Confidentiality Question, Regarding Divorced Parents

This child has been dancing in this program for 8 years with no issues from her mom in paying all expenses, and now because her mom, a single parent, has run into a rough patch, the studio owner's first attempt at resolving the issue is threatening to submit to a collection agency? Really? And seriously asking 400.00 for costumes she didn't think maybe that would be a hardship for some? If my child were not in love with this particular program, I would pull her out. I think this mom should go meet with the studio owner in person and ask to work out a repayment plan. And get it in writing. Then I think the mom should go meet with her ex and explain her situation and ask if he would be willing to pick up some his child's activity expenses until she gets back on her feet. Maybe he will be a decent enough person to help out with what he can.

A few thoughts:

1) Is this couple divorced or still legally married? You do not specifically mention that.

2) This studio owner sounds harsh...the mom always works off expenses and usually over-works to the extent of having a credit, but now this one year instead of a credit she fell behind, and the owner wants to burn her for it?!

3) If the couple is divorced and studio owner truly has no information about the father, she can ask the collection agency to pursue anyone from the dad to Bugs Bunny but there is no reason to believe that the collection agency will actually attempt to do that.

It is unfortunate that the studio owner is choosing to handle this debt in such a heavy-handed way.

If the father is not married to the mother, then being dunned for a bill for dance (which he has never financially committed to in writing or otherwise) is only going to create conflict between this child's parents.

In short, it's unkind.

I wonder if some personal feelings have been injured at this point, because this seems extremely aggressive, hiring a debt collector to go after $200, of which she will likely receive only a part of it. The part of a debt collector is to agree to negotiations and to offer doable arrangements for the debtor. This sometimes means taking a lesser amount of money in collection. This also may likely end up on this mother's credit report, which seems, again, unkind and spiteful to me. Involving the ex-husband only seems to add an element of shaming and personal meanness.

A good question to ask is simply this: how would *I* want to be treated in that situation? I can think of some ways that money could be paid off in smaller increments over time or the debt might be forgiven with the option that, should the family want to return to dance there, a hefty up-front deposit and on-time payments would be contractually required. It's a shame, because this child already has divorced parents and now cannot participate in something she probably loves. To also lose the good will of the studio owner is hard for a child to understand. It doesn't mean the debt shouldn't be paid, but for everyone's sake, it would be wise to consider how to create a situation in which mom still felt that paying the bill is A. worth it and B. Doable, even if in small increments or work and that the studio owner doesn't compromise her own integrity and reputation by creating more stress and drama for a mother who is already struggling. Sometimes, writing things off (tax deduction) and moving on is better for everyone than exacting the proverbial pound of flesh.

Just a logistics question: if the dance studio owner doesn't have the father's address or phone number, how would she be able to contact him about this bill anyway?

As small business people, my husband and I are well acquainted with people who don't pay. It's awful. So there's a lot of sympathy on my part for this owner, and I assume the mom in question isn't the only one who doesn't pay on time (or at all). The studio owner has extended credit to her in the past, so she shouldn't make any changes without talking to the mom.

But the contracts are between the mom and the studio. The owner has no idea what the situation is with the father or whether he would pay, and it's not her decision. (And I think it's kind of a slight to divorced women with kids to suggest that they might just run around running up bills - usually they are struggling to manage with very little child support that's inconsistently sent. That notion of spendthrift women is really out of the 1950s and 1960s, don't you think? There may be a few, but it's an unfortunate stereotype.)

The owner certainly has the option to send this to collection, but she's only going to get a small percentage of the money owed, right? The collection agency is going to take a big percentage, and all it's going to do is create intimidation and hassles for the mother, with nasty letters and phone calls coming in all the time. If they go to court, she'll have court costs added to her tab. So maybe this is the studio owner's plan? "If I annoy her enough, at least she'll be scared enough to pay me something rather than risk her credit rating?" She's certainly going to make it unlikely that the mom will enroll again - but maybe the owner has an opening she wants to fill with a paying customer? How is it that she was going over the bills with you anyway? Do you work there part-time? Is it possible that she is hoping you will tell the mom that collection is imminent, in the hopes that the mom will beg/borrow/steal enough money to pay the balance rather than have her credit affected? That's a second breach of confidentiality, in my mind, if it's the case.

I think the mom needs to rethink her insistence on putting her child in a dance program that is so expensive, not just take the summer off. I think the owner should have a conversation with the mom to see what's possible and reasonable, and at least ask if there's anyone else who can help. She can ASK if the bill could go to the father (since he has appeared on occasion at events) but she should not take that step on her own. I would think that the mom would have some legal recourse against the studio if confidentiality is broken. But any of this is going to damage the relationship between client and studio going forward. And if it ever "got out" that the financial info of a client was shared with a divorced dad, the studio's reputation would suffer.

It sounds like the owner has been generous in the past with this family. I find it hard to believe they would go the collection agency route to collect $400 which they won't even see the full amount. I wonder if the mom owes much more than what she is saying.

As a side note...I feel sorry for the girls to have this kind of pressure on them to be expected to get full ride scholarships on their dance ability. Also, won't they have to major in dance to get a dance scholarship? It was my understanding that theatre and dance scholarships are reserved for people with those majors. What if the girl wants to be a doctor or an engineer?

I don't think there are any laws that protect this information. If it were medical information, that would be another story. I doubt she could force the father to pay. Businesses sometimes threaten collection agencies just to let the one owing money know that they are serious.

The best plan of action for everyone is to set up a payment plan. Maybe $20 per month until the past due is paid off.
I agree with Diane, there are plenty of dance programs through rec. centers that don't involve huge fees and expensive costumes.

I think that the problem is that the mother is avoiding her. Look at it from the studio owner's perspective. Some times studio owners are so eager to help student's that they allow parents to 'work for trade.' Often times, the work that the parent does falls in the 'nice to have but not absolutely necessary' category. In other words, the studio owner could probably get by without it. The parent, by your own admission, hasn't paid the owner much cash over the years. She now owes money. And not only has she not paid it, she's refusing to even talk to the studio owner about it. Turning it over to a collection agency may seem harsh, but what option does she have if the mother refuses to work it out with her? She can just write it off as a loss, but how does that help the daughter? Is she going to continue to allow the talented dancer to attend classes when her mother is in arrears? And if it's the costumes that pushed her over this year, keep in mind that there's a very low profit margin on those items. The studio owner had to write a check for the cost of them and was never reimbursed.

The mother needs to figure out how she's going to pay the $400, even if that means reaching out to her ex-husband. She's stopped lessons for the summer, but can she continue to do work for the owner to pay down her debts?

You didn't mention how old the girls are, but since they haven't started Pointe class yet, I'm assuming they're probably pre-teens. They still have several years to go before even really thinking about college scholarships. If she can't afford this studio, then she needs to look for other options. If she continues to love and excel at dance, she can always rejoin the studio in a few years when her mother is more financially stable.

I would ask the Dsd nicely if he could help out? What does your divorce papers state. Split activities 50-50? Worth a phone. All.

No, the dad is not obligated to pay and in fact, it could be a violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act for the dance studio to try to collect money from him on a contract he did not sign.

Some divorce decrees state that the ex is responsible for a certain percentage or dollar amount of extra curricular fees, but that is for the mom to get reimbursement for, not the dance studio.

Personally, I would use collections as a last resort. If the owner really feels like the mom plans to make good on the bill one way or the other, sending it to collections only will costs both the studio and the mom more money (and potentially irreparably harm the mom's credit, thereby forcing her to drop the dance all together - lose, lose for both parties).

Good luck.

If they were divorced when she signed her up for class then no, the ex husband cannot be forced to pay. Really not sure why you are asking this though, the collection agency would explain that to her when she asks them to collect the debt.

I think it is wrong to go after the dad unless he has signed the contract along with mom to pay all the fees. This child does not HAVE to be in this program. Of course a lot of children and moms WANT their children in specific programs.

I also believe one should live within their means and if she can't afford the costs that comes with a dance studio, then she needs to look at other options which are reduced cost or free through the city park and rec programs. I think the owner has been generous to allow her to earn credits this far along.

This is a business and the owner can't allow everyone to earn credits and make any money. I do think the owner should take into consideration the costs of the costumes chosen for the program. I know that can get out of hand really fast.

When in programs such as dance, cheer, football, ,etc... there are some high costs involved and if a parent cannot afford this without financial issues then arrangements should be made for activities that the parent can afford or stop the extracurricular activities.

I assume most everyone at this studio pays their way and other parents and students would expect to not be making up the difference for a couple of people in the program that can't afford to be there. I can see where some bad blood can come into play here between the studio owner and parents. It is possible that that bad blood is being created because this mom has had some special advantages regarding her portion of the fees. Maybe the owner is now being so aggressive due to backlash from other parents. It is hard enough to run a business when everything runs smoothly!

It should be a lesson for the owner in how she/he runs the business. It is just $400.. if $400 has this large of an impact on the business then something else is wrong with the business financials. I would not consider $400 going to collections because it wouldn't be worth the expense because at most, the owner would get a partial payment and pay the agency for getting that money. I would think they might negotiate a payment plan on their own vs involving an agency. It's also a lesson for mom to sit down and prioritize where her money goes every month. Dad should not be responsible for a debt that ex-wife has created on her own.

If money is short - the kids don't do extra curricular activities.
It's a shame that activities are so expensive - but if Mom can't afford it - then she needs to find something else for her child to do that's more within her budget.
As far as paying past due bills - the owner needs to get paid.
I think the kid needs to stop dance until the bill is paid up (or no more dance period) - at least don't rack up any more debt.
If the parents are married then the they are responsible for each others debts.
If they are divorced, then the bills regarding child support might be part of dads responsibilities - however - I have no idea if the courts would consider extracurricular activities to be a requirement that both parents are responsible for - they might be thinking more along the lines of food/clothing/shelter.

What confidentiality?
What ever made you think any sort of confidentiality applies?
This isn't health care info - it's not a confessional - it's not a doctor/patient or even a lawyer/client relationship.
It's a bill regarding a child's expenses - and both parents are involved when it comes the child's expenses.
Dad might have to pay - or maybe not - that's up to the courts - but a bill collector will try to collect from anyone they can.

Additional:
You realize that only %2 percent of high school athletes get scholarships and the average scholarship is $10,000.
When tuition is $25,000 per year (or more) - it doesn't cover much.
Your friends daughter needs a back up plan to fund college.
Good grades and SAT/ACT scores will help with this.
Your friend can not afford this dance class.
The divorce decree and/or child support agreement might require dad to help pay for college.
Living beyond their means is not doable - your friend needs some help in prioritizing her financials.
Seeing a financial planner would be the best thing she can do to figure out her goals for long and short term goals.

The dad is not obligated to pay for something the mom signed a contract on, not unless they were married at the time and even then it is questionable whether or not he could be help accountable for that bill now. The studios issue is with the mom.