Clothing Obsessions

Sounds like sensory issues! What I really recommend is a website called Fun and Function. They make special clothes that have a sort of tight but very soft and flexible inner layer -- they make the kids feel like they're getting a hug, which sensory-sensitive kids really crave -- but they have a looser "normal" looking outer layer. No tags anywhere.

Just curious..... the pants/shirts he is complaining about... has he worn them just fine other days? Does he consistently complain about certain fabrics or feels?

It does sound like a sensory issue...... there are some kids that prefer clothes that are tighter/looser, certain materials, no tags, etc. etc. etc......

Try to make note of what items he is complaining about, and if possible, put aside the clothes he is complaining about.

ha browneyedgirl has the same issues as M.- emmy would sit out recess if she had to wear sneakers too...at first i fought it and then realized its her choice to not play in the gym

if its not a sensory issue, why not let him pick his clothes the night before. if there are certain pants that bother him always have him show you which pants he likes and if its 4 pairs out of his 8 pairs of pants J. rotate those 4 pairs or go to the consignment shop with him and have him pick a few new pairs to wear.
My daughter (5) was/is stubborn and will pout if i make her wear something that doesn't look or feel right. She doesnt have sensory issues and is J. stubborn and detrmined to be stylish and girly nonstop

BTW breathe and look at all the kids in preschool and you'll realize if its not a sensory thing most kids are a PIA about clothes, you'll see the girl in the tutu every day, the boy in the dirty holey shirt, the boy in the spidey costume, the girl in boys clothes and so no...at this age, clothes are pretty much the only thing they can control

ETA I do agree there are some kids with sensory issues and I may not know enough on the issue to comment but I would think he would be crawling in his skin all day and wiggly and crying all day if it was and not J. a few complaints. It sounds like more you do what i do, you dont give yourself enough time to get ready, don't have the clothes he typically ikes, and havent picked them out the day before and you're fighting with him to wear what you like. my daughter does a lot of what your son does and she doesnt have a sensory issue, shes J. stubborn. She's gotten better and so have I in terms of picking my battles and being more prepared and less rushed....Again i'm clueless about many things I J. dont thnk every annoying kid (mine included ) has a disorder

Please ask your ped for a referral to an OT who works with kids who have Sensory Integration issues. What you are describing is a HALLMARK for this. He needs help and the OT can give it to him.

I promise you that this isn't just about trying to control his envirnoment. His nervous system is SCREAMING at him. An OT with this training (it's a master's program, so you need to make sure she's had this training and currently works with this) can be SO much help to him, and by that, a great help to your family.

Good luck,
Dawn

My daughter never bought into the two choices as a strong willed heavily oppinionated girl! It was a morning struggle that weighed on all of us.

I finally gave her full control of what she wore and the struggle went away. I had to let go of how I wanted her to look. Sometimes she totally rocks it and I'm so impressed, and sometimes I just have to let it go, because it's not about me, it's about her...she has to feel good about it, not me! I had to create rules after she went on a long run of wearing her Dorthy costume to school....no costumes and no dirty clothese. She can handle that.

I'm not convinced this will work for you fully...my sence is that it may be a sensory issue if he sometimes complains all day about something. You may want to do a little of both ! Let him pick his clothese each day and also figure out what it is he likes about the clothese....he may tell you they are soft, they cover my arms, etc. and then keep that in mind when shopping. My niece was sensetive and it was trying for the parents. They had to cut all the tags off clothese, and she had to wear long sleeve, long pants all the time.....living in San Diego. Good luck and forgive yourselves for losing it....It happens!

S.....sorry for typos...iPad!

My son went through this at four as well. He hated snaps and buttons. Denim? Forget it. He only liked what he called "comfy" pants. He would wear some shorts, but they had to meet some criteria I couldn't figure out. It was incredibly frustrating. He seemed to have a problem with everything except for one or two pairs of pants and some tagless t shirts. And my son has no sensory issues at all. I felt like it was some battle of the wills or something. So, I gave up the battle. I took him to the store and had him pick out some pants similar to the ones he said were comfy. It took a trip to two (maybe three) different stores before he found some he liked. Then I bought every color they had. Enough for every day of the week. Did the same thing for shirts. No more battle, no more fighting. No more morning crisis. Then about two months later, he started branching out in his wardrobe slowly but surely. And by the end of preschool we had no more issue at all. If it's not a medical issue, why not just get what he likes and end the heartache for both of you?

should this not be sensory issues, because it truly seems your complaint is more focused on choice....yours vs. his......my very 1st thought was:

don't do this in the morning. Make the clothing choice in the evening as part of the bedtime ritual. Then discuss expected behavior for in the morning, & reward him when arguments/whining/etc are avoided.

While sensory issues may play into this, based on the rest of how your morning goes.....my vote is for power plays....which is confirmed by his requests for you to stay & play. I have also noticed you make a lot of concessions to his demands, a lot of promises to do better yourself, & .... honestly, a lot of what I'm reading feels like manipulation.

Have you ever watched the "1-2-3 Magic" video? It's an excellent method for teaching the parent how to be in control....& not the child. A lot of what you are describing could be circumvented by using this method. & as an honest, honest head's up: many parents have mornings like this! My sis used to dress my niece....for years. As in my niece would lay limp on the bed & NOT cooperate at all.....drove my sister insane!

Soooo, check out the sensory issues....& maybe OCD. But also work on this from the other end. Perhaps the "1-2-3 Magic" can make a difference in your life. Good Luck!

OK, I think you need to see that you are getting way too worked up about this. I know it is frustrating but I am learning that my 4 year old DD feeds off my emotions and the more worked up I get about something, the more apt she is to "lose it." It also sounds like you are engaging in a battle of the wills and determined to win so you are the boss and you need to ask yourself is it really worth it. When he starts seeing you as angry mommy, trying to win your approval but can't help how he feels about the clothes, when he ends up going to school/day care all upset. Believe me, I've been there too, so I am not trying to make you feel bad - just that I've begun to look at the situation and realize that...it's just clothes. To me anyway. To DD, it's a whole lot more - it's her identity, her wanting to choose what she wants, and being able to make her own decisions (she's never been good about the whole "2 choices" thing anyway). It's not a hill worth dying on, IMO.

Sounds to me though like he might have some sensory issues, or a sensory processing disorder, which can make them more sensitive to certain fabrics, how things feel, etc. I would Google it to get more information, and I would also talk to his pediatrician about the possibility. I would also try to just figure what clothes are his favorite, wash them as needed and have them available as much as possible - washing a small load every few days has got to be less aggravation than what you are going through right now. Get rid of the items that he just cannot stand - because making him wear them isn't really teaching him anything, now is it?

ETA: Just wanted to add that DD does not seem to have sensory issues -she is just strong-willed and opinionated and I've learned that things can quickly escalate into a power struggle, and sometimes it's just not worth it. She went to day care today wearing a dress that was given to us as a gift, a dress I don't care for because it's an almost all-white sundress and it reminds me of a nightgown. But that is what she wanted and there was no changing her mind, so I just remembered that again, it's not worth the struggle, the tears, etc. - it's just one dress for one day and she will wear something different tomorrow. She does understand that some things will just not be allowed because of weather and/or because they are dirty. If she is insistent on sometimes wearing something that is not appropriate for the weather and time of year, those items get put away in another closet - if she doesn't see them, it doesn't bother her as much when I have to say no and she has to put them back. When she starts kindergarten in Sept., her school requires uniforms, so I figure that's going to solve many of the battles right there!

My girls have to choose their clothes in the evening so we do not have fights in the morning before school. If they choose something that is not appropriate we have time to talk about it without the rush of having to get to school on time. If we have issues picking out the clothes then I will go and help them pick something out, but usually this make things way easier on me and them. They feel that they have some control over what they are wearing and how they are expressing themselves. I feel better as we are not having as many fights/frustrations over clothing.
Praying for you!

Google "clothing for children with sensory issues."

Suggestion: Remove labels from clothing.

And here's a website I'd read to see if you recognize any other symptoms:
http://sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

Good luck!

MD

P.S. Is your child cold on warm/hot days? Maybe anemic?

Oooh yes...I feel like I've been through it all. And I completely know what you're going through. My daughter is now almost 7 and things are much easier, maybe because she's getting older.

Lets see, with my daughter, I've gone through: hating socks, only wearing skirts or dresses, hating shorts, hating tennis shoes, won't even touch snow pants anymore (and we live in MI) and only wearing certain colors. I'm happy to say, she will wear socks when need be but only with designs or characters. She wears tennis shoes when she has too, like for gym or days at school when its requested. She started wearing shorts on her own. Still loves skirts and dresses!! And is open to a lot more colors than ever before. However, she still will not wear snow pants. Even when at her old school she was not allowed to play at recess, it didn't bother her. So you just have to pick and choose your battles. I call her my little fashionista...as she is very aware on how she looks.

We rarely fight over clothing anymore. She knows on the issues I will not budge and yet is satisfied on the issues I let her do what she wants. I still pick out outfits for her during the school year on most days and some mornings she is not happy with my choice, but all I have to say is go find something you like then. There is no fighting anymore.

Maybe involving him to pick out the clothes the night before with you would help. Hopefully like my daughter in time he'll come around. Good luck!

What you have described seems more like a sensory issue than a control isssue. As a previous mama wrote look into OT, but in the meantime there are a few things you can do that might help. I would also like to add that the skin is the largest and most sensitive organ of the body, so it is not uncommon for many individuals to be sensitive to clothing. With that said, when my son was receiving OT for sensory issues, the following strategies were suggested and used with differring results: body brushing--with a fine surgical brush, stroke the skin in one direction 10 times each (for example 10 times on top of arm, 10 times on bottom--same on other arm, legs, back, etc.); fill a large plastic container with a 5 or 10 lb bag of rice and allow your child to get in it with only underpants on--hide small toys in the rice and make it a hunt; have your child take a bath using a loufa in the morning before getting dressed. These are just a few techniques which overload the brain's connection to the skin's sensitivity and then the feeling of the clothes is not quite as overwhelming. Also, as mentioned before try to choose clothes that feel better. My son needs tagless clothes or I have to cut the tags out (I'm the same way).

Good luck and know you are not alone.

You should try to find more clothes that "feel OK" to him, and see if he still complains about the colors or patterns you choose. Maybe you can get him to compromise and wear short sleeved shirts with long pants, and then his clothes will fit in in any season. Sometimes it's easier if the long sleeve shirts go away in a box for the summer so they can't be grabbed by mistake. When my son was that age, I would put the clothes on him while he was still in bed and too sleepy to protest so that we'd be ready on time. On weekends, I let him pick his clothes and dress himself.

My son usually just complains about socks, shoes, and underwear. A neighbor(who seems like a totally normal kid) went through a stage of only wanting to wear long pants and long sleeves. Worked out great for me- they gave us a bunch of t-shirts. He outgrew that stage in a year or two.

I am one of those people who is sensitive to clothes, so it makes me try harder to choose comfortable clothes for my son. For myself, I remove tags, cut off long sleeves to make them short, don't wear anything with lace (it's like teeth attacking me), no jewelry or watches, no wool or linen, no turtlenecks, no scented laundry detergent. I have allergies and dry skin, so that makes it worse. I even have nightmares about clothing.

i can totally relate. my 4-year-old boy is exactly the same. his latest thing is, he insists on wearing winter boots with shorts. i used to go through the same routine every morning: pick out cute outfit, rejection, whining, bargaining.... always ending with me feeling guilty cuz i finally lost it and had to put him on school bus in tears or in grumpy mood. now, i just let him wear what he wants. it is not worth it to go through the emotional roller coaster every morning just to exercise some control. and frankly, i'm too exhausted to bother. i agree with u, i think it is some kind of power struggle. maybe it's not so bad to let him win this one. :)

Based on what he's saying, and the fact that he continues to bring it up throughout the day, it sounds sensory to me (on top of normal 4yo choice/control stuff).

Can you sit down with him and go through all his shirts one day and have him pick out ones he likes? Then, see if you can find a commonality to all those shirts, then try to pick out some more like those (maybe take him along--if he can pick ones he likes, then he is - in theory - less likely to argue later).

Then, do the same with pants on another day. Then, socks & undies a different. But try to see if you can find some common reason he either likes or dislikes certain ones... It might be that one brand of shirt is softer, etc.

If he insists on long sleeves & pants, maybe try to get him to wear light colors to help avoid his clothing absorbing heat. Such as khaki/tan pants, white/light grey/light colored shirts.