Cooking Dinner Has Gotten difficult...I Need a Plan for the New year...help, Pls

Tell him to get his butt in the kitchen and start fixing "something NEW" every night himself.

I cook for a family of six. They don't get "new" every night. If they complain? They cook the next meal and it can't be a bowl of cereal either. Tell him to put up or shut up. You're doing the best you can to make everyone happy. He can try it sometimes!

Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that certain things are entirely "your job"! It means that you do 40 hours of home-based chores while your husband does 40 hours at his paying job. Everything else gets split.

Does your husband go to work and have a boss who hates everything he does, but if he does it the boss's way then all the other employees complain? No. So why is that his rule a home?

You have a few choices:

1) If cooking is YOUR job, then you cook what you want, and everyone else eats is with gratitude and appreciation, and no complaining. Anyone who is rude gets a loss of privileges, and everyone who prefers something else can make a PB&J sandwich.

2) Your husband can give up a whole lot of his luxuries, whether it's premium TV channels or a hobby, so that the money can go to already prepped meals such as a fresh meal service or at least veggies that are chopped at the supermarket and not by you.

3) Your husband can start an exercise program with his doctor's approval and stop making you the one in charge of his weight loss. It's fantastic that he has lost 80 pounds, but this is his job and NOT yours.

4) You teach everyone to pitch in and participate. Kids can chop or, if too young to manage a knife, they can clean up dishes and set the table and take on something else in the house like sorting laundry. No one needs to grow up in a house where they think that it's okay to boss around another family member.

5) Take a vacation on a 3-day weekend when the kids are off from school and your husband us home from work. MLK birthday is coming up. Go visit a friend or your mother or book a hotel/spa somewhere. Do not answer your cell phone. Do not stock the freezer with frozen meals or leave a list of where everything is. Tell everyone they are on their own, and since they seem to think they know very well how to do your job, they can do it easily. Your husband can cook from scratch with paleo or whatever his diet-of-the-month is using cookbooks or youtube videos, and the kids can eat it. Or your kids can refuse, and your husband can learn what it's like to listen to complaints all day long.

You have to teach people how to treat you. If you have sons, they are learning that a future wife will be a slave and a constant target of criticism and whining. If you have daughters, they are learning that they have no worth and are deserving of no respect.

My aunt put up with this for a while, and then she gave her 4 kids and her husband 1 night each to be in charge of dinner. The oldest ordered in Chinese food, but had to pay back the money through chores. The youngest put a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter on the table and everyone was miserable. The 2 middle kids did something in between. My uncle grumped his way through his assigned night. But everyone sobered up pretty quickly about how hard a job it is. I suggest you treat yourself like the professional you are (unpaid though you may be, you should google the going rate for a cook, dishwasher, personal shopper, meal planner, weight loss coach, babysitter, tutor, housecleaner and social planner and total it all up to see what it would cost for them to replace you.)

If this were me, I'd go on strike.

Ya know, if you can't please anyone - then please yourself.
Every once in a great while when the complaints get to you - serve up liver and onions for dinner.
Their choice is to eat it or not.
(And personally - I LOVE liver and onions - it's a treat for me to have it once in awhile.)
It - in theory - should work like a reset button.
They'll appreciate their usual fare a lot more if sometimes everyone gets something they don't like all in one go.
Yeah, I get eating healthy and appreciate all the prep that goes into it but - dang it all - the world will NOT come to an end if you slap some KFC onto the table a few times a year and call it a day.
Actually - do this after you've had a day at a spa and pick this up for supper on your way home.

Tell him to try something 'new'... make his own dinner once in a while. He can watch some cooking shows which cater to his diet du jour and give it a shot.

I think you need to do what I did: make a list of all of the foods *everyone* likes/can eat. Tried and true things. Then, let the rest go.... as others have suggested, kids can make a sandwich if they aren't happy with the choices. You can do some open-ended options, like a sandwich/burrito/taco bar; your husband can have the ingredients which work for him (the ground beef/lunchmeats, tomatoes, lettuce) and the kids can have what works for them.

Ultimately, if you are hating this, hand it back to them. Your husband is an adult, he can be responsible for his own weight loss. When I was pregnant and diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I was on a very strict diet. My husband still had the things he liked (and you know, it killed me to smell tortilla chips on his breath!), but it was my own focus and determination to stick to my diet that made it happen. We would go out with friends at places which served lots of amazing food that I couldn't have. I can't imagine telling everyone else that they had to be limited because of my own circumstances. That's selfish and ridiculous.

For what it's worth, I'm the SAHparent, my husband works full time and he still does the weekend/bulk shopping; I do the shopping for fresh ingredients throughout the week and the meal planning. It does take a team effort and we only have a family of 3. My son didn't want his usual breakfast this morning and made an alternative of turkey, cheese and yogurt. "Unless you are leaving me a tip, this isn't a restaurant." I joke, but I mean it.

Hi R.,

I am incredulous at this post. He has thumbs he can do for himself. You blame yourself for creating this situation but he's the one dictating and expecting without reciprocity. My husband and I both work full time and we split the kitchen chores evenly. When he cooks, I clean and visa versa. He does the grocery shopping because, short of running in for a few things, the whole thing makes me nutballs and people don't need to be subjected to my impatience. Anyway, it's time for him to pull his knuckles up off the floor and pitch in his fair share. It's good to hear about his weight loss but it should not be at your expense. S.

Tell your husband that if he wants a new and different meal every day of the week for two months, that he can subscribe to Blue Apron or Hello Fresh or one of the many meal services out there. Give him the names of a couple, and tell him to choose. A box will be delivered to you and your time spent on meals will be drastically reduced. Otherwise, tell him that common sense and real life will prevail, and there will be repeats.

Going to the library to check out cookbooks? Really? Is it 1978 all over again? Tell him to stop that. Now.

Honestly, I cook a meal every night, but I rarely plan a menu. Instead, I look at what's on sale, what looks fresh and seasonal and affordable, what's marked down in the meat section, and I bring it home and cook it.

Having favorites - tacos, a delicious soup, meatballs (on spaghetti, in subs with cheese melted on them) - is an important part of family traditions. Never repeating anything in 2 months is just not reasonable. Teaching kids how to make Grandma's famous soup or everyone's favorite meatloaf or just how to make the basics is so valuable.

Or, in the alternative, if he wants a new meal every night, and you're willing to cook it, tell him the laundry will be sent out, and a housekeeper will do all the cleaning chores, and he'll pay for those services.

R. - I can feel the frustration in your post - sorry that you are so pulled in many directions. I have a different perspective than many of the moms who have already commented - you are home all day, and it's far easier for you to prepare the meals than your husband. And you seem to be OK with THAT part of it, but the variety vs. continuity seems to be the struggle.

My suggestion is to meet both ends in the middle.
1. Pick a few staples to use as your base - for example, chicken breasts. You can shop & buy those in bulk when they are on sale, store them in the freezer & pull out a day or 2 ahead of time. Same thing with vegetables (green beans, peas, broccoli, carrots, etc.)

2. Have some ideas of different recipes that work with your "bases" that you can switch up. Pinterest can be a fantastic resource, especially for the low-carb, paleo, etc. type of meal plans. You can type in the "base" that you are working with, such as "Chicken low-carb paleo recipes" & you will get a TON of ideas!! Much more fun, easier & more accessible than cookbooks @ the library :)

3. Plan your meals a week at a time, with 2 or 3 "bases" that you can make in different ways. As an example - if your base is a pork roast, on day 1, you make the roast with sides, saving 1/2 the roast. On day 2, take the left-over roast and make a "one-pot" dish (like a casserole, but meeting your family's needs). On day 3, maybe one more thing with the pork, or maybe you only planned enough for 2 days, & move onto a different item.

4. Schedule time with your family on the weekend to prep food for the week. Depending on how old your kids are, they can help cut, or peel, or maybe just help you put things in baggies/containers for the week. Recruit your husband too! Get everyone excited about cooking, & make it a family activity. Let your kids see how they are able to eat the "same thing" in different ways on different nights, and keep your husband interested in how you are able to transform these staples into different tastes on different nights.

5. Ask your family to try this for some time - maybe 1 month, or maybe 2. Then, have a "family meeting" and talk about what they like, and what different things they might want to try. Then - ask them for ideas about how to make it happen, & get everyone involved - finding recipes, shopping, prepping, etc. Maybe you can even designate some nights for Dad & the Kids to prepare a surprise for you! (start small - maybe every other Saturday)

I hope some of this is helpful, & your family is enthusiastic about changing things up! T. :)

Why do you say cooking falls into your job description? Being a mom falls into your job description - so, ensuring your children's health and well-being - but that can be done without cooking and sure as heck can be done without catering to your husband's menu ideas.

Tell your husband you don't want to cook anymore. Period the end. If he wants a home-cooked meal, he can learn to cook. Otherwise, dinner is a can of soup, some basic vegetables, a sandwich, or a family-friendly restaurant. How do you think kids (and husbands) without a SAHM survive? Not every mom cooks - not even every SAHM cooks.

I hate to say it but this is something that most of us home/family cooks deal with, always have and probably always will.
It's impossible to please everyone, every night.
One thing that helps, because of course you don't want to (and shouldn't be) a short order cook, is to always have option of "if you don't like what I made you're free to make yourself something else." If I made something my kids didn't like they might make themselves a sandwich for dinner, or have a bowl of cereal, heat up leftovers, etc.
Your husband is being very unreasonable, I would tell him the same thing!
You can't control your family's feelings or reactions so let that go. Enjoy your dinner knowing that it's wholesome and you did your best. If they want to sulk then let them, that's not on you.

You've been doing a wonderful job, but it is long past time for your husband to start taking some responsibility for meal planning and cooking. At a minimum, he should be handling dinner every-other-night.

It does not matter that you're a SAHM, because these are not normal circumstances or SAH duties.

You and he both have to continue to serve 'normal' meals to the members of the family who are not trying a special diet. The short-order cooking in this scenario would be for your husband, not the kids.

If your husband can't or won't be responsible for his own meals, then that's on him. Not you. You do what works for you and the kids.

(This post is edited to make the explanation of the file a bit more clear)
Your husband's demands exhaust me just to read. If it were me, I'd start by telling him he is unreasonable. At the very least, he needs to set a good example for the kids by eating whatever you put on the table cheerfully - and no passive aggressive looks or deflated tone of voice. Tell him he can give you any less enthusiastic feedback in private if necessary but in front of the kids when dinner is set on the table, the adults should model common courtesy and express only appreciation to the cook.

That said, when I was struggling with meals, I downloaded an monthly menu file. I found it by doing a search. On one tab, you list main dishes and sides. On another tab is a calendar view to see all the days in the month. They are linked so that there are drop down boxes where you choose, for every day, a main dish and 2 sides. That gives you a calendar you can print.

I'm more like your mom. I have about 15 go-to main dishes. You will populate it with hopefully about 30. Then you can look at the entire month to make sure you aren't eating the same dish too often. You can also plan the meals to make prep more efficient. For example, grill chicken on Monday, grill a few extra pieces that you'll keep until Wed to put on a salad. Same with veggies - for anything that will keep, chop enough early in the week to use in multiple ways. When you know in advance what you are going to have each day in the upcoming week, you can be more efficient.

Good luck.
If you can't find the download I mentioned and you want it, PM me.

ETA: As you said in your description, I too plan days for leftovers and or eating out. Advance planning is really helpful as kids get older and I also have to plan around taekwondo and baseball practice and basketball practice, etc, because I know which days I have more time to cook and which days are going to involve getting home and getting back out the door in 30 min or less.

Wow. Just wow. Are you kidding me?!?!
He is demanding new diet trends and a new meal every night for 2 months straight.
You did NOT create the 300lb man.
You ARE creating a demanding jerk of a husband and kids who will follow suit.
I don't even think June Cleaver worked this hard on dinner. Your job, depending on the ages of your children, is to provide healthy meals, snacks and environment for them. If your kids are old enough, they can be helping or cooking meals. My 14 yr old son cooks us a simple dinner one night a week. I let him pick the night, the menu, and I shop for the ingredients or he rides his bike or runs to the store to pick up items. He is learning a lot!

If I were you, I would cook a nice meal for your husband, with plenty of leftovers, once a week. I would have my kids help with cooking or menu selection a few more nights a week, with some healthy repeat easy go to meals . I would have hubby cook for the family one night a week and take out one night a week. I would also encourage you and hubby to prepare enough to freeze some meals that he can thaw and cook months later. On the nights your husband feels "deflated" he can make his own d@#% food......and what normal father acts that way when his kids are eating and enjoying a healthy meal? What a demanding baby.

I do most of the cooking at my house, because I enjoy it and I'm good at it. As the person doing the work, I am also the person deciding what we will have. That sometimes includes leftovers. Leftovers are usually served in their original incarnation, not made over into new dishes.
Don't want what's being served? There's bread and peanut butter in the pantry - knock yourself out.
When I cook something like beans, gumbo, lasagne, or spaghetti sauce, I make extra and freeze it. Nights that I just don't feel up to cooking, or have other things to do, all I have to do is make cornbread, rice, pasta, or garlic bread.

I'd say you are extremely accommodating and although I totally understand and respect that you want to cook things your husband needs/wants to eat, you are doing that a thousand times over! I think you need to gently tell your husband he needs to lower his expectations.

I think you should continue offering new things that he will want but it sounds like your current situation is too much. Is it possible to do some old-standbys with new and fresh side dishes or desserts? This seems like a compromise? I try and cook things that my husband and I want to eat but with at least one thing I know (think/hope) my kids will eat. My husband doesn't eat carbs either and although mostly I don't even cook them anymore, I will occasionally make a box of rice or pasta for the kids to eat in addition to the main protein, etc.

Or if he will gladly eat leftovers then maybe just make a big batch of it and plan on eating it two days at least with maybe a lunch thrown in. That way you are cooking less frequently.

I also like the idea of the meal delivery thing like Blue Apron. I tried one of those meals recently and it was really good! It didn't save a ton of time on prep work but it was nice it came with all the ingredients, etc. And it was very tasty!

my aunt had a rule for mealtime.. eat it or wear it. and always followed it with ya get what ya get and ya don't throw a fit.
no one ever had a problem with her cooking.. and if the did they certainly didn't say anything.
adopt her thinking and tell your family its dinner. i made it you eat it. if you don't like it then you can do the cooking.
and tell your dh he is rediculous for wanting a new dish every night.. my dh is lucky if he gets a meal thats out of the normal menu once a month...
stop catering and just cook to feed them. they will get over it and if not who cares.. you did your job and had food on the table for them to eat.

I cook pretty clean and my dinners are usually done in 30-45 minutes. Grilled meat or meat in the crock pot, pan seared fish, and a side or two of steamed veggies. If your hubby wants more than that then let him cook.

"Honey, here is the solution to the meal problem. I will cook whatever I want on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. On the weekends you cook. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we eat leftovers and graze on cold foods that no one has to cook. If you want something else you are welcome to cook for yourself.

I am not a short order cook and I am not anyone's chef. I am tired of spending my life fretting about this diet plan or that diet plan and that I am not allowed to cook our favorite meals because you don't like to eat the same foods for months.

So this is my solution.".

I use SkinnyTaste website to find the foods that will fit our needs. They are coded by Gluten/Paleo/etc. and are also coded if they are kid friendly or under 30 minutes. They offer the points if you are WW as well. She puts out a weekly menu with the occasional "leftover" or "dinner out" day so you can add in your previous favorites.

This gets you a menu that rarely repeats (she does one every week for a year), plus spots that allow you to get your own favorites in.

You seem like a really supportive wife and your husband doesn't sound like a total tool - I hope you are able to find some really great recipes like I have! I LOVE the recipes and so does our family.

Good luck!

I haven't read all the responses, so maybe this has already been suggested, but I have a menu. It is a 5 week rotating menu, with a "Chef's Choice" and "leftover" (our busiest activity night) nights each week. It has worked well for me for the few years since I adopted it. It helps me to shop, and to a lot of prep work ahead of time. Also, starting in 7th grade, my kids get a cooking night...which is more work the first few months but after they learn how to plan their schedule, etc., it is super nice :-)