Considering Being a SAHM

Hi Laurie,

I decided to delete my response. I don't want to be so negative. :-)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

M.

You seem happy where you are at. You need time to yourself. You seem to enjoy the balance of work/family. From what I have read briefly, it seems your current situation will be happiest for you.

I love my daughter to pieces and have been a SAHM since her birth. She is almost 4. I appreciate that I CAN be a sahm mom. Many don't have that opportunity. But, being a SAHM is not working well for me. I am stressed, depressed. I am a person who needs to work. I have been very unhappy, hopeless. After much thought and extenuating circumstances, hubby and I decided to put my sweetie in preschool/daycare. She started just this past wednesday. It is very tough now in getting started with daycar (more for me than for her thank goodness) but i can see the benefits it will bring my daughter, me, my husband, and us as a family. I feel happier already, hopeful, and feel I will be a BETTER mother because of it.

Now that was a lot. Some will disagree, some will not understand my thinking, others will know just where I am coming from. I want to point out that not all women are created the same. Some are just the best SAHM moms. They truly love it. Some are not cut out for it (sadly, this is my case) It is just important for you to think deeply about what is important to YOU. Not what you think you SHOULD do, as dictated by society. Let that guide you and you will make the right decision for yourself.

I totally planned on going back to work part-time, but once my son was born I just couldn't do it. I was nervous about strangers watching my child and I didn't want to miss out on anything, and once I calculated the hassle and stress of working outside the home and leaving my baby all day, not to mention the cost of childcare, I decided it wasn't worth it in my personal situation. Plus I wanted to be the greatest influence in his life and really nurture our bond (which in the end I think parents are whether or not they work, as long as we put a conscious effort into building that relationship). No one loves and care for a child like their parent. Sometimes I struggle with the desire to do something "important" but I realize that I am doing something extremely valuable, and I only have the next 5 years or so to devote myself full-time to caring for my young children before they are in school, and the whole rest of my life to make room for a career again.

We had to cut back financially, but I'm not sorry one bit and I'm sure my children much prefer having a loving parent take care of them as well. It has really worked for us. I know for some people that is not an option, but if there's any way you can, I would suggest considering it. "Things" don't bring happiness, but it's people and relationships that do. I absolutely love it and I feel like I am a very productive full-time mother, even though I don't work outside the home very often. My sister is going to continue working a few afternoons a week once her baby is born and I'm going to babysit her baby. I love being available for that, and I know she loves knowing her baby will be well cared for and loved and playing with cousins and aunt all day, while she gets to get out of the house and make some money and maintain her clientele. Do you have friends you trust that can babysit (for a fee)? Or maybe you can babysit for a fee if you want to stay home, but also want/need the money. I trade babysitting with my neighbor for date nights and errands or appointments, and I occasionally will use a teenager in the neighborhood that was recommended to me and she seemed to do a great job.

My husband's mom worked a TON and he was always in daycare (Please don't misconstrue this. I'm not saying that moms who work neglect their children) and of course he wasn't very fond of that. My mom stayed home with us, even though we had to live in a 2 bedroom trailer (6 member family) with no Air Conditioning in Arizona for her to do so, plus she babysat children. I have so many fond memories of my mother singing songs to us while swinging in the hammock, etc. So that helped me and my husband make our decision. He had originally encouraged me to continue working at least a few times a week (which is a great idea) but after experiencing me as a SAHM he told me he was "so glad I don't have a stressball anymore for a wife!" I personally am much more content at home. I put forth a lot of conscious effort into parenting, our marriage, our health, being financially responsible, caring for our home, serving others, developing and improving myself, and so I feel very productive and not like I am stagnating whatsoever even though my professional life is put on hold while I do the most fulfilling work I can imagine. I find keeping routines really helps in this endeavor (www.flylady.net).

As for time for myself, I dance on Friday nights (I joined my old clogging team) while my husband watches the kids and then we both play on a coed soccer team together on Sundays while our kids watch us from the stroller or they go to the neighbor's house (I really recommend developing a trade relationship like this with a friend or neighbor--it's awesome). We also go on a date a few times a month in addition to that. And fortunately for me, my husband works from home some days and I can go get a haircut during the kid's naps on the days he's working at home. Another thing I highly recommend is joining MOMS Club (go to www.momsclub.org to find a chapter near you). There are weekly activities for the kids in addition to playgroups and monthly Mom's Night Out. You can attend as much or little as you're interested in. I know SO much more about fun things to do with kids in our area than I even had any idea existed before. And it's just nice to have a social outlet for both me and the kids and a support network. It's very regional, so everyone in my chapter lives very near to me, which is convenient.

Also, here are two similar mamasource requests from awhile ago that might have responses that help you:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/7617010829489078273
http://www.mamasource.com/request/12432624957459005441

If you do decide to stay home and have any other questions, I am full of ideas and resources.

I am the same way - with wanting a lot of time to myself. I have trained my children from the early ages to play on their own. I play with each of them 20-30 per day and from an early age, I would do this as one of the first things of the day, then tell them that it was Mommy's turn to do her jobs. I interact with the kids throughout the day doing differen things. Dr. appts. are difficult. When the kids were not in school, I would book all of my appointments *yearly exams) in one day, and my husband would stay home while I did this. You can also take turns with a friend and have them watch your child and vice versa. The kids and I are usually doing something together outside of the home2-3 times per week: going to the library for storytime; doing activities with the Moms Club; playdates; going to the zoo; taking classes through the Parks and Rec., etc. I do a lot of art projects with them at home.

I now have two home based businesses and I have a little sign that I put up when I am working and I do not want to be disturbed. I work in the morning for 1 hour before they get up and I work at night sometimes when they go to bed.

I have also met Moms through the Moms Club and they have evening activities when I can time with other Moms. But when your kids are not in school and you are a SAHM, time to yourself is not plentiful. It is very rewarding to be a SAHM, but it can be lonely as well. You have to develop a network of other SAHM to have people to interact with and depend on. www.meetup.com is a great way to meet people that fit into your lifestyle.

I would really recommend making sure that your husband is on board with you becoming a SAHM. That means that he needs to understand that this is your full-time job, and no one can remain at work 24/7. After much guilt removal, I asked my husband for one night a week that is MY NIGHT OUT, no excuses. I can use that night for shopping alone, going out with a girl friend, getting a haircut, etc. without the kids. I happened to choose his early night home so that I can actually make appointments as necessary.

Transistioning from working F/T was hard, and the housework did get a little hairy at first. But I found that flylady.net helped with keeping me focused, but not overwhelmed with keeping a house; there are even ideas for getting your kids to help w/ "blessing" your home. I set my kids up on a routine for meals, napping and play to keep my sane. I try to get nap time to conincide, and I use that for alone time (shower, reading, nap, etc.)

I would consider part time first with your job if you can. If you need the extra income, it will be a huge adjustment losing that. Hopefully you have a very supportive husband, many stay at home moms put up with dad being gone, not contributing to the house, having food ready, house clean, laundry etc....Realistically you will only have one child to care for, and it might be very lonely...and I didn't enjoy being home with just one child that young. My children are 19 mo and 3, and I am wanting to get to 3 days a week, just so we can get ahead more, and being able to travel as much as I did in my early-mid 20's. Can't do it on 1 income. I love being home, but I know my long term goals...and I want my own life too.....

I feel lucky because I feel like I get the best of both worlds. I work three days a week outside the home and am with my kids four days a week. I would love to stay home full time, but finacially we would not be able to make it. I agree with all the others about having a supportive husband. My husband is great and stays home with my girls on the weekends so that I can work. He is awesome with them and they love having their Daddy all to themselves. My girls stay with my sister or a neighbor when I have things that I need to do. Otherwise I make the appointments early in the morning or late in the afternoon and my husband watches them. My husband is also really awesome about me having time with my friends or time to myself. The only thing that our situation is lacking is that my husband and I rarely get time alone. Our family things that we are kind of weird because we do not trust anyone other than family and close friends to watch the girls. That is what we feel comfotable with, but it can get difficult. It is a difficult tranistion to stay home full time. I would think about working part-time and see how that works for your family. It is a the hardest decision that you will have to make so take your time. Good luck! -A.

When they said being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, they weren't kidding! But many times, the harder the job, the bigger the benefits- and that is truly the case with being a SAHM!

And just as a PP said, it's a huge adjustment too! I have a 5 1/2 YO, 2 1/2 YO and a 10 MO. I became a SAHM when my first child was 9 MO. I went through the "honeymoon" phase and then the day to day activities seemed never-ending and it felt like drudgery! I joined a local MOMS Club and that was great! It gave me other activities, conversation with other moms who knew what I was going through (yea for adult conversation!) and socializing for my child.
What's nice is that now my oldest is in half-day Kindergarten. One of the kids from the MOMS Club is in her class, so that has helped them both adjust to being in school. Also, since this mother lives in my area, we do a carpool to Kindergarten. So the MOMS Club has had benefits outside of regular club activities as well!

I also run a business in my home, so during the day, I have short bursts of time where I am working my business. During my oldest child's school time, I usually get a few phone calls in, since the baby will nap and the second child will go and watch a few minutes of a video here and there. Phone calls are sporadic, but with my phone log I can get it done! When my oldest child is home, I just put up the "Phone Calls" sign she made me. When she sees the sign, she takes the second child into another room to play. Having her do that has started "training" my second child to go to another room when she sees the sign!

Time for myself is few and far between. 4 days of the week my husband goes to work at 6:30 a.m., then goes to karate and doesn't get home until about 9:00 p.m. That 5th day he is home around 5:15 p.m. and that is when I go to my weekly success meeting. On Saturdays is when I hold appointments; and Sunday I have a time slot for 1 appointment but I try to keep that as a family day. The time in the car is nice to get away from everything, my "me" time. Sometimes I tell my husband that I need some time, so I go into our room, close the door and soak in the tub or read. I don't do that very often, because right now I am really trying to advance myself in my business. But having a supportive husband is essential. My husband supports me in my business, as a wife and a SAHM.

If I have an personal appointment that I can't or would rather not take the kids too, I work around my husband's schedule. I find a day that he can take the morning off and I schedule my appointment first thing in the morning.

As for babysitting, well, I just don't send my kids to a sitter. Again, I work around my husband's schedule for whatever needs to be done. I have a BIL and SIL in town... but normally BIL is with my husband doing karate, and my SIL is finishing up her nursing degree, and I would rather let her have the time to study (she studies ALL the time, and her grades show it!) But we do utilize them about twice a year for "special" nights like our anniversary! I just feel guilty taking her away from her study time though...

But being a SAHM is, overall, great! I wouldn't trade this experience for anything! Yeah, money is tighter, my house isn't very clean and what makes me happy right now is my youngest having a dirty diaper... but I get to see them grow up, hear their first words, see their first steps and watch as they discover the world around them... I don't have to hear about it second-hand from anyone else! And to me, it makes it all worth every moment!

Good luck!

When I left my job to stay home it was a big adjustment. The thing I missed the most was the time with other adults. It took some getting use to. One thing that helped me was getting involved with Scentsy. It got me out and around other people again, and It is definatly helping financialy. You can learn more about it at www.scentsy.us/danacarey Good Luck!

If you're not quite sure, then its probably not the right decision for you. If you are working part time, then it sounds like you have a nice balance of me/kid time. I loved my job and my husband wasn't sure if I was going to be able to leave it behind once our son arrived, but I knew in my heart that once I had my baby I would not be able to return. They grow up so fast and time with them is precious when they are little. I knew I didn't want to work to pay someone else to watch my kids. (Think about how much you pay for daycare) I knew leaving my job would be a huge sacrifice in our finances, but I would gladly eat ramen noodles everyday if it meant I could stay home with my son. Money is tight, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Luckily I do some freelance work from home that helps out, but I still feel like I have plenty of "me" time during the day while he naps. As for appointments, perhaps your teenagers could watch them for an hour or so (depending on their age). I will take my son with me or schedule around my husband's work schedule. My son is 11 months and we have had the grandparents babysit 2-3 times. We just love to have him with us! Every mom is different and definitely needs a break from their kids on occasion! You need to examine your budget and determine if leaving your job is possible and if you are willing to make sacrifices in order to make it work! Good luck!

i want to see the responses to this because i feel like you but i just lost my job and i'm having trouble adjusting.

You are entertaining a very wonderful idea. It IS a full-time job, and takes a lot of love and committment. It also takes a lot of planning to do without the extra income.

I have always been a SAHM since my oldest was a baby, but I also own my own business, so it helps with the income and with me having a "career".. I only work part time and plan to do that until the kids are gone. Your children are here for such a short time- my oldest is in high school now, so I'm really starting to realize it.

So... consider, talk to your hubby, pray if you are the praying kind, crunch the numbers, and if it's a step you think you can take, I say "go for it"... OR... consider just working part-time so you have more time at home and with your children.

God bless.

Hello Laurie,

Being a SAHM can be very rewarding. The other ladies had some wonderful suggestions so I won't elaborate on that. I became a SAHM because I worked from home. My kids thought I quit work because I was there when they left for school and when they returned home. At the time I was a single mom and my bedroom housed my office. When mommies door was closed they knew I was "at work". They had to knock on the door if they needed something. I love working from home and the freedoms it's allowed us. I've been able to attend my children's school functions (in the middle of the day) and children absolutely love that sort of thing. We had a network of friends that traded babysitting for no fee. If you are looking for a way to continue to bring in the income on a part time basis I'd love to share with you what I do. You can contact me through my website. www.GreenKidzRUs.com

I look forward to speaking with you.

I would like you to encourage the possibility of becoming a SAHM. It is not easy - it is very difficult - but it is incredibly rewarding and will benefit your children immeasurably. Repeated studies have shown that kids do better with a mom at home.

I am also a very private person, and the lack of "me time" has been difficult. But the perks more than make up for it.

Most SAHM's exchange babysitting services. Start building a friend base of SAHM's.

Also, many churches have Bible studies that come with free babysitting, and there are lots of other groups out there (MOPs, MOMs, etc.) that serve as meeting points for SAHMs.

It's a long journey, and a steep learning curve. But the end result is worth it!!

I work two days a week outside the home. My husband and I have it arranged where one of us is always with her. There are times when I look foward to work, cause the drive is the "me" time. I would suggest that you look for a part-time job, that way you can have both worlds. More time with the kids and some time for yourself

I won't kid you- it's not an easy adjustment. But the benefits your kids (and you!) get is so worth the price!! Now that I've done both, I so much prefer being a SAHM. My kids understand that Mom, and also Dad, need "alone time". Sometimes that's time alone together, sometimes it isn't. It does take more effort to get time to yourself, but it's worth it. I am very active with my church's women's group and have a lot of friends as a result. Sometimes we get together and take our kids to the park or something- they can play, we can visit. Or trade babysitting with a friend. Having a set girl's night out once a week can help. Say, every Wednesday night is your night to go out with a girlfriend to the movies, or shopping, or whatever. A lot of the success of being a SAHM depends on a supportive husband and supportive friends! The reality of it is, though, that you have to fill your own well or you'll have less to give to your family, so time to do the things you want to do is more important than some people realize. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who has said flat out that anytime a friend invites me out, it's a given that I should go. Since he works from home, it helps to have his open schedule to be able to do that (we have a toddler and 3 older kids). Anyway, good luck!

It was hard for me the first couple of years that I was at home with my kids. I got caught up in the drudgery and always felt like I had to do everything all the time. Then I did things like set up a schedule (I even did one for cleaning, M -laundry, T-bathrooms, W-vacuuming, etc) and found that this way I did not feel like I wasn't getting things done. I have found for my mental stimulation I can do a lot of reading (I belong to a book club) and find mom's to talk with.

For appt.s I have found that trading babysitting works real well. I have searched out mom's with similar teaching/discipline style as mine and it has worked out good.

I have had the opportunity to volunteer in my kids' school which has made a huge difference (I have three kids with "special needs" and being available to do this has been so beneficial).

I am starting to see what my influence on my children's temperament and abilities have been now that they are older. I am so thankful that I was at home and available to them. My kids are 6, 5, 3, and 1. The 6 and 5 year old are capable of doing almost anything at home (vacuuming, dishes, laundry). My three year old is starting to get involved in this. Because I am at home with them I am able to make these skills learned in a fun manner (we often pretend we are eating in a restaurant - I am the chef - my kids are the servers and sometimes even they help with the cooking.

This doesn't even touch the whole "fort"thing that my kids also enjoy. There are a ton of things that you can do as a SAHM that while you may be able to do some as a "working mom". What I have found is that it has helped me to develop my skills at structure, keeping my commitments, and really working to help my kids to develop themselves.

I know all mom's are not capable of having this opportunity. I know that some mom's are scared to take this step, but for me it has been (ultimately) wonderful and I am so thankful that I made this choice (especially when my son comes home from school and asks me what we are going to make for dinner at Cafe Andre).
kp
Either way you should get some "me time". My husband is awesome at letting me have time for that.

I wouldn't say I was a career person turned SAHM, but I did work full-time until I had my daughter 4 1/2 years ago (I now have a son too)...at first I loved it...but now that my daughter will be going to school next year I am really getting bored (I know it sounds terrible), with my son getting older I am excited to maybe go back to school and get my life started. Sometimes it is lonely staying home, unless you have many SAHM friends. I am lucky my mom, MIL and sister all stay home, so when I have appointments I take my children to one of them. I agree with the others, try part-time, then you get the best of both worlds (in my opinion!)...good luck with whatever you decide :)