Creating Rituals and Spend Time with My Son

Teach him how to cook! Even 5 year olds can do simple things and it will give you time together, time to bond, pride over meals cooked and give him a skill to last a lifetime! Best of luck!

go for a walk together
toss a frisbee or football back and forth
plant a garden together
go to the library together
when you help him with his homework, you ARE spending
valuable time with him
let him help you cook dinner
I ALWAYS read 2 books to my son before bedtime

You have gotten some great responses already, but I thought I'd mention one of my favorites...
When my kids were 5 I bought them a journal that we could write in together. (I know 5 is early, but that's when I started, it helped them practice writing and reading...) Every night before bed they would write me a note and often they'd draw me a picture.... and then put the journal on my pillow. When I went to bed I'd read what they wrote and write back to them. They LOVED getting the journal back with a private note from mom, and I LOVED getting a note or picture from them. My kids are now 9, 11 and 15 and we STILL do this. You wouldn't believe the things that come up in the journal that get overlooked during the course of a busy night...

Can you wait until he's in bed to pick up. The laudry will always be there. There will always be toys on the floor. But there will come a time when your son will be to grown to want mom around. Stop worrying about the mess. It can wait. Time with your son won't. Just change up your schedule. I love this poem. It says it all
Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there
Ours boasts of it quite joyfully
The signs are everywhere
For smears are on the windows
Little smidges on the doors
I should apologize I guess
For toys strewn on the floor
But I sat down with the children
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn't shine
Their eyes will shine instead
For when in times I forced to choose
The one job or the other
I'd like to be a housewife
But first I'll be a mother.

The single best thing you can do for your child is read to him. It certainly sends him the message that you're not too busy with your own stuff to make time for him. Experts tell us that 15 minutes a day, every day, is the minimum. Many parents have bedtime stories as their "ritual." Read more at:
http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2009/06/read-alou...

I only know about 5 yo girls but use whatever applies to you- create a storytime where he picks 2 books you read to him or he reads to you. Do a puzzle. Arts + crafts, color a picture of a charachter he likes (google and print the picture). Show him photos of wqhen u were young + tell a story.

These are lasting memories and ewll create a deep happy bond!

Hi J.,
I also work full time and feel the strain of wanting to spend time with my son (3 yrs). When he goes to bed at night, I read and sing songs to him (the same 3 songs every night) and then we spend some time talking about our day. Every night we talk about our "Best part of the day" and our "Ickiest part of the day".
It's a nice way to wind down from our hectic schedule.

Hi J.,

I know this is a tough one. Have you tried preparing some meals on the weekend that you can just unfreeze and heat up to save time cooking? Pasta sauces are great to freeze and then you just have to cook the pasta. I was able to work from home when my kids were young. However I did have them help me cook when they were finished with their homework. It was a great way to spend time with them and they also learned to cook. My son is 24 and a great cook, and my daughter who now lives away at college (doesn't have as much interest but can fend for herself LOL) Also don't beat yourself up. Helping your son with homework is spending time with him. Some parents don't even check to make sure their kids do their homework. Also, eating dinner as a family is a great time to discuss your day. Eating together as a family was not always possible for my husband because he worked late, but my kids and I always sat down together for dinner. As long as the time you spend with your child is quality then I think it is always meaningful. I am sure you are doing the best you can so I wouldn't worry. Doing chores, making dinner, etc. is a part of everyday life. Good luck!!

I found that sitting at the table and reading the mail or paying some bills while my daughter did her homework was great. She felt that I was there to help her when needed but I was not hovering over her. Also I love to let her help cook diner. Any simple part of cooking at that age is great. Also he can help you set the table. You have to get these things done, so why not let him join in and spend some time together.

Hi J. --

I can think of a few "rituals" that might fit in well with a 5 year old. There are some things that you need to do, so why not make them part of your daily life.

He can help you get dinner ready/set the table while the two of you talk about his favorite and least favorite thing that he did that day.

I'd also let him help with the dinner menu once or twice a week. You can sit down over the weekend and map out what night you'll make x and what he can do to help. Kids love to have a say about what's to eat and they'll often eat things (that you'd have thought they wouldn't touch) if they made it themselves.

And I used to love reading to my kids when they were young. We'd pick a book that was age appropriate and I'd read a few pages, then DH would read a few pages, and then one of the kids would read a page, and then I'd read a few pages, then DH would read a few pages and then one of the kids would read a page. It was a lot of fun and as the kids got older we sometimes choose books above their reading level - books that might have been more of a challenge then they'd have done on their own.

Best of health,
S.

Hi J.
You sound like the daily routine is so busy that you don't have time to enjoy what you really want to do.
Well, friends gave me plaques; one reads
Thank God for Dirty dishes
they have a tale to tell
while other folks are poorly fed
we are eating very well.
With home and health and happiness
We shouldn't fret or fuss,
For by this stack of evidence
God's very good to us.

The other I can't quote so well, but it has to do with cleaning the house

Cleaning the house while the children are growing
is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing

My suggestion is that you pray and ask the Lord what is most important to Him for you to do and then do it.
I heard the story of Mary and Martha one time that said if Martha had asked Jesus what He wanted to eat, perhaps He would have said "a cheese sandwich" and she would have been able to sit "at Jesus feet"too.
Kids love to cook (easy meals lets them help), and if they get their homework done there is time to play games, read stories a chapter or two a night worked well and kept them interested and looking forward to the next night(mine loved Boxcar Children & Little House chapter books that I would read to them; & the girls loved the Mandie books)or watch a movie, etc if you don't stress over housework.
We homeschooled because of all the time I had to spend doing the homework after they had spent the entire day away from me, and I didn't even care if they memorized those poems etc.
God bless you as you seek what the Lord wants you to do
Let me know OK
K. (old enough to be your mom) SAHM married 39 years== adult children 38,college coach;33,lawyer,married with son; and twins 19 in public colleges and on the Dean's List

I may sound crazy, but the main ingredient of the closeness our family is silly string. We love the stuff and if anyone had a bad day, was picked on, didn't do as well on a test or just needs to smile we hit the back yard and start spraying.

Even if it's only 15 minutes I can give my girls out of busy day, we have a great time. Or we'll play on their swing set or just do nothing but talk. My girls are 5 & 11 so it's fun to bounce back & forth from one to the other. I don't think that our relationship w/our children is based soley on what we can do w/them or the amount of time we spend w/them - it's what we do during that time that matters. Another fun thing we do sometimes even on the way back from school is take a mystery ride. My girls & their friends love it- I just have one child at a time pick a direction and that's where we go - have fun!

When my children were little like yours and the youngest of the first 6 was 5, I would throw on some upbeat Gospel music and we would dance while straightening up the house. He would love to sweep and dust while my job was the mopping and other assorted things. He also loved to do the dishes. I only had to be certain we used plastic everything so he couldn't break anything or get hurt.
Storytime was also a big part of what we did. I would pick a long story or something from the Bible that would take a week to read. Each night we would read part of the story and at the end of the week if there is a video we could watch it and see if the story was different than what we read.
I try to keep all of my housework, shopping, etc for each night or morning of the week so that the weekends are free for fun. Monday - sweeping and mopping, Tuesday - grocery shopping, Wednesday - laundry, Thursday - dusting and woodworks, Friday - nothing, Saturday - cooking, Sunday - cooking. I do this crazy once a month meat shopping. I buy a month's worth of meat, bring it home, clean it, season it with the basics, then cook two days worth of meals and freeze the rest. Then the remainder of the month as the meat defrosts it is marinating in the basics, I only have to add the specifics to it. It tastes great and is less effort. I just takes a tremendous amount of time to get all that meat handled but the payoff on the other side is well worth it. Lastly 30 minute or less meals are great for weekdays it really frees up your time too.

Please let me know if this is helpful to you.

God bless, keep and preserve you. K..

Dear J.,
get him involved in what your doing. It's part of life and he will love to help. Let him cook with you. My daughter does all the stirring (not on the stove of course). She also does all of the dusting, make a game of it. Give him amade up name and make him your Interior Decorator, placement of throw pillows is very important.
Give yourself a break, your doing just fine.
K.

I understand where you're coming from. Maybe if you use a crock pot for cooking some dinners then you can have a game night? Or even when it's bed time, spend that time bonding and reading. It's the little things that matter to our children.

I really enjoy taking my little girl out for breakfast every once in awhile on Saturday mornings. She think it's the neatest thing. So I am saying my advice is try to find little things that your son enjoys, and time you can chat while doing something fun. (local parks and mini golf is great fun with our family too.)

It's hard to say w/o knowing any other particulars... but what about dinner time? That is one of the best times to have everyone sit down at the actual dinner table to eat together. Then ask questions and listen, listen and really listen to all the quirky things about the girl in class who ate the clay and the boy who peed his pants and the kid who farted on the bus, etc etc. If you listen like it's the most fascinating thing in the world, then you will bond with him and it sets up open communication for when the time comes that the stories get more serious. And if he tells you stuff you're aching to "correct" in how he handled something, DON'T! Instead, ask more questions such as how he felt about it (and feed him options, were you mad? sad? afraid? embararrased?) and "hmm, does it feel to you like that was the best way to handle that? and even if he says yes (and you know better) just say something neutral like "hmm, okay." and move on to where he does. Dinnertime is best, but you can also have him sit on the countertop and talk away as you cook- then it's his fun little treat to sit up there while talking to you- in that case make sure that you are cooking something you are totally familiar with so that you aren't too distracted. But doing a menial activity while talking usually works best for boys anyway (and teens!). You are right to be giving thought towards how to make your relationship with him be more then just "all business." So I encourage you to keep giving it thought, prayer and putting in the action/work behind it. Your son obviously means a lot to you and the window of opportunity for establishing/maintaining a strong relationship closes so very quickly when they all of a sudden become teens and naturally start to move away emotionally. You have to establish and maintain now what you want him to fall back to later. I know laundry really does need to be done and meals cooked, but ultimately the "window" on that will always be open whereas the tender years of parent/child bonding won't be, so bear this in mind as well. Best wishes, N.

Hi J.,

I feel your pain and felt the same way for awhile. What I decided was that from the time I get home, until the time my 2 year old goes to sleep I am Mommy. I do have to take a few minutes for dinner, but I have usually cooked as much of it as I can the night before when she is sleeping. We always sit down as a family to eat, and together we put the dishes in the sink. Then, chores are done the first 30-45 minutes that she goes to sleep. But the rest of the time she is awake is when we are spending our time together. It is a routine to get into, and tricky at first, but now it runs smoothly.

Good luck! I know how hard it is to work full time and still feel like you are the best mommy you can be!