College Tuition: Whose Responsibility Is It?

Parents should pay what they can afford. I never understood parents going into debt just so their kids shouldn't have debt. The child should pay the rest.

As a single parent, even if I wanted to pay for my daughters college, I can't afford it. But I have made it clear to her that she will be going despite that fact. What I WILL be doing is helping her to do the research, fill out loan apps, and apply for scholarships.

My parents paid for my college but I was an only child.. My husband paid for his college.. If I am able to afford it I would like to do the same.. Send my kid to a 4 yr. College in state.. I had to make good grades and responsible decisions.

In my house, college is not an option. It's as required as elementary, middle and high scohol.

Because of this, I feel that it's our (parent's) responsilbity to pay.

If it were the child's choice as to whether or not they were going to college then I could see other answers. Just how it works in my family.

I think if you want an education, you should have to pay for it. If your parents can help you, that's great! If not, then you better either get a scholarship or get a job.

I think if parents are able to help their children with college or after-school training tuition, then that's awesome, but there's nothing wrong with a kid having to come up with the money themselves. Many do! We have a situation, that -depending on what happens over the next 5 or 6 years with several financial things, schools, etc. -we may have to send our boys to private school from 4th or 5th grade (at least middle and high school) on. That's a HUGE cost every year, but I'm definitely willing to pay it. You can use 529 money for it as well, so we may wind up using their college money for private school tuition. Given what we make, what we should be making by then and other investments and what not, we should still be able to help them some in college, but not a full-ride. That's okay though! They can try for scholarships, grants and get student loans. We will always help them as much as possible.

As far as their end of the bargain -as long as they're making decent grades (As and Bs -an occasional C with a good explanation) -that's a big part of the bargain! The other main part would be staying out of trouble. This means legally and in trouble with the school for partying, breaking rules, etc. I also feel that if they're a kid who has a different major every month and is working on the 8 year plan for a 4 year degree -well, after 4 years (if they even get help that long) then they can figure out the rest for themselves! And -if they get married or father children -the deal is off. I would possibly help them years later if they wanted to further their education in grad school or with some type of training and needed some help after getting married and having children, but while they're college age -that's a deal breaker!

And yes, in our house, college is a "definite." My children are young, but unless something happens where I can see that college just wouldn't work well, they are expected to go. My oldest already talks about going to college, where he's going, etc. He wanted to go to my alma mater until he found out it's a women's college! I hope they will both go, do it in the normal 4-5 years and that we'll be able to pay for most or all of it or that they can get some type of scholarships/grants for athletics, academics or something.

i love this question!!! My first semester my dad made me pay half and he paid the other half, of the tuition. He paid for my books. I think that for some kids that is great because then they will work harder because it is also their money. My dad didnt want me to have to take out student loans...and i think that if the child is part of paying it can also give a sense of pride. I really hope we are able to help our kids with their tuition. I think that if the parents pay for the tuition there should be conditions. such as mainting a certain GPA, keeping the parents updated on how things are going etc. For me, I wasnt very dedicated my first year i wasnt very dedicated and after being on academic probabtion for the 2nd semester I had to sit out a semster due to grades. My dad said he wouldnt help pay for tuition again until i could prove i was serious about my education and kept off of AP.....so my 2nd year I had to get student loans. i worked much harder, half because it was money i was going to have to pay back with interest and half because i wanted to prove i could do it. i did much better!!!! But i do think that the child should pay a portion at least whether it is half or less or whatever.

We've decided to help our children out with tuition.

1st we haven't told our kids that we are saving for it. It's going to be a surprise for them when they graduate high school. Our hopes is that we'll have all the tuition saved for them. We'll help them through their bachelors degree. They of course will need to work during the summer to pay for their other living expenses and books. After a Bachelors degree it's up to them.

2nd there is a stipulation with it. They can have to keep a 3.0 GPA,. If they go below that it's up to them to pay for tuition.

3rd If they choose to live with us while going to college, we will allow them to for live there for free as long as they keep their GPA. If not, at that point they will be required to pay us rent. (responsibility maker)

4th We will pay for a community college for their associates degree then they may choose a more major specific university.

That's our plan.

I have to add a note: if they decide to play and party away their grades and college experience then they will have to pay us the tuition back.

From a practical standpoint, unless a student is going to a very low-cost college where he or she can pay his or her own tuition (community or a commuting to a state school), the parents can't *not* pay for college. There is an expected family contribution and I don't know many 18-22 year olds who can earn enough to pay thousands of dollars a year in tuition and take a full course load. The only way around that is to totally emancipate your child and that can be tough to prove.

Very few students earn full scholarships and even fewer would earn scholarships that also cover room and board, books and fees.

So parents are on the hook for their expected family contribution (calculated by the FAFSA). Beyond that, I would expect a student to not only qualify for as many scholarships and grants that he or she can get but to also work while going to school.

For example, my school was appx $25K per year. I had about $8K in scholarships, took out the maximum student loans, worked on campus and had my pay direct-deposited to my tuition account ($5K per year), my parents took out $4K per year in PLUS loans and paid the rest out of pocket. I paid back not only my loans but also their PLUS loan, which is what we agreed on when I was picking expensive schools. They did the same thing for my sister, who was in a similar situation.

My other three siblings were not as committed to paying their way through school so one went to a technical school (which he was supposed to help pay for but he stiffed my parents on the loan), the other commuted to a community college and got her 2-year professional degree so my parents paid for that because she saved them so much $$ and the other brother split the cost of his CC program with my parents as well.

While I believe in higher education, I also believe that it has to be what the student wants and that the student will be more committed to succeed in school if he or she financially has some skin in the game. I teach SAT prep and see far too many kids who are not motivated and not engaged, who are not independent and don't try, whose parents spend thousands on test prep and tutoring and will push them into a good school where more likely than not they will flounder, fail a few classes, and maybe graduate in five years if they don't drop out. I think that those kids ought to take a year off or spend a year or two in community college until they show maturity and readiness to handle the academics and campus life that really are a privilege and should be respected as such.

If my husband and I were the kind of people who could afford to pay for private college, I don't think we would foot 100% of the bill. I think that I would still expect a student to work and to take on student loans. I might do something creative such as pay the loan in full (to avoid interest) but have the student make payments to me that we invested and then gave back to the student years later as a wedding gift or a down payment on a house or something just so that the substantial interest isn't just paying a bank, but I would still expect the child to pay something for school even if we could afford it.

I agree with Jubee! It is nice when parents can help out but it isn't like primary education where the parent is responsible for making you get one. At 18 you are adult enough to fight for your country, vote in elections and live on your own. If you can manage those things then you certainly should be adult enough to pay your way in school. We intend to help our children and the offer to stay in our home while they are in school will be open to them but if they want to party away their college years they won't be doing it on our dime or in our home. Those will be our conditions and we will expect them to continue helping out around the house if they are living in it.

I think that it is #1 the responsibility of the student. At the end of the day, it's their education. I also think that a lot of parents get sucked into this "I owe my kid" mentality and it never ends. They mortgage their retirement because Junior won't pick a school within their means. I've seen it tear up families. My mom was not able to pay anything and my sister and I put ourselves through college anyway. Some work, some loans, some grants.

In our home, DH has provided $x per kid (for the older two) and told them that they have that to work with. The rest, if necessary, is to be made up by them. (We have a different savings plan for DD and have already started paying into it.) That may mean getting a job, or loans or getting their mother to pony up, but our funds are finite. They do not cover classes they have to take again for failure, or partying and getting lousy grades, or taking 6 years for a 4 year degree. It's for four years of undergrad only. My SS is looking at grad school and we've been very clear that while he has a little left (scholarship paid for most of his undergrad), we are not going to offer him any more. We have his sisters behind him and we refuse to dip into our retirements for what is essentially HIS bill. He has worked summers while he lived at home and is looking into shared housing off campus for graduation.

I am not against parents paying for college. I am against parents paying for goofing off, or going above their means, or being bullied by their kids. We kind of see it as something we can, at this time, afford to do to the extent we can afford to do it. It is nice to be able to do, but it is not a blank slate or full ride. The student also bears the responsibility not to waste their time and our money. These are technically adults we are speaking of, and if they aren't able to take college seriously, then they shouldn't go. Frankly, my SD might do better at a tech school and that's fine.

My kids paid for their books and tution. I supplied the room and board if they wanted to live at home. I occasionally helped with books and supplies if they needed help.

If they pay for their tution, school becomes more valuable to them and they are more apt to study and do their homework. I had a child that lost a 4 year full ride scholarship because he didn't have dad to push him to get his home work in on time and to study. All he had to do was maintain a 3.0 average. He lost two years of free education. He eventually saw the error of his ways, but by then it was too late. It cost him dearly ($!!!) to pay for the two years he lost.

I encouraged all my kids to go to college. Occassionally we'd have "drop out dinners" at home where I would serve cheap food that kids that drop out of school woud have to eat if they got minimum wage jobs instead of good college graduate jobs. I'd cook pigs feet, or boil chicken liver soup or cabbage and onion soup. I usually did this when report cards came out and some of my kids had lousy grades.

All of my kids have some college and one just graduated from USC Medical school. Some have AA degrees and BA or BS degrees and the ones that don't have BA or BS degrees are working on them.

Good luck to you and yours.

I agree with Emily E. In our house, college is mandatory, not a choice. It's not "if you go to college", it's "when you go to college".

We started a 529 plan when our son was born, and asked family members if they would consider donating to that fund rather than purchasing gifts for birthday/Christmas, at least until kiddo is old enough to realize that other kids grandparents give them presents on those occasions. My husband changed jobs shortly after kiddo was born and was fortunate enough to earn a fat bonus check for the last two years. Those checks, plus our tax return for two years, purchased a two full years in Washington's GET program.

Admittedly, I would have loved to have replaced our falling-down, paint-peeling white picket fence, and gone on a family vacation, and refinished our old scratched wood floors, and... you name it. But I am so glad that we have 3+ years of college tuition nailed down for kiddo who will turn four next month. The pressure is off.

If we are lucky enough to get a bonus check next year, maybe we'll go ahead with that family vacation. :)

I think that the students should be responsible for college. If the parents can help, then they can, but it is not their responsibility.

When I went to college, my parents paid for my books the first two years and part of the tuition. I had scholarships and some grants and took out loans for the rest. I also worked part time and full time during the summer, so I paid for apartments during the summer and any other extras I wanted. My parents paid for my car and health insurance, but also claimed me as a dependent, so I didn't get the tax write off they did. I went to a private college, double majored, and managed to get out with about only about 20K in loans. Considering the cost of my education was well over 100K, that is a very small amount. I was also lucky enough to consolidate them all back in 2005, so my interest rate is locked in at 2.625%. If my parents would have had to take out loans to pay for that, they would not have been able to get the type of loans I had and would have had to pay a lot more. Had I not been able to get as much as I did in scholarships, I would have chosen a public school, with a lot of gen eds in a community college. I wasn't going to riddle myself or my parents with a ton of debt.

I am currently saving some for my son's college. I am not planning on saving enough to pay for the entire thing. I am also not putting his college savings above my retirement savings. You can't get loans for retirement. I will have conditions on helping him. I'm not going to fork over money if he is partying every night and flunking out. I will expect him to attend class and get decent grades. There are plenty of people who worked through college. I would also hope that my child will choose a school and major that will not be a waste of money. No offense, but going to a private school and taking out $150,000 in loans for an art history degree is not smart.

This is one of my pet peeves, so I will shout it to the rooftops: Unless you are rich, the cost of the tuition is the STUDENT'S responsibility!!

Look up Suze Orman's advice on this. And if you don't respect her, you can find similar advice elsewhere.

When I was young, it was expected and common for college students to be poor. And many or most of us were expected to pay our own way. I admit that college was a lot cheaper in those days, so it was easier.

But why on earth should I, who have somewhere between 1-3 decades left on this planet (I'm healthy, but you never know), take on the debt of a young, energetic, healthy thing who has their whole life ahead of them to pay it off?

Suze Orman confirms my thinking by saying that unless you can afford to pay, you should never jeopardize your retirement by taking out loans for your child's college education. You can look up the particulars.

I've raised my kids - I've doted on them and devoted myself - now it's MY turn. I do not owe them sucking all the life blood out of me. And to tell you the truth, they will do better in life by not having everything handed to them on a silver platter.

There are many ways for them to pay for their own education. And it's amazing how much of that they WON'T do if mommy and daddy are going to provide it all for them.

Please message me if you are wanting to not pay for your child's education and have any doubts on this. I will be happy to continue my rant. :)

When the time comes we will help our children out as much as we can financially. We may not be able to let them go to some college across the nation, they may have to stay local so they can live at home rent free etc to be able to afford it. They may have to start with their GE classes at the local community college before transferring to a 4 year. There may have to be concessions made to be able to afford it but we will do everything possible to get our children through college and not come out the other end saddled with a mountain of debt before they even start their life.
I do fear that if the costs keep rising monumentally like they have been it might be a lot harder then it should be. We may be helping them pay their student loans for years after they are done, but we will help with them too if they find themselves needing to get them.
ETA: We would expect them to not be slackers of course. If they are carrying a full load of classes and getting good grades in them and not out playing and partying all the time etc then the deal stands. If they start slacking etc then they would have to contribute in some way by paying for their playing or whatever. It wouldn't be a "free ride" handout with no conditions.

For ME, paying my daughter's tuition for college is just as much my responsibility as paying for her braces, softball leagues, figure skating lessons and health insurance. College didn't come as a surprise to me, I have had 18 years to plan for this and it wasn't an option for her (I expected that from an early age). I don't need to put conditions on her because she has the same expectations of herself. Take that back, the only condition I had was that she can NOT go to a community college (continuation high school in my mind). 70% of the students in California that go to a community college never graduate or move on to a university in seven years!!

I am fortunate enough that we have a great university nearby that she is going to so we don't have room/board to pay for. She applied and was accepted all over but she wants to stay in California.

I paid my way in college for both degrees, often going to classes in scrubs because I was going to classes between working two jobs (way over 40 hours). It was much less expensive then though. My daughter is keeping her job and pays for her auto insurance, gas and entertainment/other stuff.

There is no way I am going to saddle my only child with over 100K in school loans when I have had plenty of time to prepare. She is very appreciative for what I provide.

We brought our daughter into this world and it is our opinion that it is our parental obligation to get her out of college debt free so she has a good start at her career and life with no debt.

She is 16 and currently college shopping. No college is not an option. It's in her brain as it was in mine and my husbands growing up.

We started her college fund before she was born. It was no surprise and we've had time to plan for this. At present, she is fully funded, appreciative that she has parents who support her, believe in her, and will make sure we follow our responsibility to prepare her for life.

I paid most of my college by working 3 jobs and academic scholarships. I graduated with no debt.

Hubby went to great college on a golf scholarship and then got his MBA from Duke. No debt.

This is just our opinion. We did not bring our child into the world to burden her later with college expenses or caring for us when we are older. We brought her into the world with love and it is our job to provide the best possible options for her education.

She is very driven, just as her dad and I are and she would never dream of not going to college.

Amy:

Good question...there is sooo much that goes into this...

In our home? It's a 50/50 thing - if our kids are going to college (this is what WE want...Greg SAYS he does now - but he's 11) then we will do 50% of it - we expect them to try and get scholarships with sports or grades..why - because for us - they have to take an active role in this - they will be considered adults by then and this is a HUGE responsibility..

My daughter wanted our help paying her tuition - she lost her scholarship because her grades dropped...we said fine - here are the conditions...she didn't like it and dropped out for 2 years...her dad and his wife were the same way - we were on the same page...

I have a VERY good GF whose sister is driving us both batty...we live in VA...her sister is basically broke - makes just enough to pay the bills - sometimes not...she's not financially responsible...neither is her ex-husband...her daughter has been accepted to VA-Tech and some other good schools here in VA ...yet she was also accepted to Clemson...her mother is PUSHING for Clemson - which is $40K a year...out of state tuition....they don't understand the student loans and now borrowed $15K from grandma to be able to go....lack of planning....my GF and I are both bewildered at why the parents are pushing CLEMSON instead of VTech...both are GREAT schools!!!

So really - it is all up to the family, their financial circumstances and such....I don't see a problem with setting conditions for tuition either...but that's ME.

I like the half and half answer. Half comes from the parents and half comes from the kids. I think kids appreciate things more when they work for it. If it's just handed to them, they don't always appreciate it quite as much as they do when they have to work for it. Yes that means the child will likely have to work and go to school at the same time, but it teaches responsibility and how to be an adult:-) That's what we're planning on. We will allow our kids to live with us while they go, if they want. And, yes, any amount the parents are paying can come with conditions if the child wants to keep the income coming from the parents. I'm not sure what those conditions would be. I haven't thought through that yet. But I see nothing wrong with that! I think a parent should be careful of being too controlling with it, though. You want your child to grow and develop.

Anyway, that's my opinion.

I love this one. I know people who are loaded and save nothing for college. Guess what? These kids won't get ANY financial aid. Good luck to these kids who think everything comes easy when they begin their career 100's of thousands of dollars in debt.

I want my children to have the best chance to succeed. We started 529 plans when each child was born. You would be really surprised what small quarterly payments will grow into in 18 years. My kids WILL GO to college, because that will help them become successful citizens and adults. There is no choice here, and therefore I will help them in a way I can afford. If for any reason (and I doubt it knowing my kids) they would refuse, they will move out after high school, get a job and support themselves. This is life people. It is tough. I expect them to work hard, but I will certainly help them do the right thing, without ending up in debt up to their eyeballs!

I have a teen who will be going to college in 2 years. I think it should be a combination. Do you all realize how much money college costs? Unless it's community college, a teen isnt going to be able to put themself through college unless they take a lot of loans. I put some money aside for my daughter when my mom died, and I'm putting little bits away where I can. She will need scholarships and she will need summer jobs. A private college will cost over $40,000 a year, what kind of job will allow a teenager to pay for their own college or half of their own college? I know someone mentioned that they shouldn't take loans. Um, a teenager cannot save $80,000 to $200,000, which is currently what a college education will cost, never mind what it'll cost when those of you who have babies and tiny kidlets now have 18 year olds. I will do what I can to insure that she does not come out with loans because she will need to go to vet school after she graduates and I can't help her with that so that's when she'll need to take the loans. I don't believe in giving with conditions. Give if you want to, and if you have conditions, then don't. But keep in mind that colleges expect that you will pay and determine how much a student can pay based on their parents' incomes and assets, whether the parents plan to contribute or not. I don't feel obligated to give the kids a full ride, but I do feel that I want to help them as much as I comfortably can. I had to pay for my own education, my mother felt no obligation to contribute if we wanted a college education. I was already working and living on my own, paying for city college, making very little money. I didn't finish, it was too much time and money trying to work fulltime and go to school fulltime-ish. I dont want my child to spend years working a low paying job to pay for their entire college education. She needs to get through her premed and get herself into veterinary school and take out loans to pay for THAT part. I know that as a premed student, she will not have time for a job during the college year - she will have a huge amount of coursework and to be admitted to vet school, she'll need to do medical research and spend time volunteering or shadowing in a vet hospital. She is so goal oriented and focuses and hard working that I feel she deserves whatever help I can provide and I know that she will figure out how to make the rest work, which will mean doing a state school for her undergrad degree. She is busy putting aside half of her babysitting money, researching college costs and financial aid options, pulling high grades and staying involved in activities that will help lead to scholarships.

My DH and I had no help with college (many years ago :). We had full scholarships and loans. My kids know --- they either get a scholarship or go to state school, and we pay the amount as the difference. And that is what they have done so far --- 2 on scholarship and one on state school. And they take out the MINIMUM loan ($5000) -- so each has cost US (mom and dad) about $15,000 per year. I would not want them to be burdened by a large loan, but $5000 a year is fine -- it makes the realize the importance of an education IMO. And makes them "invest" in their own education. We just simply cannot pay a full (i.e. $50,000) tuition, and my kids know that! I am beyond belief that anyone can afford more that that anyway! But if you can, God bless you!

I believe the student should pay for college. If the parents want to and have the means that is great but it is not the right of every student to have their parents pay for it. I also think if the student is going to pay for it they need to get a job and actually pay for it. They should not take out tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt.

My reasoning is because I believe that you put more value in the stuff you actually work and pay for. By working and paying for college instead of getting drunk and skipping class you build more character and have more respect for your education. When I was in college so many of my classmates skipped class, partied all the time etc. because their parents were covering all their expenses and they did not care because if they failed mom and dad would pay for it again. I on the other hand worked for my education and I was not going to waste my hard earned money.

My thoughts:

My children will be encouraged to look for scholarships and any financial assistance that is out there for them as well as to maintain an income while in school. They will also have to understand that while we would LOVE to assist them with the entire cost, we WILL NOT pay every single penny.

I had assistance from my parents and it was WONDERFUL, but I also had to take out a small student loan for my internship semester. I also received scholarships, grants, etc. to help with the costs and paid for my books, supplies, fees, etc......I lived on my own and paid all the bills that come with a household (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). I went to a community college to start and then finished with Distance Education courses through a state university at the same community college....This kept the costs SUPER LOW and still allowed me to graduate with a BA and a superior education to go with it. I also went part time, so it took me 8 years total to graduate, which helped spread out the costs over a longer period of time making it more managable for everyone.

I plan to show my children their options and allow them to choose their path while knowing that we will be there to support as much as we can. The rest will be their responsibility to cover either through grants, scholarships, working, loans, etc.

Background:
I grew up in extreme poverty, but my parent's stressed early on that I should go to college. So they supported me emotionally but not financially. They did help me apply for loans and grants. I also worked during college. I got a 4 year BA and 2 year MA. I graduated 11 years ago and still have some school loans to repay.

My husband grew up middle class and his parents made him go to college and agreed to pay 100 percent if he went where they chose and in the field they chose. He declined, went to a private college FAR away from them in a field he wanted to study and they still gave him around $400 a month for food and rent. (Once they realized he was living in dangerous places and eating ramen 24/7). He graduated 10 years ago and still has tons to pay on loans.

So, what would I do with my 3 kids when they are that age?

1. I think some combination of parents and students paying tuition is good if possible. It shouldn't break the bank for parents if they are helping with tuition. If a parent cannot help, then they shouldn't. If a student REALLY wants to go and is encouraged, they will find a way. The reason I am for parents helping if possible is all about stress. It is stressful to be in college and pass classes. It is stressful to have even a part time job with a full course load. It is stressful to find enough food to eat and a safe place to stay. A parent helping with some aspect of this will reduce some stress. I know some very smart people who dropped out of college because their parents wouldn't help pay but they also couldn't get loans because they didn't qualify because their parents made too much money. They ended up okay because they were resourceful intelligent people. But, I know that they had different careers in mind and would have contributed more to the world had they been given a little support financially. I didn't have support from my parents but they helped me get loans and would check up on me all the time. I felt lucky to have their emotional support and encouragement. Money isn't everything. But, I doubt I would have finished without the loans. I just don't think I could've found a job that paid for it all and gave me enough time to study.
2. Conditions attached?- sure. If a student is doing well and working hard. If there is nothing but partying and barely passing classes, I would say another type of support is needed.
3. I attached the reasoning above.
You're welcome.

In my family, the parents pay for college. My parents paid for mine, and I didn't turn out drunk and lazy, nor did I waste their money. Same with my brother. Besides, neither of us had a spare $120,000 or the ability to take those types of loans. Our parents did.

I plan to pay for my childrens college -- and yes, I expect them to go to college. Every member of my immediate family has gone to college since my grandparents, so it's pretty much an extension of elementary and high school. That said, if one of my girls has a plan that doesn't include college, I'm ok with that - but it needs to be a plan, not just the desire to live at home and mooch off her parents. I plan to teach my children about the true value of college - it's not worth paying $40K a year to go to an unknown tiny little private school. For that kind of money you can go to a great public university for all four years. But if they get into Stanford or Harvard or somewhere like that, I'll find the money.

All that said, do I think that every parent needs to pay for college? Heck no. A lot of families can't afford college, nor should they. That's what student loans and working during college is for. But I also think a lot of people go to college that shouldn't. In my state, the public university has a 60% drop out rate in the first year. It's ridiculous. We've become a society that thinks that everyone needs a college degree. Trade schools are declining and we're running out of skilled craftspeople. Sadly, very few teenagers realize that they could make a ton more money (and be way more fulfilled because they're doing something they love) as a plumber or electrician than as a liberal arts graduate from the majority of colleges.

I believe the parents should pay for as much as they possibly can. I think it is awful students graduate from college and have thousands of dollars of debt.....then they want to get their own apt, travel, enjoy life before they get married and have children(if that's what they want)..........but instead they start life with a loan payment the size of a mortgage. My parents said if I started at a junior college they would pay for whatever 2 year school I got into after that. So I did just that. My tuition was paid for, plus my mom had enough for graduate school too. I ended up working at a university so got my master's for free. My mom saved and saved for my college education. Now I know everyone feels differently but instead of moving to a bigger house, buying the most expensive car, etc...she saved for college instead. She didn't skimp on vacations, but the nonessential material things. I appreciate it so much now and because of her frugality, I'm the same way. We would love to put in hardwood floors, but I tell my husband unless that amount is getting matched into the 529's then I can't justify that. A college education is more important that hardwood floors. We also stopped at 2 children because we knew we couldn't afford college for more than 2. Our children are 2 and 4 and already they have approximately $10K in each of their accounts. Any money they have ever gotten has gone into their college. I know I sound extreme but my husband and I both had our college paid for and appreciate the sacrifices are parents made. We were able to enjoy so much traveling and experiences before we had kids. With loans, we wouldn't have done so much. We do save for retirement too, but live pretty strict all around.

It is their education, their responsibility. I paid for my own, as did most people I know. IF I am in a situation to give some help I will, but more with room and board, ect.

I thought my sister and her husband were brilliant when it came to their children's education. They didn't want them to go into debt so they told them they would pay for their education. Their stipulation was they paid for A's and B's. If they made a C in their classes, they would be paying for it financially. To my knowledge neither of their kids did. Neither one lived at home. The first year they lived in the dorm. Their Jr & Sr. years they were in apartments with their friends. They were expected to work in the summer for their spending money. Their grandparents bought their books. Both turned out well, graduated and are productive people without a boat load of debt. One has applied for graduate school at an ivy league school. He sold his car and is driving one that is paid for. He is considering moving to an apartment where he can walk to work. His plan is to save as much as possible to be able to do the MBA program. He is not afraid to work/sacrifice for what he wants. I am very proud of both of them.

Blessings!
L.

I say share the burden.

I didn't read all the answers, and know what I'm about to say is probably going to get under some people's skin, but I'm going to say it anyway.

There are people whose families have always gone to college, like the woman below who said "I consider it as required as elementary, middle and high school." Those people generally consider it the parent's responsibility, and sometimes consider it the parent's responsibility to do graduate/law/medical school. They are not necessarily wealthy, but they prioritize it, and they start saving when their children are little (I opened a 529 within weeks of my daughters birth, and contribute every month).

Their kids are expected to go to high school, do well, and go to college, preferably a competative college, and graduate. They graduate with little or no debt, and are in a position to get a good job in a well-compensated field. When they have kids, the cycle of success begins again.

Then there are people who consider college "optional" and put the onus on the student to fund thousands of dollars of education with little or no time to prepare. Their kids sometimes go to college and sometimes don't, and sometimes don't make it through. If they don't go or finish they are locked out of many of the higher paying and more professional jobs, and if they do graduate, they graduate deep in debt and struggling to survive.

College is not for anyone, and if you are struggling to get by yourself, it can seem crazy to put away and expect to help. But I think even if you just help your kid get lots of scholarships to a state school and pay what you can, you should do your best to help them go. More and more companies won't even consider someone without a college degree, so if you want your children to get ahead in this world, they need a college education.

That said, I had a nephew who went and left or flunked out, I think it was three times. At this point, I'd say he's on his own.

In this day and age I think parents should help if they can. Of course all depends, on size of family, individual, etc. We have one child, part of our decision was so that we may contribute to college. He will not have enough for 4 years at a univeristy, but he will have options. We will do as much as we can the rest is up to him. I would love the option of footing the whole thing, but that most likely will never happen. I do not want my son to start life off with huge debt.

We will not however be paying for a wedding. Waste of money in our eyes.

I think that parents should do all they can to help put their kids through college. Most kids who choose college straight from high school have not had the opportunity to earn enough money to pay for it themselves. I also think that taking out some loans is fine, but if a kid had to take out loans to pay the full bill of a 4-5 year education, they would be paying those loans off forever and never really feel like they could get on their feet even after graduating.

I don't think their should be conditions attached. Parents should do all they can to help their children graduate from college.

It is our kids' responsibility to pay their own way through college. We teach them the importance of a college education and they are all planning to attend. But...in the end they will be adults and make the choice on their own.

My husband and I paid our way and we worked our butts off to get in and out as quickly as possible. We lived frugally and were not saddled with debt for eons.

My mom said she would help pay for me to go to an in-state school, but if I wanted to go to a high end private school I better get some scholarships!

I think that if you EXPECT your kids to go to college, you should be willing to help them pay for it (within reason). I think it is a big mistake when parents expect their newly graduated ex-high-schoolers to go to college full time, and work full time just three months after graduation. In college a lot of those kids who were trying to do it all ended up dropping out after the first year.

I think the only condition attached to going to college with help from mom and dad would be to pay them back if you don't graduate.

I went to college on scholarship, and one small loan myself.

-M.

PS- Because I paid my own way in college (full-ride scholarship), my parents' college "fund" went into my wedding and a sweet laptop for school, the rest of it awaits me when I eventually buy a house

Both my husband and I were responsible for our college education, and we value it so much more than if it had been just given to us. We told our own children that if they wanted to go (and hoped that they would), they would have to do everything within their power to obtain scholarships based on merit/good grades - and we would help out with basic living expenses should they choose to live in an apartment close to school, rather than continue to live at home and commute in.

Our eldest did just that, and will begin his freshman year next week at a local university. We're helping him with groceries, etc, and plan to do the same for his sisters (currently in the 2nd and 8th grade).

As a parent, I would like to pay for my children's college tuition if I can afford it. We've started saving and have a 529 plan. My parents did it for me and so did my husband's. Now, if my children are smart enough and able to attain scholarships, I want them to apply for them. Second, I will have a stipulation going into their freshman year. If they fail their classes at any point in their college career because of partying or being lazy, they will not have a free ride by me. The only time they will be exempt of this is they can prove that they made a genuine effort to pass and still did not. Overbearing? Maybe, but with state college tuition on the rise into the $6-10K per semester, I can't afford for kids to goof off on my dime. On another note, I hope that my kids will have a general idea of what they want to do before attending college. I had no clue, and ended up changing majors 3x and staying in school 5 years. I'm all for going to a technical school first if they're not sure of their career path.

For my kids, I plan to pay for 1/2 of their tuition to a community college for 2 years and then 2 years at a university. If they want to attend a university all 4 years, I will give them what I would have paid for the community college the 1st 2 years. I will also allow them to live at home for free and will pay for their car insurance while they are in school. If they are goofing off and not making good grades I would pull the funding. If their career plans required more than a 4 year degree, I would help them as able through a doctorate.

I will tell you what my husband and I are doing. We pay for our daughter's college education. We are able to do so and we choose to do so. We do not want her coming out of college with significant debt and she won't. Our son starts college in January. He will get assistance from the military but we will pick up the rest of the tab. Again, we do not want him coming out of college with significant debt. We pay for ONE degree ONLY. Any post graduate degree is on them. Our thought is they are graduating debt free if they choose a post grad degree they can take on that debt as they should and hopefully will be employed.

This is what our parents did for us and we choose to do for our kids. If they do not make their grades, they come home and get a job. Its not a "forever" education!

I feel the tuition should be paid by the student as well as the responsibility of striving for any and all scholarships. This makes them much more invested in working hard. Working a job during college to me is not a distraction, but a motivator and helps with over all time management.

If the student is serious, hard working, and dedicated to their major, and has achieved all financial aid possible, is working and can't afford the entire cost, then maybe the parents can chip in WITH CONDITIONS.

Conditions being: They are respecting the rules of parents if living at home. They are working and chipping in on school costs. They are achieving good grades.

It the field they are pursuing has difficult courses stacked to the moon and they cant' work, it's up to the parent's discretion if they can waive work, but then they really need to work hard in school and not flake.

I broke some conditions, didn't finish school the first time, had to go back on my own dime, and it was all best for me in the long run. I wasn't valuing it the first time around. When I went back, it was while I was working, and you never saw such a straight A student and the classes I chose fit right into my career, nothing was "wasted".

I think the parents should help the children out as much as possible, so long as the children are pursing school and not wasting the money. But the children should also do what they can. Neither of our families could help us. We both worked and took out loans, pell grants and scholarships. Which means, it took us several more years to finish college since we had to work and our family is struggling mightily and is in massive student loan debt... and we are still considering going back to school for higher education b/c the salary isn't cutting it. Most of our friends had wealthy parents who paid for their school, and they are living the high life and can't understand why we struggle. It's truly depressing.

My parents took out our college savings to go to Disney World and put in a fancy pool. They thought they could replenish it, but my dad's cancer got worse and went in debt from it. Yeah, I'd rather have gone to college than to Disney and had a pool in the backyard any day.

As far as responsibility, it is 100% the student's.
If parents want to and can afford to, it is a gift.
My husband and I both paid our own way and both of us have master's degrees. I grew up in poverty and my parents did have anything to contribute. My husband's parents could have helped.
We are paying for the first two years for our sons.

Hmmm....Well, my parents always told us that they would never pay for college, they would provide room and board for free (if you lived at home). There are 5 children. One went to college and graduated. The rest have gone for anywhere from No college (that's me!) to a couple of years.
I think that if the parent can afford to send their kid to college than by all means they should. But, I think that's kind of a thing of the past. I think a lot of kids could go to community college and work to help pay those first couple of years, and then go on to a university those last couple of years. I know it's tough, but I do know that the one brother I have that graduated (on the Dean's List!) paid for everything and he just worked at Costco as a warehouse worker.
I don't know what you mean by conditions? Like they have to bring home a certain grade? Well, I don't know! Probably. But, once a kid leaves the house it is really hard to follow through with those conditions. You don't know where the kid is or what they are doing so I would think it would be pretty hard to make them follow "rules" outside of your home.
L.

If any of our children want a college degree, we believe it should be done as cheaply, quickly and as close to home as possible. The first two years are high school refresher courses, so most if not all of those can be CLEPed out. We would expect them to search out grants and scholarships. We don't believe in taking out loans. If they can't afford it, then they need to work to save for it. While we would help as we were able, we would not pay for it outright. There are many ways to cut costs, like online education. I don't see a need for most people to be paying for the brick and mortar college when you can get the same education without paying for their overhead. Of course, we homeschool, so we usually think outside of the box! :) There is a program called CollegePlus that we would certainly look into before making any final decisions. http://www.collegeplus.org/

Here's the deal my parents made with my brothers and me. They paid our tuition, but we only had four years. Anything beyond four years had to come out of our pocket. If we decided after starting college that we wanted a "break", we would have to pay for ourselves if we started up again. Also, if we lived at home while going to school, we needed to have a part time job all year. If we lived on campus, we needed one in the summer. We also had to pay for our own books.
In the end, I graduated after 6 years. I had to get a school loan for the last two years, but it wasn't a big deal. I lived on campus for one year and home the others (while I also worked full time). Both of my brothers stopped going and then wanted to go back (had to pay for themselves after that).
I liked their deal, so I plan on offering the same to my kids. I just can't see an 18 year old being able to afford the extremely high cost of college. Also, if I was told back then that I had to pay for it myself, I never would have even started. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to graduate!

I know at this time we will not be able to afford college so I am expecting the kids to get good grades and get scholarships. Also financial aide is there to help families to be able to educate them so they can be members of their community and contribute better to society. So I expect financial aid will cover the rest.

If my hubby had not had to retire due to health issues and could have stayed working at the ratio of salary he was making then, in that case I would expect to pick up the remaining tab after scholarships paid their part.

I know some parents who were paying $1000+ per month for a food ticket and dorm room, then tuition fees and books each semester, plus car expenses and gasoline. Their kids are all straight A students in the colleges of Architecture, Engineering, and Technology, college of Arts and Science (Pre-med), and several other colleges at high cost universities such as BYU and some of the more expensive East coast ones.

They don't have any stipulations for their kids and the tuition. If the kids make bad grades they get kicked out of school, then they have to get jobs and grow up.

We have told our kids they will not have to work during school. Even high school. Their primary "job" is to get the best education possible and working takes away from their time and focus on school.

I did both ways when I was a single mom and was going to college. I started out at a local community college, did not work, lived in low income housing, got state assistance each month in the form of a welfare check, and food stamps. I got a full scholarship to Oklahoma University based on my excellent grades. I had nearly a 4.0. I hated the atmosphere at OU and transferred to OSU where I lived on campus and received low income housing assistance, still had the same monthly state funded income of a welfare check and food stamps, etc...I made excellent grades there too. I decided I wanted to have more money and found a job in the field I was planning on being in. My grades went down, I had no time to study, I would not do homework because I just wanted to spend time with my daughter, etc...it was a miserable time. I finally saw the light and got my priorities back in line and got my grades back up but not before it did some damage that I could not make up. A few C's can really bring a GPA down and that can't be changed. So no, the kids will not work during college time, they are there for the education part and that will be their job.

My husband and I still talk about this one a lot. My parents paid for most of mine (I went to a school where financial aid was based on need and not on academic scholarship) and I would like to do the same for our children. My husband's parents refused to complete financial aid paperwork for him, so he was completely screwed - no help from the folks but not able to file on his own. Here are my thoughts on some of the things that I've read below...
- Sacrificing retirement savings for college savings is not a good choice. However, I believe that families should be saving for both rather than making them mutually exclusive (or wasting money on clothes, games, and other things that won't help them in the long run).
- Our children squander their college experience when we allow them to feel entitled. We must teach them that education is the key to their future and that they are responsible for it, and that starts long before college.
- Conditions that are too prescribed can bite us in the, well you know ;) I want our children to choose the school that works for them, to really challenge themselves, and to do their best. There is just no way to compare a GPA at a community college with an Ivy League. Instead of setting an arbitrary line in the sand, I want to stay engaged with what courses they're selecting and why, with how they're balancing academics and other learning experiences, and with how much they're learning - in the classroom and in life.
- It is naive to believe that any student can "pay" for a good four year college on his or her own, unless you expect them to only consider low cost schools. Even a good job and a lot of scholarships will not cover the tuition at a private school (and, yes, there is a quality difference for many career paths).
I guess the fundamental difference I have with many others who've commented is that I believe that college is more than classroom learning, that a better experience is worth a higher price tag, and that it is bad enough for our kids to inherit the debt that our nation owes - why burden them with so much personal debt before they've even joined the workforce? After all, they will be paying for our social security, medical care, and who knows what else. Sorry for the political commentary, but that's the way I feel...

I feel it all depends on income of parents and student, grants available and any other help that may be gotten. Also consider the cost of what they will be studying. For example, if my daughter went for pharmacy tech it was going to be more expensive than her CNA and medical office assistant programs.

My oldest daughter will be going to college. We should be finding out this week if she will start this term or next term. It depends on how many people applied for what she is going for. She has slight learning disabilities and qualifies for help through OVR. She is eligible for fafsa, but not for pheaa. If she goes this term, the beginning of September, she won't be working very long and will have very little money. We will be paying for what isn't. If she starts next term, then she will have some money to contribute.

I want my daughter to have as little debt as possible to start out on her own, so I will pay everything I can afford to. After the CNA and medical office assistant programs she will be responsible for continuing her education to LPN, RN and whatever else there is and may need.

Hi, Amy:

What can the parents afford?
How bad does the student want to go to college?
Just want to know.
D.

Background:

Husband; he paid for his college. Of course talking to his mom, they (the parents) chipped in for books, furniture, sometimes rent & food. Husband did work during the summers and sometimes on the weekend which helped cover some costs but he had a large amount of student loans (of course he got a job that could also pay for the student loans).

Myself; My parents paid for three years (found out after I graduated that they took out loans for this), then I took out student loans for the fourth year. The loans covered school, books, rent & food. I worked the summers that I did not go home (parents worked overseas, I could not get a job in Bulgaria) and during the school year to pay for what I could.

My husband wants my daughter to take loans out for everything, help her with nothing. He thinks this is best and the right thing. I on the other hand want to help. We have started a college fund, put in money when we can and it gains intrest. Hopefully this will cover at least 50% of her college years, the other part she will need to take out loans BUT I will stand my ground to help out when possible/needed (books, food, rent). I do expect my daughter to have a job to get things she wants (car, clothes beyond what I think is needed, and so on).

I was an athlete in college and per NCAA regulations had restrictions on what jobs I could/couldn't have while in school. I was responsible for all of my books & incidentals. My parents paid for tuition, room & board. We plan on the same, but with the restriction that it will only be for four years. I was on my own for my masters degree and elected to wait before I pursued the degree. My good friend's parents only paid for 3 years for each of 3 children and one of them actually took time off from school to figure out what they wanted to do rather than burn a year of "paid" tuition.

My parents didn't pay for mine and I didn't finish... I even went to a super small community college, then a small university (all local). Granted they like to act disappointed in me for not finishing.. go figure. I think they learned the lesson with me because they are footing the bill for my little brothers tuition at the same university.. granted they are wasting their money with him

We plan on trying to put back 30,000 for her college education. Anything beyond that will be her responsibility. I think that's pretty fair. Of course unless we get uber rich, then will cover the full amount. :)

If I had the money....as in I don't have to choose between eating and paying for tuition... I believe parents should help. I don't think they should do it all or even a huge portion. I do think the conditions should be living right and getting good grades.