ok my husbands grandma (who we live with) wanted her whole family (she only has a son and a daughter. the son has a daughter and my husbands mom has two other boys) but she wanted everyone to go to the sons house for christmas eve then stay that night over there.She was going to stay even though no one else was going.I only met them a couple times i dont want to stay over there and neither does my husband. Well my husbands mother lives 4 hours away and doesnt want to drive down here and my husband doesnt want to go because he and his uncle are not even speaking to eachother (an issue that started before i met him and they havent talked for like 5 years). Anyways my husband wanted the family to get together so that they could resolve their problem they have but my husband wanted them to come over to our house and talk not at their house.
Every year my family gets together on christmas eve. I was planning to go over there for a while. But my husbands grandma decided to change her mind and not stay over there just go over on christmas day. So she tells me why dont we stay here on christmas eve? I was just thinking to myself what and screw me i dont need to see my family??? Just because her plans changed I have to stay home too??? What do you moms think about this? Isnt she selfish?
everything worked out good shes going to her sons on thursday and staying til christmas and im going to my families on friday everything turned out ok. Thanks to all of your feedback.
You say you live with Grandma right? Sounds like she does not want to be alone on X-mas eve. Could you say "Ya know I really need to spend time with my family on X-mas Eve, Would you like to join us?" I don't think she's trying to be selfish.
Just tell her that you already have plans with your family and you will see them on x day (whether it be Christmas day or another).
I know it's hard to blend family holidays. My family has actually gotten the short end of the stick since I met my DH. Sucks, but it is what it is. But this year my parents are able to be in town for Christmas morning, so I just told my DH's family they are welcome to come to our house if they wish, but we are having Christmas morning here with my parents (DH's family chose not to come over).
You just still go and see your family.
She cannot.... prevent you from doing that.
YOU have family too... and she has to respect that too.
I would just tell her that you all have plans to see your family on Eve, and she will have to wait until Christmas day to see you all.
Sounds like everyone is trying to push everyone else around, or just trying to make a plan b/c no one will make up their minds. It doesn't sound entirely selfish, just confusing in that there is no game plan.
Also, you can split your time, go to your family for part of the day and with his family the other part of the day. Just call everyone and ask what all they would like to do and where and go with what the vast majority can make.
Christmas Eve is a special day, but that doesn't mean everything has to be done on that day. If you all don't see each other that day, there are 364 other days in the year.
And this whole 5 year old fight between your husband and his uncle can be resolved no matter what day or house it takes place at.
Selfish doesn't have to be a part of it. Try to look dispassionately at the situation as an opportunity resolve differences. Your husband's grandmas has said what she'd like to have happen. She's invited you to her house to spend the night on Christmas Eve. You can still decide what you want to do. Since you have a tradition of spending the evening with your parents and you want to do that graciously decline her invitation and spend the evening with your folks.
As to the rest of the squabbling, I suggest that the family needs to resolve their issues at a time other than the holidays. The holiday is too stressful, just as you've described it. Again, it's not about selfishness, it's about people expressing what they want to do. You and your husband decide what you want to do, graciously tell others that you won't be accepting their invitation if that's the case and plan a happy Christmas for yourselves. If you can, without rancor or bitterness, be involved with family do so. Compromise when you can graciously do so. Otherwise focus on your selves and your immediate family and so what will make you happy. That is NOT selfishness. That is taking care of yourself.
I'm confused about the geography or locations of all these people. If you're wanting to travel and you don't want to stay with someone, just stay in a motel or hotel or stay with whomever has invited you if you want to stay with them. When everyone takes care of themselves and doesn't feel that they have to make everyone happy, which is btw and impossible task, there are less hurt feelings and better togetherness.
Edit: I just noticed that you live with your husband's grandma. I suggest that you invite her to go with you to your family's get together Christmas Eve.
Your husband's grandma is just not thinking about your family. But that's no reason that you shouldn't. Let her know that you'll be visiting your own relatives on Christmas Eve, but you'll be glad to see her later (or at another time).
Is Christmas a time to settle old scores? I'd want to settle them before
Christmas day so that perhaps everyone can be friendly on that day. Well, there isn't always a lot of peace at Christmas. There isn't on any other day, either, but at Christmas it seems to show more.... :^)
Make new days/holidays so everyone is happy. Be nice to the old people
and have alternative days with other people....There are 360 days a year to
have events.....
