Competitive Grandmas??? What Do I Do?

I would send your mom some flowers at her place of work from your daughter and you. Let her know that she is more beautiful than the bouquet or Thank her for her hard work in helping you to begin your garden. It's the little things. Just keep reminding her.Leave a note behind on bottle in the fridge. I'm sure that you can get creative. Cuddle with your mom on the couch.

This will continue to be a struggle, as your daughter gets older she might want to be the Gma who watches her more often. Your daugher will not understand, she will just want what is comfortable. Family gatherings may be difficult. Stand by your mom, the best you can.

Hi A.,
I think a lot of people have the same situation as you. My MIL is the one who feels left out. The best thing I've found that works with my family is to make special outings just for the Grandma that feels left out. But, at the same time I try to get both sides of the family together so that both the grandmas can spend time with eachother and get to know one another while they give love to the grandbabies too. I would let your mother know that she needs to control her feelings especially around your daughter. Babies are very receptive to feelings and you don't want your daughter to feel any bad things towards your mom. My oldest son didn't like to spend any time with the inlaws because of the negative feelings. That was when he was around 2, he's 5 now and things have gotten much better. Best of luck.

WOW you are very lucky to have two involved grandparents! Your mom feels guilt because MIL gets more time with the grandbaby than her. I'm sure she'd love to be able to do that and spend so much time with the baby. Its natural and I think all you can do is reassure her and let her have as much time with your daughter as she can spare. Good luck.

Hi A.,

I am a grandma of two wonderful little boys. I think I know how your mom feels, because my daughter lives in the same state as her in-laws...(a few miles away), while I am a few thousand miles away. The only thing that comforts me is that her in-laws are not very good grandparents and have several times said they would take care of the grandsons, but then change their mind (Thats a good thing.) Both have malfunctions. One is an bipolar Schizophrenic. the other an alcoholic who has tried to comitt suicide a couple of times.

My daughter is smart enough that she "never" leaves the kids unsupervised.

Your mom does not know "how much" she is blessed, being able to take care of your little one if not ust once a week. In regards to the jealousy and resentment she feels...just try to include her as much as possible in yours and the baby's lives. Have her come over and spend time with you...Let her take your daughter to the park once in awhile...She will be so glad. I would love to be in her shoes.

My best to you.

C.
Mom of 3
Grandma of 2

Honestly I have no advise really, I just feel for you, I could not imagine my mom being like that! My mom is also my best friend! My MIL, on the other hand, is very selfish and thinks the world needs to revolve around her! I hope you can explain to your mom that it isn't her, it is just that your MIL doesn't work, and she does! I am sure she will understand! Or at least I hope she does! Good luck, I hope it all works out good for you!

Hopefully you will remind your mother that loving a child isn't a competition. The more love, the better because that is the way love works. It is the quality of her time spent with her grand baby, not the quantity that matters. Your mom works, you work, the baby has to be watched. I think because she has to work, the time the baby spends with your mother is all the more precious. That time is for her and the baby, that is their special time. Your MIL has a place in the baby's life, so does your mother, just different. That is family.