Co-Sleeping - Niles, MI

First, I wouldn't say "mistake"....holding your baby while asleep is not wrong!!! Its all about what you can do to survive and nurture your child at the time - so now that the co-sleeping is not working for you anymore because the baby is getting bigger (or whatever the reason may be), you can train the kid to do something else. :) We started with our first daughter getting her out of our bed when we were pregnant with our second, she was a little under 2. We sat with her by her little toddler bed until she fell asleep.....I still sit with both girls, now 5 and 2 1/2 while they fall asleep. That doesn't work for everyone and some may even say I am not "teaching the skill" of falling asleep on their own....but seriously, i know alot of moms who have done the same thing and they don't have 18 year old children that can't fall asleep without their mommy. It all works out. If yo want her to fall asleep BY herself, you might just have to go in stages, and it will not be easy - but surely its doable and kids CAN be taught things even when you think the window of learning has passed.....

It is worth noting that all you talk about in your question is what you need, and make no mention of what your daughter needs.

I wonder if you've thought about that?

co sleeping is NOT a mistake :) Its a blessing!! I too have done it with every child and I have two great independent smart teens! With that being said "they" say that if you co sleep plan on it being for three years. Thats about the age to send your little one to their own bed. There is no benefit to letting your child cry it out. It does not promote anything the studies show :) It does not toughen the child up or give them tools for future lol

They make an attachment to the bed that could get you more room for sleep! Also when I did transition to big bed I bought a a blankie (down comforter) exactly like mommy and daddys and that was snuggley enough to comfort the little guys and help with the transition.

fyi here are the cardinal sins... pretty sure loving and sleeping with your child isnt one ;)

Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Pride

Co-sleeping is not a "cardinal mistake"

Is there a reason why you need to get her to sleep alone? Or are you getting pressure from other people to make her sleep alone?

The only advice I have is to transition slowly so as not to traumatize her. Get her her own big girl bed (twin size) and start off the night with her. Or put a twin mattress on the floor of your bedroom and start her off sleeping there until she gets used to sleeping on her mattress then move it farther and farther from your bedroom until she's sleeping in her own room.

Co-sleeping is not a cardinal sin. Really, it isn't. It is actually very good for baby. It not only makes nursing SO much easier (no zombie walk in the middle of the night) but it makes baby feel very safe and secure.

Just wondering why she REALLY NEEDS to be in her own bed? If it just isn't working for your family any longer, then yes, it is time. If you are being pressured by other people ... then re-evaluate.

If you do choose to make the switch... do it slowly. Get a big girl bed, try and have her take naps in her own bed. You may have to have a mattress on the floor of your room to start...but eventually she will make the switch.

Just keep in mind... they are only small for so long. Too soon they will be grown up and doing their own thing. Don't have her growing up too fast. =)

Hi S.,

Our situation sounds somewhat different, our little guy came to sleep with us at about 15 months and what we ended up doing is not pressuring him but when he was about 22 months we bought him a race car bed and made a really big deal - it ended up being him who wanted to sleep in it. I layed down with him every night for as long as I needed. Alot of nights for a while he would come to my bed to get me in the middle of the night. Now he is in his bed all night.

Good luck to you!

S.,
Good for you for meeting your babies needs. There is alot of great advice here! I always believe that something can work for a while and then it is time for a change - sounds like you are ready for that. I encourage you to follow the "gentle transition" ideas to get her in her own bed - it may even be worth waiting till she can be in a "big girl bed" so she doesn't wander all over and you can actually lay down with her.

I must tell you, we were a co-sleeping family 25 years ago, when you had to not tell anybody because they were sure we were damaging our family - we did it out of sheer desperation - 3 kids in 5 years and even when the new baby started to sleep better, then the toddler would start waking - I didn't sleep through the night for seven years. We did always have our kids "start out" sleeping for the night in their own beds and maybe that would be a good start for your daughter too.

But, I am pleased to say we have full grown, VERY independent children now ages 27, 26 and 22! I am glad I met their needs when they were young and didn't let them cry it out. A child learns to trust the world when they cry and know they can count on their parent to come to them. I know you will find a good, workable solution.

Not to depress you but my little brother slept in my parents room until he was eight. Just a warning to new parents after about three months in the parents room IN THE BASSINET, the child needs to learn to sleep in thier own room. Good luck moving him out, my parents actually would try and move him to his room and he would come back in the night and sleep on their floor, they finally broke down and bought him a loveseat to sleep on in their room. Good Luck! And yes kids do need to be independant and this is a start to that, learning to go to sleep by themselves, wake up and go back to sleeep is normal. You also need your rest without a little one in your bed.

Put her in her own bed and keep her there. Easy. And do not under any circumstances stray from that. She'll get used to it.
Maternal feelings are important, yes, but use them where they really deserve to be, not in a moment of weakness. Be there always for them, but you're the parent and if you continue to give in to weakness like this breach of a cardinal rule, you will regret it later. And bigger time than now. Now's the time to stick to a routine and build both of yourselves.

Yes! I did the same thing with my little guy...he nursed SO much throughout the night that I often let him sleep with me. When he was about 18 months - 20 months, I tried a new trick...and it worked!!! I would put him in his crib and I would bring in my blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor NEXT to his crib. He would look down at me and I could talk to him and let him know I was still there. He cried a few times until he realized I was still there. Little by little, I would sneak out of the room after an hour...two hours...three hours..whatever it took or whenever I woke up and got tired of the FLOOR! haha At any rate, those few weeks of floor sleeping got the job done! Good luck!!! (oh, and I made sure my 'floor bed' was soft and comfy so that I could actually sleep!) What we won't do for our babies...;)

S.,

I totally understand. We made the same mistake with our first child. I was working full-time and expecting our second child. She was sick with ear infections alot so it made it easier to bring her to bed with us. We also fed her a bottle a let her go to sleep in our lap - big mistake.

What worked for us...we first started to lay down with her in her bed - probably not possible for you at this time. Then we moved into sitting in a chair in her room so that she knew we were there. As she got comfortable with this arrangement we moved the door closer to the door and then out into the hallway. Eventually it got to where she would look for me to be sitting in the chair in the hall and I would run back to reassure her with "Mommy had to go brush her teeth for bed", etc. Then we moved into tucking her in to bed and I would tell her I was going to iron my clothes for work the next day and would check back in on her in a few minutes. She now goes to sleep on her own.

ADVISED BY OUR PEDIATRICIAN
When our second child was born (at 9 months) we let him cry for 15 minutes then we would go in and comfort him, without removing him from the crib, and leave. You go back every 15 minutes to reassure, making sure never to pick them up. Do this on a Friday night because it won't happen immediately. The first night he cried for 15 minutes and went to sleep. The second night he cried for an hour and a half. Trust me, this isn't easy to hear your baby cry. But, in the end it's the best thing for you and your child. Especially is you plan on having more.

Good luck!

I probably would not start out with a big girl bed. If she can't crawl out of a crib, transitioning her into that first will be easier. I would try staying with her in her room until she falls asleep in the crib and then leave. If she's the kind of toddler that wakes up during the night, you might find yourself sleeping on the floor in there for a while. Hang in there. It will happen. I don't know of any teenagers out there that want to sleep in their parents' bed... ha!

I have twin girls, almost 3. We put their toddler bed in our room and had them fall asleep every night in their own bed. They now sleep in their bed alomost through the night. Next transition will be to move them to their room...

try putting her mattress on your floor for awhile then slowly move it to her room.

Hooray for you to be nursing your growing daughter and so sensitive to her needs! I'd try a little mattress, folded quilt, exercise mat etc. on the floor of your room if you are concerned about this. Lots of toddlers sleep with their moms. I don't know who's telling you you've made a mistake. I think she is one blessed, little girl! You are giving her a strong foundation for life, and it will pay off big time!

I certainly would find a gentle, gradual solution if you feel you have to move her. She won't understand being plunked in another room at this age and will feel abandoned and afraid. You could try staying with her till she's asleep but you'll likely have to get up over & over with her if she's not with you. Parenting is a round-the-clock job, though a lot of folks don't realize this. She will eventually want her own space, but this is young for that kind of thinking.

As a grandma of 17 who is absolutely committed to breastfeeding and gentle parenting, I applaud you for stepping out of your comfort zone to meet your little one's needs! G. B.

Try staying in her room for a couple of nights, on the floor or in a chair next to her bed/crib. After she falls asleep, go to your own room. You'll need patience because she will probably wake up and cry a couple of times each night. But be strong! Put her back in her bed/crib and start over again. Also might try to leave a radio on softly in her room, or some other type of "white noise".

My son co-slept (in a co-sleeper) for the first four months but then we gradually moved him into his own crib, in his own room. It is easier to make these transitions while your daughter is at a "flexible" age. Waiting any longer will only make the process more difficult for both of you! I am sure you will do things different next time around, but you need to focus what is best NOW. I would recommend starting with naps, then moving towards nighttime. It may take some time but it will be well worth it in the end. Don't give on it...consistency is the key. It is a crucial skill that your daughter learn to sleep on her own and in her own room alone. Make her room an inviting "sleep" atmosphere. Play soothing music (or a sound machine) and stick with the same routine every night! I wish you and your daughter the best. Remember to not be too hard on yourself...nothing is a mistake, it's a learning process!!

Just for the record, I don't think it's a mistake to let your LO sleep with you... so don't beat yourself up about it. We only can do what works for us at the time... As for getting her out of your room, have you tried placing her crib mattress on the floor next to your bed, getting her used to that and then slowly moving the mattress closer and closer to her room until it's in her room in the toddler bed or crib? The process might take longer than you want, but you have to realize that she probably LOVES snuggling up with you at night and it will be a big adjustment for her. Patience is key, if you give her time I am sure she will make the transition!

Hi S.
Don't worry you are not alone.... by FAR! I did the same thing with both of my children, the older of the two was sleeping in my bed until he was about 5. My youngest, my daughter was about the age of yours when I made the transition. I made her bedroom up fit for a princess and she was more then happy to sleep in her own princess bed! I actually let her be part of the process of decorating, she picked out some of the decorations like pictures. I think that allowing her to help got her even more excited! Hope that helps a little! Good Luck!

Hi, S.. My kids are 14 and 12 now (years, not months) and both slept with us. I nursed and worked and it was really the only way I could get any sleep. Some nights were a struggle, but mostly we loved it.

Anyway, our first was transitioned out of our bed shortly after our second was born. We tried to fit all of us but it was ridiculous and no one got any sleep. Anyway, she was about 2 years 4 months old, and we put a futon on the floor of our room for probably a year for her, and then transitioned her into her own room. She transitioned to the futon and then to her own room very easily.

Our second, a boy, had a rougher time leaving our bed. We tried transitioning to the futon when he was two and it went badly. We continued trying every couple of months and he would sleep in the futon some nights, our bed others. He was actually five before he was out of our room for good.

To help the transitions, we tried a new stuffed animal, let the kids pick out special sheets, played soft music for them to fall asleep to, got interesting nightlights, all sorts of things. It seemed to help if we made a big deal about it, like it was a fun event. You might try a comfy futon on the floor for her to start.

Oh sweetie, this is going to be hard for both of you...just for a bit.

Read through the archives because I recall advice given on this previously.

I only co-slept for a short time, but my son had repeated ear infections requiring me to sleep on the couch with him on me propped up; hence I have a little experience in this department.

I have read that you put her bed next to yours and gradually move it into her room. You may have to sit in with her for a few when you get the bed into her room.

I am sure there are some do it cold turkey people out there but if you have co-slept for this long, you will not be happy doing that method.

Like I said, read the archives.

I wish you the best of luck.

I slept with my daughter and I think it was the best thing for her - for confidence, security and self esteem, but if it effects your sleep negatively, get her out of your bed sooner than later. Your sleep is very important because when you are tired and irritable, you have no patience and your mothering will not be the most loving (I'm speaking from my experience) My daughter is 6 now and still needs to cuddle. She comes in my bed EVERY Night and it causes problems with my husband and I. We can't "snuggle"( wink wink) when she is there and she's so big now there is no room so my sleep is effected. We wished we had made her sleep in her own bed when she was 2. There's going to be tears, whether she is 2 or 7. She cries when we send her to her own bed sometimes. And she is a very smart independent girl. Everyone is different and I've heard other stories where it was easy.
I think if you make enough snuggle time during the day, that will help A LOT. But do it now if you need to do it. It's not too late. But it won't be easy. If you are still nursing, see if you can get her attached to a lovey ( other than your breast) and use that as a transition. Nurse her while she's touching the blanket or stuffed animal so she'll associate that comfort and security with it. I never did that, but meant to. I just never had it around to grab. Good luck. Your sleep is sooo important.

Well, that definitely is not a cardinal sin, but I can see how you would feel that way. In the society that we live in, everyone thinks they need to give you their opinion even if you don't ask for it. So when I had my first child who is now 4, I asked everyone for advice. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't have done that, but you live and learn. I now have a 10 month old as well. My 4 year old daughter slept with us until she was 2 1/2. And my 10 month old is co-sleeping as well. With my first one I always felt guilty at first because of what everyone said. I finally decided that all of these people that thought they needed to give their opinion didn't sleep at my house at night, and so why did I need their advice. We do what works for our family, and I love it. And your kids won't be sleeping with you when they are teenagers or anything. So just take time and enjoy each stage. Hope that helps. You are doing a great job!

Try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution..it's great.