Constructive Criticism for Housekeeper/nanny?

Depending on how long she has been working for you... you could always schedule a "review" of her responsibilities and tell her that you would like to have given her a raise but can't because she has been neglecting some of what she is supposed to be doing. Just a thought!

I was all ready to respond with constructive advice to give to her (in a sandwich - compliment, what you like, what you'd like to see more of, and another plus point - works best) but you are not talking about someone who needs constructive advice. She is no longer doing her job and is taking you for a ride! You need to ask her to do certain things - sounds like you already have.

Give her a list and if you have to, go over each point daily.
If she has less time because she's playing with the girls more then you need to tell her how you'd like her to prioritize her time.

You are the employer, she isn't likely to want to walk out or to walk out just because you are reasonable.

BTW If you want to pay for a new 'friend' then carry on. Otherwise stop worrying that maybe she won't like it or you won't sound so nice. Let her know sweetly that you are doing more than you planned and you'd like her to do it. Point out you are a bit disappointed she is not emptying trash etc she is not cleaning thoroughly etc and that although you appreciate her as a person her work is not up to scratch (and this is not what you are looking for).
YOU MUST BE TOUGHER. My sense is that you have been 'hinting' If you don't seem like you mean it and make an impression on her the next time WILL be more unpleasant and you do NOT want to be repeating yourself on this. This is when you will become weak and the situation will get away from you.

Of course if she is upset, you praise her good points, but then stress what your expectations are, that is what is at issue. Stay professional brief and firm about it!

You can be very constructive and non-deragatory by just having a direct conversation with your nanny/housekeeper. If you pay her well and she is not meeting the expectations that you have, you have to give her a chance to redeem herself and if it continues after this, then it's really pretty simple, get someone else. It's your money and you are paying for a service in YOUR OWN HOME! I would not expect any less and it doesn't sound like you are working her like a slave either. Bottom line, there are alot of people out there that are willing to earn an honest pay and especially when it comes to acquiring service in your home and for your children you should have very high expectations and conversations with such services should be nothing but direct, if you allow this behavior to continue you can only blame yourself if you are not getting what you think you are paying for. If she has gotten lazy, you're saying she wasn't like this before, so her change in productivity is a result of you allowing it to occur. Step up and talk with her, don't beat around the bush or make excuses for you or her, all you are doing is making matters worse, it will come to the point where you are so frustrated that you may just fire her or end up doing something or saying something out of frustration rather than realizing you hired this individual to help manage your home. I don't understand why people can't just talk with one another and a piece of advice, if you can have a conversation with a child and know that they understand you, why would you not expect the same from an adult especially one that you hired to be in your home and around your children. You need to be realistic, if she is good around your children and as you said (WE DON'T WANT HER TO LEAVE US) than show the true value for what it is, you are worried about making her feel uncomfortable, and you are comfortable about being uncomfortable in your own home - where you are suppose to come too and take your shoes off? Come on now, let's get real - just take care of it, it's really quite simple.....GOOD LUCK! You don't actually need luck for this one....HAVE A GREAT DAY! Oh, and more importantly, I don't want to assume this is all her fault, so let me say this, you two should really sit down and list exactly what it is you expect from her and the list should be realistic, if she is worth retaining, you want her to also feel the service she provides meets your expectations and the time she is given to complete these tasks are reasonable, it's hard to find good people who provide good service and worthy of trust especially in your home and around your children, so for this reason, you have to consider everything and all aspects if you truly want it to work, money is an issue when you pay it out but it is just as important her, it's how she earns a living.....

Maybe... make a master "check-list" of things you want taken care of in terms of housework. Make columns, and have her check it everyday, and check it off as she gets it completed?

Maybe she isn't remembering everything. Like anything, having a caring sit-down talk with her might help. Maybe she is having things in her personal life which is distracting her? Is she a live-in Nanny or comes to your house? Ask her about how she's doing...show an interest in her, but then keep it to the tasks at hand. Sometimes, when people show a less focused behavior... something is bothering them? Maybe, as your "employee" she is having concerns too? Many times, getting things all out on the table and having a civil open and caring "talk" can help. For example: offices have weekly "staff" meetings... why not with a babysitter too? Sure, you aren't her "Mom"...but since you all like her and your girls are attached to her... poke around and see what is up.

**Like the other posters said, I would say that keeping up a house AND babysitting is quite a bit of responsibility... for anyone, young or old. I am a SAHM too... I have 2 young kids...it is BUSY. My primary focus is of course my children, but it is very hard to keep up a house, keep it spotless and having to play with/supervise/teach/clean/feed/handle tantrums/answering the phone/doing laundry/changing diapers/bathing/taking the children out/helping my girl with homework/cooking/handling child conflicts/grocery shopping/and cleaning house again periodically all day & all at the SAME time ALL day. Perhaps...you may need to fill 2 positions-- ie: get a "babysitter" who just babysits. AND get a house-cleaner who only cleans the house. That might be a better way to go. For all involved. Usually, a Nanny is a Nanny, and a housekeeper a housekeeper. It's hard to do both unless you are paying premium AND they are a live-in. Just an idea.....

Good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I am a stay at home mom of one 4 year old boy and I barely have the time to get the dishes done when he's around. How old are your girls? Depending on the age of your girls it could be that she doesn't have the time or it could be that she is getting lazy or needs a detailed list for each day to remind her.

I would talk to her about the chores and ask her if it's too much for her to handle with the kids. Clearly if your kids are older they can tell you what she did all day but if they aren't old enough to tell you they might be what's eating up all her time during the day and getting in the way of the chores.

Well, I'm guessing this is a new laziness, since you stating she has BECOME more lazy. While I agree it's hard to take care of kids and keep the house clean, if she was doing it before, she needs to continue doing it. I had the same situation with our nanny. I think if you make a list it will REMIND her of the things you EXPECT her to do. I wouldn't ASK her if it's too much to take care of your kids and clean, because DUH! what do you think she'll say?? Everyone gets lazy in their job when they've been there a while and are ABLE to get away with it. But, if she decides she doesn't want to do both, you need to make a choice on the relationship she has with your kids.

I wonder if she has time to do all of those things. You don't mention the ages of your girls, but me being a stay at home mom, I have such a hard time getting the basics done everyday never mind the above and beyonds. Its such a hard line for me, do I take the kids to the park or do I wash my kitchen floor? Personally, my floor gets a quick swipe and I play with the kids. Are you kids well taken care of? I personally think the job of a Nanny should be to do your job when you are not there. Take care of the kids is the upmost priority, pick up after they color, get their laundry done, and do the dishes. Anything else she does should be considered a bonus. If she started out doing all of those things, maybe the kids were at an age where she was able to get more done? I find myself in stages with the kids all the time. Somedays I get my toilets scrubbed somedays I don't. I would never want my kids to just be glued infront of the TV while my nanny scrubbed the floor. I do the detailed work after the kids are in bed. Well that is the days at least that I don't colapse under sheer exhaustion from chasing kids all day! Now if your girls are in school, or you find everyone sitting at the TV with there feet on the coffee table when you get home diffrent story! Maybe just ask her honestly if you need to adjust the contract because you are noticing things are not getting done that you expected. She is your employee, she would appreciate honesty, just like you would appreciate honesty from your boss. Sorry if I sounded mean, but somedays when my husband gets home and says "wow this place is a mess!" It hurts my feelings. Its not like I sat in front of the TV all day eating bonbons. We played in the back in mud puddles, made a fort out of the cushions on the couch, played duck duck goose til I ran so hard I got dizzy, played hide and seek til even my 2 year old could count to 10 by himself. Its not just eating bonbons when I am with the kids all day! Ask her honestly, maybe it could shed some light into both of you!

Has she always been like this or is it just recently? Perhaps something personal is effecting her work. I understand that taking care of two kids and running a house can be very tough and hard to keep up with but you hired her for a reason. If this is what she is suppose to be doing and not doing it you need to speek with her. Sit her down and have a conversation with her over a cup or two of coffee. Tell her how you feel both personaly and professionaly. Let her know that you don't want her to go but if this keeps up you have no choice. If she is still being lazy I'd call the agency (if she came from one, I don't know) and complain. I worked doing HR and also married to a Teamster so belive me I hear a lot about people not pulling thier weight or fighting with contracts. (if I had a dollar for every time I heard "that is not in my job discription!")You shouldn't have to pay a person for doing a half-assed job!

It sounds like the relationship is pretty important here. It's always tough to tell someone they're not doing a good job, but I believe people need the truth and are resilient if you are cautious in how you present it.

Ask her to sit down with you and review your & her "expectations" of the job (this is a neutral way to bring it up, b/c it focuses on the relationship rather than quality of work). Suggest to do this one morning/afternoon a couple of days from now so she has a chance to think about it too. Then you can ask her to help prioritize and let her suggest how frequently different things can get done--this will give you insight on the current situation AND help her feel important. Once you both agree on a list, there will be the most buy-in and follow-through because you both know it is reasonable and do-able.

I have a totally unrelated job, but I do this periodically with my boss b/c I currently have an undefined job description, and it helps him appreciate my work, and it helps me feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to and meeting expectations.

Good luck!

Well T. its hard to say because if she was hired from a service she should know what has to be done but if not and through another source she may not know better and needs everything written down like daily chores. I know of some cultures that they need to be shown how to do even the basics of keeping house.

How old are your girls? I ask because if they're young and at home all day then I think you're expecting way too much from one person.

If it were me I'd want my child's nanny to spend her time watching and playing with my child. If she's cleaning your house who is watching your daughters? I know a woman who is a nanny and she said that the woman who hired her expected her to clean (dishes, laundry, mopping, bathrooms, etc) while the toddler napped. That's just insane to me. Everyone who works is entitled to a lunch break and it seems to me that the best time for the nanny to have a rest is when the child(ren) sleeps. I am a SAHM to a 2.5 yr old and I know that I use nap time as a bit of downtime for myself. It's absolutely necessary in order for me to have the energy I need to be with him all afternoon. Most nannies put in VERY full days (often 11-12 hr days!) and their employers expect a hell of a lot from them for what amounts to not very much pay.

All that said I do think it's resonable for you to expect her to clean up anything having to do with the children. I would expect all toys to be put away and any dishes to be cleaned up. I would also expect the kitchen floor (or wherever they eat) to be swept and mopped. And, I also think it's reasonable for you to ask to have the trash emptied. And maybe have her wash the kid's laundry. Anything other than that is gravy and as far as I'm concerned not really part of the job.

Nannies and housekeepers are two different jobs, which is why there are 2 different titles. It might help to figure out what you really want. And, maybe it might make sense for you to have a housekeeper come in once a week for heavy cleaning and ask the nanny to do the light stuff in between.

Dear T.,

Sometimes we forget that when WE are home we barely have time to get housework done. Keeping that in mind , think now about the quality of care that your children are getting and which is more important to you, a clean house or happy and SAFE children. I know getting home to things you expected done and aren't can make you feel like pulling your hair out- so do talk to her and find out WHY things aren't getting done. twenty years from now what will you WANT to remember this girl for ? The wonderful care she gave your girl's or how nice she kept the house?

T., are you paying this woman? Well, she's robbing you. You're having a hard time trying to figure out 'how to tell her'? She's not having a hard time on how to 'rake' you, so step up, or she never will. Or, what about your DH? What if he says soemthing? How 'bout, "Why didn't you move the rugs when you mopped?" Or, "(Name), why are the trash cans overflowing?" Your tone can just be whatever your normal tone is...I think she'd get it. If she wasn't like that initially, she may think you can be taken advantage of easily and she'll still get a pay check. Maybe it's true? Just be forward, direct--don't shy away.
Good Luck

Hi T.,

In my experience, it is hard to find both a great person with your kids and a great housekeeper.

For me, she should be able to keep the children's mess clean, esp. their room, dishes and laundry. I have had nannies that made a huge mess playing with the kids and I had to clean up after she left. That really peeved me.

The other house stuff is extra, in my opinion.

I would address without any emotion of showing disappointment and say, "could you do me a favor and ensure that everyday you teach the girls how to care for their room and things by teaching them how to clean-up their things? Also, could you ensure the their laundry is done on a weekly basis?"

I would sit down with her and have a discussion about the requested cleaning and ask her to talk about her thoughts regarding how realistic it is to get it done. I believe teaching the kids how to clean their own mess is definitely something that should be done. The regular housework should be done when time permits.
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Added a day later:
Hi T.,

I wanted to add that what we always end up hiring a housecleaner - I love the days the housecleaner visits.

Our nanny watches our two sons and keeps their room, bathes them, feeds them great snacks, does their laundry, fixes their toys. She is the sweetest thing and we love her very much. She doesn't do anything else to keep the house clean and we don't expect her to.

Only once did I have a nanny that did more. She would clean the kitchen, do the dishes and mop/sweep our floors every day. I always appreciated this. She started her own family and I bet she keeps a fantastically clean home raising her daughter.

When I searched for our first nanny, I wanted someone to do both cleaning and caring for the kids because I was a SAHM returning to the workforce. I kept the house clean so I knew it could be done. I would teach my son to play by himself while I cleaned the house. Or cleaned during his naps.

I actually kind of drove my DH crazy because I went a little Type-A over the whole thing. I had the house completely organized, labeled, handles facing the same way, labels of the cans facing out. Laundry done and folded Martha Stewart style. I was a bit fixated on organization and organization systems. My husband and I laugh about it now because I was Type-A'ing over the SAHM thing. I work full-time now and love the challenge of being a great leader at work and a great mom/wife at home. It works for me.

My motto about SAHM or FT outside working mom and all that there is in-between: "To each her own." There is no right or wrong. There are pros and cons to each and it depends on the woman.

I believe it is possible for a nanny to do it all. However, what I have found is that there aren't many Type-A nannies. :-) If I were you, hire a housecleaner. It will make you happier. At least on the days the cleaner visits.