Critique Follow up Email for a Job Interview

I would say good but take out the "what I lack..." portion. It will remind them, and you don't want to remind them. Instead give them a reminder of money handling experience you have had.

M.:

Telling them what you lack in experience is like telling them you are not qualified for the job. I'm a recruiter. If I read that - I would put write you a "thank you for talking with us. We selected another candidate. We wish you luck in your endeavors." letter.

Here's what I would do:

Salutation:

Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you today and learn more about (insert company name) and the great career opportunity we discussed.

I look forward to becoming part of the (insert company name) team! I believe that my experience in (insert experience here) will benefit (insert company name) by my proven track record in accountability and reliability with my previous position.

(Insert Company name) is a company that I would like to be a part of. Should an offer be extended, I would be happy to accept and be able to start work on (insert date).

____________
If you want to insert something personal from the meeting/interview - that would be great. I don't know your personal experience and I don't know what you bring to the table. I would keep it short and sweet but add something personal from the meeting.

GOOD LUCK!!

Cheryl

My suggested edits
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Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you today.

I hope to bring all of my various experience to PNC and be a true asset to the company. I would be an excellent candidate for the Teller position, and I came away feeling very positive about the job opportunity.

I have a strong work ethic and am dedicated to be the best I can be. I am a reliable and dependable co-worker.

I look forward to hearing from you and being a part of your team. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me on my cell phone, (973)XXX-XXXX.

I would also get rid of the "(possibly)". Be positive - yes, you look forward to being part of their team (you can also drop the "a" before the word "part").

I don't think that you need the comma after the word "please" in the last sentence. And you don't need the commas around the phrase "such as PNC," at the beginning of the second paragraph.

And you came away very positive...? Do you mean that you came away with a very positive impression of this job opportunity?

And I don't like "do not hesitate in contacting me"? I think that "do not hesitate to contact me" sounds better.

First I hope those are not real names because if I were an employer and did a key word search and came up with this, I would not trust you with the responsibility of large sums of money. In other words I wouldn't hire you just based on you including PNC in this post.

I was a teller supervisor, what we wanted in tellers were responsibility, good with numbers, accuracy, and reliability. Anyone who has accurately handled a cash drawer will probably be experienced enough.

I would take out the (possibly). It is not very professional. I'd instead say:

"I look forward to hearing from you and hope to be part of your team."

The way you have it right now is acceptable for posting on Mamapedia or Facebook, but it too informal for professional correspondance. Hope this helps!

**I totally agree with omiting "what I lack in specific experience." Focus on your strengths, and (if this is true), your capacity to learn and adapt quickly to any position.

**Yes, if the names in your letter are real, please change them NOW so that personal information is not being broadcast across the internet. You must use discretion, especially as a bank employee, so I pray that this information was just fictitious.**

Very professional except I would take out the negative "what I lack in specific experience." I would just eliminate that sentence completely.

Keep it positive.

And good luck!

Just a thought for future follow up letters:
Bring up something that was specific to the interview. I think saying something like "bring all of my various experiences together and become a true asset in the company" is way too general. Something for a cover letter on your resume (but maybe worded a bit better).
Post interview letters should be very short and include specifics on things you talked about to. If you found out that you and the interviewee have a similar love for baseball or knitting, I would absolutely mention that to remind her of who you are - they might have done many interviews for this position so you need to stand out ("It was not only great to meet you, but to find someone else who shares my passion for xxxxx!")...my thoughts below.

Thank you for meeting with me today. It was great to meet someone who shares my love for pugs!
I was pleased to hear that this position would be a great fit for my reliable personality and strong work ethic. Given my background in client services, I was especially excited to hear that I will have the opportunity to work with people. I also feel that my successful background in sales at (insert company) will prove to be a great asset for the position and to your company. I look forward to hearing from you and joining your team! Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions: (xxx) xxx xxxx