Christmas Compromise

It think it sounds fair, but honestly with his parents getting Christmas last year and thank giving I would not feel the need for the uneven split and would more then likely do 6 days with each.

Sounds perfectly fair. We do Thanksgiving w/ my family and Christmas (not religious, just a time when everyone has time off to get together) w/ DH's family. Have for 20 years now.

If it sounds fair to YOU, then yes.

I don't know how old your children are, but when ours got to be a certain age, I grew tired and bothered with trying to travel for the holiday. I wanted to make our own memories and traditions in our own home.

We have never been plane ticket distance from our extended family, but not close, either (5-6 hours by car). Most of our family lived within 90 minutes of each other. That convenience, in and of itself, became an inconvenience as well--because everybody wanted time with us, and we wanted time with all of them, but we were TIRED of being in the car so much, and I was annoyed that the kids (who were small) were trapped for so long in the car as well.

We started staying home, and inviting family to stay with us. Or we'd go up AFTER the holiday between Christmas and New Year's.

Do what works for you and don't feel guilty if someone else isn't happy about how much time you are able to spend with them. That's just the way it is sometimes.

Do what works best for your family.

You just have to do what is right for you and your family.

I grew up in a small town where both sides of the family were around, even after my parent's divorce. So I did see all family on all holidays which was nice.

However, when I moved to TX and became a plane ticket away from family, by choice, we were establishing our home here. So, since we moved to TX in 1989, we have our own family traditions at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Anyone is more then welcome to come visit us at any time.

I was not going to be flying packages and toting things all over the country for Santa, etc. I wanted my daughter to have memories in her home.

Again, you do what is best for your family. I don't think there is a right or wrong here.

I think it sounds fine as long as you are planning to swap next year and have Christmas with DH's parents at their house. You could split 6 days each if you are planning on alternating the Christmas holiday. If everyone is very friendly and your family does not object,You could also see if your husband's family wants to drive 3 hours to join you for Christmas day. Merry Christmas and safe travels!

I think your plan is more than fair.

I think the idea of Christmas with your parents since his parents will be coming to you for Thanksgiving is a good compromise. Makes sense to me.

Do what works for you. Many years I did not see my mom's family at all because of distance. It is nice when you can, but also nice when your family's needs are paramount. If you were my relatives, I would just be happy you traveled 1000 miles with kids.

It sounds like this works for you - so it should work for everyone else. Your in-laws got last Christmas and this Thanksgiving, so swap it with your parents for this year and maybe going forward. That means next year your parents get T-giving and his parents get Christmas. But I agree with others below that, if you don't want to travel, then you stay home. Your holidays should be pleasant and enjoyable, where you make memories for your children. Having family around is great as long as it is positive and not a source of stress.

And no, don't invite the parents' input. Make your decision and inform them.

I would forget the whole Christmas eve and Christmas being on December 24 and 25. I would think about both families and their traditions and celebrate both with each family, no matter what the calendar date.

Do what matters with each family (traditions, meals, things that have to happen, like Grandpa reading the Bible or the Polar Express or whatever the favorite book is), on a day that you designate that will be your Christmas celebration with each family. It could be December 21 or 29. We changed Christmas one year when it fell on a Sunday. We wanted to not skip services and then rush gift opening and dinner, so we simply went to church and had a nice meal later that day (we let the kids have one toy each), and the next day, December 26, we celebrated Christmas with our usual Christmas traditions: reading the Christmas story, enjoying brunch, opening gifts, and having a big dinner later.

Don't let yourself get trapped by the calendar. It will show your kids that Christmas is about families and joy and love, not a date on a calendar. Some families have Christmas before their loved ones move away, or when their loved one is near the end of life even if it's in July, or when their loved ones return home from deployment or an assignment even if they have to wait until February.

We always did Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day (later, not in the morning, we wanted to Christmas morning all to ourselves) with my husband's family. But we never had to drive more than about an hour.
Good luck, that's a tough one!

Travel as convenient for your own needs, but don't put undue importance on calendar dates. Any arrangement you make will be 'fair' because you're not obligated to do any of it.

We rarely see people on the 25th. We choose other dates (on weekends) to travel for celebrating with family and/or friends. Christmas is when you make it.

I grew up traditionally visiting on the 24th and 25th, but after moving away and having kids of my own we put an end to it and will no longer travel when those days fall mid-week. Our families had to adjust and were not given a vote.

My ex and I used to do Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. My kids still rotate like that because they're about 30 miles apart. However, to accommodate other family schedules, we switch it up some years. This year my kids will be with their dad for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then with my family for the weekend after because of my brother's family schedule. It doesn't have to be on THAT day to celebrate.

When we lived out of state, we stayed home and family traveled to us. We rotated with my in laws. Never had any family for Thanksgiving. One year my folks next year in laws for Christmas. It worked wonderfully. Then we moved back to Texas! Everyone wanted us to come to them. I hate traveling on Christmas or Thanksgiving for that matter but we did for several years.

This year I'm not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I told everyone they were more than welcomed at our house, but we weren't leaving Houston for the holidays!

Good news - inlaws are coming for Thanksgiving. My dad is going to Wisconsin to be with my brother's family. BUT Dad is coming to our house for Christmas. This is the first Christmas since my mom went into the nursing home that he has left for Christmas. Most know, my mother has dementia and is not aware of anything or anyone. So, I was happy Dad decided to come for Christmas. We would go up there so he wouldn't be alone but last year we weren't able to and it drove me nuts. I just hated knowing he was home alone. So, yay this year!!

I think what you are proposing is great! Win win for everyone. =)

Sounds great. We try and rotate holidays with my parents and in laws as well and it works. My in laws are 3 hours away as well.

:-)

If that's the plan that works for you and your husband, then do it. If either set of grandparents don't like it? Tough.

Well if travel is your thing, it sounds fine.
With us - we stay home and enjoy turning off the alarm clocks for a week or so.
Our family visits by making a phone call to relatives across the country.
We ALL like it that way!

You are better than me. I grew up in the miltary and my parents let family come to us - whether they did or not was their choice, but traveling with 5 kids wasn't doable around the holidays.

My family traveled one Christmas (2 kids 6 and under) to Disney World, we won't travel over Christmas again.

We did once for Thanksgiving (oldest was 5 months) and won't do that again either.

I enjoy holidays at home. We have no problem going somewhere right after, but we will not be going on the actual holiday.

So really - you have to do what works best for your family.

And thank you to your whole family for your sacrifice to our nation.

His family took time and effort to come to see you last Christmas and this Thanksgiving. That should not be a factor in your decision of which family to see unless your parents are elderly or cannot afford to also come to see you.

This is always a sticky situation.