Considering International Move with Young Children

Moving may not be easy on kids, but I would not call it "traumatic". I mean look at military kids, we move them around every 3 years and they manage okay.

Education wise this might not be a good move for the kids.

Would you be able to home school them and keep them up with US standard grade levels?
It might be very difficult for them to come back in 5 years and re join their grade level.

http://www.royalgazette.com/article/20150114/NEWS05/15011...

http://www.bermuda-online.org/educate.htm

http://schools.moed.bm/default.aspx

Start packing and don't look back.

I don't think it'd be traumatic, I think it'd be an amazing experience.

Family stability is about the emotional health and relationships within your immediate family being strong and present. If you have a strong, close family unit, no matter where you move or when, your kids will be okay.

What an amazing opportunity! Your kids will do fine...... many children have to move every few years due to parent jobs, etc. Children are very resilient!

I like what someone said about family stability being more about emotional health than staying in one place. How YOU handle the moves and adventure will do more to build the stability and resilience in your children than staying in one place.

We moved to Rio de Janeiro when I was 10. My brother was 6 and started school there. When we moved back to the US 3 years later, we were ahead in our education. I have traveled all over South and Central America. It was such an adventure for us! My parents did a good job in making it exciting and not scary.

Moving over wasn't as hard as moving back. I had a slight British accent and our dress and hair style was different. I moved back at the crappy hard age of 13. No 13 year old wants to be different! And we moved from Rio to Cleveland Ohio in February in between snow storms. Can I say FREAK any louder?? =)

Go for it!!!! I would expect Bermuda to have an "American" school or a British school. Think of all the things your kids will be exposed to that they wouldn't be where you are now.

Moving overseas was the best gift my parents gave me.

I grew up partially in another country and it was the best part of my childhood. I think it's a wonderful opportunity for your kids.

The only problem was the culture shock of returning to the U.S. I felt out of it, and wasn't interested in the things my American peers were. But I was older than your kids would be when you return.

Do it!

Absolutely do it! It would be such an amazing opportunity for your entire family! My soon to be 5 yr old has lived in 5 states in her short life & adapts remarkably well (as do the older two). Stability is intrinsic to the family unit not the location.
Honestly the difference in education level wouldn't even be a concern for us. 1) We homeschool and 2) the benefits of living in another culture would far outweigh any negative book learning that could be made up. I think that too often we focus on our children's "school career" and forget that those years are relatively short in the span of their entire life and shouldn't be given the opportunity to dictate the best situation for our families.
Hope you find the best choice for your family!

May grace & peace be yours in abundance.

Sometimes we have to move away to find our true selves. Living in another country is an experience that cannot be described unless you have lived outside of the USA.

The culture of the country you live in helps make you a better person when you do come back to the states. You kind of become your own immediate family or make a new one with the people you meet. Your children will learn more about the world living outside of the states than living inside the states. My daughter still states that she doesn't want to see another whole or partial castle as we lived in Germany for eight years and took many class trips. However, she calls Germany home because that is where she went to school for her beginning to middle school years. As you say, family members are moving so they will not be there when you get back to the town.

Don't go beating yourself up about the loss of family. If they can, they will come to see you because you are living on an island and everyone wants to go to an island to live. There is Skype to keep in touch with family now days. Yes, do check on the school system there and where you will be going when you come back. You will either find that your child(ren) are either ahead or behind depending on the school. If it is Bermuda, they are probably ahead of many of the stateside schools.

Go for it, you will all enjoy this chapter of your life and have many things to share and talk about later in life.

Military families are always moving and they adapt to the area around much quicker than the kid who does not. Yes it is a trade off of being in the same town for all of their life and experiencing the world.

Remember what you left is not what you will see when you do return home.
Everything changes and so do you. Welcome to the time warp of living outside of the states and returning back to the states. There is some adjusting to re-entering the US culture after being away but it goes away.

the other S.

GO for it! My friends took a year sabbatical while the husband considered a complete change in career. He was a lawyer, and decided to get out of corporate law and into wine importing. They closed up the house (their sister-in-law lived nearby and checked on it), and they rented a house in France while he learned more and more about the vineyards. They traveled a lot in Europe and they home schooled their 3 kids for the year. The youngest was 6 I think. It was a fabulous experience for all of them - they became more adventurous and confident kids, learned to connect in another culture, and more.

Your kids will always know they have 2 homes, right? Families move all the time anyway, but yours will know they have a home in the US. I assume they will visit family or friends occasionally during the 4-5 years. They will have more of a connection than many kids whose families move.

I think we handicap our kids just as much by keeping them in one home for 18 years, and then set them loose on the world of work or college. The stability you would give them would be the knowledge that they can handle anything, fit in where they are, bloom where they are planted.

For you, do of course check out the regulations of working in a foreign country to be sure you have the right kind of visa.

i moved to bermuda with my family when i was a year old, and lived there until i was 15. it was magical.
i think your concern about 'not providing stability' is way off. kids get stability from their relationship with their parents, not where they live or how often they move. military kids move all the time and most handle it just fine.
during our time in bermuda we rented (obviously- it's prohibitively difficult and expensive for non-bermudians to buy) so we moved every few years. that didn't make us feel traumatized either.
entering 11th grade after a childhood under the (excellent) british school system WAS weird. i never did really fully adjust. so what? i'm glad my parents didn't deny me my rigorous academic life prior to moving back to the states just to soften the change process. of course it's 'traumatic' in that it's a big change. it's not 'traumatic' if you parent your kids well and teach them that change is an opportunity, not a tragedy.
living overseas most places is an amazing adventure that has 98.9% benefits to a few drawbacks. living in bermuda is pretty much a dream come true. would it be worth passing up a weekends on pink sands and crystal clear turquoise water, learning to snorkel, breathing in the scent of ocean breezes and flowers everywhere you go, low crime, friendly locals, terrific education system and spectacularly beautiful surroundings for the possibility that it might be a mental switch to return to the states?
to me that sounds like you should feed your kids bread and broth every day so they don't get disappointed by the banality of school lunches.
ETA to address some of the concerns listed below- the school system in bermuda is NOT behind the (mostly crappy) US system. i graduated high school when i was 16 because i was so far ahead. i'd had more years of latin that was even available at my US high school. homeschooling is also an option, as it's legal in bermuda. as for child care, it's not much of an issue in this case as it's almost impossible for non-bermudians to get work there, so it's not like you would be able to get a part-time supplemental job. you either make it on your husband's salary, or not, unless you've got some sort of niche talent that they absolutely cannot find a bermudian to fill. if a company is considering hiring your husband, they'll know the cost of living and should be compensating for it. for example, my dad worked for bendix and they guaranteed that he wouldn't be out of pocket for our education, so we got to go to private schools at bendix' expense (and yeah, they are 'better' than the public schools, but the public schools there are still excellent.)
khairete
S.

It sounds like an amazing opportunity and adventure. Your kids would be fine.

One thing to consider is that Bermuda is basically an island of haves and have-nots. The haves go to private school. I'm not sure if the public schools are any good. You will want to research this a bit.

We were presented with the opportunity to move to London a few years ago and decided it would be worth it to go. Our youngest child at the time was in early elementary, two in college, one graduated from college.

Although I was apprehensive at first about an international move, I became more excited about it. I asked a question here and got great responses. Family and friends, although a little sad to see us go, were excited for the opportunity.

We ended up not going because my husband's company was bought by
another company. He stayed with the company but we did not need to move to Europe after the acquisition. I was a little bummed as I had really warmed to the idea and was ready for a new adventure.

As everyone told me at the time, it will be a wonderful opportunity for your kids. They see things and learn things that will stay with them forever. It will be an adjustment when you return, as any move would be, but that does not make it traumatic. Kids are flexible, and they'll follow your lead if you present it as an adventure.

Take the opportunity while you can! Your kids will not only be fine, but they will be enriched by the move and the experiences!

Good luck!

J. F.

I would for SURE do it...but one thing, with young children, I would want to make sure that we could make it on my husbands salary only, as I would not know about child care there and I would want to be the one to explore with my children.

The one main thing I'd take into consideration is education. I forget where my friends lived - somewhere like Bermuda but I can't be sure - but they returned stateside being a year behind the local public school. I would follow up with the local schools a year or so ahead to ensure that when you get back your kids will be on track to just start up with the new school.

I think it would be amazing to travel somewhere and really live there for a while and give my child that kind of experience. Bermuda is also not that far for visits, either from your family or back home.

RE: education, you can see if your school district offers any online school. My friend in Georgia is going to use their online program for homeschooling so her kids will be ready when they get back from their adventure.

How exciting!

How much trouble a child has with a move depends somewhat on the child, and a lot on her family. If a child feels grounded and stable within the family, he or she'll most likely handle the move with minimal trouble. Spend time teaching the kids about where you're headed and get them excited. Acknowledge that there will be some things or people that they will miss, but also emphasize that the most important people in their lives - their own family - will be right there with them, and that all of you will be figuring out the new place together. Also, when you do move, let each of them keep a "moving buddy" - one special toy that doesn't get packed with the other stuff and travels with the child. It might seem whimsical to an adult, but in our many moves (prior military family) it did help.

One of my children actually LOVED moving - not the process itself, but the exploring new places. She now misses it. During the first 7 years of her life, she moved 5 times, and each time was a new adventure for her. The other one found it more difficult, but with support he did well. I think it helped that his sister was so positive about it. Still, he has expressed to me that while he didn't mind moving, he loves being rooted where we live now. But when I've asked him if he regretted the moves he remembers, he says he doesn't - instead he reminisces about the things he liked in the other places we've lived.

My niece and nephew (8 and 6) have lived in Haiti for 2-1/2 years. Next month they are moving to Niger, Africa. My SIL works for USAID. The kids have gone to an International school with kids from all over the world. From an outsider's perspective, I think my niece and nephew have done well. They have had unique experiences. They are excited about going to Africa. Living there is also going to give them several opportunities to travel to Europe. But, again speaking from an outsider's point of view, I think they have missed out on some things. Very limited opportunity for sports. When we saw them a couple of weeks ago both of them talked about how much they miss gymnastics and soccer. No options for music lessons if any kind. Some lack of freedom to just run. They lived in a home that had walls around the yard with razor wire and a guard at the gate. No neighborhood parks or pools. They rode in an armored vehicle to school. My brother was never able to find a job other than temporary positions. They see us once a year. My dad has cancer and it kills my parents that they can't see their grandkids more often. For my family it would never be an option. For my brother's family they think it works. For now. There are things they don't like about it. They are being cautiously optimistic about their move to Niger.

Kids adapt pretty well. But, I think you need to think pretty seriously about what you are willing to sacrifice. There may be some limits to ordinary activities that you take for granted here in the US. But, maybe the unique opportunities will outweigh that.

I think you will get a myriad of responses on this one, probably most in favor of. I'm on the fence like you. I am VERY grounded in my family (of course they are mostly still in one central location) and never wanted to raise my children away from them. But I do see the benefit of broadening everyone's horizons too.

It might come down to your specific kids. We don't know your 5 year old, how does he handle change? Has he been through any big changes in his life yet? At five he may adjust ok, but how would he adjust to coming back, at age 10, if Bermuda is all he remembers? Would he have difficulty making new friends?

My son was 6 when we left his father. He is a sensitive kid and had some trouble adjusting at first, but to me it was worth it after weighing the options. Kids can handle change, but you just have to understand it may be hard for them at first. Whatever you decide I know you'll have their best interests at heart and that is what really matters. Good luck!

My hubby lived in many places throughout his childhood. His dad was Navy. He was born in California and lived there for some years then when his dad went down under he went to live in the midwest for a while. Then they moved to Bermuda and he loved it.

It's a small island with only 2 towns. He learned so many things while living there. He stayed through up to 6th grade and was so sad to leave but coming back to the states was fine. He made new friends and enjoyed living in other places.

He gained a love for travel and has gone to many other countries through work and just for fun. I think you have to understand Bermuda isn't a great deal of difference. Many American people live there. Even though it's a foreign country it's not like it's China or Japan or Germany. It's an English speaking place with a rich history of culture and unique living situations.

Where else do people put gold fish in their water supply???