Confused Toddler Is Confusing Me!

maybe try waiting till she calls for you to go get her. I know my son (3) doesn't like anyone to come in his room until he is ready to get out of bed. He will either come out on his own or call for us. He has been like this forever that I can remember.

Maybe (particularly during the nap episodes) she isn't fully awake...my son used to wake up during the night and naps (only very occasionally) in hysterics...I used a damp washcloth on his face to really wake him up, then he would go back to sleep right away. Perhaps she isn't really ready to wake up!

Maybe she wants you not to come in? Maybe she wants a few minutes to lay in her crib by herself and is enjoying the quiet time? Can you wait to even go into her room until she calls you? This will seem funny in hindsight. I wrote down a bunch of little things my kids did (now 10 and 13) and every now and then I read that little memory book and laugh. You think you will not forget but I did, and am glad I wrote them down.

It sounds like...a language issue? My son will be two in December, and is a great talker. He just doesn't usually make SENSE.

Like this morning. We were at the breakfast table, and his sister pulls out a balloon and starts tossing it to me. He starts saying, "Mommy...catch! me! catch! me!" Any normal person would assume he wanted to jump and have me catch him. Nope! He wants to catch the ball.

Try mentally adding more words to her sentence. Maybe she wants to get out of her crib and go shopping? Maybe it's not bye bye at all? (We speak Chinese at our house as well as English, and "bye bye" sounds a lot like his word for cup - 'bui bui', which he pronounces...well, he pronounces it 'bai bai'. See?)

Keep trying...and sometimes two year olds are just stinkers. If after one or two tries you can't figure out what she wants...then assume she just wants a ruckus, decide what YOU want to do, and then do that. Good luck!

She's just changing per developmental stages. AND your daughter is on the cusp, of an age change. This happens.
My kids did that too.
Bear in mind... a kid this age, CANNOT yet actually do, what they are thinking or wanting to do. But their cognition... is developing and they are getting more independent and yes, having "opinions" and expressing it.

You can at this age, start to teach her about emotions/feelings. I did when my kids were 2 years old.
You teach them the NAMES for feelings. ie: happy, sad, grumpy, frustrated, hungry, tired, etc. And teach them that they CAN tell you.... what they are feeling/thinking. Then, validate them... and help them cope or problem solve it. Even just repeating back to them, what they've said... can help. It teaches them... HOW to communicate. AND to 'know' their feelings.

Bear in mind, the "emotions" of a child, this age, is not even FULLY developed yet. Nor even in a 3 year old, They are just feeling it... but cannot yet be PRECISE about it... nor understand the abstractness of it.

Don't 'scold' for this... in your daughter. She is not fully even an 'expert' in knowing what she wants or exactly. It is confusing for them too. Just teach her... HOW to communicate, that you are there for her... and teach her the words for it.
A kid this age, is like a rock collecting moss... gradually they will become more 'aware' of themselves and what they want.

all the best,
Susan

Sounds like she's checking out language, what it means and how much control goes with it. She is giving orders and you are following them or not. It's just a learning phase. Make a game of it when she does it. Just say "okay, Mommy is going bye bye" and begin your walk out, then when she yells at you just say "Mommy is NOT going bye bye" and walk back to the crib. She's just learning Mom. She'll be talking non stop and ordering you around for way more than that pretty soon, enjoy. And I agree, this would be a cute one to write in her baby book. One day when she's a mom herself she'll crack up reading about what a brat she was.

I ignore tantrum crying. I go in the other room. It is simply a 2-year old's attempt to control her world. If she learns she can control her parent's behavior and get them to do something everytime she screams, then she has learned how to manipulate.

Do you say "bye bye" right before closing the door to let her sleep? If so, what do you do RIGHT before that? It could be that she's requesting for you to go through the goodnight routine again to get her resettled? Maybe when you turn around and leave, she's upset because you didn't follow the "routine"?

OR maybe she's asking if you're going to go somewhere? Perhaps you recently told her after she woke in the morning that you were going to go bye bye (go somewhere) and she's asking if she is waking up to go somewhere again?

Those are my best guesses :)

This sounds typical, if you just walk out and let her have her tantrum, it will probably be over sooner. You can't win this one, so just wait for it to pass. It won't be long and she will get passed what every developmental milestone she is working on, and she will not be so out of sorts anymore...at least, not like this! ;)

M.

My son as a toddler would have times where he woke from a nap and started crying and even screaming. So maybe it's some sort of stage that they go through.

I would agree to turn it into a game or just leave her until she comes out on her own.

I agree with the others that it's probably a language/communication issue, maybe she wants you to wait until she calls you to come in. Chances are, she just wants to feel "in control" of something. But I thought I would throw my thoughts in as well... my daughter, from birth, has ALWAYS woken up angry if her nap went past 4:30 PM. Always, always, always. We just tried to keep that from happening, and then all was well! You could see if a rearranged nap schedule helps, or whether the behavior happens at certain times of day? Just a thought!

Your daughter is playing a game with you. Children often complain that adults are too serious. Be playful. Make drama out of it. "Oh no!" exclaim, "She wants us to go away." Then come right back saying, "Yes, she wants us back, "And then, "Oh no, not again, she wants us to leave..." Keep going back and forth and playing the game she initiated. She we laugh and after a long time she will have enough.

In my book there is a chapter about these types of games children create. I call them "Power Games." These games are very healing and help the child behave well and peacefully at other times.

N. Aldort Ph.D.
Parenting Advice Columnist, Author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. www.AuthenticParent.com

Ah, independence. Don't you just love it?? Lol. When mine was that age she would ask for juice, but when you tried to hand it to her, she's scream that she didn't want it. If you tried to put it back, she'd scream louder. Come to find out, she just didn't want it handed to her. If you'd set it on the table and walk away, she'd get it and be happy. Kids are strange sometimes. It'll pass. I promise.

my daughter used to wake up pissed off from naps (but fine getting up in the morning). couldn't console her at all. occasionally tv would distract her but mostly not. i just had to leave her crying until she was ready for me to come in (her crying would change). if i picked her up, she didn't get any better but then if i tried to put her down once i'd picked her up, she'd only get worse. never did figure out what it was but thankfully she outgrew napping at 2.5. there certainly wasn't anything fun about it for either of us. we didn't have trouble understanding her either. maybe she was only half-awake as someone suggested. sorry i can't offer any help but you're not alone!

to this day however, she'll get in a funk and won't tell us what's wrong, even though she plainly has the vocabulary to do so. she expects us to be mind-readers.