the same neighborhood. They also were the beneficiaries to our life Insurance policies to be used towards our daughters care and any continued education.

Our second choice was actually my mom. Our daughter is close to her emotionally, lives in town and would have always done what was needed to keep our daughter safe and emotionally supported.

It was such a relief to have made the decision.

I haven't asked yet, but I know without a doubt: my oldest sister and her husband. They're wonderful parents who'd take excellent care of my kids and they're fairly financially secure. Also, my parents live about 15 minutes away from them and there's constant going back and forth between the two houses anyway. If anything had happened to my parents I would've lived with my sister (I would've had the choice between her or our favorite aunt and uncle).

with my husband and i we both agreed on my oldest brother and his wife. they dont know it yet because its something we will talk about when we move up there next year. i know they will be willing if we ever died suddenly and they would make great and loving caregivers. we chose my brother and his wife because they are stable (financially) and we didnt want the grandparents on either side to fight over getting the kids. my husband and i both know that his parents would put up a fight which would make my family go on the defensive. we also want our daughter and whatever other children to stay in washington where we will be moving to.

We chose my sister and BIL because they have a similar parenting style and family values and they also are financially stable and will invest the insurance money appropriately so my son is cared for through college. It was hard for us to make this choice because the only ones perfect enough to raise our son is us! Everyone we considered had issues that we couldn't overlook. My sister and her husband worried us the least so we asked them.

We have this discussion often. A burning issue for me. We talked about it last night....again.

I've decided that no one is going to instill all the parenting philosophies that my hubby and I have because they are not us. That sucks.

Getting over that, we must find the best home for our kids that matches us as close as possible (or so I feel).

We just moved back "home" from living 9 hours away. We'd made the choice of a friend of mine and her husband. They have and are raising girls, she sees the world very similarly as I do, and we have very similar parenting styles. She seemed honored at my request. I would feel the same way if someone asked me. I'd take any group of kids in a heart beat and treat them as my own.

Now, we are back 'home' and my friend now lives 3 states away. Not really an option now. Looking at family. Ugh. There are two sets that make it past the first round of "try-outs" and that's where they stay. One set doesn't value education like we do and don't seem to have the same style that we do. I wonder how my oldest would mesh with her girl cousin who is nearly the same age. The other set is closer in style, but still off. Can't quite put my finger on it.

We've decided that no grandparents should be asked (although my MIL has offered...this makes me cringe). I had surgery last week and I was more scared of dying because she would try to take over my girls. Ugh.

Not easy, not something to put on the back burner. I hesitate asking a specific person/couple because I don't want more drama when/if we die and we've changed our minds about WHO we want. I plan to put it on paper with our first choice is XXX and XXX and our second choice is XXX and XXX. I don't plan on asking family, but will ask a friend if I am dead serious. No pun intended! Lol

Hope this helps. I look forward to reading your responses for other options.

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we are right there with you. our best choice, as far as who would financially be able to take them on and with the same viewpoints as far as discipline/beliefs etc would be my husbands parents. but they are getting older with some health issues. plus they overly spoil the boys and "feel sorry for them" (they were all born with cleft lip and palate). My parents are far from their doctors and surgeon, plus my mom has tons of health issues and they smoke. Hubby's sister is a wack job with 4 of her own kids and probably working on #5 even though they have no business having another. His brother has one daughter who is getting ready to turn 16 and they dont share the same beliefs and values as we do. My only brother is a career criminal for lack of a more tactful description. we have some friends at church but they all have their own kids. so we dont know what to do. we would probably go with his parents since they are close to us and are with the kids all the time.

We are in agreement that my best friend would take our kids. We don't want either gparents taking them because they do not get along and I don't want that drama around the kids, same for any of our siblings. Also, we are the oldest of our siblings (mostly, DH has two older sisters) but no one is really in a position where we would feel comfortable asking them-- older sisters are overwhelmed enough with their own families, and none of our youngers are quite there yet. So we are going with my best friend, who is also really good friends with DH, and our kids godmother. I flat out told her, "I want you to have the kids," and she said absolutely. She has enough back bone to manage our parents and siblings, plus she knows my hubby and I well enough that she would raise them as we would.

However, we have yet to make a will and put all this in writing. I've typed up a letter on my computer, and told my friend about our wishes, but I havent said anything to either parents because I don't want to deal with the hurt feelings when its not something that needs to be hashed out right now.

LOL you sound like my and my hubby...we have 3 kids and know we should do a will but haven't because a) we have no money! and b) we CANNOT decide who would take our kids. No way would we want them split up but oh my god 3 kids is alot...and who would we choose...I do NOT want my SIL and BIL raising them. I do not want my parents raising them. Hubby's parents are SORT OF an option but I don't want them either. I have 2 younger brothers. One is marrying someone who has a crazy family...don't want them in the kids life. The other could be perfect but for god's sake he's 28 years old and is in a serious relationship to a girl I adore but not even engaged...friends we have are not options... so difficult to choose. I guess you have to think of i t not as the "perfect solution" because perfect doesn't include their parents both dying! But as a best alternative given a bad situation....Ugh. Thanks for reminding me - I need to deal with this sooner than later!

Battling this question at the moment since we moved to the US 8 years ago and all our families are back in the UK so this would be a MAJOR change for the kids but I can't imagine them staying in the US with friends if their family is back in England - and I don't have friends I would imagine leaving my kids with.

You have a lot of good advice on here already, but I just want to add that whatever you do, make sure that you talk to everybody about the decision and tell them how you chose (by everybody I mean your parents, husband's parents, your brother, any other family). Not because they should necessarily have input, but they should just know. We chose our close friends because they are similar to us, are in a stable marriage with a baby on the way, both have good jobs and live in a nice house near our families. My husband's sister, who is separated from her husband (who lives in another state) and does not have a job nor has she finished school, was horrified that we did not choose her. We made the mistake of not talking about it with her, and then she ended up coming to my son's baptism where his godparents were, who she didn't know about (bad news!) Bottom line - choose someone who will cause the least amount of trauma for your kids to transition to. It's not necessarily going to be family. Then be prepared for your brother (or whoever) to be hurt if it's not them. :)

We have asked my best friend. She would love and raise our kids as her own. She is unable to have children of her own(ex-husband and she tried for years) and her current man (both are high school friends of mine). I/we chose her due to the fact that I don't want my parents having to raise their grandchildren. I have two brothers and two sisters: one sister can barely take care of herself and her son, one sister just turned 20 and my brothers well they have not grown up yet (32 and 24).

Also chose her due to the fact that she is independent of family, my family is completely complicated and there would be those who may deny other parts of my family from having "equal" time with the kids. She would make sure the kids knew and saw everyone.

It was hard to ask her but I just spit it out once, I told her that it's okay if you say no, I just want you to hear me out. Told her my reasons above and said, I don't need an answer right now, but I want you to think about it. Immediately said "I'd be honored"...for a while I thought maybe she just said it to be nice. however, since then she has asked questions about what my thoughts are on different subjects. She is taking it very seriously.

I hope you find someone you love and trust. I am the "chosen" guardian for my nephew, my sister would naturally be my first choice but again she is a single mom and adding two more to her budget and time would just not be fair to her or all three kids. (her one, our two)

Being a single parent this has always been a hot topic for me. When my son was one, I asked my Aunt what she thought about raising him if I died. What we decided on was physical custody of my son going to my cousin (Aunt's daughter) and financial custody to my Aunt.

15 years later, and I have still not changed my will. My cousin now has a 6 year old daughter, but my son loves her also, so if something happened to me, I think the arrangement would still work out for his last few years before college. But, being 15, he is now old enough to know the "plan" for his future, and the contingencies for a future without me. And he is old enough to have a voice in court should his flaky father decide to fight it. :)

It is a huge responsibility to ask another to take your children for you. Once you have selected a few possibles, the best way to go is with open, honest communication with them ensuring that there are no hard feelings if they decline. I have ensured that I have enough life insurance to ease the way financially for my son and his guardians should something happen to me - I think many people decline because of financial fear that they will not be able to provide for the children.

Medical needs, allergies, all of things, along with life styles, values, and religion must be taken into consideration. Also ensuring that your children have an ongoing relationship with those who are named as their guardians.

While none of us want to think about our mortality, I think it is a plan that we owe our children to ensure their future well being.

God Bless

My mother is selfish and probably too old to take care of two kids
My sister is a b*&%h
My brother hates kids
My husband's brother's are both....well, not our type of people to raise our kids....soo... we chose friends. Friends that raise their kids just like us, believe in God how we do, put their kids in good schools, discipline like we do, etc We asked, they agreed, we told them they can use some of the money we are leaving to add on to their home, pay for our kids college, etc We also trust them NOT to spend our life insurance, it must be someone you trust. Just sit down with your hubby and talk about your friends that you really cherish and trust. Our second choice in the Will are also friends, another couple that has 5 kids but 2 are already moved out. Someone who loves kids, lives a good lifestyle and has money so they won't use yours. ;o)