Cub Scout/Webelos Camping Question

Skip it, it's not big deal, he's just not ready.
Oh, and I wouldn't make my kid pay me back for something like this, but that's me.

I would just skip the trip. Scouts is supposed to be fun, not stressful! And I would tell the leader why. The word "mandatory" is what got me.

My SIL has 5 kids, all raised the same way. The 2nd son was never comfortable having a sleepover, not even at his grandparents' home. He had no traumas, no bad experiences, no medical or psychological problems. He simply preferred the comfort of home. He went to school, he had friends, he loved spending an evening with his Grandpa playing board games and going to friends' or family's homes for visits or meals, but when it came to bedtime, he wanted to be in his own bed, in his own room. He didn't care if a friend or two slept over - he enjoyed that. His older brother was comfortable anywhere, and enjoyed sleepovers and camping, as were his sisters. Some kids are just like that.

Listen to your son. Not to his words, but to his heart. He's telling you he's not ready.

Does he has friends, and go to school without problems? Is he able to go to the dentist or doctor without your holding his hand the entire time? Is he comfortable spending a day with his Grandma or at a pal's house, and can he enjoy a group of friends? Is he able to read quietly alone for a period of time? Does he sleep well and interact with your family in a healthy way? Is he ok if you have guests in your home occasionally (cousins and aunt and uncle at the holidays, for example)?

If your son demonstrates a fear that prevents him from going on a school field trip for a couple of hours without you as a chaperone, can't go to his uncle's house to help rake leaves for an afternoon without you or his dad coming along, can't go to a friend's house for an hour of video games, is afraid to be in his room alone (for a few hypothetical examples), then perhaps some evaluation is in order, since he's nearly done with elementary school. He's not 3. I'm guessing he's 9 or 10?

But if he's comfortable in most situations and simply doesn't want to sleep in a tent with other boys, then listen to him. Respect that. I would skip this whole campout, rather than have your son be the only boy who is sleeping in mommy and daddy's tent. Don't make him pay for this. Scouting is voluntary. The campout doesn't depend on his being there. This would be different if he had made a promise to do something essential, like be the ringbearer in a wedding with all the rehearsals and suit-buying and all, and wanted to back out at the last minute. That's a commitment that would seriously impact the event (the wedding). this campout sounds like he's a participant, one of a group. If he were to come down with strep throat, the trip would go on without him, correct?

Webelos....& then Boy Scouts.
I agree with the leader...it's time to man up!
This is an integral part of scouting, & truly will help prepare your son. :)
My credentials: between 2 sons, we spent almost 20 years in Scouting. Both sons excelled at independent activities, & prided themselves on standing apart from us.

Definitely. You should encourage your son...strongly encourage him...to give it a try. Tell him you will be close by in your tent and that this will be like a fun sleepover. What starts happening this year as a Webelo is the boys start learning to do everything for themselves while camping. They start developing some major camping skills....soon they will be putting up their own tents, doing all their own cooking. It's amazing actually and gives them a lot of confidence and independence. My son is like yours and he balks at things like this. But once we are there and doing it and he is around the other boys he has a complete blast. I bet your son will too. You can always talk to the scout leader privately and tell him about your son's nervousness and ask if he can pick his tent mates. Some kids just naturally get nervous about doing something completely new like this, but in my experience once they try it they see there is nothing to be nervous about and that it is lots of fun.

Yes, this is how our webelos work. My husband attended as a den leader, but I wasn't allowed to go. My son is now a webII and will move to Boy Scouts in February, at which point my husband will no longer be a leader and our son will camp every month without us. That's just how it works.

As the boys move on in Boy Scouts, they are to have a tent buddy for every over night trip. This may be to prepare your son for this type of outing. I do not remember when our boys started, but they usually go to pick their tent buddy. Will this help him? My son has learned a lot from his scouting experiences so I would not give-up over this. Your son may have needed more time to get used to the idea or more maturity before sleeping away from you.

My husband laughs as our son basically ignores him when he is a leader on a trip. DS only comes around for food as he is 16+ and still growing.

Where I am parents don't accompany scouts on camping trips, no matter what age or level. I guess I would let him skip this weekend but then try to find out what issue he has with staying with the other boys and work on that before the next trip. It totally makes sense that kids won't develop independence and maturity sleeping in a tent their parents.

I think that email is right on. It will be good for him. My only concern would be why he's so against it. Is there a child who's mean to him? But if there's only 1-2 other kids in each tent surely he can find a comfortable match.

I have never heard of family camping with scouts. Even if parents go they stay in their own tents, the boys stay with other boys. Ya know, troop and all that. When we camped as a family we just went camping as a family, when it was a troop thing, he was with the troop.

If my son came to me with that I would wonder why, camping with your friends is fun. I have actually never heard of a child not enjoying it until I read this. So the why would concern me. If he is just too scared to do anything without his parents I would say he shouldn't be in scouts because troop things is the purpose of scouting.

I just want to add my boys never camped as cub scouts. We saw it as a privileged of maturity to camp as scouts. The boys always looked forward to camping with their troops because heck, they are men now. Well I know not men but who was I to explain they were still boys

I NEVER had this problem when my boys were in Cub Scouts - they were ANXIOUS to get to sleep with their buddies!!! Yes. This is part of growing up. This is part of your son learning to deal with issues on his own. He can do it.

I would tell my son this is typical and normal. Does he wet the bed or something like that?? Is that what his concern is? Does he know you will be close by??

Has your son had separation anxiety before?
Are YOU nervous about this? If you are - he might be picking up on YOUR anxiety. If you are excited for it? He might be too!!!

Good luck!

So just a few days before the event, the troop leader tells the parents (not the boys, the parents) about this, when previously, camping involved kids and families always sleeping together, at least in your troop's experience? Did your son say if the cubmaster had mentioned this to the boys previously, and your son just didn't believe it, or didn't think to tell you, maybe?

The leader should have brought this up ages ago (IF he did not) and been prepping the kids in advance, so they knew to expect this. He could have brought it up early and gradually talked it up. He also could have told parents much earlier, especially as this is a change from what your troop's parents are used to doing. To give him the benefit of the doubt here: He might have forgotten the detail about kids being in the same tents, amid his organizing the trip -- I am a Girl Scout leader and know how busy it can get when you're the adult doing most of the planning, so I'm willing to think the cubmaster meant to mention this earlier and not drop it on families the Thursday before weekend camping.

If your son is stressed by this and has never been in a tent without an adult, and especially if he's the kind of kid who just does not cope well when told about an unexpected change very close to an event, then let him stay home this time, but be ready for him to try this next time. Do not take him up on paying for the cancellation, of course. And don't over-talk the reasons--go out and do something interesting this weekend. I guess some parents would say you're caving and he'd love it if he got there and tried it, and very likely he would; however, the lack of advance notice would be an issue for me as a parent, and as a leader I'd be kicking myself hard about not taking the opportunity to prepare the younger kids better.

So the troop is mixed ages? The older boys could have worked with the younger ones, teaching them various camping skills, knot-tying, practicing putting up and taking down a tent together -- activities that might built excitement for camping together. Did the leader do anything like that? Does he have older boys acting as mentors or teachers at times, or are the older boys just not old enough or mature enough for that --?

If your son doesn't go, be sure you talk to the leader afterward and let him know that the very late notice on the change was an issue. Do not let him brush it off a "Oh, he'd have been fine" etc. Just say directly and calmly that the "mandatory" part was a surprise that came too close to camping for your kid to be ready for it and that next time camping is on the horizon, you will work to get your son ready to go but the parents and kids need to know sooner if there are substantial changes. If you or dads or other parents volunteer with the troop, I'd suggest to the cubmaster that there be some pre-camping activities and skills to bond the kids, especially if younger ones seem intimidated or otherwise worried about being in tents with older boys.

Any possibility that your son has had other issues with older boys in his group that you're not aware of? Maybe that, and not sleeping without a parent, is behind this? I would be wondering, in your shoes.

Regarding "mandatory" -- Find out if that is really the cubmaster speaking or if the larger Boy Scout organization over his head is somehow issuing those kinds of rules and he is obliged to follow them. Someone in a post below noted that Cub Scouting had all new programming this year--? Might be something the cubmaster is not happy with personally, but he has to do it or BSA will come down on his head--? You won't know unless you ask. But he still should prep the younger kids more if he has to do this.

Overall I do think that kids should usually be in tents together by about this age, having fun with their peers and also learning to get along--but each kid is different, and some won't be ready for that.

It's normal for them to start camping with other boys because it starts to prepare them for being in the tents solo. When you said 'older boys' it is just 4th and 5th graders that would be paired in a tent (so really an age span at most of 2 years)...that's not like a tiger and a webelos. And it could be him and another Webelos 1 (also 4th grade)...maybe just ask the leader to pair him with one of the other 4th graders (problem solved).

Has your son experienced any issues with these "older" boys or some other "older boy" that has made him nervous?

Sigh.
Some kids are ready for this at this age and others are not.
Some kids are ready at 5 yrs while others don't want to until they are 12 or 13 (or no longer having bed wetting issues).
I don't think it's fair for the Cub Master to push it and make it mandatory.
But then again I don't have any scouts experience so I don't know if they always do this.
He did say it was for THIS weekend, which sort of makes me think it won't always be like this - so ask him about that - because maybe you can skip this weekend but resume on others.

Sure, eventually he'll be ready and he'll have a great time.
But I don't see the point of pushing it for right now.

See if you can find out what he's worried about. Has he done sleepovers or stayed with others in a non-camping situation? Is there something about the tents and the outdoors that has him panicked? Fear of animals, perhaps, or stories about pranks and ghost stories maybe? Or is he just afraid to be anywhere without you?

Talk to him without the pressure of "you have to do this" but see if you can figure out the cause. I'd also have a chat with the scout master to see if there has been talk or a problem you don't know about. Make sure that the scout master is not going to belittle your son or talk about "manning up" and all that nonsense. No intimidation, just reassurance.

Otherwise, I honestly wouldn't force him if he's just not ready. What's the point?

I agree with Julie that the point of scouting is to build independence and confidence by working with group cooperation, but I absolutely disagree that this has never happened before. I'm sure it has happened a lot!

Sorry, I have to agree with this. It's time, he's 9ish and he's old enough to camp with boys and having you guys there but not in the tent with him is an awesome way for him to learn how to camp without you because in a year or two you won't be allowed to go.

This is a transition period and you need to let him go. Your attitude about the whole thing will be reflected in how he reacts and accepts this.

It's a GOOD way to introduce him to camping with the guys. You'll still be there but not in their tent.

I would try to get my son to sleep with the other kids, but if he absolutely couldn't, I would let him sleep in the tent with me, and I would tell the cubmaster that this is what was going to happen. This isn't the military, they don't need to be so serious about this that they insist that your son sleep with the other boys, if he's not comfortable with it. Your son shouldn't have to miss the whole trip just because the cubmaster is all anal about where the boys sleep.

Once you are there and your son knows he has an option, he might be brave enough to try sleeping in the kids' tent, especially if he knows he can go to your tent if he becomes uncomfortable or scared.

We don't throw kids in a pool and tell them to swim, we ease them into it. Similarly, there's no need for your son to be forced to do something he's uncomfortable with at 8 years old. I guarantee you, by the time he graduates high school, he will not be wanting to sleep in a tent with you. :)

Scouting is volunteer, for crying out loud. The scoutmaster has no right to dictate what other people do with their kids. Tell the cubmaster your son will be moving to your tent if he wishes.

I don't how Boy Scout camping works, since I have no boys.
I do know that if I were going on a camping trip with my kid's Girl Scout troop and she wanted to sleep in my tent rather than with the other girls, I would not make her leave my tent.

In our pack, the Webelo 1 year is the first year that boys are allowed to sleep in a tent other than with their parents. My son is a Webelo 1 this year. I believe that this is encouraged, but not necessarily required. There was one boy last year that just didn't want to sleep away from his parents. They never made him.

I would figure out why your son has reservations and address those issues. I don't believe that they can make him do this if he is really uncomfortable. However, I do think that you should start encouraging this independence. When the boys get to the Boy Scout Troop, often parents do not come camping at all...

Does he have good friends in the group? Is he comfortable with them? Is he an introvert or an extrovert?

I ask because I have a different perspective than what I see in other responses. I was in GS as a kid. I liked the activities, but I had to switch troops in 5th grade. The other girls had been together for several years and were good friends with each other and while I was part of the troop, I wasn't part of their group because they were established and I was new. Plus, I'm an introvert. I was pushed and finally went on one camping trip with them. It took all my mental energy to try to fit in with the group during the day and by evening I was exhausted. When they started with the typical nighttime sleepover stuff, I was totally done and miserable. That was the end of scouts for me, despite the fact that I loved camping, loved sleepovers at friends' houses, and have always been the most independent of all my siblings. That particular group of kids was simply not a good match for me. Could it be something like this? Maybe your son likes being with the other kids for a few hours, but he knows he'll need a break from them by nighttime. If so, you might look for another troop or find another activity, because it's no fun being the only outsider in a group of kids.

We don't do Scouts, but my kids both went to a 4 day/3 night sleepaway camp for the first time when they were 7. That was the starter-duration, the sessions after that were longer. No parents or phones allowed.

The Webelos thing you talk about sounds like a very reasonable middle-ground transition for kids who are used to camping with their parents. I can find the Webelos rule that says a parent/guardian must attend camp with their kid but I can't find anything that specifies tent arrangements at this level. I wonder if this is official or just something the Cub Master thought up.

If your son really isn't ready I would respect his feelings. I think it should be fun and relaxed, not forced and anxious.

I would try to find out why he isn't ready. If you can discover the Why you might be able to resolve the fear for him if it is an unsubstantiated worry. Maybe something specific is bothering him about it. For example, if he doesn't get along with another boy, he sure wouldn't want to be trapped in a tent with him.