Constantly Negative Child. Help!

It is possible that she is having trouble sorting out emotions...so every thing just comes out negative. I would try validation. You can google validation and get a lot of examples but basically, try to acknowledge her feelings, find something you agree with in what she says to validate her, then help identify what she is feeling with open ended questions. So for example, she says she doesn't want to go to school and you say, It sounds like you really aren't looking forward to school today. What's going on? And she says, "I'm too tired." And you say, some days it is so hard to get out of a comfy bed, isn't it? Let her respond. Then say so it sounds like school is going okay, you're just feeling kind of tired. I know it sounds painstaking and time consuming but for kids that have difficulties with emotions, it sometimes helps.

Talk to her pediatrician for a referral to a specialist. She may be depressed. It can happen in young kids. Our son was a very glass half-empty boy as far as we can remember. Give him a piece of cake and he'd complain about the plate. You name it. Never a happy word. It didn't matter how upbeat we were, what we said. He ended up on the anti-depressant Celexa and wow, big turnaround.

I'm thinking there might be more to your daughter than just being negative. Honestly, I would talk with her doctor about what you see. One thought I had is possible anxiety (I am NOT a doctor, so please don't take this as me trying to diagnose your daughter). It just sounds like there might be something more going on, and her doctor is a great place to start.

Give this a try-tell her you called her doctor today and he thinks that you are acting like this because you need more sleep. So she is going to have to go to bed immediately after dinner for at least a week. An send her to bed every single night. She will totally fight you but you have to be like-what do you want me to do, the doc said you need to get more sleep? This method is supposed to totally work if you stick with it. The child soon relaizes that if she keeps up the bad behavior she will have to go to bed early.

I feel for you, attitude is HARD one to solve. But attitude is every bit as of an issue as any other bad behavior. The rule in our house when I was a kid was always "And smile about it!". My parents were tough, and my dad was military, and if they told us to do one of our grueling chores, not only did we have to do it, but moping in any way would add a bunch of chores. So if they saw the shoulders droop or anyone dared huff and puff or give a snide comment, we heard, "And smile about it" Not only was this a valuable warning because we were truly "sailing perilously close to the wind" and needed to shape up so to speak, but it always sort of made us laugh anyway to have to smile while shoveling the 1/4 mile long driveway. :)
This may be a phase, and it may be some sort of medical whatever, but regardless, you job is to provide a happy home and enforce her behavior. Any tantrums and aggression need FIRM consequences every time. You may also want to set a rule about complaining and saying "I don't want to do...." things and set consequences for each time she does it and a nice incentive for going a whole week/month without griping. Something fun together,doesn't need to be a "present" or anything expensive. For things like saying mean things to you? DANG I cant' even imagine trying to get away with that with my parents. You need to be WAY tougher so she doesn't even try it. Firm up!
Also, she sounds like an ungrateful spirit is setting in. I would get her out with you doing for others a bit, something really hands on for people with less. Once on "The World's Strictest Parents" a family had two troubled teens and they went and cleaned up a house for a poor single mom and the teens really melted when they felt like they helped someone. Get creative.
Make sure she watches inspirational characters in shows from old movies and stuff-no bitchy modern snot nose brat shows like we have now. Let her watch Little house on the prairie DVDs. Those girls were very respectful. My 5 year old has been mimicking proper English from watching Masterpiece Theater's Downton Abbey on Netflix a thousand times. She's obsessed with the manners of the ladies.

Good luck! I would firm up on discipline and give her good examples of being lady like, and ways to feel more grateful...

I agree that you might do well to have her evaluated for depression. It's entirely possible that the world just seems overwhelming, sad, or stressful for her. If that's the case, you can't pep-talk or punish her out of it. In fact, either will probably just leave her feeling worse, wrong, or hopeless. That's not your fault, or hers, it's just the nature of depression. I've watched the proper medication really improve life for a few young children.

I'd also like to strongly recommend the lovely and wise little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, the single most helpful parenting book I've ever had the pleasure of using.

And social scientists have been learning that much of what we believe about praising and encouraging children is just plain wrong, and can have the unintended result of discouraging and demotivating children. Here's a highly readable article on this phenomenon: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

I wish your family the best!

Read "I'm not Your Friend, I'm Your Parent" by E.D. Hill.
Very interesting......You are just in time........

sounds to me like something is going on at school! I would contact the teacher ASAP if you haven't already! hopefully you have sat her down and had a good calm talk with her and asked her what is going on, yelling doesn't help, will only make things worse, I bet it has something to do with school, maybe she is getting bullied or is having a hard time in a certain subject. I would get on the phone right away and talk to the teacher...

my son is only four, but he does the exact same thing with school (preschool). really. he would throw screaming, hysterical, insane tantrums when it was time to get ready for school. (and then once he was there he was fine, and when i picked him up, chattered nonstop about all the fun he had - it was NOT the school) i could easily see it escalating to every little time we leave the house, if i had let it continue. what i did was made a list (i used pictures, a potty, shoes, clothes, etc) and he had to check off everything and then he could get a snack (it was in the morning so it was usually some fruit or granola). if he did not do what he was told when it was time to get ready, straight to time out. repeat as necessary. he now, several months after i cracked down, occasionally complains about school, but he has not been near as obstinate as he was. just what worked for us. i get the trying different routes to get her to cooperate - but the disrespect and violent behavior shouldn't be tolerated. that should be immediate time outs, and another and another, if she doesn't lose the attitude.

I'd have to disagree with Mallory. I wouldn't blame it on the doctor, because when it comes time to see the doctor, she will be worse. If you want to change her behavior take the responsibility and don't pass it off on someone else. When it comes to not wanting to go places, I would ignore it. Tell her in the morning you are leaving at 7:30 (or whatever time you leave) and that's it. She is going regardless. If she is still in her pjs she goes in her pjs, same thing for all outings. I would ignore all outbursts, except hitting brother that unacceptable. If you think this is just defiance, than you need to be strict and consistant in whatever you decide to do. If you think this is more than just 7 year old pushing limits, take her to a doctor and have her examined, there could be more going on. This goes back to not blaming the doctor for sending her to bed early, because if you really need a doctor, you don't want added stress on your daughter about going to the doctor.

Try getting her a dictation recorder that she can record all her thoughts and secrets through out the day like a diary. That way if she has something that she needs to get out but doesn't feel comfortable telling anyone, she has a friend so to speak that she can tell. If she feels that she wants you to know she can give you the recorder at any time to listen to and let her know that there won't be any consequences just that you will talk it out with her and help her through whatever she needs help with. So this way she feels like there isn't something wrong with her by having to go to the doctor. If things get worse I would go to the doctor, but try this and see if maybe it helps.

I have two answers, one is nice and the other strict.
First i think she knows that she can get away with it so it doesnt change her attitude. She is at an age now where she understands that her behavior is wrong, so dont give her any space. Tell her that she needs to stop immediately and take all of her priveledges for the rest of the day with no response, just do it. Tell her that her behavior is only gonna make it worse the next day and thats it. If you give her a chance to talk back she will so dont.
Second this could also be due to too much built up stress(kids stress too). Take her to her favorite place int he world and let her go wild. Like the zoo, let her run and laugh everything that is inside of her so that whenever the day is over she has nothing left but herself. Let her go to bed happy. Go out of your way so that this happens like favorite foods and mommy and me time and games. I tried both of these on my son for two different occasions and they both worked, it just depends on your sittuation. Hope everything works out.

Well I don't have any magical adivce, but I wonder if she is getting enough sleep? Try putting her to bed an hour earlier and if she is snoring or drooling a lot she may have slep apnea and might need help with that. I have a little sister who had a terrrible attitude and was always tired until she was diagnosed with sleep apnea and had her adnoids removed, all of a sudden she was a perfectly cheerful little girl! So that may be the problem, or a contributer to the problem.

I hope I don't sound like a broken record on this board but I would take her to the doctor and ask him/her to test for PANDAS (a strep-related condition where you might not see signs of an illness). Caveat: some peds are not that aware of PANDAS so you may want to research it yourself first to get a general understanding.

I have read that latent PANDAS can make kids feel very "mean" and ill-tempered. It does something to the "higher order" part of the brain and leaves the more primitive part of the brain to "run" things (sorry for this very simplistic explanation).

When behavioral approaches don't seem to help I usually wonder whether there is something going on physically, or neurologically, with the child.

This is just my "mom" opinion - I'm not a health care professional of any type.

Good luck and I hope you can help her.