Could Use Some Encouragement- Do You Have Children That Are Many Years Apart?

My DD is 13 and my son is 5. My DD was 8 when he was born. She was the kindest, most gentle big sister! She helped me so much and loved him like crazy!

My DS having such a big sister was potty trained by age 3, showering and brushing his own teeth by age 2, reading by age 4, dressing himself by age 3, and helping with chores at age 3 too. He wanted to do everything his big sister did and she teaches him a TON. Now they are so great together and I love it. They hug, kiss and say I Love You every night. They are constantly complimenting each other on their achievements and I think the age gap makes a difference in NOT competing with each other. My DS looks up to his big sister so much and it makes her feel so good. I can seriously go on and on about how awesome their relationship is and how close we are all as a family.

We all love to play board games, read books and go for walks together. They love each other so much and there is almost no sibling rivalry. My DD and her friends will even play outside with my DS and his friends. There are no issues whatsoever!

Having them far apart in age is something I KNOW I will never regret =-)

Everything will be just fine!

mine were 14 and 17 when the youngest arrived! In some ways he is like an only child but in many ways he has a brother and sister, the world does not evolve around him he was driven to the older kids events..... when he is a teen he will benefit from having these young adults in his life, he will never be an adult dealing alone with elderly parents and his own children. They are siblings, they may not play together like those close in age but they do play with him and they love each other. Don't feel it has to happen any time soon!

I know TONS of families with large age gaps, but no gap in the love between the siblings. Don't despair, it is amazing how (especially older girls) rise to the occasion and really play the role of big sibling quite wonderfully.

Hi Sweetbee! My kids are 3.5 years apart, so I can't really comment on what it's like to have kids far apart. BUT......I can speak from the kids side! :)
My sister and I are 11 years apart and we are so close. We talk everyday and see each other at least once per week.
One of my friend had a surprise baby (tubes were tied!) and her youngest at the time was 10. The baby was a very welcome surprise to everyone!

Please don't pressure yourself. Have a baby when and if the time is right. You will know! :)

My children are 10, 7, and 15 months. It's great! My older children love the baby and they are able to 'help out' so I can get dinner on the table or help one with homework etc....

Except for the middle child, the first and our third are experiencing some of the benefits of an only child. My first was an only for almost four years and the only grandchild on either side. He received lots of attention. My third gets me to herself during the day when her brothers are at school.

Because we intend to pay for private school and their college, I think the age range will help financially too. There will only be one year that I will have two attending either high school or college at the same time.

Stay positive....you never know what the future may bring but if a child is in your longterm future don't stress about the gap between ages. It all works out!

Many blessings to your family! I think it's great that you and your husband are being responsible for yourselves and trying to take care of business. I decided to stay at home after the birth of my second after working full time and unfortunately, we then still spent like I had an income and our bills weren't in the best shape for me to have quit. So, we're digging out of the hole we dug, too.

On to the family question...my son and daughter are 6 years apart and the relationship they have is GREAT. He is like a little dad to his baby sister and really cares about her, loves taking care of her and telling her she's the cutest baby in the whole wide world. He's there to pick her up when she falls. We've made a point of nurturing a non-competitive environment for them to live in, since he was an only child for 6 years! From day 1, he's been the protective big brother and I can only hope that that stays when she's 15 and needs that big brother to put "the hurt" on any potential boyfriends :) hahaha. We've made sure that he's a part of what we're doing with her from diaper changes to bedtime, but each kid still gets personal 1-on-1 time with us parents so that they each know they are special as a person, not a team of "the kids." And for the first 6 years of my boy being an only child, as long as he had a social network of kids to socialize with-- whether at story-time, church, day care or whatever, he didn't lack for anything in terms of damage to his psyche.

I come from a family of 3 close-in-age siblings and we hated each other until we each got to college. There was too much competition for our attention, too much sharing of everything. My sister and I were 2 years apart and we shared a room, clothes, friends, etc. And it was just too much and for us, didn't foster a supportive environment. Needless to say, we were not best friends just because we were close in age! Now, we are as close as can be, but it took some growing up and time apart (and some other family tragedies thrown in) for that to happen. So, just because kids are close in age does not make the relationship automatically great.

These are just my experiences and I hope that you're able to get yourselves where you want to be! God's blessings to you and remember, a happy mommy and daddy is WAY better for child than grumpy ones! And if holding off on more kids to get yourselves in a better, more secure place is what's going to keep you happy and healthy...then that's what you've got to do--for your sake and for the sake of your family unit.

My third child was born just after my daughter turned 6. It was so much easier taking care of him with my other two being older (oldest was 8 when he was born). He has done great - now 11. I think I enjoyed his younger years much more and was better able to manage the household than when I just had the 2 that were both really little and close in age. Each situation has it's positives and negatives and you do the best you can!!

Well I am an only child with a lot fo 1st cousins so I wasn't real lonely. I always wanted sisters and brothers but it never happened and I a glad somtimes and sad at other times about it. When my mother died it would have been nice to have a brother or sister that really understood how I was feeling. I have 3 children ages 25, 22 and 15. The oldest are boys and the baby is my only girl. they argue all the time, and the boys really get mad and have wanted to fight, but they knew better than that. As you can see there is 3 years between the oldest two ane 7 years between the last two. I am glad that I finally got my daughter but sometimes I feel like I would be done if I just had the boys. Now don't get me wrong my daughter is a good kid and will probably be the one to take care of me when I am older and much grayer. Take one day at a time your baby is only 2, enjoy her.

My daughter's BF's Mom had baby #5 last year - her oldest is 18, next in line are 16, 14, and 12! She literally has a houseFULL of help with the baby - they all love and adore him, and there are no jealousy problems because the kids are all much older. Although the baby was definitely "unplanned", it is kind of neat to see them all enjoying it so much! :)

Here's a positive note for you....My sister and brother are 6 and 5 years apart from me. I am the youngest and it was rough at first because when they were teenagers they wanted nothing to go with me but as adults all three of us are close. I don't think five years difference is not so bad. I would rather have a baby under good circumstances then to be stressed out all the time.

I had my son then went to college and then had my daughter--they are seven years apart. I wanted to have her sooner. I longed for another baby for all those years. But I knew that going to school and having another baby was not feasible so we waited. Its been great, I do not regret waiting at all. My son is a great big brother! He loves having a baby sister and he is such a big help! I don't think that would have been the case if I had another baby sooner. Hang in there...having to wait makes it even sweeter when it does happen.

My two boys are 9 years apart (14 and 5) and it's wonderful. The older one acts as a role model for the younger and the younger looks up to his big brother. They play together and the older likes to babysit too!

Like Shane B., my gap wasn't planned but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dear A J,
I was a teenager when they told me I could never have children. It was devastating. I had so many surgeries and dang near had a nervous break down at 22 when I was scheduled for a complete hysterectomy. Then, a friend took me to see her doctor and 2 years later, I had a baby. My prayers were answered, but I was basically assured it was a miracle and not to expect another one. My husband and I wanted another baby, but nothing happened. I endured more surgeries. I only had part of one ovary and a sad little fallopian tube left, on opposite sides, and my uterus was so covered in endometriosis. Again, I was scheduled a hysterectomy just to get it over with.
Surprise! I got pregnant.
My kids are just shy of 10 years apart and I wouldn't change a single thing.
My kids are spaced because I couldn't help it, but there is something to be said about siblings and an age gap. My daughter was so thrilled not to be an only child. There was no jealousy. There was no competition. She was such a help. My kids absolutely love and adore each other.
My daughter graduated high school and moved out and I can't tell you how hard that was for me. If my son had been right behind her a year or two later....I don't know what I would have done.
My daughter is 24 and I still have a kid at home for at least another 2-1/2 years of high school. His father is 10 years older than me and I can't tell you how much joy he brings us every day.
Get yourself settled. That's the main thing. If you have kids years apart, it will work out and be just as it's meant to be. If you choose to have only one child, that's okay too. My sister had no fertility problems, but she hated being pregnant so much she swore she'd never do it again and she didn't. She's an awesome mother, but one kid was enough for her.
Me? I'd have had 4 or 5 kids if I could.
You'll be all right. It's okay to plan on a child down the road when the timing is better.

I wish you and your family the best.

I have my son when I was 19 and my his father and I were divorced before he was four (yes I was young but we had been together for four years prior to marrying and had both graduated so although I was a teen it was not like I was still in school). Anyway, I did struggle w/ bills and being a single mom. When I remarried a few years later, we were not is a position to have another child either. My son was 15 when I had my daughter....she is now four.

I really got to focus on my son and be involved with his activities before I had my daughter. As he was in high school at the time of her birth, I continued to be involved. Now he is away at college and I can pretty much focus on her. She loves him very much and he enjoys her (now that she is not a baby). Yes it was an adjustment but it is all good.

I come from a family with large age gaps...31,30,17,19,13, and 11. I am the oldest and am very close to all my siblings, except the two youngest..and they live about 5 hours away from me, so I don't see them as much. I had a great day today, and the person I had to call and talk about it with was my 19 yo sister! She's a freshman in college and we try to talk on the phone at least once a week. I meet my 17 yo brother at the gym every Monday night so we can work out together, but more so we can talk! I am really close to my 30 yo brother too. I love my family just the way it is! Your daughter will probably love having a baby around when she get a little bit older! Good luck to you!

my children are ages 21,( she just got married) 18,16,15,10, & now with my new hubby age 8 months!!!!!!!!!!

so I know what it is like having a big gap between babies lol.....lets say I forgot how much hard work it is , also tiring esp now I am 40!!!! argh!!!!!

enjoy your daughter now as when you do decide to have another lets just say she will adore the addition just be sure though involve her....my 10 yr old loves to get diapers change her etc etc

but I will say that we want another but we need health insurance ( my baby now we had in wales great britain ( i still have my free health benefits there as thats where I am from.......

Money is a factor I know, as my hubby is study for Gmat & wanting to go back to school I have no family here as help,....all I can say is time your next baby well, even budget for the child........

good luck x

Just wanted to encourage you to not worry too much! My 7 year old is 6 years older than my twins and I (and they) love the age gap! I got a lot of one on one time with my oldest and now when he's in school, I get the same one on one with the babies. I'm also 12 years older than my brother and we are very close; as a teenager I really enjoyed having a little one around to help my mom with and to play with! Hope this helps, everything will work out :)

Sorry that I'm a little late in answering, but I can absolutely relate to your post, even though I was in a very different situation. I had my oldest son when I was only 18, and his father and I only stayed together until he was 3 (I know, big surprise right?) Anyway, I knew he and I wouldn't be having more children, but I always thought I'd meet someone, fall in love in about 3 seconds, and we'd get married and have lots of kids right away lol. Reality was that I met my husband when my oldest was 6 years old, and by the time we were married and I had our younger son, my oldest was 8 yrs old. I never imagined having so much space in between kids! I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen, since my oldest was used to being the only child. I cannot even tell you how happy I am now that it worked out this way. My oldest is the best big brother imaginable. He's not jealous, he's not peeved that we have to spend more time taking care of the baby than we do him. He has more patience than I do, and is a wonderful extra pair of hands and eyes. His main "chore" is keeping an eye on his little brother when I am getting dinner ready or jumping in the shower. He had his alone time with us, and now he's happy to welcome the baby into the family and help with anything he needs. They are now almost 10 and almost 2, and things are still great between them. I remind our oldest son that he is the person his little brother looks up to the most, and he has to be a great role model for him. It makes him proud to know that he has such a big role in his life. Don't worry about tomorrow-- it will happen when it's a good time for you, and when it does, you'll wonder why you ever thought it could be any different. Sometimes on the way to a dream, we get lost and find a better one :)

I'm 5 years younger than my brother and it worked out just fine! My mom swears by at least 5 years...she says the older kid is so much more independent and helpful! We fought and got along just like any other set of siblings. I think you're right about thinking ahead and making wise decisions. You want to be able to give your kids everything you hope for and if that means spreading them out there is nothing wrong with that! Even at 5 or more years apart they will still have a bond and have plenty of good times (and bad I'm sure) so keep on keeping on!

I have 5 children -- oldest is at age 24, youngest at age 6 months, so obviously the age span ranges quite a bit. I had 4 miscarriages while trying to have kids, so there was no "planning" the age differences between my children, it was out of my control entirely. I think it is just all as God intended (without trying to get too religious about it :). They are all thrilled with each other, happy siblings, and VERY close. I DO worry about my youngest being an "only" child at some point in the future, but really, you just have to do the best with what you are given. And I am lucky to have then, and they are lucky to have each other. AND, my mom (who has 6 brothers) has a 19 year gap between her and her oldest brother, and they were the closest of the bunch -- she was there holding his hand when he died and they were the BEST of friends. I think it is awesome to just have ANY siblings, no matter what the age difference. My FIL is 16 years older than my aunt (his sister) and they are as close as two people can be. So, I think it matters more on the individuals (and how you raise them :) and your kids can be really close no matter what the age difference.

Just want to say kudos to you for being responsible in knowing now is not the time for another!!! That is wise and unselfish of you and I really respect your decision! You are not taking the easy way out, but you are taking the way of integrity/responsibility and making great decisions for the long term so you can get out of financial struggle instead of following a pattern to get deeper into financial stress!
My sister has a bigger gap (7 years) with her youngest child due to cancer treatments so not a planned gap. Now she sees all the benefits since the older helps so much with the younger. There is not a big gap between my two, though my younger is 5 years old currently and we are hoping to have more when the time is right.
Best wishes to you!! Maybe find opportunity for helping with other little ones giving yourself the baby fix and your own child friends. I am a home day care provider and I LOVE my job as I am able to always have a little one in the house to cuddle and care for and my own two boys love their friends in an interesting dynamic as though they are almost siblings, particularly the ones who have been with me several years. So there's something like that, volunteering in a nursery, lots of play dates, etc. Hang in there, I know that longing as I've had the baby bug for a while now but am waiting too for the right time for our family. Keep plugging along toward your dream! :)

You've had tons of responses, but I just wanted to share a couple of things. First, my heart goes out to you - life is so full of these difficult choices! We just had our second child, and a huge part of me was so sad to lose my special relationship with my daughter. Try to focus on that close and wonderful relationship with your one child. Also, from working with families I've observed that children further apart in age often seem to get along better. They don't bicker as often, and the stereotypical sibling relationship of the younger one looking up to the older one and the older one taking pride in showing the younger one the ropes - well, that doesn't really exist when they're too close in age, but the further apart that they are, the more you get to see this. Further apart certainly has it's benefits!

My daughter will be 5 in July when I have baby #2. I think its been great. I have gotten to enjoy five years with just her and now that she is in school full day, I feel like I will have that special time with a new baby too for at least part of the day. Don't worry, when the time is right you'll have another one--don't waste any more of the precious time you have with the daughter you already have thinking about a baby that doesn't exist yet--its not fair to you or her. Be happy that you are responsible enough to not just go and get pregnant without a concern for the family you have--you are being mature and responsible, and I commend you for that. It takes more than just love to raise a family.

I am the eldest child of 6. Because of divorce, remarriage, and new babies our family was ver unique. The age span is between myself and my siblings is as follows; 7, 8, 11, 16, 18 years. I am emotionally closest with my sister who is 11 years younger (I am 38 she is 27) we are the only girls. But I am then next closest with the brothers who are 18 and 16 years younger.

You are doing the right thing and being responsible. It is difficult to overcome what you're going through but even more so when you add the maternal drive to have babies.

Don't beat yourself up. Just keep fighting and loving on the baby you have.

I feel like this is me asking this question. I actually thought of writing a very similar post. I really enjoyed reading your answers, we have a 16 month old and don't plan on having another for a few years. I have two step sons, and 1 son myself. All our kids are 6 years apart. We have a one year old, 8 year old, and 13 year old :) when one finishes a faze the next is right behind. All boys at that :)

My husband and I want another if not 2 more. But we aren't in any shape to be having any more at this moment. My husband is in school, we both work full time, and struggel every month but we know brighter days are ahead :).. I love the age gap they can really really enjoy each other. I said I wanted another when my son was 2 1/2 years old, meaning we would need to start tring in the next few months. I don't think that will be happening :) I'm ok with my little prince for now- and just remember we are lucky to have them and watch them grow. If/When another is the right choice you will be blessed :)

Good luck with your choice <3

My daugther is 10 and the twins are 5. It is wonderful, they play great together and they have taught each other so much along hte years. You have nothing to worry about . The only problem we have encounter is six flags or kings island or disney , the older one is ready to try the roller coasters and the little ones still want the baby rides as of last year. this year they are finally tall enough to do the bigger things and the older one will not do the super scary rides so it has worked out but we always have to have two adults one to take to the big rides and one for the little ones. Other than that I can not be thankful enough of how my life turned out. I am blessed and grateful. We adopted our oldest when she was three and i was pregnant with the twins so we had 3 kids in 9 months and that was a little challenging but I know see what my plan is and I am grateful I was chosen for this. Take care and Le go and let things happen how they are meant to be, there is no greater joy is being able to see how it all works out "for a reason". take care,
J.

Don't worry! I am 6 and 8 years older than my younger sisters. I definitely was Mommy's helper when I was younger and loved playing with them. Sure, when I was a teenager, we were not as close but we are all INCREDIBLY close now. It's been amazing to have my sisters as friends. I wouldn't worry about the age gap :) Best of luck to you!

I know its rough, but it will be fine! my sister and i are 8 years apart, almost to the day (im the 22 and she is the 23). we didnt get along the greatest when she was a teenager and i was in grade school, but now that we are both adults we get along great! Her and i are closer than my brother and i who are only 2.5 years apart.

My best friend also has all girls who are 13, 7, and 2 and is pregnant currently and they are get along fabulously! there is very little sibling rivalry between them. they are an awesome family!

MY kids are = 15 as of Tomorrow = ) , 10 and 3 years old. So, big big age differences...I had not really planned it that way, in fact only the 10 year old was a planned pregnancy, the first was a blessing I didn't know I wanted and the last baby was a bit of an oopsy but has turned into a blessing for our entire family. All of my kids despite the age differences are so close. I do not think I would have it any other way!

Hi!
I am not in your same situation, but I am about to be a newly divorced single mom of two young children. I have been a stay at home mom for almost nine years and will be returning to work or school. I have lived a very comfortable married life until now. (the divorce was not MY choice). I have really struggled with the fact that my kids will no longer be able to do and have the things they once had. I have had some really great people in my life cheering me on and reminding me of the important things in life like love, and not things etc. I have also had to really dig deep and think about how maybe this is the way my life is supposed to be playing out, maybe this is what is supposed to be happening to me at this time, because maybe there is something greater in store for me. I read your post and couldn't help writing because I know you are probably feeling like I am that this isn't the way you wanted your life to go. But this is YOUR life and YOUR story, you are much better off getting back on financial track and keeping your family together without the added stress of more children. It doesn't matter how far apart your kids are in age, just think how much your first child will be able to help you out with the rest of your kids when you are ready to have more. Maybe by then, you will feel like one is enough. Two year olds are very exhausting, everything will look brighter in a few years, so enjoy your daughter now, you never get that time back. And know that your future holds whatever you want it to, having kids farther apart is not the end of the world, but having a strained marriage and strained relationships with family members is a LOT to deal with. You will get through it and it will be easier with only one to worry about right now. Good Luck :)
A.

my kids are 6 years apart, its awesome!, there are many reasons but my favorite one is how watching your oldest lose her baby fat, and babyish traits can be bittersweet, a new baby when they are about 5 or 6 is great because you get to experience this stage again, whle watching the oldest one make you proud.

I wouldnt have it any other way

My older daughter was 9.5 when we added our younger daughter. They are now 13 and 22 and the best of friends. I won't worry about the age difference at all. Love knows no age.

I also was an only child and I LOVED being an only. So to me that's not a big deal either. I have always had plenty of friends and family around anyway.

Keep doing what you are doing, and know that you can still have a big family once you meet your finacial goals! We had our first child young, and I needed to get through college, adjust to being a new wife and mom, and of course... we were broke! So son #1 was five yrs old before we had son #2. They are now 19 & 14, and have always been so close. My oldest is the BEST big brother a kid could have, and all my 14 yr olds friends love him too. They are popular, great boys with lots of friends, but share a very special bond and are ALWAYS there for each other. I am not sure how I got this lucky, because I was not a very nice "big sister" to my own little sister back in the day. We hadn't planned to have more children, especially since my husband didn't seem to want more, and isn't around to help much as it is. However, he had a change of heart one year, and I GLADLY had another, which turned out to be the girl my husband had always hoped for but thought he couldn't have. (my husband is from all boys, and there are only boys in his family for several generations back...and his brothers had boys as well). By the time we had her, my boys were already six and eleven! My boys could not believe they had a SISTER and really doted on her. Something about having the daughter I thought I'd never have made me daydream about giving her a sister, and once I realized it wasn't just a "sister" for her I was longing for, but one more, 4th child... regardless of sex... I decided at age 37 to have one more. So I am 40, a mom of 4, and my children are ages 19, 14, 7, & 2. They all love each other & get along. My boys have already Christmas shopped together for their little sisters, and did it all on their own just because they love them & wanted to. (and yes, # 4 was another girl!) So try to relax and enjoy your time as a mom of just one, because you never know what the years ahead may hold!!!!

I don't have kids of my own that far apart, but my brother and I are 7 years apart. The positives from an adult perspective:

*It was a learning opportunity for me, as my mom used it to help teach me how to take care of a baby (with her supervision, of course)
*Once I became a teenager, I was a built-in babysitter
*There was time in between kids to save up for big purchases (i.e., cars, car insurance)
*We fought less than siblings closer in age

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. But I can also say, I never resented my parents or wished I had a sibling closer to my age.

I'm proud of you for playing it smart. So many people would give in to that urge and have a child anyway, and just hope it works out.

I know that you are wanting more children, but part of the reason we decided to only have one was that we just could not afford anymore. We are not in the situation that you are in, but our financial state has not been ideal for over 5 years. We have a 4 yr old and 2 months after she was born it got tough. I sometimes wish that we had a playmate for her but, it's very hard and not worth the stress to us. I also am an only child. I didn't like it until I was about 12 and then I realized it was a great thing. My parents were in the same financial spot as us (both my DH and dad are in construction) and decided that it was not a good idea to have another child that they couldn't afford to take care of. The feeling does get easier and you will enjoy getting past the diapers and tough stuff of a younger child. I still enjoy holding other people's babies, but it's nice to not have to stress about another.

Keep up the hard work and being smart with your money. You'll make it again! And enjoy your daughter and all that you can with her.

H.

I don't have kids that far apart yet, my daughter will be atleast 6 years older when that time does come. But, my sister is 9 years younger than me. We got along great and have a great relationship now as well. I think my parents liked the age difference! I remember helping quite a bit! I sometimes had to leave high school to pick her up in grade school when she got sick and they couldn't get ahold of my parents right away! Didn't bother me much!!! I was also the extra 'mom' during girl scout outings!

I loved it and so did my sister! I think your kids will be just fine!!!!

My children are ages 9 and 18.. Two Girls and it was really nice to give them each that special time when they needed it. ... I love it! It will be ok.

No worries, times will get better. Hang in there..

I grew up in a house with a wide range in ages. The differance was distinct when we were young, but it melted away as we became adults. I followed my big brothers around and pestered them. My little brothers followed me around and pestered me. We all had nothing in common. My oldest brother was graduating high school when my youngest brother was in diapers. But now, we can sit and have a beer together. We go play pool, have bbqs, and age isn't a factor in our closeness. I would not have made it without my brothers.

Hi I am the oldest of 6 kids. It was me, then my brother 1 year later, then the next 4 siblings are 7, 8, 10 and 12 years younger than I am. My sisters are 10 and 12 years younger than me. All of us are super close, but my sisters and I are by far the closest. They are my best friends. I always had a brother or sister with me wherever I went when I was growning up. I was Mommy's helper maybe more than I would have liked back then. Now I think back so fondly about those times. Especially when we all talk about the old days when we all lived at home. My sisters thought I was sooo cool and they wanted soo much to be like me:-) I did not know that back then.. funny, now i try to be like them:-) They help me stay young! Having siblings so far apart taught me so much about love and responsibilty it made me who I am, and I would not change that for anything ever in my life! You will not regret waiting. Hearing how I positively impacted all my siblings lives (even things I do not remember!) brings tears to my eyes... They will also not fight (at least not alot). I only fought with my brother that is 1 year younger. See..... There are many positives:-)

My mom had my first sister when I was 13 yrs old and had my second sister when I was 15. I was very excited when mom told me she was pregnant with # 1, but when my sister was born nobody would talk to me anymore and I was shut out and started to rebel, my mom and I lost our relationship now I'm 17 and have 3 month old daughter. When my mom found out I was pregnant she kicked me out that day and disowns me and my daughter. Theres nothing wrong with having children who are far apart in age just make sure you treat them all equally and take time to listen to the older one/allof them because when you don't listen it can ( I know it did me) make the older one feel replaced or not loved. I know a baby takes up a lot of time but maybe when the babys sleeping you could watch a movie with the older one or just talk. I hope I was helpful, just remember don't shut out any kids. :) Good Luck !!

Where should I start. Hmm.
My kids are 5 1/2 years apart, and I love it that way! When I was on maternity leave one went of to school for the day and I only had to worry about 1!

I have a twin. We are 36. My sister is 24 and my brother is almost 21 - a COMPLETE surprise baby when my mom was 41 - and we all have the same set of parents! People always ask if we are from different marriages, but nope!!

My SIL has a 21y, an 11y, a 3y - born 2 weeks after the oldest turned 19-, and a 2y grandson by the 21y!

I think that being aware of your coping limits right now is a good thing.
However sometimes there are other plans.

Just be patient. When the time is right, it will be okay.
M.

Well, I can't speak on behalf of having kids with gaps, but there is a 5yr gap between me & my younger brother, and a 8yr gap between me & my younger sister. Obviously, I can't remember what it was like when I was younger, but my parents said we all got along great as young children, and now as adults we are all very, very close!
Like the other poster said, there may be a difference in age, but the love you can provide to each child will all be the same no matter the age difference!
You need to do what's best for you & your family. There are so many people having babies while in a bad financial situation, and trust me, it does make it much harder. When the timing is right you will know!
Good luck with everything, I've been there & know how hard it can be!
J.

My husband and his brother are 12 years apart (husband is from MIL's 1st marriage, brother is from 2nd/current marriage). They have always been very close and share a lot of similar interests so spend a lot of time together. The age difference has never seemed to be an issue. I'm not sure if that would be different if one was male & one female as they may not have as many common interests. I'm not sure how old you are so that may be a factor in how long you want to wait. My MIL was married soon after high school & had my husband at 19 so waiting 12 years was not an issue. I know the risks of complications with the pregnancy and/or the baby being born with a developmental disability do go up with older parents. Only children are much more common now than they were in the past too. Good Luck with your decision. I'm sure your daughter will continue to bring you joy whether she is an only child or a big sister!

We are in the same exact boat you are. Not as much the financial part....we are comfortable now, but would't be if we had another child. My son is almost 4, and I feel sometimes that we have done missed the mark to get another. We waited to long. People always ask if were having another and comment that they will not be close as to where we spaced them so far apart. I loved reading all these stories about space being ok :) I'm very content right now with where we are and would love a child in the later future. He has grown so fast and I would love to soley focus on him and enjoy every little detail while he grows then we he is more independent add another so he gets more of the light as well. Thanks for sharing all these wonderful stores :)

Hi SweetBee,
My sister has a 10 year old daughter and just adopted her one year old son so they have a nine year gap between them. Her daughter was begging for either a sibling or a puppy. My sister and brother in law decided to adopt their second child. They are very happy with their daughter and son. It is delightful to watch the interaction between them.

i have 14 years. Your gap seems quite small to me

mine are 19 yrs and 3 weeks apart and are very close the older thinks of the younger as a son. I dont think yours will be spread this far apart but it doesnt hurt to give space. your oldest will eventually not need you anymore in her mind so a baby would make you feel needed again.

My first daughter was 8 when my second daughter was born. It actually was easy. That said, they are not especially close as they might have been had they been one or two years apart.

My oldest is 4 years older than #2, and 5 years older than #3 - whom he adores.

Two of the closest siblings I have ever know are HALF brothers who are about 7 years apart.